The Discovery of Bella Swan
by mskathy
Summary: Bella has given up her whole life for those around her. What will she do, who will she be, where will she go with no one and nothing holding her back anymore? AH/AU, canon pairings eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**BPOV**

My whole life was about pleasing other people. First my mom, Renee, and then later, when I moved to Forks, my dad, Charlie.

Then I met Jacob.

I thought it was true love. The kind of fairy tale shit you dream of your whole childhood: romance, love, tenderness. I swear at times I wondered if I was transported directly into one of those fucking Disney movies I now hate so much for no good reason.

Okay, maybe there were some good reasons.

I had to watch Renee suffer and die from breast cancer. A woman so full of life, happiness and joy. She tried to fight. First they took away her breasts, pumped toxic radiation into her body, advised her to go through chemo. She did that, too, of course. Lost her hair. Lost her soul. Lost her whole god damned future.

Charlie was sweet. Even though Renee had moved on to Phil, he still asked me about her regularly. I spent the last six weeks of her life in Florida with her, holding her hand, brushing her peach fuzz hair. Watching her die. Watching her try to live, try to fight, try to live like each day was her last, because we all knew the truth; it very well could be. When it finally was her last, when she was lying in the hospice bed, "comfortable" from more toxic drugs running through her system (which I was grateful for), lulling her into feeling nothing as she slipped away, I didn't even have any tears left. All I felt was rage, anger, hatred. I was angry she left Charlie, left me, went to Phil when I needed her. Now, she was leaving when I felt like I just might need her the most. She would never see me get married, never hold my hand as I gazed into the eyes of my newborn.

Irony. Alanis had it right.

Irony was coming home to Charlie, mourning my dead mother. We hugged for maybe the third time in my life. Jacob came over and sat with me. Held me. Loved me.

Time went on, days went by, weeks passed. I would hold Renee's photo to my chest some nights. Letting it out. Crying and screaming when I knew I was home alone.

I was making lasagna, Charlie's favorite. I had been accepted to Dartmouth for the fall and had a full scholarship (another ironic twist - I didn't need the scholarship anymore; Phil was in the majors and set aside a very large bank account for me, something I would never truly be able to thank him for). I wanted to celebrate, for the first time in almost a year. I could smell the garlic bread while the lasagna rested on the stove, as I made the salad. Carefully chopping the tomatoes, tearing the lettuce, dicing the cucumbers, all for Charlie. I fucking hated tomatoes. As I drew the knife across the red onion, the door bell rang, startling me, and it slipped. I yelped; it wasn't a deep cut, but I was bleeding on the cutting board as the door bell rang out again. Cursing, I wrapped my finger in a towel, and made my way to the door.

Officer Yorkie was standing there, hat in his hands, and I knew. I slipped to the floor, door still open, Yorkie standing there looking at me with a pathetic pitying expression. It didn't even matter how it happened; Charlie was gone. Both of my parents, gone. One in the blink of an eye, one long and slow. I was almost 18, an orphan, on my way out the door to college.

Right about here is where the irony gets laid on extra thick, because losing my parents wasn't enough for me, apparently.

I made Yorkie leave, turned the oven off, got into my rusted out piece of shit truck, and drove to the reservation. _Funny, an extra car in the driveway._ I know, you already know where this is going. Too bad I didn't. I could smell it once I opened the door, though. Sex. Thick. Heady. _Just how many rooms did they fuck in?_ I had to look, it was too tempting not to. Like a god damned train wreck. I could hear them long before my eyes found them, Jacob and Mike, two deep voices purring admissions of love at each other.

From the doorway, I could see Mike leaning over the bed, feet on the floor, knees resting on the mattress and Jacob was behind him, muscles flexing with each thrust. I made my way into the room silently, my eyes not willing to register the information with my brain until I could see it, see them fucking, see the traitorous bitch putting himself into Mike where I had not yet allowed him.

I walked to the head of the bed and they at least had the decency to stop once they saw me. Their heads snapped up, Jacob's lips drew away from Mike's shoulder, opening and closing, hands gesturing wildly. I heard nothing but the click of my shoes on the wooden floor as I walked away. Felt nothing but the wind in my hair as I drove back home. Saw nothing but the future in front of me.

All these years, all this time I'd spent giving my life over to everyone else's happiness. That day, I decided, was where I grew a backbone and gave up pleasing everyone else at my expense. I was trading in my fucked up fairy tale existence for something more along the lines of Carrie Bradshaw. Maybe Samantha Jones. Mix in a little Angelina. A sprinkle of Kat Von D perhaps.

Most importantly, it was time. My time. Time for me to finally be me. Who the hell _was I_? Even I didn't know anymore, but I did know that I had nothing holding me back, no one to disappoint, no one to impress, nothing left. A fucking reboot, that's what life handed me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_A fucking reboot, that's what life handed me._

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**BPOV**

Charlie's funeral was befitting a small town Police Chief. Of course Jacob was there with Billy. And Mike. They weren't holding hands or anything, but still, you'd think he would have had enough respect, if not for me, than for Charlie, to leave his new love at home. _I guess not._ _Mental note: If I ever date again, respect and class are near the top of the list of requirements._

Ah, dating again. One great thing I'd decided about the whole "life reboot" was that I just got to start over, and I really got to figure out what it was that I liked and what I didn't. What I wanted. What I needed. In a way, it was refreshing. No longer was I going to live under the burden of my previous life.

I already hated Mondays, but this one was taking on a new form of Bella Torture. The texts began shortly after I woke up.

_Bella, pls let me try 2 xplain. -j_

I began to wonder what I ever saw in Jacob. I mean, shit, he couldn't even form a coherent text message. Is it really that difficult to type out "please"? _Especially_ when you're trying to apologize, don't you think you could go the extra mile? Apparently not.

Dartmouth was in my future now. I wanted to be an editor, so I was taking basic classes for my Bachelor's degree in English.

I made an appointment with my high school counselor to discuss the last two weeks and graduation. Someone, probably a kind hearted teacher, was worried about me since both of my parents were now gone, so the front office asked me to schedule a visit. I guess they thought I'd skip out on school or fall into the wrong crowd. Funny, if only they knew how wrong the crowd I _was_ in had been. On the outside, I suppose Jacob seemed like a great guy.

"Bella? Bella, are you listening?"

"Sorry, Mrs. Cope, I wasn't listening."

"Mr. Jenks will see you now, dear," she offered, motioning to the school counselor's door.

I walked in, expecting the worst.

"Bella, how are you doing? Have a seat."

I sat and stared back at the stranger who was clearly hoping that I would suddenly decide to confess all of my problems to him.

"I'm fine, Mr. Jenks."

"I know you've been through a lot, Bella. I won't waste your time and make you sit here for an hour, but I want you to know that my door is open for you. If you just need to talk or bounce something off an adult, please feel free to visit me. I can only imagine how hard the last year has been for you. Everyone here wants to make sure that you leave on the best note possible so that you can fully appreciate your college experience."

"Thank you, I genuinely appreciate the concern. If I find myself in need of an ear, I will certainly keep you in mind."

"You're welcome, Bella. See you at graduation, then."

He tried to offer his best smile. The smile that said _'everything will be okay, kid!'_ but he had no fucking clue. Maybe everything wouldn't be okay.

"Okay."

I spent the day thinking about which of my teachers might have alerted the school and asked them to check up on me. I was pretty sure it was my Honors English teacher; she always kept a close eye on me and knew about my desire to get into the publishing world. I really did appreciate her concern, even if I felt it was a teeny bit misplaced. It wasn't a stretch to understand that a 17-year-old girl would need to talk to someone after losing both of her parents (I didn't think anyone knew yet about Jacob), but she should have known by then that I wasn't the type to complain or talk to strangers about my life.

Around lunch time, I got another text.

_B – call me, pls, babe, need2talk. -j_

_Fuck. Does he not get it? _I decided I'd have to spell it out for him.

_Jacob – leave me the fuck alone. We don't need to talk – you said all you needed to with your actions. Have a nice life – I plan to. -Bella_

Hopefully that was obvious enough for him. You would think the constant ignoring I was doing would be sufficient, but I guess he felt he had something to say to me. _Whatever._

The rest of the day dragged. I had plans to start packing when I got home. I still needed to reserve a car and map my route. I wasn't afraid to be making the trip alone, but it would have been nice to have company. Jacob had planned to go with me, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him near me anymore.

I started to wonder if maybe we only dated because our fathers were so close. I flagged that one for later consideration, letting it stew in the back of my brain. I had to get through a few mundane tasks before I could get down to "mental breakdown" on my to-do list for the day.

Even just driving my truck pissed me off lately. What the hell was Charlie thinking getting this for me? I knew I'd be selling or junking it soon; I was pretty sure I wouldn't need a car at college. I pulled up to the house and got out of my truck.

Turning the key in the lock, I opened the door. Empty. That's what this house was now. That's what I was. I missed having someone to share dinner with, and I could feel the sadness taking over again.

_Brain, did you not get the memo? Leave me the fuck alone for the next few hours. I promise, you'll get your turn to wallow later._

Walking up to my room, I flipped on my computer and ordered my rental car. I got a mid-size car, just big enough to fit a few boxes into. Sure, I could have flown, but I decided it might be nice to spend some time driving out there. I wasn't in a rush. Once I graduated, I wanted to put Charlie's house up for sale and then I'd have the whole summer to make my way East.

Thankfully, I knew a local real estate agent who was willing to help me out. She said all I needed to do was move out, I could leave the things I didn't want and she would have a crew come in and remove the rest. It was a relief to know that I wasn't going to have to sort through Charlie's belongings any more than necessary. I had already helped Phil do that once, but I was so close to Renee, it never really felt like a violation; with Charlie, I would have felt I was looking into his life more than he wanted me to.

Looking at a map, I tried to plot various routes from Forks to New Hampshire. It was useless; my stomach was grumbling, my head throbbing, tears squeezing out against my every wish.

Getting up from the computer, I laid on my bed, fully clothed, and let the wracking sobs take over. _What did I ever do to deserve this? _Just as my pity party had gone into full swing, my phone chirped again.

_B, i dont love him i love u. pls can i come c u?_

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. What was it going to take to get through to him? Seriously, wasn't what I was already going through enough? If he truly loved me, he'd just back the fuck off and leave me alone for a few days.

_No, Jacob, you can't come see me. I don't want to see your face right now. For the last time, leave me alone._

Okay, so I'd left it open with the "right now," but I was hoping maybe at some point he'd explain and we could be friends. I resumed the pity party on my bed and fell asleep fully clothed that night.

The next day after school, I made sure to stop at the box store on the way home and began to pack my things; I never got around to that the day before, what with all the partying.

I spent each night packing a little more, trying to figure out my route, and avoiding more annoying texts from Jacob. Finally, graduation was upon us. It was so bittersweet, as each graduate walked to get their diploma and their family would cheer. _Who would cheer for me?_ I wondered, before it was my turn.

I wore a simple blue knit wrap dress under my graduation gown. Phil had given me a few pieces of jewelry from Renee and I wore a plain silver band on my right hand, to keep her with me that day. Now and then, I would wrap the fingers of my left hand around it and twist, the smooth, cool metal turning against my skin.

"_Jessica Stanley"_

More cheering. How had I gone to school with these people for the last year and managed to not really get to know even one of them? One more thing to add to my list – stop being such a fucking hermit.

"_Isabella Swan"_

Silence.

Then, I realized there was one person clapping. _Great. Probably the one person I really didn't want to see today._

I walked across the small stage, taking my diploma from the Principal, Mr. Greene. On my way back to my seat, I looked out into the small audience to see if I could identify who had clapped for me. The truth was, if I wasn't sure it was the absolutely wrong thing to do, I would have skipped walking.

I couldn't see anyone standing anymore, so I sat back down and waited for the ceremony to finish. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Bella, I'm Eric, Eric Yorkie. I think we've met a few times, right?" _Yes_, I wanted to say. _And your dad delivered the news to me that my dad was dead. Good times._ "Anyway, I just wanted to invite you to my graduation party after we're done here. It should be fun."

"Thanks, Eric," I said. "I can't make it, I have some last minute things to wrap up before I leave on the big trek to Dartmouth, but I appreciate the invitation. I'm sure it will be a fun party."

_I'm sure it will be a fun party?_ How much more lame can you get, Swan.

Hopping back into my truck, I made the short drive to the house. He was already out front on the porch, waiting for me, flowers in hand.

"Jacob, you can't make this all go away with flowers. I'm glad you're here, though, I have something for you."

He looked optimistic for a moment. _If only he knew._

Unlocking the door, I walked inside, then motioned for him to sit on the couch. Walking upstairs to my room, I pulled out the promise ring Jacob had given me from my top desk drawer. We both knew we were too young to get engaged, but Jacob seemed to be running at turbo speed after our first date, ready to proclaim to the world that I was his.

I held the gold band in my hand and replayed the memory of him giving it to me in my head.

_We were sitting down on First Beach, the water lapping at our feet. We'd finished eating dinner a few minutes earlier and went down to the shore for a quick walk. We were sitting next to each other, bodies touching. Jake turned to me and I raised an eyebrow._

"_Bella, you know I love you. I want to make you mine in every way possible, but I know that you'll say no if I ask you to marry me right now. I'm giving you this promise ring to let you know that whenever you're ready, I'm here for you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you."_

_I accepted it and we spent a little more time on the beach, kissing and touching. Jacob was my first everything: first kiss, first touch, first sex. _

_That night, I went home and called Renee, on the verge of tears. She was my best friend and she would certainly know what to do. She knew Jake and I were so close because of Charlie and Billy. For once, she wasn't full of advice and information. She was quiet, withdrawn, sad? When was Renee ever sad, I wondered. That should have been my first clue that something was wrong, but I brushed it off._

Walking back down the stairs, I took them slowly, one-by-one. _All I need now is to fall down the stairs and break some bones on my way out of this life._

"Jake, I can't keep this. It was the promise of a life that neither of us wants anymore."

Placing the ring in his hand, I sat next to him.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I could see his internal struggle. He clearly still thought he was in love with me, but I could also see that he was slightly grateful that I was letting him off the hook. That flash of appreciation disappeared quickly though, and he was back to being resolved that I'd be his once again.

"Bella, don't be so quick to give this back. You know I love you. I don't know what's going on with Mike, I really don't. I'm so confused."

"Jake, it doesn't matter. I don't love you. I'm not sure I ever did. I'm done lying to you, and I'm done lying to myself. This is the new Bella; you can either be my friend or you can get out of my life. It's your choice, Jake, but I won't tolerate you disrespecting me anymore by ignoring my feelings."

"I... I don't know what to say, Bella. I thought we'd be together forever."

"We still can be, Jacob, as friends. We've been through too much to just forget our friendship."

He thought about it, sitting quietly next to me, never looking me in the eyes.

"I suppose you're right, Bells. Will you be okay with me emailing you, once you leave? What about getting to New Hampshire? I'd still love to go with you, if you want me to?"

"Yes, you can email me once I'm gone. And, No, Jake, you can't make the drive with me. I've been thinking a lot about this trip and it's something I need to do on my own. I'm going to take the whole summer to make my way out there. I want to explore and see things I've never seen before."

"Bella, I'm not sure it's safe. Will you promise to call me or text me often, so that I know you're okay?"

"I promise, Jake, but I'll be fine. I have AAA in case I break down. I have a cell phone, and I'll carry a little cash in case I need it. I've been working on a route and I'm actually excited about it. For once, I'm in control of my life, and it's nice."

He finally looked up at me and smiled.

"It's all going to work out, right Bells?"

"Yep, Jake, it is."

The last call I made from the house was to the realtor to let her know that I was ready. She was confident it would sell fast; I wasn't asking much, I just wanted to be rid of it, honestly.

I'd picked up my rental car earlier in the day and Jake and Mike (_talk about awkward)_ came to help me load it up. I only had six boxes (four were books, one was clothes, one was miscellaneous junk), so it wasn't very difficult, but the books were heavy, so I was glad to have their help.

I was basically going from the north west corner of the US to the north east corner, but I wanted to take my time.

I drove south to California. I had clam chowder on the wharf, and an ice cream sundae at Ghiradelli Square in San Francisco. I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge, stopping at a photo spot for a few good shots of the fog as it rolled across the bay. I walked on the beaches in San Diego.

Even though I couldn't gamble, I went to Las Vegas and watched the lights at night, saw the pirates fight in front of Treasure Island, and was mesmerized by the water show at Bellagio. I longed for someone to share it with, but instead of being sad, I tried to be hopeful; maybe someday I would explore with someone. I wiped tears as the last notes of beautiful music fell in time with the water.

I went to New Mexico and experienced the opposite of Forks – days so full of sunshine it was almost unimaginable. I watched and felt the sun against my skin and relished it, enjoying every second.

My real estate agent called while I was on the road. Charlie's house had several offers, so we accepted the highest one and began the paperwork. Escrow would close in 30 days if all went well, and the money would be deposited into an account for me. I was grateful for my agent's help.

I listened to live music in Austin at Stubb's. I had barbecue from pits built into gas stations and then compared it to barbecue in North Carolina.

In New Orleans, I saw hurricane damage, witnessed the kindness of strangers and southern hospitality. I had grits, sweet tea, and cried at the beauty of the sunset over the water.

I went to Jupiter Island in Florida and cried at sunrise. I went to Orlando and played at Disney World. I ached at all of the families there. I always thought I didn't want kids, but seeing them so joyful and seeing most of the parents just as joyful was eye opening. Granted, some parents were just assholes, but then, so were some kids. _Who knows what the hell I want anymore._

I traveled around the world in an afternoon at Epcot.

Dollywood and Nashville were two stops along my way north.

Next, I went to Washington D.C. and toured the capital, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Memorial.

In New York, I went to The Met and MoMA. I walked through Central Park thinking about Jake, seeing couples in love. I had a hot dog and pretzel from a street vendor. I saw Wicked on Broadway. I had dessert at Baked in Red Hook. I bought a stuffed animal at the FAO Schwartz in Times Square, and a silver engraved keychain at Tiffany.

In Massachusetts, I went to Cape Cod and walked along the beach, marveling at my coast-to-coast journey.

All throughout the country, I lost bits of myself and found bits of myself. It was everything I never knew I needed and more. I said goodbye to Renee, goodbye to Charlie, goodbye to Jacob, and eventually, goodbye to myself.

Finally, I got to campus with a few days to spare.

My room was a triple and I was the first to arrive. Old Bella would have taken a bed in the room with two twins. New Bella? She happily took the room with one twin bed. The private room. The nicer room.

There was a small desk, dresser, and bookshelf in my room, so I unloaded a few boxes of books and all of my clothes. I went to the student store on campus and got a MacBook. I got my class schedule and purchased the books I needed. Locating the closest coffee spot, I memorized the path there, sitting and enjoying an excellently made latte.

I returned my rental car and I waited.

Two days before classes began, my roommates showed up. The door to my room was closed, me inside, when I heard them let themselves into the suite.

Opening the door to chat with them, I was greeted by a tall, statuesque blonde who introduced herself as Rosalie, and a short girl with spiked black hair who introduced herself as Alice.

_Rose and Alice._

I almost apologized for taking the single room, then I remembered – New Bella.

These two girls had more belongings with them than the whole floor, it seemed. I watched as an attractive older man unloaded box after box into their room.

After they began to unpack, I wandered into their room for some chatting. New Bella wanted to get to know people.

They'd moved from Alaska. They were sisters. Rose was one year older, and Alice had skipped a grade, so they were beginning college at the same time. They were both single and loved to shop. We made plans, we gabbed, we didn't dig too deep. I liked them both instantly, even though Rosalie seemed a little cold on the surface. I was sure people thought that about me, too, sometimes.

Somewhere around dinner time, we all walked down to the dining hall together and ate. We were nervous about our first day, but excited.

We agreed our first weekend together would be spent as a trio, most likely shopping, but definitely doing something fun and girly. I'd never had good friends that were girls before; I was already enjoying it.

They asked me questions I couldn't answer. What _was_ my favorite color? What _did_ I enjoy doing in my spare time? Who were my best friends? What kind of person was I attracted to? Did I enjoy shopping?

I didn't know these things about myself yet, but I sure as hell intended to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is a super long chapter; I wanted to at least get through the first week of classes for Bella. **

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I didn't know these things about myself yet, but I sure as hell intended to find out.  
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_**BPOV**_  
_

My schedule was in my hot little hands, and I was actually excited about classes starting. Normally I would dread being around all those people, but New Bella _wanted_ to make friends. I still had to discover which qualities in friends I really appreciated.

This was the first class of my first day during my first year of college.

So excited that I was finally there, finally doing the "college thing," I don't think I stopped smiling the whole day. Maybe not even the whole week. I had picked up enough clothes to get me through the first week, but I would need to deal with getting some more things during our shopping trip the upcoming weekend.

I was taking four classes, a full load. I noticed him in my first class of the day, coffee cup in hand, looking as if he'd just woken up. This was my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday class that began at 11:00AM, so I was surprised someone would still be so disheveled at that hour. We exchanged smiles as he took a seat in the row in front of me and off to the right.

At the end of the class, I realized that I had done a less than stellar job of paying attention. _Shit, already distracted by the boys?_

Packing up my things, I was thankful we had just covered the syllabus. When I looked up, I saw him standing in front of my table. Tall, piercing blue eyes, shaggy blond hair with a curl to it. Jeans; nice, designer. Polo shirt, not too formal, not a t-shirt. I drank in his body. He was definitely toned under there. _I'd like an up close look, please._

I realized I was staring and he had a smirk on his face.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, do you need me to repeat my question?"

I blushed. Wait, New Bella doesn't blush, I reminded myself.

"I do, actually, I was distracted thinking about a book I was reading last night." _Think he'll buy that totally lame excuse?_

"Ahh. I see." He let out a small laugh and looked at the floor. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to get coffee tomorrow?"

I smiled at him, relieved that even if he hadn't bought my excuse, he wasn't going to press the issue.

"I'd love to. I'm Bella, by the way."

"Jasper."

We shook hands and made arrangements to meet in a cafe the next day, in between classes – we both had a break around noon.

I decided in the brief span of time between him asking and me responding that New Bella wasn't going to close herself off to new experiences. I made a mental challenge to myself that I was going to accept each and every offer for a date or small social outing that I received for the next five (okay, four and a half, technically) days, unless there was truly a compelling reason to say no. I mean, really, how many could that add up to?

Once I was home, I hung out with Rose and Alice. None of us had homework yet, so we sat around watching TV and gabbing. I made tea for everyone while Alice popped popcorn.

We talked about so many different topics – Rose was a psychology major while Alice was studying studio arts with an emphasis on architecture. After a while, I told them the abbreviated version of what happened to Charlie and Renee. I was surprised when neither appeared to offer pity, but both gave me genuine hugs. I know it sounds corny, but I could already tell the three of us were going to be thick as thieves.

I also told them about my little challenge to myself and they were very amused. Rose said that I was doing a good job of taking care of myself; she actually said she was proud of me and I believed her, even though we didn't know each other very well yet.

At 9:00PM, Supernanny – aka the World's Best Birth Control – came on, and we all watched with bugged out eyes.

Knowing I had two classes the next day, one of them early, I went to my room shortly after that. It felt nice to trust Alice and Rose, to tell them my history and open myself up to hear theirs as well. It made me realize that perhaps I had closed myself off too much over the last few years.

Before I went to sleep, I checked my email. I didn't have any new messages, which surprised me as I was expecting Jake to have written me back by then. I'd written to him when I first setup my new laptop to let him know I had arrived and was safe. After that, I read for a bit; I was trying to branch out from my usual selections of classics by reading something modern – Wicked.

After a few pages, I yawned, set my book on the nightstand, shut the light off, and curled up with my eyes closed. I let out a deep breath and thought of him. _Jasper._

The next morning I woke to the annoying beep of my alarm clock. I made a mental note to buy an iHome as soon as I could get a ride off-campus so that I could wake up to something more pleasant.

It was while walking to my 9:00AM American Poetry class that I first saw her. She was walking in the door to the same room, a few paces ahead of me. She passed by and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. _What the fuck?_

Her smell was all-encompassing. Floral, sweet, nothing too sickening. _Beautiful._

I was confused. Panicked, even. I had never, **ever**, been attracted to a woman before, but this one... she sparked something.

I sat behind her, still taking in her scent, memorizing the lines of her body. She was taller than I was (probably even without her heels), with long, wavy blonde hair. It wasn't bottle blonde, it was all natural. I couldn't see her face from the angle I was at, and didn't get a good enough look earlier to see the color of her eyes, but the fulness of her lips had imprinted on my brain. She was wearing trouser jeans, a light pink v-neck cashmere sweater, and I could see her polished toes at the front of her peep-toe heels. _I'm going to have to rethink heels if this is how they make me look... _When she crossed her legs underneath her chair, I could see more detail on the heels and they only made me want her more.

Once class was over, she stood and walked out before I did. I got another look at her; green eyes.

On my way to coffee with Jasper, I tried to run the possibility that I wanted to really get to know my Mystery Girl through my head. Was I attracted to girls? Could I kiss one? Would I be okay having sex with a woman?

I shook my head to try and clear it. It wasn't even worth thinking about; she clearly hadn't acknowledged my existence, so it didn't matter.

Jasper was already waiting when I got to the cafe, mile-wide smile beaming for me.

"I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late, I was held up at the end of my last class," I apologized.

"No problem, I only got here a minute ago myself. What can I get for you?"

"How about a grande latte and a cinnamon chip scone, please," I said with a smile.

New Bella let people pay for things without protest, I reminded myself when I instinctively reached for my wallet. Sitting down, I waiting for him to join me with our coffees and snacks. He got a mug of drip and a blueberry muffin.

"So, Jasper, what is your major?" I asked.

He laughed. "You waste no time, do you, Bella?"

It was my turn to laugh. "Sorry, was that too forward?"

"Naw, s'fine. I'm majoring in art history."

"Really?" I was surprised, for the second time that day. "I would never have pegged you as an art history major. I would have thought psychology was more your style."

"Are you saying you want to lay on my couch?" he asked with a wink.

I broke off a bite of my scone and let it crumble in my mouth, contemplating my reply. _New Bella, New Bella._

My hand rested on his knee as I leaned in a little closer to him.

"Well, that depends on who's on the couch with me, Jasper."

We both leaned back in our chairs, smiling, taking nibbles from our pastries. A few minutes passed before either of us spoke.

"So, Bella, what's _your_ major?" His eyes sparkled as he spoke, and I had to resist the urge to sit in his lap and run my fingers through his hair. It was like suddenly my hormones realized they were no longer on hiatus.

"My major. Well, what do I get if I tell you?" I gave him my biggest smile, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He reached out and ran his thumb across the top of my cheekbone, coming to rest at the edge of my face. "How about a real date? Saturday night."

I laughed, halfway because of my rule and halfway because there was no chance in hell I was going to turn down a date with the hunk in front of me... but maybe I'd string him along a little, first.

"A date, huh? Who says I want to spend my Saturday night with you?"

It was his chance to make me nervous. He leaned in, removing his hand from my cheek and running it across my lips. Fighting against my brain, I held off the desire to open them and suck his finger into my mouth.

"Oh, darlin', you can play coy all you want, but I saw the look you gave me when we first met in class the other day. You almost scared me off, the way you looked at me like I was a piece of meat, but then I realized it sort of turned me on." Toward the end of his statement, he moved his lips so they were right next to my ear, his hot breath fanning across my neck, words just a whisper.

I closed my eyes as he spoke and took in a deep breath, then opened them quickly when I felt him move away.

"English is my major. Pick me up at seven on Saturday. 106 Russell-Sage. You know where that is?" I rambled out. Standing up, I grabbed my olive green messenger bag, and slung it around my shoulders as I spoke.

"Yep. You running off already?" he asked.

"Sorry, I have another class across campus. I'll see you in class tomorrow though, right?"

"Absolutely. Have a great day." He smiled at me as I walked out the door.

My next class was a basic English course that was likely on everyone's pre-requisite list, so of course the lecture hall was packed.

I didn't want to sit in the very back, but there weren't many seats left. I sat four rows from the back, in between two guys. I sighed, knowing I was this far back, I would need my glasses. Slipping them out of their case in my messenger bag, I put them on and blinked a few times to adjust my eyes.

"Hot."

Turning my head to the left, I looked at the source of the words.

"Man, you have that whole sexy librarian thing down, don't you? You were smokin' before the glasses, but now you're on fire," he said.

_Does this guy have no speech filter or what?_

"I suppose I do. You should see me when I let my hair down." Winking at him, I quickly went back to looking at my syllabus.

The professor had begun speaking at the front of the room. I saw a note slide into my space from where No Filter Boy was sitting.

_I'd love to see you with your hair down. Name the time and place._

Well, damn it if I didn't have rules in place for this sort of thing.

I wrote a note back, saying: **I don't even know your name!**

I laughed to myself. Shit, I can't break the rule. He was great looking, obviously had a sense of humor, and an adorable pair of dimples.

_Emmett, but you can call me baby._

Man, he had balls.

**OK, baby, how about coffee after class?**

He smiled at me, and I wondered if I'd given in too easily. _New Bella, Flirty Bella, Fun Bella._

In that moment, I was so glad it was only the first week. Why couldn't I focus on any of my classes? It had never been like that in Forks; I'd been asked out twice the entire time I lived there, and one of those was Jake. Ironically, the other was Mike. I decided not to even think about what that said about me.

As soon as the prof was done talking at the end of class, Emmett took my hand and led me back to the cafe I'd just been at with Jasper. I didn't see the harm in it – you didn't have to marry every guy you went out with, right? Who knew, he might be my future, my forever. I'd never know unless I gave it a chance and that was the whole idea behind New Bella: giving things a chance.

As soon as we crossed the threshold of the cafe, Emmett asked what I wanted. Since I'd already had one latte that day, I asked him to get me an iced green tea. I finally had a chance to really take in his appearance. He was tall, slightly taller than Jasper, even. Very muscular – too muscular? Short, cropped brown hair. He was wearing a long-sleeved striped shirt and jeans with flip flops. He was casual, comfortable, easy, fun.

He got a hot chocolate and we sat across from each other at a small round table.

"I thought you were going to let your hair down?" he said with a winkof his beautiful blue eyes.

"Oh, I am. Don't you even want to know my name first?"

"After the hair, sexy librarian." He pointed at my head.

Pulling out the clip that had been holding my hair back in a loose bun, I shook my hair lightly as it fell. Emmett bit his knuckles and made a grunting noise. Laughing, I looked at the ground for a moment.

"Alright, I guess I can't go on calling you 'sexy librarian' forever. Don't torture me anymore. What's your name, gorgeous?" As he spoke the last few words, the sincerity of them reached his eyes.

"Bella." Keep it simple, right?

"Mmm, Bella. You certainly live up to that name." He quirked his eyebrow. "Bella, you want to go somewhere more private?"

"Slow down, baby, I don't even know you. We aren't taking this anywhere private just yet." I shook my head with a smile and he laughed.

"Ok, B, ask away. What do you want to know?"

"Alright, E, what's your major?" _Deja-vu. Must think of original questions._

"My major is film studies. Next?" He smiled his adorable dimple-laden smile again. _I'm nearly a goner already._

"Where are you from?"

"Tennessee. Next?"

"Really? I don't even detect a hint of an accent. How is that?" I was genuinely curious.

"Aw shucks, ma'am." He was letting it all hang out, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Okay, so you're great at holding your inner hick in..."

"I sure am. How about you, Bella, where are you from?"

"Forks, Washington. Ever heard of it?"

"Nope."

I laughed. "I'm not surprised, most people haven't. Thanks for the iced tea, by the way. I have to run soon, I have some things to get ready before class tomorrow."

"Okay, B, can I see you again? I would really love to get to know you better, I promise next time to try and wait at least 5 minutes before I ask you to come home with me." There was that smile again, those dimples.

"Sure, Em, I have a few other plans this weekend, but I could do lunch on Sunday?"

"Great! Can I pick you up?"

"Yep, 106 Russell-Sage. How about one o'clock? I hate it when guys are late, so be on time, okay?"

I stood up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"See you in class Thursday," I said. He waved and I was out the door.

Crap, how had I managed to setup two dates for the weekend? I never went out. _Never._ Already, I was enjoying New Bella.

I walked from class back to the dorm – the truth was, I had plenty of time before classes the next day, but I wanted to consult with Rose and Alice about my coffee dates with Jasper and Emmett, as well as the two real dates I had that weekend. I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring up Mystery Girl with them yet. That was new territory for me, so I had no clue how you brought up your hot, lusty _female_ classmate to your girl friends.

I got back to our room and noticed Rose was gone, but Alice was studying at her desk.

"Hey, Ali. How was your second day?"

"Oh, Bella, it was great! I'm so excited and I've already met a few cuties. Speaking of, how was coffee with Jasper?"

"Dreamy, of course." I sighed. "You know what's funny, though? Remember my new rule for myself? I not only had coffee with someone else, but now I have two dates for the weekend. Dinner with Jasper Saturday night, then lunch with Emmett on Sunday. How wild is that?"

She hopped up and began hugging me. I admit, I was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm.

"You know what this means, right, Bella?" She looked at me expectantly.

"No?"

"Shopping trip! Oh, Rose and I are going to have so much fun with you! What time is dinner with Jasper?"

"Seven."

"Excellent!" she squealed. "We'll have plenty of time to get some shopping done and then get you all ready for your date. Ooh, I'm so excited. Do you know where he's taking you?"

"Not a clue. I actually cut both coffee trips short. I just can't get into my comfort zone with these weird semi-dates yet." I laughed.

"Don't worry, Bella, it's better to leave them wanting more anyways," Alice said.

Rose walked in the door looking like she'd just stepped out of a magazine. Alice ran over to her, giving her all of the details of my day, then they began conspiring to plan my wardrobe, hair, and makeup for the weekend.

We watched a little TV and I was shocked when I realized it was only Tuesday. I felt like I had packed a week of living in already and it had only been two measly days.

Yawning, I made my way to bed, reading a bit more of Wicked before curling up to sleep. That night, I dreamed of Mystery Girl and her luscious lips.

I hit the coffee shop on the way from my early class to the class I had with Jasper, and picked up an extra coffee for him. I saw him walking into the classroom and he held the door for me, smiling as I passed by.

"Good morning," I said, offering him a cup. "I wasn't sure how you take it, so it's got two sugars and a little cream, the way I like it."

"You brought me coffee?" he asked. He looked at me with such a soft, kind expression. "Bella, that's so thoughtful. Thank you."

He was actually blushing as he smiled. _I made a guy blush._ I smiled back at him and he took the seat to my left.

"So, any hints about where we're going on Saturday?" I asked.

"I was thinking the usual, dinner and maybe a movie back at my place or something. Does that sound okay?"

The teacher had begun class, so we were whispering.

"Sure, that sounds great, Jasper. Do you have a car, or are we going somewhere within walking distance?"

"Oh, I have a car. Do you like Indian food? I heard about this place, Jewel of India. I thought maybe we'd give that a try."

"Yum! I love to try new things."

_Uh oh. That didn't come out exactly as I meant it, but maybe I could use it to my advantage?_

"You do, huh? Well, we'll see just how adventurous you're feeling on Saturday," he said, laughing. "We'd better pay a little attention today. I don't think I heard a single thing on Monday."

I smiled at his admission.

"Me either. Oops." I turned back to my paperwork and tuned in to the lecture we were being given.

When class was over, Jasper stood up before me, grabbing my messenger bag and placing it onto my shoulder. I felt my skin tingle where his hand brushed against my shirt and I smiled at him.

My school day was essentially over, but I made my way to the library to get some quiet time. That's when I spotted her. _Fuck._

She was wearing a two-tone dress with cap sleeves and a black and red belt. To top it off, she had red patent strappy heels on and her golden hair was pulled high up on her head. I briefly wondered if the sexy librarian line Emmett had used on me would work on her, but decided against it. Could I even approach her at all?

She was wandering the aisle and looked like she might need help finding a book... the perfect opportunity. Old Bella was a book nerd and would know the whole layout of this library by now. I almost cursed New Bella, then I remembered that Old Bella would never do this...

Slowly walked toward her, I formulated a plan in my head. I would be nice, helpful, funny, not at all pushy. I tried to imagine how I would want a guy to approach me.

"Do you need help finding a book?" I whispered, and noticed her jump a little.

"Sorry, you surprised me. I do need help, actually. Do you work here?" She smiled a little and I nearly jumped her when I saw the sexy red glasses on her face. _Sexy Librarian;_ I totally got what Emmett meant in that moment.

"I don't work here, but I've spent a lifetime in libraries like this. What can I help you find?" I asked, biting my lower lip.

"Actually, I think I recognize you. You're in my American Poetry class, aren't you?"

_Uh oh._

"I am. I think I sat behind you the other day. I'm Bella." I tried to smile genuinely but all I could focus on were those lips. _I need those lips on mine._ Confused about my feelings, I just tried to go with it and see what happened.

"Tanya," she said with a smile. "So, I'm looking for The Feminine Mystique. I somehow lost my copy in the move from my parents' house to school, and I need it for a class. I know it should be in this section somewhere, but I can't find it." She used her hands a lot when she spoke, and it was adorable. She was alive, full of passion.

"Hmm, you're right, it should be around here somewhere... "

I trailed my hands along the spines of the books, as if it might magically help me find the book easier. It would probably have helped if I had opened my fucking eyes to look at them, but everything was a blur at that moment; a haze of lust clouded my vision.

"Oh, here it is!" She did a little victory hop. "Thanks so much, Bella. Are you new here, too?"

"I am. I moved here from the pacific northwest. How about you?"

"Ah, lucky. I moved from New York, just to piss my parents off. They wanted me to go to Harvard." She had a slightly evil smirk on her face, as if she was reliving the moment she broke the news to them.

I laughed, a full, deep laugh, slightly too loud for the library. A few people gave me looks, but ignored them. She began to walk over to her table so I followed, keeping our conversation going.

"Well, at least you had parents to disappoint."

I wasn't trying to be a downer, I just _needed_ to keep talking to her. She raised an eyebrow at me, but let it drop for the moment.

"Do you need a spot to study at? No one's sitting here." She motioned to the spot across the table from her and I was giddy with anticipation.

"Thanks," I said, sitting down. "What's your major?"

"Women's Studies, you?"

"English. I want to work as an editor someday." Sitting diagonally across form her, I spread my things out, giving each of us the maximum workspace.

"Ahh... you want to be one of those evil ladies that wield a red marker?" She giggled and winked at me. _She winked._

"Maybe..." I was laughing more than one would expect, I guess.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, anytime someone brings up a red pen, I think about the movie Secretary. Have you seen it?"

"Loved it. Although I always wonder how people would have reacted had it been two women. Now _that_ would have been a hot movie. Nothing against James Spader, of course."

Dear God, did she really just say what I think she said?

"Two women?" I tried to clarify.

"Sure. Maybe it's just me... Sorry, I hope I didn't offend you?"

I smiled at her, trying to put her at ease. "No, I'm not offended at all, I'm just not used to people being so honest. So who would you have paired with Maggie Gyllenhaal, then?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, her face scrunching up.

"Well, I think it was an important detail that the other person was slightly older. It made their position of authority more believable. I'd say off the top of my head Angelina, but she's perhaps a little too over the top sexy. Hmm, maybe Susan Sarandon? Ooh, Eva Mendes, but she might be too young, not rough around the edges enough. How about you, who do you think would have made a great match for her?"

_Gulp. New Bella, New Bella, who knows what New Bella likes? We're just figuring it out as we go._

"I always thought Rene Russo had some sex appeal, or Laura San Giacomo. Maybe Monica Bellucci."

"Monica Bellucci. Who I wouldn't kill for her body."

Wow, did she really just imply there was _anything_ wrong with her own body? I laughed again.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Have you _seen_ her?"

"Of course. Have you seen yourself?" I couldn't help it. Uncertain about what was going on between us, I decided to ramp it up just a little.

"I do, in fact, see myself quite regularly. I'm about the only person seeing me lately, for that matter." It was her turn to laugh and start with the leading comments, I guess.

"I see you," I said.

Taking a chance, I reached out to touch the top of her hand and gave her a soft smile. She blushed and looked down at her books. She moved her hand from mine and began shuffling her papers around a little. I never would have pegged her as the self-conscious type. Wasn't that sort of behavior relegated for girls like me? Had I crossed the line by touching her hand?

"Bella, I'm sorry, I have to get this stuff finished before class tomorrow. I've had a nice time chatting with you. You're welcome to stay as long as you need."

_Shit._

"I'm the one that's sorry, Tanya. I apologize if I crossed the line. I'll just finish up what I need to work on and then I'll be out of your way."

I took my laptop out of my bag and typed for a few minutes, pretending to work on a project. I had no homework yet, so I was just going to pretend to work for a bit and then get the hell out of there. No more than ten minutes later, I packed up and looked up at Tanya again, who appeared to be concentrating heavily.

"See you in class?" I asked before standing to leave.

"Yep. Bye, Bella. It was nice to meet you." She gave me a genuine smile, and I felt slightly relieved as I left.

Making my way to our dorm room, I prayed that someone would be home for me to talk to. I didn't care anymore if my roommates judged me, I really needed to talk to someone.

Rose and Alice were sitting on the couch when I came in, thankfully. Closing the door behind me, I motioned for them to each scoot over, requesting a space between them. Flopping down, I let my head loll back against the couch and closed my eyes.

"Ladies, I need your help."

I explained everything about Tanya – my feelings, our interaction at the library, everything. I closed my eyes, waiting for them to react once I'd finished. I know, New Bella would never have reacted this way, but sometimes old habits die hard.

"Bella? Bella, open your eyes and look at us." Rose said.

Opening my eyes, I cringed internally.

"Bella, it's fine. Who cares? Really, were you that worried about telling us?"

"Well, yeah, I was," I confessed.

"Bella, come on, you can trust us. I know we haven't known each other for long, but I think I speak for both of us when I say that we're your friends now; we're not going to get scared away or judge you unfairly," Alice said.

"Alice, it is a huge relief to hear you say that. I don't know what's gotten into me, but the thing is, I'm starting from scratch, just trying to feel everything as it comes in and digest it, you know? I've spent all my life living for others. Living for me is going to be a challenge until I figure out exactly what that means." I laughed, hoping to lighten the mood.

It was Rose's turn to make us laugh, then. "We understand, Bella. Alice is right, we're your friends, no matter what. We don't make friends easily, so this is it, babe, you need a ditch dug in the quad at four AM, we're your girls."

We put our heads together and hugged as much as we could while sitting.

"I don't get it, you guys. I have dates with two gorgeous hunks and while I'm looking forward to those, Tanya has piqued my interest in a way I never even considered. It's so confusing."

"Listen, Bella, I'll tell you a little secret, okay?"

"Okay, Rose. I could use someone else taking a turn in the confession booth tonight," I said softly.

"Back in high school, I had a mad crush on this girl Jessica. It never went beyond a few hot kisses. It didn't work out for a variety of reasons, but I think you fall in love with people, not genders."

Alice nodded. "I agree, Bella, it's about who the person is."

How did I get so lucky?

"You guys are the best, you know that?"

"Yeah, we know. Let's see if you're still saying that after our beauty session on Saturday," Alice said, then giggled.

We agreed to order Chinese for dinner and watched You've Got Mail on DVD. I went to bed shortly after the movie ended, needing some time alone to think and read.

I woke up before my alarm on Thursday; I knew my first class was with Tanya and I'd see Emmett in the class after that. I was feeling sassy – I put on some rockin' jeans, a black cami, a brown deep v-neck sweater with peep-toe leopard print heels. I left my hair down and a little messy.

As I walked to my American Poetry class, I did my best to not fall over and meet the pavement. _Must learn to gracefully walk in heels. _I got to class and took a seat, crossing my legs, towards the back. I twisted to the left and pulled my glasses out of my bag. By the time I sat back up, Tanya was sitting to my right.

"Crap, you scared me." I laughed.

"I guess we're even now." She smiled and I felt my knees go weak.

"I wasn't sure I'd see you again after the library, to be honest," I said.

The professor began class and we had to quiet down. I saw a note slide into my arm from her direction. _What's with all the note passing?_ Picking the paper up, I read it carefully.

_I'm sorry about the library... can I take you to coffee and explain?_

Aw, shit. Is this a date? I certainly couldn't say no. I didn't want to say no, but I was entirely unclear what this was between us.

**Sure, how about coffee and maybe a light breakfast Sunday? **I wrote back.

I was nervous since she mentioned coffee and I'd bumped it up to breakfast. If it wasn't meant to be a date, she would probably run again.

Her reply came quickly. _I would love that, Bella. Thank you. Pick you up at 10:30?_

Hmm, I had lunch at one with Emmett, so I didn't think 10:30 would give me enough time.

**Sorry, any chance we can make it 9? I hate to ask you for an early morning but I have plans later.**

I winced. Nine was early for a Sunday, especially if you went out anywhere Saturday night – like I was planning. It would be worth it, though, I just hoped she would agree.

_Of course, 9AM would work fine. You live on campus? _she wrote back.

**Yep, I'm 106 Russell-Sage. Meet you at the dorm?**

She nodded and we exchanged smiles, spending the rest of the class focused on the teacher.

As we were packing up to leave, Tanya touched my hand briefly. "See you Sunday."

Smiling, I gave a brief nod back in response. I walked to my next class on a cloud. I didn't even care where I sat; I had my glasses on already. Arriving early, I took a seat where there were two empty spots next to each other, silently hoping Emmett would sit next to me. I heard his booming voice come through the door, playfully teasing someone. Keeping my eyes forward, I pretended that I hadn't noticed him. To my delight, he sat next to me and nudged my shoulder with his.

"Hey, Em. How are you today?"

"Good, Bellarina, especially now. Whew, I thought you were hot the other day – how did you manage to top yourself? You want me to focus on class sitting next to you looking like that? Damn girl, have a little sympathy for a poor guy like me."

I couldn't help but laugh, but part of New Bella was learning to accept compliments and actually believing them.

"Thanks, Emmett, you're too sweet." I kissed his cheek and put my hand on his arm. _How much does this guy workout?_

"We're still on for Sunday, right? Are you going to torture me and wear something hot like that? Please say yes! God, I never thought I'd find a girl in glasses hot, but you... Bella, you can _wear_ a pair of glasses."

We giggled together for a moment.

"Yes, Em, I promise I will try and look as hot on Sunday as I do today. Maybe even hotter," I said with a wink.

"You will be the death of me, little B."

I just shook my hair, laughing, as I unpacked my bag for the class. It seemed to drag, especially because Emmett put his hand on my leg at one point, squeezing my knee. _Did he have any idea what that was doing to me? _Probably.

Once we were dismissed (_thank god_), I packed up and gave Emmett a goodbye hug. He felt so easy to be around. I knew he made a ton of sexual jokes, but he didn't really seem like a slimy guy. I felt like I could (and probably would) tell him anything he wanted to know. Once again, I was stunned at the crazy busy scheduling of my weekend.

Stopping at the little cafe I had come to think of as 'mine' on the way back to the dorms, I checked my phone. Alice had texted me while I was walking to let me know they were going to hit the dining hall, asking if I'd be back soon. I let her know that I'd grab something on my way back and see them once they got home.

I got a sandwich to go and walked to the dorm at a slow pace, taking my time to think about things. When I got in, the girls were there, and they both told me how impressed they were at the outfit I put together. I guess I wasn't a lost cause, I just needed some help. I was really looking forward to shopping with them on Saturday.

Going into detail, I told them all about my day and asked what they would make of the whole breakfast thing with Tanya. Both said it was too early to tell, but Alice seemed to have a hurt expression on her face.

"Alice, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Bella."

"You don't really think I believe that, do you?" I looked at Rose for some backup and she just shrugged.

"Well, I thought maybe we could reserve Sunday mornings for us – girl time."

"Technically, Alice, she _is_ getting 'girl time'."

We all laughed at Rose's comment. It was true...

"You know what I meant, Rose." Alice slapped her playfully on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I think that's a great idea. After this weekend, I'll leave my Sunday mornings open for breakfast or brunch with you guys if you agree to do the same, okay?"

"Deal," they said in unison.

We vegged out on the couch for a while, watching Ugly Betty and Grey's. I called it a night after that and continued my bedtime routine of checking my email before reading and going to sleep. I finally had a reply from Jacob letting me know he was doing well. Things were progressing with Mike, although he still wasn't sure how to label their relationship. I wasn't ready to acknowledge that part of the email, so I skipped a reply; it was too fresh in my heart.

I was almost to the end of Wicked and enjoying it greatly. I wanted to pick up Son of a Witch and an iHome while I was out with the girls over the weekend, so I began a list of other random things I needed.

Friday morning came earlier than I wanted. Dragging myself out of bed, I threw on some casual and comfortable clothes, feeling mostly like a zombie through my first class. I pit stopped in the restroom before my class with Jasper to freshen up and attempt to fix up my appearance a little.

As if he could read my mind, Jasper showed up to class with a coffee from the cafe. _Life saver. _Giving Jasper a kiss on the cheek, he handed over the liquid salvation. I sniffed and then took a long sip, grateful there was enough milk in it to cool it down a little.

Smiling at him, I said, "Mmm, thanks so much, Jasper. You know the way to a girl's heart."

"That's the intention, Miss." _Such a gentleman, and such a charmer._

We took seats next to each other and I did my best to focus. Mr. Banner was our professor, and it was one of the few courses that I knew I'd need to pay attention to in order to pass. We were reading quietly toward the end of class when Mr. Banner began to go through our homework for the weekend.

"Ms. Swan, Bella Swan, could I see you after class please?"

_What the hell?_

"Sure."

Jasper gave me a funny look, one that spoke volumes with no words – the "_you're in trouble!"_ look.

I shrugged. I couldn't think of anything I had done, so when the class was dismissed and everyone had filtered out, I made my way up front.

"You wanted to see me, professor?"

"Please, call me Brian."

"Um, okay, Brian. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Bella. I'd say you did nothing wrong and maybe a few things right. I've seen you in my class and around campus and I was wondering..." He trailed off and eyed me lasciviously. "Hmm, this is a little awkward for me. It's technically against the rules, but I'm hoping you won't tell anyone."

He moved closer and I began to feel uncomfortable. Where the hell is he going with this?

"Bella, every time I see you, my heart races. Would you do me the honor of seeing me outside of the classroom?"

_Oh God. Right here, right now. Rule ends._

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Banner, I can't. I ..." S_hit, think Bella, think! _"... I can't see you outside of class because I already have a boyfriend." Easy enough to say, hard for him to prove.

"Ah, I apologize. Of course someone as beautiful as you is already taken. I hope you won't be offended by my having asked, Bella. Like I said, it's not exactly okay for me to do so, I just thought I'd take the chance that you could keep that information to yourself."

_What a fucking creep. This guy gives me the willies._

"No problem, Mr. Banner. I'm going to go now, okay?"

"Sure. Have a great weekend, Bella."

I walked out quickly, not sure what to think of what just happened. As soon as the door closed behind me, I bent my legs and rested my hands on my knees, taking in a deep breath with my head down.

"You okay?"

The deep voice startled me.

"Shit, Jasper, you nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you still doing out here?"

"I've heard nothing but bad things about that guy, so I wanted to be sure you were okay before I left. You don't look so good. Can I walk you to your dorm?"

"That would be nice, Jasper, thanks. Banner seems like a total creep. He asked me out!"

His eyes narrowed a little and then he let out an obligatory laugh. _Is he nervous? _"Really? What did you say?"

"Oh god, I said no of course! He's like fifty years old."

He slipped my hand into his and gave me a smile as we walked silently to the dorm.

I couldn't wait to tell Alice and Rose about my day.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I wanted to re-iterate that this is a canon pairing, B/E, J/A, Em/R story, however, I wanted to inject some realism. If you're married, you likely didn't marry the first person you dated. If you did, huzzah, but I suspect you're the lucky exception. Bella won't fall in love with Edward immediately. There won't be any smexin' between them the first time they meet. There is, however, some lemonade down here between Bella and someone else. Oh, and there probably will be in the following chapters as well. Bella's trying to figure out who she is; this isn't the right time for her to meet and fall in love with Prince Charming – she wouldn't appreciate him for what he is right now. Hang tight with me, I think it will be worth the little detours we take along the way.**

**Also, the outfits (hmm, and bedding hehe) mentioned should be on my blog.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I couldn't wait to tell Alice and Rose about my day._

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**BPOV**_  
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Once Jasper and I reached my door, he let go of my hand.

"Jasper, thanks so much for walking me back. I guess I was more shaken by Banner than I thought." Turning to look at him, I tried to break out of my old habit of looking at the floor when talking to a guy. He was smiling at me with kind eyes and I realized he was going to kiss me.

Instead of giving me a hot, heavy kiss as I expected, he slowly leaned in and placed a soft, warm kiss on my cheek.

"See you tomorrow night, Bella."

He turned and walked away before I could respond, but I'm sure he saw the look on my face before he left – the look of amazement that he'd been kind, respectful, and gentle. Some part of me expected potential romantic interests to behave exactly as Jacob had – always taking what he wanted or needed and considering me last.

Opening the door to my dorm, I was relieved to see Alice and Rose on the couch watching TV. I sat down next to them with a huff.

"You ladies are not going to believe the day I had!"

Groaning, I started telling them all about my day; I didn't get very far before Alice interrupted.

"That's it, Ben and Jerry's, now. This is going to be an ice cream conversation, I can feel it."

Sheesh, I hadn't even gotten to the good parts yet.

We all bundled up for the quick walk and set off. When we got there, Alice ordered a sundae with oatmeal cookie chunk ice cream and hot fudge, Rose got a scoop of half baked and I got a sundae with chubby hubby ice cream and hot fudge. We sat down and got a few bites in before Alice spoke.

"Okay, proceed." She waved her hands in a flourish, motioning for me to continue on with my story.

I told them all about my day – from Jasper bringing me a coffee at class to Mr. Banner asking me out. They both sat with gaping mouths when I was finished.

"Well, clearly, the new rule about dates is out the window," Rose said.

"I know, right?! Augh, what a pig. I can't believe you have all these hot guys around and Rose and I haven't even met one yet," Alice said, pouting.

I just shook my head, then was startled by a beep from my phone. Hardly anyone called or texted me these days, so I glanced quickly to make sure it wasn't important.

_How was the first week, college girl? -J_

Ugh. Jacob. When I looked up from my phone, I noticed Alice and Rose looking at me expectantly.

"Which one of your dates is that?" Rose teased.

"Oh, it's not. It's Jacob."

"Jacob?" they both asked.

"Yeah," I sighed. Even with everything I had told them, we had yet to discuss Jake.

"Okay, so back in Forks, I had a boyfriend. Hm, I'm not even sure if 'boyfriend' is the right word. We dated for awhile, then he gave me a promise ring. I gave it back to him just before I left, a few days after Charlie was killed, which was when I found him in bed with Mike," I said, pausing to take a deep breath. "He even had the balls to bring Mike to the funeral."

I could feel myself getting more angry at Jacob. Until that point, I'd mostly felt sadness about what had happened, but speaking the words out loud, confessing to other people what he'd done to me, I could feel the anger boiling beneath the surface.

"So, he brought this guy to the funeral, then came to my house and tried to get me back after graduation. Can you believe that shit?"

Alice and Rose looked at each other for a minute.

"Shit, Bella, your life hasn't been sunshine and roses, has it?"

I laughed.

"You could say that, but you know what? The last two years have brought me here, leading me to this point. I'm so grateful to have met you two, you're just what I need right now. You're both like a breath of fresh air. I've mentally left Old Bella behind in Forks and this is New Bella you see."

I couldn't believe I was confessing this to them. Feeling slightly foolish, I went on.

"In fact, the reason why I changed the topic the first time we met and were talking about the things we liked is that I just have no fucking clue. I've spent almost my entire life living for other people and I have no idea who I am. I have a feeling this will be an important year for me; I've dubbed it The Discovery of Bella Swan."

Alice got an excited look on her face. "Bella, I have the perfect idea for a surprise for you! Oh, you're going to love it!" She was literally bouncing in her seat, and I could see her brain going a thousand miles a minute.

"See, Alice – Old Bella hated surprises. New Bella? I'm going to sit back and enjoy whatever it is you decide to do for me, and I'll appreciate it instead of bitching about it."

We all shared a smile before we dumped our empty ice cream bowls into the trash and headed back to the dorm. Once we were in the warmth of the main room again, I decided to ask about our plans for the weekend.

"Well, I thought we could check out some of the boutiques down on Main Street," Alice said. I want to go to Boston, but I don't think we'll have time for that tomorrow with your date and such. Maybe next weekend. We also need to run up to Target; the closest one is about an hour away in Concord, so that will take some time. Oh, and there's a Victoria's Secret at the mall there, too, that I want to pop into. How about we agree to be ready and out the door by ten? That way you won't be too exhausted for your date later, but we should have enough time to squeeze everything in."

"Okay, sounds good to me. Do one of you have a car here or do we need to rent one?"

"Silly Bella, we both have cars. We'll flip to see who drives in the morning."

"Okay, see you girls in the AM, then. Good night!"

Giving them both a hug, I wandered off to my bedroom, ready to settle in for my bedtime routine. I flipped on my laptop and replied to an email from Jake. Since I hadn't responded to his text earlier, I figured email would be easier. I sent a surprisingly long email explaining my first week, leaving out some details. Giving him information about my class schedule, Rose and Alice and our dorm, I decided not to mention Jasper, Emmett, Tanya, or Banner.

When I was done, I picked up my list and added the bookstore. I knew I'd finish Wicked that night, so I needed to pick up a few more nighttime reading options.

Snuggling into my blankets, I replayed the week in my head before reading. I was cramming more social activity into the next two days than I had experienced over the last six months. I was equally excited about each date; they all had unique qualities that I liked and I was looking forward to getting to know them better.

Jasper seemed kind, sweet, caring and like a good listener. Emmett seemed hysterical, but I could sense he had a sweet side underneath that funny guy exterior. Tanya was like a magnet – I knew the least about her and had spent the least amount of time with her, but the draw was there.

Picking up my book, I tore through the last few pages. I cried at the end, finding myself surprised that I'd forgotten what was going to happen. Rolling onto my side to grab a tissue from my nightstand, I let the tears flow harder. It was nice to have a good excuse to let it out and cry. When I was done, I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, thinking about the things I needed to do before my date with Jasper.

Next thing I knew, my alarm was blaring in my ear and I was oh-so-grateful that I'd be replacing that bitch later that day.

I got up, showered, and got ready for my day of shopping with Alice and Rose. I was the first one ready, so I watched TV for a bit while waiting. Finally, Alice and Rose came into the room and did a twirl, indicating they were ready. I got out my quarter and Alice won the toss. I nearly peed my pants when they led us out to a yellow Porsche.

"A Porsche?"

"Yeah, this is my everyday car," Alice said.

All I could do was laugh and get in the back seat. Alice drove like an insane woman and we made it up to the Target in forty-five minutes. We'd agreed to go to the farthest away places first, then coming back toward town.

I picked out a few pieces of clothing and jewelry, as well as my iHome. We also split the cost of some snacks and drinks to share in the room. Most of the time at Target, we were together helping each other, but Alice and Rose snuck off while I was in the electronics section and were being secretive about something.

Victoria's Secret was a blast. I'd never enjoyed frilly girlie things before, but I could see the attraction as I browsed. I got a few bra and panty sets as well as some pieces of lingerie and a few new pairs of pajamas.

We got lunch at Sbarro in the mall and spent some time in the book store before heading back to Hanover. No one really found anything thrilling at the boutiques in town, unfortunately.

It was so wonderful to have friends, and girl friends were a whole new level of fun. Back in Forks, my main friends were Jake's friends on the reservation – Sam, Embry, and Quil. Nothing against them, but it wasn't exactly an estrogen party.

By the time we got back, it was already five, and I wasn't sure what I was going to wear yet. It was a Saturday night date, a first date, but we were going someplace that seemed mostly casual. I ended up picking a comfortable stretchy grey dress and accenting it with jewelry, shoes, and a purse in shades of aqua. Leaving my long wavy hair loose, I used a few bobby pins to pull sections up around my face.

I felt a teeny bit overdressed for where we were going, but Rose and Alice assured me I looked great as they worked their magic on my makeup.

At 6:55PM, there was a knock at the door and I shooed the girls away. Not yet ready for them to meet Jasper, I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway with him.

I took a second to look at Jasper – he was wearing a plaid button up shirt, a navy sweater, and brown cords.

"You look stunning, Bella."

"Thanks, Jasper. You look pretty handsome yourself."

He held out his arm for me, and I happily slipped mine through his. We walked to the parking lot where he led me to a light green Toyota Prius. He opened the passenger side door for me and I slipped in, buckling my seat belt as he closed the door and walked to his side.

"Hungry?" he said with a smile, and I laughed.

"You have no idea!"

"Oh, good. I hate going on dates with girls where all they order is a salad and water."

"Young Jasper, you have so much to learn about me, but the first thing you'll learn tonight is that I'm not afraid of food. We're going to Indian, right? I love curries, I can't wait." In a not-so-subtle move, I licked my lips.

He cleared his throat and started the car, driving the short distance to the restaurant. I was grateful I didn't have to walk in my heels, and excited to see where Jasper lived when we went to his place for the movie after dinner. I had no clue if it was even on or off campus.

Jasper opened my door and took my hand, helping me out of the car once we arrived. The restaurant was warm and spicy smelling, and my mouth began to water. We were seated quickly and began easy conversation while waiting for our food to arrive, once we'd ordered.

"So, Jasper, where are you from?"

"Houston, Texas."

"Really? I never would have pegged you as a Texan, although I suppose that explains your charm."

"Yes ma'am, born and raised. My mama would be real proud of your complement, so thank you," he said with a panty-dropping drawl.

"Ahh, you can turn the accent on and off, I see. Cute."

"Well, it does tend to come out against my will at certain times, but I can usually keep it under control," he explained.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I asked, taking a quick bite of our samosas which had shown up.

"Two sisters, one older and one younger. You?"

"You're right in the middle," I said with a smirk. "I'm an only child."

My eyes fell to the table and I was sure I was doing a poor job of hiding my pain. Each time I talked about Charlie and Renee, it was as if it was fresh in my mind. Granted, it hadn't been very long since Charlie had been killed, but I expected the feelings to lessen much faster than they did.

"Bella, you okay?"

"Yeah, Jasper, I'm fine. I don't know why I started this topic. It's hard to talk about my family."

"It's okay, Bella, you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to." He smiled at me with such a genuine smile I felt instantly back at ease. He reached out his right hand to touch my left, which had been resting on the table next to my water glass. I smiled back at him.

"It's okay, there's no grand family secret or anything, it's just that my parents are both dead. My mom died from breast cancer about a year ago. My parents were divorced, but my dad still took it pretty hard. I lived with him at the time. The day I found out I was accepted to Dartmouth, I was making his favorite dinner – lasagna. He was the police chief in our tiny town, by the way," I rambled. "So, I was making the salad when one of his co-workers came by and told me he was killed in the line of duty. For awhile, I wasn't sure what to do, where to go, what to think. I spent the summer road tripping my way out here, exploring new places, meeting random strangers, and trying to figure out what to do with myself and my life."

At this, he took my hand into his and rubbed circles on my palm with his thumb.

"Holy shit, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Thanks. I know I'll be okay, but I still miss them both terribly. I was with Renee, my mom, until the day she died. She lived in Florida with her new husband. She wasn't always the world's best mom, but she was my best friend." Starting to feel the tears pooling in my eyes, I quickly closed them.

As if Jasper could read my mind, he changed the subject. "So, what made you chose Dartmouth?"

Opening my eyes, I smiled at him. I took a deep breath to try and compose myself again. "It was just about the farthest away from home as I could get."

He laughed. "Well, that's honest at least."

"So, art history? I still can't get over it. What made you settle on that?" I asked. As I raised an eyebrow in curiosity, he chuckled.

"Hmm. I chose art history because I'm in love with the past and there's something captured in artwork that you can't convey in any other medium, I think. I would love to be a museum curator someday, but realistically I'll probably end up teaching or getting an advanced degree in another field."

The waiter showed up and delivered our entrees. We ate mostly in silence, with a few comments back and forth about the food or the restaurant.

"You still up for that movie at my place?" Jasper had a playful look in his eyes as he spoke.

"Sure! Where do you live?"

"Oh, I live on campus. Actually, I'm surprised we haven't run into each other; I live in the Butterfield building," he explained, revealing that he lived in the building semi-attached to mine. "I'm in a single on the second floor."

"You do? How funny!"

"Yeah, small campus I guess."

Jasper put his jacket on, then helped me with mine. He paid the bill and we drove back to campus. After he parked, we walked to his building holding hands and he led me up to his room. His room was sparse, but the décor he did have was tasteful and not what I expected from a typical college guy – that is to say, there were no nude ladies or sports posters on the wall. His bedding was done in shades of brown, sky blue, and white.

"Jasper, your room is so clean and modern. You really _do_ have two sisters!"

"Yes, and let's not downplay the influence of my mom, as long as we're being honest. I think she had a hand in most of this. You haven't even seen, or should I say felt, the best part yet," he winked.

_Uh oh._

"First, let's pick a movie."

"Okay, let's watch something funny," I suggested, needing a good laugh after our dinner conversation.

"Alright, I've got a ton of movies over there," he said, pointing to his TV armoire. "Why don't you pick something out while I change into my pajama pants and a t-shirt. Is that okay?"

"Sure, Jas, as long as you don't mind if I slip off my shoes and get comfy too."

"Done deal. See you in a second," he said with a smile.

Rummaging through his dresser, he picked out some clothes and walked out the door, I assumed down the hall to the bathroom to change.

While he was gone, I checked out his movies – he was right, he had a ton. I settled on Talladega Nights, because who doesn't love Will Ferrell?

I put the movie in and was taking my shoes off as Jasper re-appeared. He moved to the bed, the only real place to sit I finally noticed, and pulled the comforter back.

"Satin sheets? Oh, Jasper, you just might be my new favorite person," I purred. Who knew I had a thing for satin sheets?

Walking over to the bed slowly, I climbed in next to Jasper. I let out a soft moan at the feel of the sheets against my skin, briefly wondering what it would be like to be naked against them. _Woah, slow down lady._

Jasper chuckled and grabbed the DVD remote form his nightstand, turning the movie on. I tried, really I did, to pay attention to the movie, but honestly – I was in a nicely kept bedroom with satin sheets on the bed, under the covers with a hot guy. I doubt anyone could have focused under those conditions.

About a third of the way through the movie, I scooted closer to Jasper and tucked myself in under his arm. He wrapped it around me, pulling me tight to his body and I smiled. I felt safe and comfortable in his arms.

A short time later, I could feel his fingertips brushing against my side where his hand had previously rested. Leaning into his body a little, I let my eyes flutter closed and my hand rest underneath the hem of his shirt, against his warm, smooth skin. _I could still listen, right? _I knew this movie so well, I could practically watch it with my eyes closed.

I could feel Jasper's breathing pick up and his other hand moved to the back of my thigh, pulling me to him. I was a little conflicted; I knew with certainty that I wasn't ready to sleep with Jasper, but I also knew that I was attracted to him, and I didn't see anything wrong with a little fun. New Bella knew honesty was the best course, instead of just pretending and going along.

Moved myself so that I was laying on top of Jasper, I brought my lips down to his, kissing him gently. I moved my lips across to his jawline and over to his ear.

"Jasper, I really like you, but I'm not ready to take things very far." I sucked his earlobe into my mouth, letting my teeth scrape against it as it came back out of my mouth.

"Okay. I'm just fine with where we're at right now."

He trailed his hands up my sides and I shivered as my reached the sides of my breasts.

"Cold?" he asked.

"Hell no, Jas. Hell no."

Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I tried desperately to suppress a moan.

Rolling to my side, I threw my leg over his hips to draw his body against mine again. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh, but I took a sense of pride in that, instead of shame, like Old Bella might have. _I did that to him._

I moved my mouth back to his, sucking his lower lip in. Swiping my tongue across it, I sucked gently. He moaned softly, pressing his body harder into mine.

"Jasper... Oh, Jasper, you're so fucking hot. I think I better go soon, before we both do something we might regret."

"Mmmph," was his only reply.

His tongue pressed against my lips, gently licking them side to side. I parted my mouth slightly to allow him entrance, but he just swiped his tongue back and forth a few more times before pulling his mouth away from mine. He kept his forehead pressed against mine as we both took deep breaths to try and regain our senses.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't want to push or pressure you."

"You didn't, Jasper. Not at all. I never felt pressured to do anything I didn't want to, please don't think that."

I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged slightly, forcing him to look into my eyes. Once we were looking at each other, I gave him a soft smile and gently kissed him again.

"Jasper, will you walk me back to my room?"

"Of course. You don't think I'd let you go alone do you?" he asked, grinning a bit.

_There he goes with that southern charm again._

"Can we just lay here for a minute before we go?" I requested.

"Absolutely, Bella."

Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms all the way around him as he did the same. With my ear pressed against his chest, I could hear his heart beating. He was so warm and soft, but hard and toned at the same time. He smelled warm, spicy, delicious. Pressing my nose right in the center of his chest, I inhaled, trying to memorize the scent for later.

"Um, Bella?"

_Fuck. Caught in the act._

"Yeah?" I tried to feign ignorance.

"Did you just... sniff me?" he laughed as he questioned me.

"I might have. Is that okay?"

"Sure, as long as you don't mind a little reciprocity."

He moved his body lower and dragged the tip of his nose from my collarbone up my neck and finally resting behind my ear. Gently, he ran just the very edges of his lips against my skin at the same time, drawing in my scent along the entire way. _Well, fuck me._

I sat up and shook my head, willing my senses to return... and quickly.

"Jasper, you're too good at that. Remind me to not let you do that again." I giggled and looked around for my shoes.

He was in his slippers and beside me, ready to walk me home, in less time than I would have imagined possible. Standing, I put a hand on his chest to steady me as I slipped my shoes on.

"Ready," I said.

He offered his hand to me and I smiled. We linked our hands and walked out his door on the way back to my room. I knew Rose and Alice were going out dancing, so I didn't expect them to be home. Not yet ready to invite Jasper inside, I gave him another kiss at the door.

"Thank you so much, Jasper. I had a great time tonight."

"Me too, Bella."

He looked me in the eyes and smiled, something I wasn't used to; it felt so honest and refreshing.

"Can I call you sometime?" he asked. He sounded almost nervous, as if he thought there was any chance I'd say no.

"Absolutely. Hand me your phone and I'll program my number in, okay?"

"Okay, let's swap," he suggested.

We did just that, and another peck later, I was sure he'd be turning around to leave.

"Bella, I know it's silly, but can you unlock the door before I go? I want to make sure you're safely inside before I leave you."

_Perfect._

"Thanks for taking such good care of me tonight, Jas."

Giving him one last quick kiss, I turned to unlock the door and let myself in to the empty space. I rotated back to close the door and look at Jasper, giving him a smile before he walked off. After I closed and locked the door, I went to my room, changed my clothes, and laid down on a cloud of bliss.

_How am I ever going to make it through three of these this weekend?_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ahhh, the date with Tanya. Next chapter will be the date with Emmett, and then we'll have a chapter from EPOV... because, like I said – canon pairings, eventually ;) **

**As usual, the outfits I mentioned in here are on my blog. Yes, I spend too much time thinking about clothes, shoes, purses and other random nitpicky details. I try not to go into detail in the story, so if you're ever curious what they look like, check them out.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I gave him one last quick kiss and turned to unlock the door, letting myself into the empty space. I rotated back to close the door and look at Jasper, giving him a smile before he walked off. After I closed and locked the door, I went to my room, changed and laid down on a cloud of bliss._

_How am I ever going to make it through three of these this weekend?_

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**BPOV**

I laid in bed, willing my body to calm down so I could fall asleep. Morning was going to come fast and even though it was only just past midnight, I knew I needed to get up around eight if I wanted to be on time for breakfast with Tanya.

I was still so fucking confused; was it a date, or was it two friends getting together for morning brew? Worrying about it wouldn't give me an answer, so I did my best to just let it go and sleep. Of course, I knew my lunch date with Emmett was a date, so there was that to obsess over, too. _Crap. I think I'm in over my head already._

Waking to the soft melody flowing from my iPod, docked in the iHome made me grateful for the shopping trip the day before. Before I docked the iPod, I set my playlist, so I knew one of my favorites was bound to come up – and it did. I smiled as I heard the first few lines of _Gamble Everything for Love_ by Ben Lee.

The sound was turned down, so I let the whole song play out while I laid in bed waking up. Ben's voice was soothing and I had to resist the urge to sing along, not wanting to wake up Rose or Alice so early on a Sunday.

Turning the music off, I hopped out of bed, praying there wouldn't be a queue for the shower. Gathering the toiletries I'd need, I made my way to the bathrooms with a yawn. I figured it was early enough, so I brought only my soft blue robe to wrap myself up in for the trip back to the room.

Taking my time, I lathered my body with my Body Shop Strawberry shower gel. I wanted to wear my hair down, so I used an extra conditioning treatment to make up for the abuse I was about to inflict on it with styling tools. Once I had shaved all necessary body parts, I stayed underneath the warm water, running through my day one last time. Breakfast with Tanya, lunch with Emmett, back to the dorm for homework and dinner with the girls.

Turning off the water, I wrapped my robe around my body first, then flung my head over, wrapping my hair in another towel, and stood straight again. I slipped into my matching fuzzy slippers and made sure I had all of my supplies before I went back to my room.

I decided to dress casually – I wasn't sure what I was doing with Tanya and I knew Emmett was playful, and it was Sunday lunch, so we probably weren't going anywhere too fancy. I slipped on some jeans, a purple sweater, my purple Chucks, a simple silver necklace, and swapped to a purple Coach bag. In case it got cold, I decided to bring a jacket. I blew dry my hair with the diffuser so that it retained a little wave to it and applied some light mascara and lip gloss.

Ready and eager, I was down in the lobby by 8:58. Tanya was standing there, waiting for me. She was looking significantly more dressed up than I was, in a grey sweater dress, killer grey heels with hot pink hoop earrings, bracelet and purse, and I panicked.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I hope you weren't waiting long." I tried my best to act casual, but I was nervous.

"Nope. No worries, I just walked in. Ready?"

"Yeah. I do feel a little underdressed, though. I hope you weren't planning to go someplace too fancy?"

She looked slightly embarrassed, but I thought it was better to be honest and up front rather than spend the next hour or so uncomfortable about my appearance.

"Well, how about if we walk down to the Collis Cafe? I had other plans in mind, but we can get some coffee and fruit or pastries, and have a nice chat, okay?"

"That sounds perfect," I said with a smile.

We walked the few blocks mostly in silence, which was killing me. When we got there, I noticed it was pretty empty, and Tanya asked what I wanted.

"I can get my own coffee, Tanya, it's no big deal."

"Nope, I insist. I invited you, I'll get breakfast. I'm going to grab a variety of food choices, so just pick your caffeinated poison."

"Okay, thanks. I'll have a large vanilla latte. I'll go grab us a table."

I turned and walked off to sit at a two-person table. I wanted to be close to her, to figure out what was going on between us.

Watching her interaction with the barista at the register, I noticed they exchanged a few smiles and some light conversation. She ordered a mixed fruit bowl, a muffin and a croissant, bringing the pastries, fruit and two plastic forks over before making a second trip for our beverages.

Once she sat down across from me, the tension started back up again.

"So, I owe you an explanation," Tanya began with a large huff of air.

Nodding, I sat back and smiled, letting her take the lead.

"Before I came to Dartmouth, I lived in New York with my parents. Like I already told you, they wanted me to go to Harvard, but I had other plans. I was pretty serious with a girl named Kate. We dated for a year and a half, but my parents never accepted us together. They kept insisting she was just a phase."

At the word phase, she made air quotes, which made me giggle.

"Trust me, she was no phase." She laughed. "I've known I was gay from around age thirteen."

_Ah, so she's gay, not even bi._

"Like I said, we dated for a year and a half, and she was by no means my first girlfriend – just the first one my parents knew about. I thought we would be together forever, but I suppose that was a little optimistic of me; how many people marry their high school sweethearts?"

She sighed and looked around the cafe wistfully before breaking off a piece of croissant and popping it into her mouth.

"She wanted to go to Dartmouth," she continued. "It was always her dream. I mean, it's an okay school, but I don't get the rabid fascination some people have. I had no strong feelings about any college in particular, so I applied here as well, hoping we would get a small apartment together. A few weeks before we were supposed to start, I found her paperwork and discovered she got a single, actually in your dorm building, ironically. When I asked her about it, she said she wanted to spend some time apart. I was crushed, of course, but I went along with it. I thought we would stay friends and she'd see that we were meant to be together, but I found out right before classes began that she met a pre-med student online and was dating him. Can you fucking imagine?"

_Boy, could I._

The tears were pooling at the edges of her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to kiss them away. This unfamiliar feeling was unsettling to me still.

"That sounds awful. I'm so sorry," I said.

As I reached for a piece of the muffin, she grabbed my hand across the table.

"I never meant to push you away or reject you that day in the library. I find you interesting in a way I was never attracted to Kate, but I'm still hurting so much. I was also confused about your advances. That's what they were, right, advances?" Her eyebrows scrunched up in the cutest way as she questioned me, probably even questioning herself at that moment.

Wanting to answer her truthfully, I thought about it for a moment before speaking.

"Yes, I suppose they were, but I want to be honest with you – I have never, and I mean _never_, been attracted to a woman before. I've had one boyfriend and other than that, my life has been pretty boring. You can imagine how confused I am right now."

I tried to smile and ease her obvious nervousness. We moved our hands apart and each picked up a fork, sharing the fruit bowl.

"Well, I'm not looking for any kind of commitment right now. It sounds like we're both interested in each other, right?" she asked.

Nodding my head towards the end of her sentence, I smiled shyly at her.

"Okay. And you're not looking for any grand commitment, right?"

I shook my head vehemently.

"Great. Then let's just have fun together. This is all new for you, so I wouldn't expect you to want to take things too fast while you're figuring things out anyways, so let's take a few steps back. You said in the library that you're from the pacific northwest; where, exactly?"

"Forks, Washington. Have you ever heard of it?"

She laughed. "Nope, sorry."

"Don't worry, most people haven't," I said.

"Okay, good." She gave me a million dollar smile and I felt the jolt again. _Mmm, soft, warm lips._

"Now, I caught you saying something about parents at the library. I let it drop then, but what did you mean?"

Had she not looked so damn genuinely curious and caring when she asked, I might have tried to change the topic.

Instead, I told her the whole sordid story. I went deeper with her than I had with Jasper, feeling like she would understand more, emotionally, than he had. When she pulled a tissue from her purse, handing it to me to dab my eyes, I was grateful. At some point, she leaned across the table and squeezed my hand gently in hers for a moment, before letting go. It wasn't a sexual move and anyone observing us would have thought we were two friends having a casual but emotional conversation. I was appreciative of that, because I still didn't know what to do with my feelings and how "out" I wanted to be, since I knew with certainty that I wasn't gay.

"Wow. Just wow, Bella. One parent dying is a lot to handle, much less two in the span of two years. Then you discover your boyfriend cheating on you, and now you're off to college in a whole new environment. Do you like it so far?"

I smiled. _If only she knew._

"Truth, Tanya? I fucking love it. Don't get me wrong, I loved my house in Forks, but it held no real attachment for me. I hated the weather, not that it's all sunshine and rainbows here, but at least it's different and probably temporary. Also, the town was so small, everyone knew all of your business and that irritated me at times. I feel like I'm being given the gift of a chance to discover who I am again. Not many people get that, a time to be free and figure out exactly what they want and need from life without limits, you know? It was a terrible tragedy that brought me to this point, but I'm hoping in the end it will turn into something wonderful."

"You're amazing, Bella. Most people would be wallowing in self-pity, but you just pulled yourself up by the proverbial boot straps and you're ready to take life head on. Amazing."

She looked at me with such open eyes, like she was truly seeing me, drinking me in, memorizing me.

"Yeah, it was going a lot easier until I met you," I said, laughing. She kept looking at me but began to blush.

"Sorry, sweets." She winked.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

"Sure you are, ladykiller," I teased and gave her a broad smile.

"So, Bella, do you think I can take you on a real date sometime? I know you said you have other plans today and I don't want to keep you, but I'd love to spend more time with you."

_Beautiful and considerate._

"Oh, right! Crap, what time is it?"

Looking at my watch, I realized it was already 12:30. Somehow, we'd spent hours just talking about each other. I began to gather up my purse and drank the last of my now cold latte.

Tanya had the sweetest smile as she asked, "Can I walk you back to your room?"

"Of course. And, to answer your previous question, I would love a real date. I wasn't sure if this was a date or what!"

We both laughed and stood up. Walking slowly back to my building, we chatted about nothing in particular. When we got to the door of my room, I invited her in for a quick second so we could exchange phone numbers. After we'd done that, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and I internally squeed.

"I had a nice time with you, Bella. I look forward to getting to know you better."

"Same here, Tanya. Thanks again for breakfast. Call or text me and we'll arrange that date, okay?"

Once she was gone and the door was closed, I turned my back and slumped against it.

_Two down, one to go._

**A/N2: I'd love to know what you think so far!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Once she was gone and the door was closed, I turned my back and slumped against it._

_Two down, one to go._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

Before I had unlocked the door with Tanya standing there, I made sure to jiggle the knob and fumble with my keys, hoping to tip off Rose and Alice if they were out on the couch. Sure enough, I could see telltale signs of their presence once we got inside, and I was grateful they'd taken the hint and left us alone.

Once my ass hit the floor after Tanya left, I heard both of them squeal and come back out to where I was.

"Well, how was it?"

"Did she kiss you?"

"Did you kiss her?"

"Are you going to see her again?"

They were pelting me with questions so fast and furious, not only were they all jumbled into one frenzied mess, I had no clue who was asking what.

"Ladies, ladies," I said, laughing. "Take a deep breath, you're almost as frantic as I was. Alice, come give me a hand up and let's sit and talk while I wait for Emmett, okay?"

Alice walked over and held a hand out for me, pulling gently when I linked mine with hers.

"Ok, now spill!" she demanded.

"Christ, can't I get to the couch first, lady?"

"If you must." Alice tried to look put out and frustrated, but the excitement in her voice was too much to hide.

"Alright, so..." I took in a deep breath. "It was great. I had a nice time. We established that it was not, in fact, a date. However, she did ask me on a real date at the end, and I said yes. Yes, she kissed me – on the cheek. No, I did not kiss her. Did I miss any questions?"

Rose and Alice squealed again. _What the fuck is with the squealing. Clearly these two got too much sleep last night._

"That'll do for now," Alice said. "Don't forget we'll need to debrief again after Emmett."

"Deal. Hey, that reminds me, didn't you two go out last night? How did that go?"

We spent the next forty-five minutes talking about their exploits at the bar. Of course, neither could drink yet, but they'd enjoyed some dancing and good times. They each met a few guys and Rose mentioned stalking one particular boy around the club, never getting a chance to talk to him. Once she had finally worked up the nerve, he was gone.

_Interesting. I never pictured Rose as having to work up the nerve to do anything._

They already had plans to go out again Saturday and encouraged me to go with them, but I figured between Tanya and Jasper plus our regular Sunday brunch, the next weekend was already spoken for, and I hadn't even seen Emmett yet.

Saying goodbye, I went down to the lobby to meet Emmett, stopping in the bathroom to freshen up my makeup and hair. Wondering if it was tacky to wear the same thing on two dates in the same day, I realized I didn't have time to change if it was, so I'd have to roll with it.

I stepped out of the stairwell and walked outside to wait. It was a beautiful day.

Just barely on time, Emmett showed up looking exactly how I imagined he would – khaki shorts, a blue striped button-up with the sleeves rolled, and his brown flip flops from a few days ago.

_Yeah, he's hot and he knows it._

"Sexy Librarian, how are you this fine afternoon? Ready for our hot date?"

I laughed. Emmett was absolutely the funniest person I knew, and a great boost for my ego, if nothing else.

"Yes, Emmett, I'm ready. Where are you taking me, Hot Stuff?" I winked at him, ready for a light and fun date after the relatively heavy morning.

"I'm so glad you asked, Bellarina. I thought we'd get some lunch, then I could kick your ass at mini golf. How 'bout it?" He winked back and that dimpled smile that I was growing to love showed up.

_How about we just go back to your room?_

"You're on, Em."

Taking his hand, we walked to the parking lot where he helped me into a monster Jeep. I was thankful I had jeans on. He put his hands on my hips to lift me up and into the Jeep, not a move for a skirt.

"So where's lunch?" I asked.

Since I'd only stolen a few bites of food while Tanya and I talked, I was fairly hungry.

"We're headed to Three Tomatoes. Ever been there?"

"No, but it sounds... garden-y. What kind of food is it?"

"Pizza! I mean, sure, you can get other things, but why bother? They make the best pizza in the area, hands down."

"Oh, good. I love pizza!" I said.

He suddenly looked at me like I had two heads.

"What, are you not used to chicks eating on dates, either?" I said, shaking my head.

"Never a dull moment with you," he said, turning to smile at me.

"Nope, I guess not."

When we arrived and he'd parked, he got out to open my door and help me out. We were seated quickly in a booth next to each other, and both ordered pizzas and Cokes when the waitress came by.

"So, Emmett, I know you used to live in Tennessee, and that's it. What more is there to know about ya?"

I was getting more used to spilling the details of my life, so I just figured I'd get the tough stuff out of the way so we could move on to the fun portion of our date.

Emmett told me that he was a film studies major, he had lived with his mom and dad back home, and was looking forward to moving to New York to begin his career when he was done at Dartmouth.

_Impressive_. _A man with a plan._

I told him the basic story of my parents and Jake as we ate, and he looked like he was actually listening. At one point, he put his hand on my knee as I started to tear up, but managed to hold the tears in. He paid the bill around the Jake portion of the story, not even giving me a chance to reach for it. When I was done talking, I gave him a weak smile.

"So, that's my whole dramatic deal. Still glad you asked me out?"

"Abso-fuckin-lutely, babe. Let's get out of here – we have a date on the golf course!"

I laughed as he grabbed my hand and walked back to the Jeep. He helped me in again and that time I could have sworn he copped an unnecessary feel. Luckily, I enjoyed it, too.

Ah, mini golf. Universal first date ice breaker. Emmett let no opportunity for touching pass. When he offered to show me how to putt, I gladly accepted the help, even though I already knew how.

He put his hands on my hips and bent me over at the waist a bit. Wrapping his hands around mine on the putter, we swiveled together to hit the ball. We were laughing and having a good time, enjoying each other. This date was different from the other two and I realized I was royally fucked. How would I ever figure out what I wanted or needed when everything was so different, but all great in its own way?

I was brought out of my daze by a soft kiss on my cheek. "Sorry, I hope I didn't cross an unwanted line..." He was actually blushing.

Still somewhat in his arms from the putting, I turned and put my hand on his cheek to reassure him.

Bringing my lips up to his, I kissed him softly, carefully. After a few moments, I backed away and smiled at him.

The last few holes we had left were spent heavily flirting, touching, and kissing. Of course, Emmett won the game and didn't let me forget it the entire drive back to the dorms.

"Em, I forgot to ask earlier, where do you live?"

"Oh, I have an apartment just off campus. Mama and Daddy take pride in spoiling their only son." The dimples were back and I just laughed because my only other option was to melt into a puddle of goo right there in front of him.

Emmett insisted on walking me back to the room, so I let him, hoping for another great goodbye kiss.

_Yep, New Bella is greedy with the kissing._

When we got to my door, I paused and looked up into his beautiful baby blue eyes. I brought my hand to his cheek again, like I had at the mini golf place, and he leaned into my touch.

"Thanks for a fun date, Emmett. I had a really good time, even if you did kick my ass."

He smiled at me. "Well, at least now you know I don't lie."

Bending down, he cupped my face with both of his hands, then ran his thumbs over the apples of my cheeks as he looked in my eyes. He leaned his body right up into mine and then he kissed me. A toe curling, better than chocolate, hotter than a fireplace, fuck-me-that's-good, kiss. I literally gasped for air when he let go.

"Nothing for you, either, huh?" he said.

_What?!_

"Um." I blinked a few times. He thought I was gasping because it was lacking?

"Damn it, you are so smokin' hot. How come there's no feeling there?"

_Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I say now?_

"Well, Emmett..." F_ucking think, Bella!_ "Maybe we need to try again?" _Sly, Bella. At least you'll get another great kiss before it's over._

We repeated the kiss, and that time I couldn't help it. I was practically huffing and stomping my feet like a petulant child as I spoke. "REALLY? You didn't feel anything?"

"I'm sorry Bellarina. Damn it. You have no idea how much I want it to be hot so I can convince you to let me in and have my wicked way with you... but it's just not there."

Well, at least this narrowed my choices, I decided. Putting my hand on Emmett's chest, I laughed.

"It's okay, Em. I just had such a fun time today. Think we could still be friends?"

He looked like I'd given him a winning lottery ticket. Picking me up, he spun me around and I couldn't help but let out a yelp, scaring half the people in the hallway.

"Yee-haw! Okay, now that we're friends, can I tell you a secret?"

That's what I loved about Emmett – he wasted no time with pretenses.

"Of course, Em, lay it on me."

"So, last night, I went out dancing, right? I saw this smokin' hot blonde. No offense to you, of course, since I've already told you that you were smokin', too. I made my way over to where she was, but I couldn't find her. I can't get her out of my head."

What were the chances that Rose and Emmett were scoping each other out the night before? It was starting to feel like my life again – ironic to the extreme.

I knew that if I brought Emmett into the room to meet Rose right now, she would kick my ass. She was the kind of girl, I could tell already, that wouldn't want to be introduced to him until she was 'prepared.'

"Em, I know we're friends now and I'm glad you told me about the smokin' hot blonde. I might be able to help you out with that, but not right now. Do you trust me?"

"Of course. Like you're family."

"Ok, then, bro, here's the deal. Write down your cell number on this piece of paper and I'll set up a meeting with your blonde, or, at least who I think your blonde is. Write down where you went dancing on there, too, okay? I'll text you later tonight with the details."

He had that look again, the lottery ticket look.

"Bella, you're the best." He wrote the information down and pulled me into a bear hug.

"I can't even say I'm sorry things didn't work out for us, because they did. I feel like they worked out exactly how they were meant to. I hope I didn't hurt you, B, because I really like you and I want you around forever."

"It's okay, Em, I think I can get over you," I said, laughing.

Giving him a peck on the cheek, I let myself in to the dorm.

"You'll be hearing from me!" I shouted as I closed the door, not wanting him to get a glimpse inside.

"Bye Bella!"

Listening to him walk away was a relief, in a strange way. Even though, for me, all of the passion was there in that kiss, I knew it wouldn't have worked out for us. You can't force someone to love you and I was excited at the prospect of hooking Rose up with her lost Mister.

As I surveyed the room, I could hear giggles coming from somewhere on the other side. They were in one of the bedrooms, so I made my way to mine first to set my things down. Rose came rushing out before I got to the door and stopped me from going in.

"She's not quite ready just yet, Bella. Let's give Alice five more minutes, okay?"

"Uh, okay. Can I grab a drink? Do you want one?"

"Sure, I'll have a water," she replied.

I walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed two water bottles, handing one to Rose as I sat on the couch.

"I can't wait to see what Alice is up to..." I said, waggling my eyebrows.

"You're going to love it! So tell me about your date," Rose implored. "Did you get a goodbye kiss? Was it great? Are you seeing him again?"

There it was again, the irony. I laughed.

"Rose, slow down. I think I want to wait for Alice to explain this one, okay?"

Just then, we heard Alice squeal.

"Okay girls, I'm ready for ya!" she shouted.

Rose took my hand and led me to the closed door.

"Close your eyes, Bella."

I did as she asked. I heard the door open and felt her tug my hand forward, so I walked into the room.

"Okay, open!" they both said.

I opened my eyes and there on my wall in coordinating colors was a beautifully handmade ribbon bulletin board. At the top, it said "The Discovery of Bella Swan". I noticed there were already two pictures tucked in – one of Rose and one of Alice, as well as my class schedule from Dartmouth.

I couldn't help it, the day had been so long at that point, so many emotions had already gone through me at having to tell my story twice, and here these girls had given me more in one afternoon than most of my friends had given me in a lifetime. I began to bawl and didn't stop until we were all three lying on my bed, crying together.

When the tears slowed, I realized I hadn't yet told them about Emmett. I sat up suddenly, scaring them both, which sent us all into giggles.

"Ladies, let me tell you about my date!"

I spared them no detail, right up until the doorway drop off. I had a plan brewing and I needed Alice's help.

"That's it?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, that's it. Can you believe it?" I winked at Alice, hoping she wouldn't think I was hitting on her.

"Huh. It sounds like you guys have great chemistry though. Do you think you'll see him again?"

I giggled. "Oh, Rose, I am _sure_ I'll see him again."

Realizing I'd confused them both, I tried something else.

"Rose, can you do me a favor and go grab my water from the living room?"

"Sure, Bella."

As soon as Rose left the room, I told Alice the missing details. I had to make it quick, so I abbreviated the story.

"So he kissed me outside and it was freaking awesome, but he felt nothing, then he confessed he met a girl at a bar last night. Where did you guys go, quick???" I rushed out in one breath.

"We went to New Moon."

"Oh my god. Alice, Rose saw Emmett there... she's his Mystery Girl. We have to get them together! Let's set up a lunch date sometime this week and not tell Rose, then we'll get them together."

"Bella, you're almost as great with the scheming as I am." She smirked and we had mile-wide smiles when Rose came back in.

"What's with you two?" Rose asked.

"Oh, we're just planning the week ahead. Bella's excited because of a new book she got. Rose, do you have any lunch plans this week? We were thinking we'd get together for lunch one of these days."

Alice walked back to her room to get her Moleskin (she's a die-hard technophobe) and made sure she had a free lunch on the day Rose did so we could all meet up.

"I'm free Tuesday," Rose said.

"Great, me too. Bella, how about you?" Alice asked.

"I'll check and get back to you, okay?"

Quickly ushering them out of my room, I was excited to text Emmett and find out if he'd be free to meet us.

"Okay girls, thank you so much again for the board. Now I have to get to work on some homework." I looked at Alice at the word "homework". "So scoot! I'll come out and check on you guys before bed."

I eagerly grabbed my laptop from the bag and turned it on, willing it to boot faster. I checked Emmett's note first, and sure enough, he'd written "New Moon" on the slip of paper with his cell number. I composed a text to him right away.

_Em- 99.9% sure I have your hot babe lined up for a date – can you make it to lunch on Tuesday? Please say yes! -B_

To say his reply was instant would be an understatement.

**B- YES, Tues it is. Im going to owe you so big if it's her! -Em**

I had to focus and actually get some homework done after that, but I hopped over to the girls' room once I was done and let them know we were on for lunch Tuesday. We agreed to meet at the Cafe at noon and I texted Emmett back and asked him to meet us there at 12:15, giving us enough time to fill Rose in on what we had planned and get settled before he showed up.

Letting out a deep breath, I did my best to relax. It was already ten at night, and I hopped into bed to read one of the books I'd picked up, _Why We Suck_ by Denis Leary. Not every book had to be an intellectual stretch, right?

After a few pages and more than a few laughs, I closed the book and set it down, looking over at my board. I knew I wanted to add photos of Emmett, Jasper, and Tanya as well as some poetry.

My first week of college had been fantastic. I felt like my classes were going great (aside from the Banner Incident, as we were calling it), I'd made new friends, and even met some potential love interests. So far, Operation New Bella was on track.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Guess who? Don't hate me for this chapter; some of the die-hard Edward people might be pissed when they read, but... trust me. He even begins to redeem himself toward the end, but everything happens for a reason. Thank you to **_**thatgirljen**_** for the story title suggestion.**

**Another shout out goes to NaughtyPastryChef who helped me out with a few finer details in this chapter. As usual, you rock my world, NPC.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

* * *

**EPOV**

Another year at Dartmouth. This marked my fifth; I had my Bachelor's in Comparative Literature and was in my first year of med school.

There were a few differences between the last few years and this one: I had a girlfriend, my cousins were attending Dart, and I had a job.

I hadn't been looking for a girlfriend. It was slightly embarrassing how we met, actually. I was at home in Chicago, bored one night over the summer, so I logged into the Dartmouth message boards and tried to help out a few new kids. One of them emailed me back to thank me for the advice and information, and we began a friendship. She was extremely smart and had plans to go pre-med, so I felt an immediate kinship with her.

We made plans to meet when she got on campus, and we'd been casually dating since. Maybe she was the one, maybe not – it was too early to tell. I didn't think the whole email relationship thing was a legitimate way to test the road, so we'd technically only even been dating for two weeks, and most of that time was taken up with school.

She's beautiful, of course, but that wasn't why I liked her. She was fun to hang around with and she really "got" the pre-med thing – the time, energy, and emotional commitment. At first I was intimidated by her: beauty, brains, what more could a guy want?

I got to see the girls coming and going from the cafe while I was working, and let me tell you – what a trip the female gender is. I heard them talking about guys, girls, makeup, drugs, drinking, sex... you name it, I've probably overheard two girls casually chatting away about it, waiting for their nonfat decaf no whip mochas.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to work much once my classes got into full swing, I'd picked up a few extra shifts during the first week of school. I'd taken the job because my mom was worried about me not "getting out" enough. That was her polite way of hinting that she wanted me to get married and give her some grandchildren.

The first time I saw _her_, Coffee Girl, she was with a tall blond kid. He bought her a plain latte and a cinnamon scone. No, I'm not a stalker, I remember details.

The second time, the same damn day, a hulking giant of a dude bought her an iced green tea. He was a little scary, but she took her hair out of the bun it'd been in and shook it out. _Mmph. Yum._

Two days later, she got two drips, but was alone (and she'd finally paid for something).

Sunday morning before my shift, I went for a run. I'd stayed the night in Kate's room, so I took a route around her dorm and circled back. As I was walking into the hallway, I saw Coffee Girl coming out of the shower area. _Fuck me._ Her calves were tight and toned, and although she was wrapped in a short light blue robe, I could see just enough to know I wanted more. Each time she took a step, the robe split open a little more, teasing me, driving me to the brink. I cursed my tiny running shorts as they tented against my will.

The kicker? That same morning, she came in with a chick who bought her a vanilla latte and they had breakfast together. Now, they could have been just friends, but I saw the way they glanced at each other a few times (I'm a detail guy, remember?) and I was almost positive they were more than friendly glances. _Great, now I was going to have girl/girl fantasies about these two all day._ Good thing I had a short shift and could spend some time alone at my apartment later, before I had to meet up with Kate.

Really, though, how much coffee does one tiny girl need? And what was with all the different coffee partners? I know, what the fuck was it to me? Well, it was nothing, except that I hated those spoiled princess types that came in and expected everyone to wait on them hand and foot just because they have a few bills in their purse. The only time I'd seen her pay was the day she got the two drips, otherwise she just sat down and waited for them to pay and bring everything to her. _Bitch._

Okay, it was true – my parents had money and they treated me to nice things, but I at least appreciated them.

I tried to distract myself after Coffee Girl and her friend left, but I managed to fuck up four drinks and knew it was a lost cause. Knowing I just had to hold it together another thirty minutes and then I'd be on my way home to review the material I had stowed away in the spank bank that morning comforted me.

The last thirty minutes dragged – literally. I think I took my eyes off the clock two times, only to take orders. Tyler pulled me off from making drinks after the last few fuck ups, but I couldn't have cared less.

Finally, I clocked out and pulled my keys from my pocket, nearly running to the lot of parked cars. I was never so thankful that I lived close to campus. I'm pretty sure I broke a few laws on the drive home, but I had a need like never before. Now, I was no virgin and I certainly _knew__ my own body_ well, but I'd never felt so out of control. It wasn't a matter of if I would come, only a matter of how long it would take me, thinking about her.

Reaching my designated parking spot, I threw the car in park and ran to my apartment. Yes, I ran. Don't judge. I unlocked and threw open the door, closing and locking it as fast as I could. My plan was to get in the shower, since I'd seen her coming out from them, all wet and dripping.

Stripping off my clothes, I turned the water on and climbed in, not even waiting for it to warm up. Shivering, I willed it to heat quickly. My hair stuck to my face, reminding me that I was in desperate need of a haircut.

Under the warm spray of the shower, I decided to slow down a little and savor the moment. I grabbed my body wash and put some directly into my hand, bringing it to my chest. I imagined it was her small hands running over my toned chest and abs, teasing my nipples to hardness. Closing my eyes, I thought about her coffee friend from that morning, then I imagined them both with me.

_Coffee Girl was lying on my bed, naked. _

My cock twitched in my hand at that thought alone.

_Friend of Coffee Girl stripped her clothes off and waited at the end of the bed, eyeing Coffee Girl hungrily. I stood in the corner, commanding them both._

"_I want to see you both come together. Lay side by side, head to toe," I instructed. No one moved, and I got impatient. "Get up next to her. What are you waiting for?"_

My hand swirled around my hard length, thumb swiping over the head. I squeezed and tugged, moaning.

_Friend of Coffee Girl looked at me and whimpered. "Can I at least kiss her first?" _

_A wicked smile crossed my face. "Oh, you're going to kiss her. And lick her. And finger her."_

Stroking up and down my length faster, I squeezed harder and that thought took me over the edge. I was almost instantly hard again. Shit.

_Friend of CG crawled onto the bed, her ass on display for me. Great, I thought, but get going lady, you're not the main event here. _

_She moved her body around and leaned Coffee Girl into her, bringing Coffee Girl's top leg over her shoulders, trapping her exactly where I wanted. Coffee Girl repeated the action on her friend and I could hear them lapping at each other and moaning. I leaned in closer to Friend of CG's head to give her quiet instructions with an up-close view._

"_Finger her. I want to see you fuck her tight pussy with your fingers."_

Stroking myself again, I thrust into my hand with need.

_Friend of CG complied, teasing Coffee Girl's opening first and I saw her hips buck. I could hear CG's licking of her friend increase in speed and she moaned against the wet pussy in her face as the finger dipped inside of her._

"_How does she taste?"_

"_Like heaven. Sweet, salty, tangy, delicious."_

_She licked her lips and I knew I had to have a taste. I motioned for her to roll off Coffee Girl; I was in charge, and if I wanted a taste, I didn't give a fuck who was or wasn't going to be frustrated, I was going to get a taste. I rolled CG onto her back and buried my face into her warmth, moaning against her._

Letting go again, I came all over the shower wall, then sighed. Shit, how bad do you have it, I wondered, when you didn't even get to the part where you came in your fantasy before you came in reality? _Pretty damn bad, Cullen._

Planning to go to Kate's after, I washed up for the second time that day. I was pissed at Coffee Girl for her hold over me. I was Edward Cullen, I didn't need girls. I needed school, structure, my family.

That reminded me that I needed to email my cousins and see if they wanted to have lunch on Tuesday. Getting out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist after drying off. I walked to the desk and took care of the email.

It would be nice to reconnect with them – they'd spent the last few years of high school living far away and I hadn't been able to spend much time with them since the semester had begun. I did see them a few times in the cafe, but it would be nice to chat with them and catch up. Alice and I had been best of friends growing up, so her move to Alaska had been especially hard on the two of us.

Just walking into Kate's (and Coffee Girl's) building made me hard again. _Three times, Cullen? What are you, 18 again?_

By the time I knocked on Kate's door, I hoped we'd be in bed together in mere minutes. I tried my best to keep up pretenses, since I'd been over just the night before.

She opened the door and smiled seductively at me. I hoped that was a sign she was as horny as I was.

"Edward. I've missed you," she said.

_Fan-fucking-tastic. She is._

Kate and I had been having sex since the first night we met. I was usually a lot more chivalrous with women, but she practically jumped me. Who was I to deny?

"I missed you, too."

She pulled at the hem of my shirt and tugged me into the room, straight to the bed. In the two weeks I'd known Kate in person, I'd only fucked her twice. That was at least twelve out of fourteen orgasms she'd had either by my mouth or by my hands. I wasn't complaining, just the detail man coming out in me again.

I was fine with anything she was willing to offer, already rock hard and in need of another release. Kate's hands slid under my shirt and pulled it over my head, and I couldn't fucking help it; it was Coffee Girl's hands in my mind. Shaking my head, I willed myself to focus on Kate, Kate, Kate. I was fucking Kate. I was going to be licking Kate. I like Kate. I hate Coffee Girl.

As we moved to the bed, I felt her hands at my pants, unbuttoning them. Taking Kate's shirt off, once it was gone, I immediately compared her to Coffee Girl. I was absolutely not winning the battle in my head to keep my focus with Kate. Fuck.

Unclasping her bra, I threw it to the side as my pants hit the floor and we flopped onto the bed together. She lifted her hips and I slid her yoga pants down her body, revealing her crisp white panties. Fucking Kate had the most boring underwear in existence. I'd caught sight of a navy bra strap Coffee Girl had on during one of her trips to the shop last week, so I imagined the matching navy panties instead and groaned.

I really wanted to be inside of her, to imagine myself fucking Coffee Girl, taking her over the edge, making her come and moan my name. As I pulled Kate's panties down, she seemed a thousand miles away, lost in her own mind.

Slipping my boxers off, I hovered over her and kissed her, trying to bring her back. Her eyes met mine for a moment and I could see it right then. Maybe this was our last time together?

"You okay, baby?" _Please say yes, even if it's only for tonight._

"Yeah, Edward, I just want you so bad. Can I feel your mouth on me, sweetheart?"

"You want me to lick you?" I nipped at her neck, frustrated.

"Mmm, yes, please. You do it so well."

I didn't need to talk anymore; I was irritated and I knew I wasn't going to get what I wanted, so I took the compliment for what it was and moved lower, licking and sucking on the way down. _I bet she's not even going to reciprocate._ _More spanking once I'm home, I guess._

One orgasm later, I had my fingers pushed all the way into Kate. Gently lapping at her clit, I moved just how I knew she liked, stroking her g-spot. Humming softly against her, I gave her excellent head, taking her up to a second peak.

"Oh, god. Just like that... just like that. I'm gonna come, oh fuck, Tanya."

And just like that, she came. Boy, did she come. My face was still covered in her wetness as I gently withdrew my fingers, the realization of her mistake washing over her just as her orgasm had seconds ago.

"Okay. Well, I think we're done here," I said softly as I put my clothes back on.

I wasn't angry, or even hurt really, but what the fuck?

Kate sat up on the bed and was quiet for a minute before she started to cry.

"I'm so sorry, Edward, I should have told you," she began. "In New York, I had a girlfriend. We broke up right before we moved here. I felt like I needed some space from her. You were so kind and sweet in your emails, I wanted to see if I could give it a chance with you, a change of pace I guess. All it did, though, was make me realize just how much I love her." She sighed at the end, as if I was supposed to wrap my fucking arms around her and it would all just go magically back to how it was.

"Okay, Kate. Whatever."

I was slightly conflicted; I could tell she was in pain and I wanted to at least be nice to her, but at the same time, what the fuck? She did just scream out the name of an ex-girlfriend I had no clue about.

Getting up, I walked out, shutting her door quietly. I stood in the hallway for the briefest of moments and considered knocking on what I thought was Coffee Girl's door. Deciding I'd endured enough humiliation for one night, I walked out of the building and drove home.

After another round of self-love, that time in my bed, I succumbed entirely (and without guilt) to the woman stuck in my mind. A loud moan slipped out of my lips as my hips thrust off the bed, coming into a handful of tissues.

Maybe a run would help, I decided, after I was just as frustrated post-orgasm as I'd been before.

A very long run and another shower later, I was fucking exhausted. No real life woman could live up to this fantasy I had in my head, so I went back to hating her, reminding myself that I needed to focus on school and leave the women alone. I'd let Kate become a distraction and that turned out just fucking dandy, hadn't it?

I checked my email and Alice had written me back to say that they couldn't make lunch on Tuesday, but asked if I could do Wednesday. I replied to let her know I was working, but I could sit with them on my lunch break if they didn't mind eating at the cafe. Hoping to get ahead in a few classes, I was looking forward to having Tuesday off from work.

After shutting my laptop off, I laid in bed and did everything I could to not think of Coffee Girl. Secretly, I hoped to see her in the morning. The odds were with me, given her predilection for caffeine.

I woke up with morning wood, of course, and five voicemail messages from Kate. I listened to them one by one, each one apologizing more than the last. None asked for me to reconsider our break up. She needed to be relieved of her guilt, so I sent her an email. I explained that I was relieved – I'd been trying to figure out where we were going anyway, and she didn't need to worry about me. I would still be her friend if she wanted, and if not, I was sure she'd have a great life.

The only good thing about working the morning shift at the Cafe was that I got to pull a few extra shots for myself before the start of my shift. I'd need them that day, I knew.

It was barely 8AM and my eyes finally felt like they were working at my command when I saw her stroll in, alone. She was wearing a dark blue shirt and jeans; sexy, but not over the top.

She was digging through her bag and talking on her cell phone as she made her way through the line. Princess couldn't even be bothered to hang up her phone and interact with us, lovely.

"I'd like a tall white mocha, please," she said, and went right back to yakking into her phone.

"$3.95, Princess."

_Oh, shit. Filter, Cullen, where'd your fucking filter go?_

Her head whipped up from her purse and I heard her phone snap shut. She glared at me with such intensity that I was actually afraid. Of a girl.

"I'm sorry, _what_ did you just say?"

"I said, $3.95, ma'am." _Please oh please, just this once, God, let me out of this one._

"No, you didn't. You fucking called me Princess. What the hell is your problem?"

"I didn't mean it, I just... don't you think you could have hung up from your conversation before you got to the front of the line? I've seen you in here with like, five different people and each time, you sit back and let them bring you food and drinks, and now you're unable to even carry on a conversation with the people helping to feed your obvious caffeine addiction. Really, don't you think that's a little rude?"

I don't even know why I was taunting her. I wanted her so badly I could hardly see straight. Seeing the red flush across her cheeks as she got even more angry with me wasn't helping, either.

"You... asshole. How dare you judge me for who I get coffee with, and who does or doesn't bring it to me. Maybe if you actually _had_ some friends, you would know that sometimes friends buy coffee and snacks for each other. I'll have you know that last week _I_ brought the coffee to one of my friends, so I'm not a total sponge. You, on the other hand, clearly have no manners. I mean, really, you have nothing better to do than take note of my coffee drinking habits? Get a life."

By then, her coffee order was ready, so she slapped a five dollar bill onto the counter and stomped off with her drink. Taking a seat at a table, she gave me a glare and a huff.

If that little show was supposed to turn me off to her, it hadn't worked at all. In fact, hearing her stand up to me, speak up for herself, turned me on even more, requiring me to adjust my stupid fucking work-required khakis. I hadn't come across many women like that, aside from maybe my cousins. In that moment, I realized she was exactly what I needed. Strong, confident, beautiful, smart. I was going to have to fix this, even if mere moments before I'd decided I needed to give up chicks again to focus on school. This was no chick, she was all woman.

Looking over the pastry case, I found a cinnamon chip scone like she'd ordered the other day. I put it on a plate and looked up to make sure she was still sitting at the table. Taking a deep breath, I let my boss know I was taking a fifteen minute break and walked over to her table.

With all the other people in the room, she didn't notice me until I was right next to her, which I was grateful for.

"I come in peace," I said, putting on my most humble and apologetic expression.

Keep it simple, right? She looked up, eyes nearly burning a hole into me.

"Fuck off."

Oh, snap. She was going to make me really work for it. This might be fun, I decided. I was a little used to women falling over me at the tiniest sign of interest. It was a nice change of pace.

Setting the plate down, I sat across from her, uninvited.

"I'm sorry. You're right, I was a judgmental asshole, and all of the other things you said. I don't know what came over me. I had a miserable weekend and I had no right to take it out on you."

I tried to give her my most genuine smile, no hint of fake 'trying to get into your pants' behavior. Her eyes softened a bit.

"Cinnamon chip, how'd you know? What are you, stalking me?"

"I have sort of a good memory. I try to pay attention to the details of people."

"Thanks for the scone. I'm not sure you're forgiven, but at least now I won't have to have you killed," she said with a laugh.

A beautiful, melodic, easy laugh. I wanted to hear it over and over.

"Well, that's good, because even as shitty as my life is right now, I rather enjoy the whole living aspect."

I tried to muster a small laugh back for her, just to keep the conversation light and moving.

"Well, your name tag says Edward. So, Edward, what's so shitty about your life? I happen to be somewhat of an authority in shitty lives," she said, smirking.

"Alright, but before I tell a perfect stranger the abbreviated version of my drama, can I at least know your name?" I pulled the crooked grin out of my arsenal.

"Bella."

_Bel__la._ I let it roll around in my mind for a moment.

"Okay, Bella. So, I met this girl on a Dart message board over the summer while I was back home. We had a great friendship, she moved to start classes, and we started to date." I paused to lower my voice. "So, last night, I'm going down on her... Wait, is this too much information?"

She shook her head and laughed. "You can't stop there!"

"Okay, so I'm going down on her, and she has this great orgasm, then shouts out a chick's name. I wasn't ready to marry her or anything, but you know, that sort of thing is a slight blow to the ego."

She had an amused expression on her face and cocked an eyebrow up at the end of my story. Leaning across the table toward me, she exposed her chest just a little more than was already revealed. She was a breath away and I could feel the heat radiating off of her body as she began to speak.

"Really? You see, Edward, I would turn that around and look at it from a different perspective. Women generally know what women want, so in my estimation, for her to have been able to adequately fantasize she was with a woman at the time, you must have been doing a pretty good job."

_Whoa._

"Bella. That is an entirely new way to look at it. Of course, I'm still out a girlfriend, but I guess it's for the better. No one wants to be with someone longing for someone else, do they?"

I sighed without even thinking about it. I guess I had been upset about Kate, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. While I might not have been ready to spend the rest of my life with her, it did hurt that she hadn't told me about her girlfriend in New York and the details of their split. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have wanted to date someone so fresh out of another relationship.

Shaking my head again, I smiled at her.

"Bella, I have to get back to work. Thank you for listening to my tale of woe. I would love to hear your shitty life story sometime, if you can forgive me enough to spend time with me?"

"You know what, Edward? You seem like an okay guy. I might even someday retract calling you an asshole, but for now, I'm going to pass. I'm sorry. As you have correctly noted, however, I do have an extreme addiction to coffee, so I'm sure I'll see you around, okay?"

Her smile broadened as she finished her sentence and I realized it was the best I could hope for right then.

"I can't say I blame you at all. I apologize, again, for letting my mouth get ahead of my brain. Have a good day, Bella."

Standing, I walked away. At least she didn't hate me anymore. That fiery temper of hers was going into the bank for later that night, though.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I was conflicted on this chapter; I wanted to go back and cover some of the same territory with Bella meeting Edward, but I really hate doing the same events through different POVs. I hope I did an okay job.**

**Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, for her very helpful feedback.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I stood up and walked away. At least she doesn't hate me anymore. That fiery temper of hers is going in the 'bank' for later tonight, though._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

As Edward walked away, I considered the extreme stupidity of both adding another person to the mix that was my romantic life, and turning down the drop dead gorgeous man in front of me.

Sure, he was hot. That hair, those eyes. Frankly, he was also an asshole. I felt such relief at being completely honest with him, too. Props to New Bella. So far, I was enjoying her much more than Old Bella.

As I stood up and gathered my things, I realized that I'd talked to Edward through most of my first class. _Fuck._ Well, I decided quickly that New Bella was okay with cutting class to talk to hotties. Even if they were asshole hotties.

Getting out my book that I'd packed in my messenger back that morning for any "just in case" moments of time like the one I now had, I settled into my chair as much as I could and sat back to read. That time, I got my cell phone out of my bag and set the alarm so that I wouldn't be late to class.

Sooner than I would have imagined, the alarm was chirping loudly, startling me from my peaceful reading and occasional out loud giggling.

Throwing my garbage in the trash can, I grabbed a stick of minty gum from my bag to chew on before walking toward the classroom. It was another beautiful day outside and I knew the weather would soon turn nasty and cold, so I stood in one spot, enjoying the sun for a brief moment. These were the things Old Bella never did that New Bella would not get tired of – sneaking time for herself in the middle of the day, stopping to enjoy the moment, re-evaluating how things felt, tasted, smelled.

I got to the door and swept the room looking for Jasper. Realizing I was still standing in the entrance, I felt a set of warm hands snake around my waist. The warm breath hit my ear and I heard and felt him as he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Hey there, Little Miss."

A wide smile crossed my face as he moved to my side, taking my hand in his and leading me to a spot to sit.

"So, I heard you had a hot date on Saturday night," Jasper said in a teasing tone.

"Oh, I sure did."

I wasn't ready to give any ground; this game seemed like it had potential to be fun. I began unpacking the things I needed for class from my messenger bag.

"Did you have a good time? Such a lucky guy..." he said with a smile, and I swear his eyes twinkled. The green polo shirt he was wearing really brought out the color of his eyes and they were amazingly clear and blue.

Aware that there were people all around us, I leaned in to drop my next line.

"I had an unimaginably good time. Though I think I was the lucky one. How many girls get to be that close to a hot-as-hell dream guy, in what can only be described as a sex ready bed?" Shifting my gaze to something I hoped was slightly lusty, I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "I sure hope he invites me over again soon."

He looked momentarily stunned, as if his brain froze mid-thought and he had to restart it to come up with his next quippy comeback. He chuckled softly before lowering his mouth to my neck, almost exactly where it had been as we walked in the door together.

"You'd be surprised how slippery those sheets are," he said with a grin. "They aren't at all good for sex; not enough traction. They sure do feel nice after, though."

I shivered. Literally shivered, making him chuckle again, his hot breath still tingling my ear.

"Bella, maybe we should concentrate on class today. As much as I'd like to see where this conversation goes, I need the blood to start returning to my brain, so I'm going to cut to the chase. When can I see you again?"

He placed a soft kiss below my ear before moving back to a normal sitting position. It was my turn to be stunned. Shocked. Speechless.

The teacher began our lecture for the day and I cursed our ability to get interrupted by them all the time.

Tearing a sheet of paper out of my notebook, I scratched out a note.

_How about either studying sometime during the week, or a movie night on Friday at my place? _

Passing it to him, I watched him laugh before he leaned over and wrote his reply.

**Can I be greedy and ask for a Friday night movie and a weeknight study date?**

Hell yes.

_As long as you make it worth my while to spend two nights with you..._

Hah, take that, Jasper. We bantered back and forth for several more minutes.

**Are you trying to kill me? I need blood to the brain, remember? I will so make it worth your while, sweetheart. Free tonight?**

_Absolutely. Do you have a class after this? _I wrote.

**Yep, one more and then I'm free. You?**

_Last class of my day. What time should I come over?_

He replied, **How about 5:30? We can order some dinner.**

_Perfect. _

I felt his hand rest on my knee for most of the remainder of the class and it made me tingle, sparkle, light up from the inside out. I hadn't felt this way about someone else, maybe ever.

I knew I had strong feelings for Tanya, but I wasn't sure exactly what they were. Were we the type of people that could get along long-term, forever? I didn't know her well enough to think about it yet, but then, I didn't know Jasper well enough either. I was trying to force myself to narrow my choices and I had to remind myself that this wasn't the past; I could take my time with my options. I had nothing but time ahead of me.

When class was over, I walked with Jasper to his next class. He turned and gave me a soft kiss before he walked into the lecture hall and I floated back to my room to get ready for our date. I didn't want to be presumptuous, but on the other hand I wanted to be prepared.

In case I stayed the night, I packed up my toiletries. I also packed a light blue silk and lace nightgown and some clothes for the next day. Deciding I could wear the same jeans, bra and shoes, I just packed a new top and panties in order to save space. I knew I wasn't going to _sleep_ with Jasper, but that didn't mean I couldn't sleep with him.

Gathering my things, I looked at the clock; I had thirty minutes before I was supposed to be at Jasper's apartment, so I decided to email Rose and Alice and let them know that I might not be home that night, so they shouldn't worry.

I packed up one last thing, my digital camera, thankful it was small enough to fit into my purse. I wanted to get a photograph of the outside of the building for my board, as well as one of Jasper. Wondering if it was weird that I wanted to take his picture, I decided not to stress too much over it – if the moment presented itself, great, and if not, that was great too.

It was time for me to start walking over to Jasper's building, so I left the room and locked the door behind me. When I turned back around to begin the trip, I nearly smacked right into Jasper's chest. We both laughed and he wrapped his arms around me for the second time that day. I breathed him in, his scent surrounding me.

Looking up at him with questioning eyes, I saw him smiling.

"Sorry, I couldn't wait. Can I take your bag?"

"Sure, Jasper." And for the first time, I let a guy carry my bag. It was nice.

The walk to his room was quick, probably since it was clear neither of us could wait to be alone. Once the door was opened, I briefly considered putting up a fight to get our homework done, since it _was_ supposed to be a study date more than anything else. Really, though, the hormones were in charge.

Jasper kicked the door shut and reached out for me, his lips meeting mine with urgent need. _I guess I'm not the only one._ We made our way over to the bed. His room was pretty small so it wasn't a huge distance. I felt the comforter at the back of my knees and sat, bringing him with me. Moving back on the bed, I rested my head on the pillows as Jasper hovered above me, kissing my lips softly.

Having only ever been with Jacob, I wasn't sure about the rules in these areas. I reminded myself of New Bella and mustered up the courage to actually talk to Jasper.

"Jasper," I breathed. "Mmm, Jasper, we need to talk. Just for a minute," I laughed.

He sat up, still straddling me, and I lost my breath.

"What is it, Bella?" He looked concerned and I immediately felt bad.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, c'mere. We can talk like this." Pulling him back down to me, I kissed around his neck and nuzzled him with my nose, trying to keep my senses about me.

"Jasper, you know I haven't been with a lot of guys, right?" I said softly. "When I say 'a lot', I mean I've only ever been with one, Jake. I don't know what the rules are. I'm not sure how this goes. I like you, a lot, Jasper, but I know I'm not ready to go all the way yet and I want to make sure we're on the same page. I don't want to lead you on, but my God, you are hard to resist." Moving my mouth back to his after my last comment, I softly pushed my hips up into his.

"I have to get this out of the way before I'm no longer capable of rational thought. So tell me, Jasper, are you okay with that?" _Please say yes._

"Mmm, Bella, you smell so good." He was burying his nose in my hairline at my neck, softly nipping at my skin now and then. "I know what you mean about being hard to resist... but I'm okay with whatever limits you need. Just be clear, I would never want to push, or ask you to do anything you aren't ready for."

He sat back up, straddling me again, and I bit my lower lip at the sight.

"Bella, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I did. I heard you." I tried not to sound like a bumbling idiot. _Tried._

"I think maybe we should take a break from this and get our homework done."

I must've been completely unable to hide my pouty face; Jasper started to laugh and leaned back over for a moment, placing his mouth next to my ear.

"I promise we'll come back to this when we're done, Bella."

If that wasn't incentive to finish our homework, nothing would be. We ordered a pizza before we began and had been good about working together with minimal touching, although we were sharing Jasper's student desk, so the surface area was pretty cramped.

At one point, I leaned over to reach for something across the desk and Jasper's knuckles grazed my nipple. I tried to hold in the moan, but obviously he felt it too, and the next thing I knew he was attacking me with hot, wet kisses, cupping my face in his hands.

I was the one to break the kiss, mostly because I just wanted to finish my damn homework and go back to the bed.

"Soon, Jasper."

Pulling back, I patted his hand, trying to focus. When I was finished, I literally flipped my book closed and hopped up in glee. Jasper, however, was not. The sun had set, so I decided to give him a little... incentive to finish faster.

"Jazz, can I change into something a little more comfortable?"

I tried really hard to hide the excitement in my voice, but I was sure some of it seeped through. He looked up at me with a curious expression.

"You brought clothes?"

_Uh oh. _"Well, um. Hmm. I might have. Is that a bad thing?"

His expression changed and he looked like he was going to bolt up from his chair and tackle me. Shifting in his seat, he looked back down at his book and chuckled.

"Nope, not a bad thing at all, Bella. I just didn't expect it. Does this mean I get to spend the whole night with you?"

I could've sworn I heard his voice crack towards the end of his sentence.

"Maybe. We'll see if you can be a good boy or not and get a reward. For now, I just want to be in comfy clothes and relax with you."

_Good job, Bella, make him earn it. A night with you __is__ a reward. Don't forget that. You're worth the work and effort._

I was sure he'd expected me to go down the hall to the bathroom to change, and I heard him gasp when my shirt came over my head. My back was toward him, so I turned my head over my shoulder to look at him.

"Sorry, would you like me to go down the hall to the bathroom?"

He whimpered.

"N... no, you don't need to do that. I'm just surprised, once again."

He pretended to turn back to his book, shaking his head, so I folded my shirt and put it on the bed. I removed my pants next, going slowly since I was pretty sure he was still staring at me. I was standing in my bra and panties, reminding myself to be brave. No man had ever seen me that naked.

Folding my pants, I prolonged putting any real clothes back on. The longer I stood there, the bolder I felt. Once my pants and shirt were in a pile, I reached back and unclasped my bra, leaning forward to remove it. I set this on top of my other clothes and picked up my piece of satin and lace, straightening back up and slipping it over my head. Now I knew Jasper was watching as I heard him let out a groan when I swiveled my hips, adjusting the material over my torso while pulling my panties down and off my body at the same time.

Picking up my pile of neatly folded clothes, I put them in my messenger bag on the table. Jasper was watching me, his gaze stuck on my body, following me from the bed, to the desk, then back over to the bed.

Pulling the comforter back, I ran my hand over the sheets again, reminded of their smooth, cool slickness.

"Jasper?"

He cleared his throat.

"Yes?"

I slipped in between the fitted and flat sheet, the satin wrapping around my entire body. Sinking all the way down until I was resting my head on the pillow, I pulled the flat sheet up to my neck, giving a loud sigh of contentment as I closed my eyes.

"Hurry up over there, will ya?"

I heard Jasper mumble a reply but only caught a few words - "blood," "brain," and "torturing me". I giggled and relaxed, the first time I'd truly let my brain rest in several days.

A few minutes later, just as I was on the cusp of falling asleep, I felt the bed shift under the weight of Jasper's body. I kept my eyes closed, waiting to see what he would do.

I could feel him stalking over me, crawling on top of my body, over the comforter. When he was covering the length of me, I felt warmth at my neck as he kissed me.

"Bella, I love seeing you laying here in my bed, sprawled out with your hair all messy behind you, so relaxed and happy. You have no idea how hard it makes me." He rested more of his body weight on mine to emphasize his last point, and it worked. Even between all the layers, I could feel how hard he was, and I got a pretty decent idea of what I was, er, dealing with. The inner panic picked up and I reminded myself to be confident and strong, to talk to him, to be open and honest.

Smiling, I opened my eyes as his nose ghosted over my neck and his lips came to rest on my collarbone. He was still fully dressed, which I actually appreciated – he wasn't making any assumptions.

"Jasper, this is another one of those talking moments. I seem to be having a lot of them tonight."

He leaned back a little and slid off to my side, resting his head on his elbow. He touched my cheek with his other hand in a reassuring gesture.

"So, I know we talked a little about my family on our date, but I left out a few details. Forks is a small town. Tiny, really. I grew up with a lot of the same people around, and one of them was Jake."

"The guy you mentioned before," he interrupted.

"Right. So, Jake and I knew each other our whole lives growing up. He lived on the reservation nearby and our fathers were best friends, so we spent a lot of time together. Around a year and a half ago, we started to date. I thought he was my future. He gave me a promise ring shortly after we began to date, which was too fast for me, but that was part of the problem with us – it was never about me, it was always about him. Anyway, the major part I left out of my story was that on the day Charlie was killed, I went to the reservation to find Jacob; I needed someone to hold me, to love me, to reassure me."

By this time I could feel the tears escaping, and Jasper began kissing away each one that fell on the side of my face he could reach.

"I certainly got more than I bargained for. I walked in on Jacob and Mike having sex. Before I left Forks, I gave him back his promise ring. I realized that our entire relationship was formed around everyone else's needs and wants. Our parents wanted us to date, so we did. Jacob wanted me, so I gave myself to him."

Pausing, I took a deep breath. I was about to admit something that I very rarely admitted, even to myself, but I knew it was important for New Bella.

"Part of why I'm telling you this, aside from the fact that it seems like you deserve to know, is that Jake and I... well, Jake wasn't exactly the most romantic person in the world," I said. My words were failing me, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to tell him, now that I'd begun. "Sorry, this is harder to say than I thought it would be."

"Take your time, sweetheart." He kissed my temple. "I've got all the time in the world for you."

And right at that moment, I realized that Jasper was nothing like Jake. I could hear the sincerity in his voice; even if it took me hours to get out exactly how I was feeling, he would lay right next to me and really hear each word, not just pretend to listen.

"Thank you, Jasper. Really, the fact that you're so kind and caring makes this easier, and I appreciate it. So, Jake was definitely not romantic, but the real reason why I brought this topic up is that I'veneverhadanorgasm."

You could've heard a pin drop in the room at that moment and I turned to look at Jasper to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep or something. His eyes were huge and he was blinking at me, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.

"You what?"

I kept my eyes on his as I repeated myself. "I've never had an orgasm."

"Ever?"

"Never. We only ever had sex, and it was focused on Jake and what he wanted or needed."

"What? When you say you only ever had sex, just let me clarify. You only ever had penetrative sex? He didn't touch you, taste you, nothing other than fucking?"

His voice got a little gruff as he covered the potential sexual acts we might have done and I found myself in need of another deep breath. This was harder than I imagined, but I also felt so much better than I thought I would at my confession.

"Right, fucking, that's one way to look at it, since I guess neither of us were really in love with the other. I mean, he wasn't rough with me or anything, it just... wasn't about me. Ever."

Jasper closed his eyes in what seemed to be frustration and anger. I got a little nervous, and more than a little worried. I couldn't tell if he was upset with me, Jake, or something else entirely.

"Jasper?"

"Give me a minute, please. I promise I'll explain."

He was taking deep breaths and I moved my hand to cup his cheek, repeating the comforting gesture as he had done to me.

He opened his eyes and they were slightly glassy. His eyes never left mine as he spoke.

"Bella, I can't imagine a man walking the face of the Earth that wouldn't want to worship your body repeatedly. The fact that he basically used you makes me so angry that I literally see red. I want to find him and rip him limb from limb. He's a disgrace to the male gender. He's a dog. No, he's lower than a dog – he's a tick on a dog, sucking the lifeblood out and giving nothing in return. I hope by now you know that I'm not like that, and I hope that by now you realize you're worth _so much more_ than that."

"Thank you, Jasper. I do know now that I deserve more, and I do know that you're nothing like that. I just didn't want you to think I was intentionally teasing you. I'm very attracted to you and I certainly look forward to having fun with you, in and out of bed, but I feel like I'm starting from scratch with all of this. I'm trying so hard not to be nervous and you do a good job of easing my fears. I certainly feel more bold with you than I have in a long time." I laughed. "I never would have basically stripped down in front of someone, girl or boy, a year ago. I'm pretty sure Jake never even saw me naked. Whenever we fooled around, it was completely in the dark."

He hummed. "What a show it was, too. Do you even realize what an amazing body you have? Every time I see you on campus, there are at least two other guys drooling over you, and that doesn't include me. The way you tuck your hair behind your ear, suck your lower lip into your mouth, shoot back with sarcastic comments. Everything about you screams and calls to us. I want to be gentle with you, Bella. I care about you and I don't want to hurt you. Will you make me a promise?"

"Sure, Jasper. What is it?"

"Promise me that you won't let me get away with doing something that hurts you. I need you to be honest with me, because otherwise I'll be constantly worrying that I may have pushed you too far or crossed a line you weren't ready to cross. Can you promise me that?"

"Of course. I'm a different person now, Jasper, really. I do appreciate your concerns and I'll do my best to always be open and honest with you. Thank you for looking out for me. Do you have any idea how sexy that is?"

Reaching over, I kissed him, then sucked his lower lip into my mouth. "Hey, Jasper," I whispered.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"When are you gonna take off some of those clothes and climb in here with me?"

Winking, he stood up. "How does now work for you?" I could already see his pants straining and I sat up on the bed, wanting to really take in his body as he undressed for me. I didn't say it out loud, but I was pretty sure he picked up on the fact that I'd never seen a guy naked. As he undressed, I watched his muscles and flex and move. I paid attention to the contours of his body, the angles and soft spots. Unsure how far I wanted him to strip, I bit my lip when he was down to his boxers.

"How about if I stop here?" he asked.

"Perfect."

Pulling the comforter down on the other side, I patted the bed. Jasper slid in next to me and held me close, curling up to my side as I laid on my back. For a long moment, we just laid there, calm and content together. I wasn't even nervous; I knew that Jasper wouldn't take advantage of me or go any further than I was ready, I just wasn't certain how far I _was_ ready to go.

I didn't get very far into that thought process when I felt Jasper's hand slide up my side and across my collarbone up to caress my neck.

"Have I told you yet how beautiful you are in this nightgown? I'm sure I messed up the rest of my homework, distracted by you. Wicked woman."

He leaned down to kiss me, using his hand behind my neck to tilt my head. I opened my mouth to him, and his tongue softly slid against mine as a groan escaped from him.

We laid there for a few minutes just kissing, before I felt his hands moving. Using his fingertips, he trailed down from my neck, over my collarbone, and across the swell of my breast. He lowered to circle my nipple, teasing me before gently taking it between his thumb and forefinger. I moaned and arched my back, pushing my chest into his touch.

"Bella, can I touch you more?" His hot breath in my ear stunned me for a moment and I could feel his hand linger on my abdomen, waiting for me to give him permission to continue.

"Yes, please, Jasper."

I hoped I wasn't stumbling too much, making a total ass of myself. His kisses were on my neck and he seemed to be breathing me in, absorbing as much of me as he could.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this. To touch and feel you tremble beneath my hands. I can't wait to see you come undone and hold you in my arms after you come, Bella," he purred.

_Hell yes._

OK, the truth was, I didn't know if I could even have an orgasm. It wasn't like Jake and I were only together once or twice; it was probably in the hundreds. Sure, sometimes it felt good, but never once did I even feel close to anything I would describe as orgasmic. I never saw shooting stars, never felt like I was going to scream. Mostly, I laid there and thought about grocery shopping and what I needed to get done around the house. Part of me felt so unattractive – I wondered why Jake had utterly no interest in ever really touching or pleasing me. I decided it must be because I was undesirable.

Jasper, on the other hand, seemed to be taking extreme pleasure in touching me and I began to feel just as good as his hands made their way underneath my nightgown.

"Bella, will you let me take this off?"

I lifted my hips in reply. I knew I would need all of my strength not to turn into a blushing puddle of goo, so I was grateful when I felt him tugging the material over my head. He stopped for a moment to appreciate my body, his eyes roaming up and down my undressed and uncovered form. _Don't blush, don't blush._

"You are so delicious. I'm going to make you feel so good, Bella. Lay back down."

Who would refuse that?

Lying back, I closed my eyes. Jasper took a nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking gently as his hand trailed back down my body. I felt his fingertips play in the patch of hair above my center and couldn't help the soft moan that escaped my throat.

"Oh, Jasper," I breathed. Trying to muster any more words from my brain was useless.

"Mmm. I haven't even begun yet, Bella."

With those words, he dipped his hand lower, fingertips tracing the outline of my pussy, then ran one fingertip from the base up to my clit. When he finally reached the top of my slit, I nearly jumped.

"Bella, have you ever touched yourself?" he asked, as he continued to stroke up and down, stopping to circle my clit now and then.

_A__w__, crap. _It was going to take every shred of bravery to have this conversation.

"No."

"Never?" he clarified.

_Deja vu._

"No, never..."

He hadn't stopped what he was doing, and I was a panting mess, and frankly, starting to understand about the stars and explosions. I could feel something beginning and knew if he kept up his movements, I was going to have an actual orgasm. I wasn't sure what excited me more, the prospect of finally being able to come, or the fact that Jasper was the one doing it.

"God, Bella, it's so fucking hot that you're letting me give this to you. Thank you."

Nipping at my neck, he lowered his hand to my opening, pressing a fingertip in experimentally. That time I let out a loud moan and bucked my hips. He pressed forward, letting his entire finger slip slowly into me. When it was all the way in, he pressed the palm of his hand harder, moving his finger somehow, and I nearly came unglued, my body lifting off the bed involuntarily.

"Oh fuck, Jasper, please, please, don't stop. Oh God," I rambled.

My head was moving side to side by that point. He'd slipped a second finger in and was still slowly fucking me with them, moving his thumb over my clit with the same rhythm.

"Open your eyes and come for me, Bella. I want to see you as you come, please... _P__lease_."

Feeling his rhythm accelerate, I opened my eyes. I was lost, so lost. It almost hurt, but felt so good at the same time. _Was this an orgasm?_ I couldn't tell if I'd fallen over the proverbial edge yet. He kept his hand moving and his mouth came back up to kiss me as he looked in my eyes. He must've known I was close, and brushed his fingers in an upward motion inside of me, hitting that spot that made me moan again.

My body wound up, and I knew what I'd felt before hadn't been the orgasm. Jasper moved his fingers in and out faster, and I knew – this, this right here – was falling off the ledge. Seeing stars. Coming. That was an orgasm, and I cried out as I felt my muscles spasm, contracting around Jasper's fingers. I didn't give a flying fuck who heard me in that moment, I only knew there was no way I could hold it in. Closing my eyes, I tossed my head back as the final waves of my very first orgasm crashed over me.

The moment I began to come down, I was embarrassed. I tried really hard not to be. Sexy would have been the preferable emotion at that moment. I wasn't sure if my reaction to Jasper's touching had been normal. Did all women have that strong of a reaction?

Just as the internal berating began, the negative, inner Old Bella dialog about how Jasper would never want to see me again, the girl who couldn't control herself, my eyes opened and I saw him still looking directly at me.

He was peppering my neck and chest with kisses, fingers slowly pulling out of me, bringing to life a whole new set of sensations.

"Bella, that was so fucking hot. I've never seen a woman look so sexy while coming. It literally makes me want do it over and over and over, just to see you go through that again."

Laughing, I nuzzled my face into his neck. I wanted to be closer to him, to feel his body against mine. I needed him to hold me, to reassure me. And he did.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm going to warn you right now – I left this chapter on a cliffhanger. I would apologize, but I'm not sorry ;)**

**As usual, thank you to my beta TwilightMundi.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_"Bella, that was so fucking hot. I've never seen a woman look so sexy while coming. It literally makes me want do it over and over and over, just to see you go through that again."_

_Laughing, I nuzzled my face into his neck. I wanted to be closer to him, to feel his body against mine. I needed him to hold me, to reassure me. And he did._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

Jasper's arms were wrapped loosely around me when I woke up the next morning. Spooned up against him, I could feel his warm body behind me. I sighed, my body so full of bliss it had to escape somehow.

Knowing I had a 9AM class, a quick glance at his clock told me that I needed to get up soon. Still, I waited a few more minutes before setting about my day, needed to soak up the feeling of being with Jasper. It was almost as if he was healing the years of self-deprivation and replacing them with a wonderful warmth inside my soul.

Suddenly, I had an idea and did my best to crawl out of Jasper's bed undetected. He seemed to be a heavy sleeper, only stirring a little when I unwrapped myself from his embrace and climbed out, still nude.

I quietly dug into my bag and got my camera, checking to make sure the sheets and blankets were covering up all of the necessary parts (but not too much) of Jasper before snapping a photo for my board.

At the camera's beep, one of Jasper's eyes flew open. "What are you up to?"

"Jazz, I have to hop in the shower and get to class, but I can explain later, okay? Actually, I'll show you why I need your photo on Friday... if we're still on for Friday?"

Had things changed between us overnight? Jasper seemed pretty pleased with himself and things had gone well last night, I thought. I was almost positive he wasn't the kind of guy to do that, then give me the boot or something, but a little doubt crept up while I waited for him to answer.

Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes, the blankets and sheets pooling around his hips to expose his nude upper body.

_I could skip class, couldn't I?_

"Of course we're on, Bella. You don't want to cancel, do you?"

He sounded like he was doubting me, so I moved back over to where he was on the bed and sat next to him.

"Jasper, I have no desire to cancel our date." I kissed his lips softly. "In fact, it's going to take every ounce of restraint I have to leave this room with you sitting here, looking like that."

Running my hand behind his neck and up into his hair, I gently pulled his lips toward mine.

"Thank you for last night, Jasper."

He chuckled. "You're thanking me? Oh, sweetheart, I should be the one to thank you. You truly gave me a gift, don't forget that. Any man that just gets to spend time around you is lucky, but to give a piece of yourself to so someone is special, no matter if it's the first time or the thirty-first time. Don't forget that, Bella."

"Jasper, you sure you're not a psychology major?" I laughed.

Nuzzling my nose into his neck, I smiled when he pulled me into his lap for an embrace. It was slightly uncomfortable to be naked and on his lap, actually. I felt overwhelmed with emotion and hormones, and I still wasn't sure where my comfort zone was... plus that stupid class.

"Nope, I just know a good thing when I see it. You're worth so much more than you know."

"Thank you, Jasper," I whispered into his shoulder, ending with a kiss.

As our chests pressed against each other, I moved my hand from his hair down his back, absorbing as much of the warmth and tenderness from him as I could.

"Jazz, do you have a robe I could borrow? I forgot mine and I don't exactly think the RA would appreciate me walking to the shower in my nightgown from last night."

"You clearly don't know the RA on this floor," he said with a laugh, then started to get up off the bed.

"It's okay. Just tell me where it is, you can stay in bed and relax."

"Somehow I don't think my professor would appreciate that."

He smiled at me and I smiled back. _Right, college, that's why we're here…. Thank you, Dartmouth._

He walked to his closet and grabbed a navy and green plaid robe, holding it out for me to slip into. Once I had my arms through and he adjusted the shoulders, he pulled the robe closed from behind me, resting his head on my shoulder as he tied the belt. Giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, he stepped away to rummage through his dresser.

"Alright, well I am going to go hop in the shower. Can I use your room to get ready, or should I do that down in the bathroom area?" I asked.

"Don't be silly, of course you can use my room. I'm gonna head down to the showers myself, then we can get ready and walk to our classes together, okay?"

"Perfect."

We did just that, showering at the same time, but not together. _You try showering in peace knowing the guy that pleasured you thoroughly the previous night is in the next stall over. _It was going to be a long day, especially considering my first class was with Tanya. At least I could look forward to some comic relief with Emmett at lunch, then again during class.

By the time I got back to Jasper's room, he was already half dressed. His naked upper body still had beads of water falling down from his hair. _Oh, to be a water drop._

I tried my hardest to not let Jasper distract me as I got dressed, but I could periodically feel his gaze on me. It wasn't that it made me uncomfortable – I mean, I'd basically let him look at and touch every part of my body the night before – it was just a new and different feeling. A good thing for New Bella. New experiences were the goal, right?

Soon enough we were dressed and on our way. It was a nice day outside, but I could feel that crisp Fall air settling in.

We agreed to stop at Jasper's class first, since it was closer. He gave me a soft kiss just outside the door and asked if he could see me later. I apologized, explaining that my Tuesday/Thursday classes were usually much more homework intensive and that I really needed the time to study. We'd see each other in class Wednesday, of course, and we still had our date for Friday night, so we separated on that note.

Thinking back on my coffee with Tanya during the walk to my class, I knew I'd see her there. I hadn't heard from her since the weekend, so maybe she was waiting to make plans with me when she saw me in class, or maybe she changed her mind completely. I certainly hoped she hadn't changed her mind. At the very least, I found her interesting and wanted to get to know her better.

Walking into the room, I quickly took a spot; I didn't see Tanya sitting anywhere. The teacher began to speak and I wondered if she was going to show up. I had intentionally picked a seat toward the back of the room to allow myself a good view of the door.

After fifteen minutes, I gave up hope of seeing her. I tried to focus on what the teacher was saying, but my mind was a million places at once. At the end of class, I packed up my bags, confident I had learned zero over the last two hours.

As I made my way out of the room, I saw Tanya sitting outside under a tree, reading a book. She looked absolutely lost in it, not noticing anyone passing her by. I knew I had to get to lunch, but I also wanted to talk to her.

Retrieving my camera, I snapped a quick photo of her, her back resting against the tree, nose so far into the book that all you could see was her hair cascading around her face and the rest of her body.

She didn't notice me approach and I kicked my shoes off and sat next to her, startling her.

"What is it with you always sneaking up on me?" She laughed and smiled at me.

"Maybe you just spend too much time in that pretty head of yours," I said.

She looked down at the grass and began to pick little patches, letting the blades fall between her fingers.

"Perhaps," she said quietly.

"You weren't in class today. You okay?"

"I just had a lot on my mind. I had an interesting morning, which I guess is why I was so distracted when you came up. I was hoping you'd see me when you came out though. I'm glad you stopped. I wanted to talk to you and see if I could collect on that date?"

She looked over at me and seemed much lighter, her brain and demeanor shifting gears.

"Sure, of course," I said, smiling at her.

Looking down at the grass, it was my turn to toy with the emerald blades, twisting them between my fingers before giving a gentle tug, imagining what it would be like to run my fingers through her hair and do the same. I flushed a little at the thought and looked back up at her as she spoke.

"So, when can I take you on that real date, then, Bella?"

Her hand reached across the grass and grazed the top of mine.

"Well, how about Saturday?" I suggested.

"Perfect," she said, giving me a huge grin. "We can work out the details Thursday, okay? I can't wait to get to know you better and I think we'll have a great time together."

_Together. _The thought thrilled and terrified me. I smiled at her and let her know I had to get to a lunch date with some friends. Standing up, I slipped my shoes back on and grabbed my bag.

As I walked away, I thought again about the crazy twists and turns my life was taking: I was about to introduce a guy I had been interested in to my roommate and good friend, who'd been trying to hook up with him at a club. I had a Friday night date with Jasper, who I'd already gone further with than someone I'd technically had sex with for years. I had a Saturday date _with a woman_. And I hadn't even really let the thoughts about Edward sink in yet. When I added his beautiful face to the mix, it was too much, so I was trying my best to keep him on the fringe.

Walking in to the cafe, I spotted Rose and Alice. I could tell from Alice's expression that she hadn't explained to Rose why we were there.

"Hello, ladies!" I greeted, then sat between them, looking at Alice.

"So, Rose. There's a reason why we wanted to have lunch with you. Remember the hottie from the club?" Alice asked.

"Of course," Rose said.

"Bella thinks the hottie is Emmett."

"Emmett? As in, the boy Bella went out with on Sunday?"

"Yeah, but Rose..." I began. "The part I left out when I told you about our date was that he just wanted to be my friend. He confessed that he'd spotted a 'smokin' hot blonde' at a club on Saturday night and couldn't get her out of his head."

It took a second for this information to sink in with Rose. Her eyes got wide and she looked at me almost disbelieving.

"Really?" she half-gasped.

Just then, we heard the tinkle of the bell on the cafe door and turned our heads to see Emmett walking in._ Yep, still gorgeous._

Standing, I gave him a hug, then turned to Rose. "Rosalie Hale, this is Emmett..." I scrunched my eyebrows together, realizing I didn't know his last name.

He put his hand out to shake hers. "Emmett McCarty. _Very_ nice to meet you, Rosalie."

She was stunned, to say the least. "Likewise, Emmett."

We all sat down and spent the whole lunch hour talking, laughing, and joking, as if the four of us had been friends our entire lives. Emmett got up and paid for all of our lunches, like the gentleman he is. It was easy, natural, comfortable.

Watching Emmett and Rose together made me realize that it never would have worked with us. They had such a spark and chemistry together, even after only a short while. When it was time to leave, I noticed Emmett take Rose's hand and lead her away from us for a moment. My next class was the same as his, so I assumed we would walk together.

I waited and watched them talking, almost feeling like I was intruding on their moment, but they were outside in the middle of a busy college campus, after all.

Once they were done, I saw Emmett pull out a piece of paper and hand a note to Rose, who was smiling widely. He turned away from her and walked to me with the biggest grin I'd seen on his face yet.

"So, that went well?" I asked.

"Bella, I owe you so big time for this. Man, she is hot!"

I laughed. "Oh, Em, I'm starting to think you say that about all the girls."

He laughed and looked right at me. "I never joke about a girl being hot, Little B. Damn, I guess I can't call you that anymore, because Alice is teeny tiny. I thought you were short, but she's like half of me!"

The rest of the walk was silent. I was happy for Emmett and perhaps a little jealous of Rose.

We made it through English without too much goofing off. Emmett told me that he and Rose made plans to go out Friday night for dinner and a movie, which was fine with me; I was glad to have her out while Jasper and I had our movie night in. In fact, I wasn't sure how to politely sexile Alice.

Once class was over, I gave Em a goodbye hug and nearly ran back to the dorm. I couldn't wait to talk to my girls! Rose and Alice were both there working on their homework when I came in.

"Rose! How amazing was that?" I couldn't hold it in.

Running over to me, she hugged me tightly. "Thank you, Bella. I can't believe you put two and two together. I'm so excited for my date!" She was practically squealing at the end.

"No problem, Rose." I smiled.

"Wait, wait, wait. Where were you last night, missy? I forgot to properly chastise you!"

"Oh, Alice, I was at Jasper's room," I giggled and I'm sure my face betrayed me with emotion.

"Do tell!" she said, dragging Rose and me to the couch.

We had another girl's night, watching bad evening TV and eating popcorn, catching up on the Monday study night with Jasper. I told them most of the details of the night. I even confessed about Jacob and never having had an orgasm, but I kept a few nuggets private, just for Jasper and me.

I also told them that I'd gotten photos of both Jasper and Tanya, so I took the memory card into my room and printed them out.

"Holy shit, Bella!" Alice said. They were both clearly impressed.

"I know, right? Dreamy," I sighed.

"Dreamy is one word," Alice laughed.

"Speaking of dreamy... What are you doing for lunch tomorrow? We're meeting up with our cousin and we want you to meet him."

"Wait, are you trying to set me up with your cousin?" I asked. "Don't you think I'm a little over scheduled as it is?"

"No, silly, he has a girlfriend already and you're definitely over your hot guy quota!" Alice teased. "We're meeting at the cafe, at noon. He has to work but he's going to join us for lunch. Oh, I can't wait for you to meet him, Bella, he's my best friend in the whole world, aside from you and Rose."

"Okay, I'll try to be there. Hey, Alice, how are things going with the cuties in your classes you mentioned?"

"Oh," she sighed. "There aren't any great prospects. A few guys, James, Tyler, and Eric are the best of the bunch, I guess, but no great sparks or anything."

"Well, keep me posted... and, Alice?" I tried to use my sweetest voice, giving her a puppy-dog look as she turned her head to me. She looked at me suspiciously and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Bella dear?"

"Is there any way you can not be in the room Friday night? Jasper's coming over for a movie and I was hoping we could maybe spend some time alone?" I batted my eyelashes at her.

"Bella, I would never dream of cockblocking you. What time would you like me gone?"

"Alice, don't be so crass! _That_ certainly isn't going to happen. I'm not ready to go there with anyone just yet. I think he's coming over at seven, but let me double check with him and get back to you."

"Okay, just let me know."

Waving, I bid them goodnight. "Alright, ladies, I am off to bed. Don't stay up too late!"

Adding my photos to the bulletin board, I laid on my bed and read for awhile. I slept well that night. I was happy that Rose and Emmett were actually each other's mystery people and that I could connect them back up. I was excited to see Jasper in the morning and then if I had time, to meet Alice and Rose's cousin.

My morning class was the same old boring-as-usual, and I was very much looking forward to seeing Jasper, so I walked at a quick pace the whole way. Ducking inside, I saw him sitting in a mostly empty row and when he saw me, he smiled and waved me over.

I sat next to him and he had his hand on my leg through the whole class, periodically rubbing along my thigh, doing nothing to help concentration. I shot him a look at one point when his hand trailed a little too high for my comfort; I really did need to pass this class.

When class was over, I realized we hadn't swapped cell phone numbers, so we did that. I wanted to call him on Thursday to talk about Friday and confirm everything. Just as I was getting ready to walk off, he pressed me against the building, hands on either side of my face, and gave me a searing kiss.

"Not that I object, but what was that for?"

"You just look so cute and... pink today. I've wanted to do that since I saw you at the beginning of class. I'm not sure I can wait until Friday to see you again."

"Well, you have my cell phone number now. Call me after your last class of the day, okay?"

"Alright, Bella. Talk to you later."

He gave me a quick peck on the lips and I left him at his classroom, making my way over to the cafe to see if Alice and Rose were still having lunch. It was around 12:30 by that time, and I wasn't sure how long they were going to be there.

Walking in, I spotted Rose and Alice at a table with a guy; I couldn't see his face, as his back was turned to me. Alice hopped up out of her chair, shouting, "Bella!" That's when he turned around, and I saw that it was Edward.

_Edward is Alice's cousin?_

I hugged Alice and Rose, then turned to Edward.

"We meet again, I see," I said, smirking.

"Indeed we do, Bella," he said. "How are you?"He smiled and I nearly melted on the spot.

"I'm great, Edward. Are you doing better today?"

"Wait, wait, you two know each other? How?" Alice asked, nearly jumping up and down.

Edward and I laughed and as I sat down, he began to explain.

"Well, Bella is quite the caffeine addict. I've seen her in here more than anyone else, I think. I was having a shitty day on Friday and I sort of took it out on her."

He looked at me with a curious expression. He'd left out every detail about his drama with Kate.

"But then he came over to apologize with a scone," I interrupted. "So at least he somewhat made up for it."

"Well, Bella, you're just in time. We barely got our food and sat down. Do you want to share my lunch?"

"Sure, Alice," I said.

"So, Edward, where's Kate? I forgot to ask if she was joining us today," Alice said.

I choked on my food for a moment, remembering our conversation and Edward's bluntness.

"She's busy, Ali. She has classes," he explained.

"That's too bad, I wanted to say hi to her. I haven't seen her around at all. Are you monopolizing all of her time at your apartment, Romeo?"

Edward laughed. "No, Al, I'm not. She's just busy." Again, he shot me a quick look under his lashes, silently pleading with me. I certainly had no intention of blowing his cover, so I mouthed back to him, "It's okay," when no one else was looking. He gave me a relieved, playful grin.

The rest of lunch was spent talking about their childhood together in Chicago, each of them taking turns telling embarrassing stories. It was sweet to see them interacting with each other, teasing and laughing together. It was certainly a side of "Edward the asshole" I hadn't expected to ever see. I admit, it made me re-think turning him down.

As we all got up to leave, the girls to another class and me off to the room, Edward pulled me aside.

"Thank you so much for not telling them about Kate," he whispered.

"You're welcome, Edward, but really, it's not my story to tell," I said. "I would never have done that."

We exchanged smiles and I left with a wave, promising I would see him soon. I'd managed to lower my caffeine consumption over the last week but I could feel the bug itching.

Once I was back at the dorm, I worked on homework until I heard my phone chirp, alerting me to a new text.

_Miss you. Can you sneak away?_

Well, I _was_ done with my homework, so I texted him back.

**Maybe... you in your room?**

About sixty seconds later, there was a knock on the door. As soon as I opened it, I started to laugh.

Jasper approached and pressed into me. I didn't back up like my first instinct told me, I reminded New Bella of the rules and stood my ground. He felt so good pressed up against my body, my arms wrapped around his neck as I deepened the kiss. Moving from my lips, he trailed his mouth across to my neck and over to my ear.

"I just had the most wicked craving."

I laughed against him, but what I really wanted to do was throw him down and have _my_ wicked way with him.

"Oh really?" I inquired.

"Yeah, let's go."

He grabbed my hand, but I protested. "Just let me get my purse so I can lock up and bring my phone, okay?"

He smiled and let me do that, then took my hand in his again, leading me down the hall and out of the building. We walked hand-in-hand going toward what I knew was a little shopping and eating strip mall, and when we stopped in front of Ben & Jerry's, I giggled.

"Your craving was for ice cream?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." He smiled. "Come on, let's share a hot fudge sundae. I'll even let you pick the ice cream."

"You're full of surprises, Jasper."

We shared a sundae and talked about our plans for Friday. We agreed on a time and I texted Alice to let her know. She texted me back to ask where I was, so I explained in a short message back, letting her know I would be back at the room soonish.

Being with Jasper was fun. We shared a spoon and made a mess, kissing occasionally between bites. It was sweet and romantic. When we were done, he walked me back to my room and left me at the door, watching me go in as he had previously.

Alice and Rose were sitting on the couch, so I joined them for a bit before going to bed.

When I woke up on Thursday, my eyes were sore and crusty. _Had I been crying?_ I sat up and noticed Alice in bed with me. _What the hell?_

"Alice?" I shook her gently. "Alice, why are you in bed with me?"

She stirred and looked up at me with worry in her eyes.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so glad you're okay this morning. You had horrible dreams all night and you were screaming so loud. The only thing I could think of was to stay in here with you. It seemed to calm you down. I'm so sorry, I hope you don't mind. I tried to wake up you several times, but every time you'd fall back asleep you were screaming again within a few minutes."

She held me close and I could feel her concern for me.

"Thank you, Alice. I'm not upset that you stayed in here, I'm just sorry I inconvenienced you. I hope you got an okay night of sleep, all things considered?"

Her voice was soft as she replied. "I did, thanks. Do you want to talk about it, Bella?"

"Truth, Alice? I don't really remember what I was dreaming about. Nothing is particularly bothering me this morning. What was I screaming about?"

"Mostly about Jacob, but also you were sobbing the name Renee. Is that your mom?"

"Yeah, it is," I sighed and got out of bed.

"Sorry to keep you up half the night and make you worry, Alice. You're a great friend, and I appreciate you. I have to get up and get to class, I'm sorry."

She got up and hugged me, telling me again that it was no problem.

Throwing on some comfortable clothes, I made my way to my first class. I had my glasses on and felt like such a slouch, but you couldn't be a fashionista every day, could you?

Tanya, on the other hand, looked amazing. She had a white button up collared shirt on with a black cut-out sweater over it, jeans, super high peep toe red pumps, red jewelry pieces, and a red scarf.

I noticed her as soon as I walked in. She was sitting in the last row in the back, and I was grateful I'd worn my glasses when she looked up and smiled at me, motioning to the empty seat next to her. Sliding in, I inhaled her sweet scent.

"Do you wake up looking this good every day?" I teased.

She leaned in slightly before answering me, turning to look right into my eyes."I don't know, maybe you'll find out on Sunday?"

I'm sure I gulped audibly, then nearly choked on my own spit. _Holy shit. Did she really just say that?_

She was giggling at me as the professor started the class. I managed, once again, to absorb absolutely nothing. So far, college was one big hormone fest for me. I guess I was making up for lost time. A note appeared from her direction.

_I don't have your number__.__C__an I get it in case I need to change our plans for Saturday?_

Once we left class, we swapped phones to program our numbers in and said goodbye. As I turned to walk away, I felt her hand brush mine and I shivered at the contact. She smiled and I knew she'd done it intentionally. I still wasn't even sure what to make of my attraction to her, but I was doing a better job of just going with it.

My class with Emmett was, as was typical for my time spent around Emmett, hysterical. Thankfully it was one of the classes I could afford to slack off in, so the constant note passing and jokes were a welcome distraction.

When I got home, I double checked all of my date information with Alice, and Rose showed us the outfit she was going to wear for her date on Friday. I wasn't sure yet what I was going to wear for my movie night with Jasper or my Saturday date with Tanya, but I put a little thought into it before going to sleep.

I knew I wanted to be comfortable again Friday, so I picked out a soft, warm sweater dress and some caramel colored boots and left out any jewelry.

Stopping off to see Edward at the cafe, I also got my coffee fix, of course. We chatted for a few minutes, then I was off to my first class. I started to get nervous, knowing that I would see Jasper next. He had a class after our class together, then we wouldn't see each other until around seven for movie time anyway, but there was this anticipation in the air.

I noticed him as he came up from somewhere on the other side of campus; Jasper slid up beside me and put his hand in mine, walking into the room with an ease and familiarity. This had become somewhat of a routine with us – at some point we would find each other, sit next to each other and hold hands or touch discreetly in some way. That day, there was an electricity to it, knowing we would be alone together later.

When class was over, I walked him to his next class and decided to walk back to the cafe before heading to my dorm. Jasper was going to bring the movie, so I sat in my room and worked on some homework I needed to finish up before our date.

Around six-thirty, I went back into the main room, anticipating his arrival at seven. Rose and Alice were gone already, Rose on her date and honestly, I hoped Alice was on a date as well, but I had no idea.

My heart jumped when there was a knock on the door at seven on the dot. _Jasper._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_My heart jumped when there was a knock on the door at seven on the dot. Jasper._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I got up and opened the door, surprised once I saw who'd been knocking.

"Edward?"

"Um, hi, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm good, Edward. How are you?"

"Well, I'm okay, I guess. Listen, I don't mean to bother you, Bella, but could you tell me if Alice or Rose are around? I was hoping one of them was free to talk for a bit. I tried their cell phones, but neither are answering them right now, so I thought I'd check here."

I looked at the ground, unsure of how to proceed. I didn't want to leave Edward outside, in need of a friend, but I also knew Jasper would be there at any moment.

"They're both out for the night. Rose is on a date, actually, and I have no clue where Alice is. Why don't you come in. I can send her a text and see if she responds."

"Are you sure it's no trouble? I can go wait in the lobby if you prefer?"

"It's no trouble at all, Edward. I'm expecting someone, but it shouldn't be a problem."

I smiled to reassure him and he seemed to accept my answer, walking in and taking a seat on our couch.

Just as I was getting ready to close and lock the door, Jasper knocked softly, so as to not push the door back into me.

"Jasper!" Smiling broadly, I gave him a soft kiss on the lips, wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt his arms wrap around my waist, no doubt wondering who the strange man in my room was, and pulling me closer.

"Mmm, Bella. You smell nice."

"Thanks, Jazz. Come on in, let me introduce you to Alice and Rose's cousin, Edward. Edward, this is Jasper, Jasper this is Edward."

Edward stood and shook Jasper's hand, both of them eyeing each other with slight suspicion. _Guys are so weird sometimes._

The boys flanked me and we sat on the couch together. I grabbed my phone to text Alice and noticed I had somehow missed a text from Tanya, asking if I could meet at seven on Saturday. I replied back to her and confirmed the time, asking where we could meet. I sent Alice a frantic text next, asking where the hell she was and if she could come back ASAP.

No sooner had I hit "send" on my phone than the door was flying open, Alice looking flustered as she turned her back to us to shut and lock the door.

"Sorry, sorry! Edward, I just saw your missed calls, I must not have had any..."

Alice turned and looked at the three of us, her sentence fading into nothing.

"Had any what, Alice?" Edward asked.

I turned around to see if I could tell what Alice was focused on, but she just seemed to be staring into space. Or maybe my bedroom? The wall? _What the hell?_

"Alice? Hello? Earth to Alice?" I started snapping my fingers at her.

She looked at me and focused, thank god. "Sorry, did you say something Bella?"

The three of us on the couch laughed. Was Alice really that spaced out? I hadn't known her long, but I'd never seen her just check out like that.

"Edward asked what you didn't have any of? You dropped your sentence without finishing it," I reminded her.

"Oh, I must not have had any cell phone reception. Sorry."

She still looked a little dazed, so I got up to talk to her in a lower voice, so the boys wouldn't hear us.

"Alice, are you okay?"

She looked up and I could see something odd in her eyes; was it fear?

My phone chirped again with a text from Tanya. She wanted to pick me up at my room, so I texted her back with the building and room number information, and let her know that I was looking forward to seeing her.

"Yeah, Bella, I'm fine. Sorry," she whispered. "I had no idea Edward would interrupt your date. I'll take him out for dinner so we can get out of your way."

"It's okay, Alice, I know you didn't know. Actually..." I turned around and looked at Jasper. "Jasper, do you think we could all go out for dinner? I know we were going to just order pizza, but a night with some friends would be nice, right?"

"Sure, Bella, I'd love to get to know your friends better," he said.

"Edward, would that be okay with you?" I asked him.

He smiled at me and nodded. "As long as you're sure we aren't intruding."

"It's settled, then. Let me just get my purse and we'll be on our way. You three hash out who's driving and where we're going."

Walking into my room, I stopped and looked at the board. The truth was, I created the purse excuse for a minute away to catch my breath and clear my head. I was attracted to Jasper, but there was something compelling about Edward, too. This was either the best plan I'd had all year, or the worst.

Walking back into the main room, I looked at Alice expectantly. "Okay, everyone ready?"

"Yep. We're going to walk down to Carpaccio," she said.

"Yum! Let's go."

Alice and Edward led the way with Jasper and I trailing behind them, hand in hand. We were mostly silent, making our way to the restaurant within ten minutes. Since it was early still, we got seated quickly without reservations.

Alice sat next to me and Jasper sat across from me. There were a few moments of awkwardness as the waitress took our drink and dinner orders. I realized that maybe Edward was waiting for a time to talk to Alice about Kate, and that made things even worse.

Looking over at Jasper, I noticed he was glancing between Alice and I, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"So, Edward, how are classes going?"

"Fine, Bella, thanks for asking," he said.

I'd been trying desperately to break the silent tension in the air. Clearly it wasn't working very well. I looked at Alice, begging for her help. She was always so peppy and cheerful, surely she could add something to the conversation. Nope. Her eyes had been glued on Jasper before she noticed me watching her, then she snapped her head to me, and her eyebrows were furrowed as well.

_What the fuck is wrong with everyone?_

"How was your last class, Jasper?" I tried.

"It was good, Bella."

_Fucking great, no one is helping here._

"So Bella, what's been your favorite part of New Hampshire so far?" Edward asked.

_Finally_.

"Oh, well, so far the weather's great. I know that will change in the winter, but for now I'm enjoying Fall. It never really gets sunny in Forks, so it's nice to see the big, yellow ball for more than a few brief moments at a time." I smiled, glad someone had finally engaged me in conversation, and the rest of the table laughed.

"How about you, Edward, how do you like New Hampshire? Do you miss Chicago?"

"I do, actually. My parents are still there and I miss them terribly."

"Oh, you're close to them?"

I noticed in the background that Alice and Jasper had begun to talk across us about something architecture related.

"Yeah, I am. I'm an only child, so I'm pretty close to my parents, and of course Alice and Rose."

Our food and a second round of drinks arrived, bringing a calm quiet to the table. It was a nice peace, not the uncomfortable silence from before.

I ate my pasta and everyone seemed to be sneaking peeks around the table. I caught Edward looking at me more than once. Jasper had his turn of staring at me briefly as well. Then, I saw a little spark between Alice and Jasper that made me curious. I wondered, as they looked at each other, what was forming between them. They seemed to be getting along really well and I thought I maybe saw something else there, in the way they looked at each other. I made a mental note to ask Alice about that later.

Once dinner was over, we were talking about desserts and Edward and I both wanted the tiramisu, while Jasper and Alice were both interested in a gelato sampler. Each pairing agreed to share, so Alice and I swapped spots to make it easier. I have to admit, it was nice to sit across from Edward and I kept an eye on Jasper and Alice, watching them share a spoon at one point as Jasper scooped a bite of the gelato closest to him for Alice to try.

_Huh._

Edward insisted on paying for our dinner since he'd interrupted my date with Jasper. _Oh, right. I'm technically on a date with Jasper. Shit._

When we got up from the table, Jasper took my hand and smiled at me again, all four of us walking back to our room. Edward and Alice were speaking in hushed tones and once we got to the door, they explained that they were going to head over to Edward's place for the rest of the night. I was grateful, sort of?

We separated at the door and Jasper and I went back inside to watch our movie and have the rest of our date alone. He'd brought Season 1 of _Dead Like Me_, so we sat on the couch and watched that. It was funny and sarcastic, slightly sad, but not at all romantic.

While we were watching the DVDs, I noticed Jasper making the "yawning" arm move, which totally cracked me up. Scooting over, I snuggled myself into his body with a smug grin. If he needed to pretend to make moves, that was fine, but I was certainly beyond pretending. I had no idea where things would go with Tanya or Edward, but I decided that I wasn't going to let that stop me from being with anyone. I would take each relationship on its own merits and evaluate them independently.

Jasper's arm moved around my shoulders and I yawned softly. His body vibrated with laughter beneath mine.

"I'm sleepy, Jazz," I said. "You wanna go into my room?"

"Sure, Bella."

Standing up, I reached for his hand, not so much helping him off the couch as just maintaining contact with him. I led him into my room, then turned to shut the door, positioning me face to face with him. Twisting the lock, I gave him a soft kiss on the lips. We both undressed down to our underwear and slipped into my tiny bed together.

We kissed in a soft, slow, almost lazy way. Comfortable.

I woke up the next morning wrapped in Jasper's arms from behind me. The sun was streaming through my room and for once I wasn't cursing it for waking me up, I was smiling. The clock said it was almost ten, and I couldn't believe we'd slept so late, and so comfortably.

Rolling over to face Jasper, morning breath be damned, I gave him a soft, small kiss on the lips. Without opening his eyes, his mouth turned up into a smile and he let out a sigh.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Famished."

"Let's get dressed and head out to get some breakfast."

We sat up and yawned together. I felt his warm hands on my back and I leaned forward, resting my chin on my knees as he touched me. I hadn't told Jasper about my date later that day, and I wasn't sure what the protocol was. Did I just come out and tell him? Was it wrong to not tell him at all? We weren't exclusive and neither of us had said I love you. I didn't think we were even anywhere near that step.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Jasper getting up off the bed and slipping his clothes back on. I followed him up off the bed and walked to the closet to grab some clothes.

"Jasper, you don't mind if I invite the girls with us, do you?" I asked.

"Not at all."

We walked out of my room at the same time Alice was coming out of hers, hair standing up in several different directions. We surprised her and she sort of jumped back a half step before smiling.

"Hey, Ali. You and Rose want to grab some breakfast with us?"

She looked hesitant. "Rose never came home last night. I wouldn't want to be a third wheel."

I hugged her. "You're so silly, Alice, you're never a third wheel. Go change, we'll wait."

Since I left her no other option, she complied and reappeared moments later dressed for the day.

The three of us headed off to grab breakfast at the cafe and I both hoped we would and prayed we wouldn't run into Edward. He mentioned at some point that he was working fewer hours lately due to his classes picking up, so there was that.

We walked in and Edward wasn't there. We each picked our breakfast items and got a coffee, then sat at a table together.

That's when it hit me. I recognized the look in Alice's eyes, which had returned once again. That time, however, I saw it in Jasper's eyes, too – it was attraction. Not that movie attraction where you see each other and instantly "KNOW" you're going to be together for-ev-er. This was soft, gentle, warm, like a lover's embrace. The possible beginnings of love. The potential.

Jasper might have felt very strongly for me, but as I watched them both chat quietly together from across the table, I realized that he never looked at me the way he was looking at her right then.

I wasn't sure what to do or say. Sure, I really, really liked Jasper. Did I love him? No. At least, not yet. I might have the potential to love him someday, but if you try hard enough, can't you love just about anyone?

Most of breakfast was spent quiet and observing. I wanted to see if either of them were going to make a move on the other. I knew already that Alice was the kind of friend who would absolutely never do that, but I wanted to see if Jasper was the kind of guy that deserved Alice in return.

After we ate, I explained to Jasper that I needed to get some things done, so Alice and I said goodbye to him and we separated after a quick kiss.

Alice was quiet on the way back to the room. I decided to wait until Sunday brunch to ask her about Jasper. There was no reason to stir up the drama before my date.

We got back to the room and lounged around together until Rose came home at two. We tried to grill her for details but she went straight to sleep, mumbling about a long night and said she'd explain at brunch. _It's going to be an interesting first Sunday brunch...._

At five, Alice demanded I take a shower and start the 'prep work' for my date with Tanya. I was so nervous. I mostly knew how to go on a date with a guy, but I had no clue how to date another girl. Complicating matters was the fact that I had no fucking clue where we were going or what we were doing. I decided to just proceed as usual, so I put on some jeans and a green and black corset top with a black velvet jacket over it.

I let Alice do my hair and makeup, and was pacing the room by 6:55. There was finally a knock at 6:59, and I flung the door open to be greeted by Tanya.

To say she looked like walking sex would be an understatement. She had on what looked like a red silk blouse with black lace edging, her luscious breasts peeking out at me, black pants, and black heels. Her blonde hair was pinned up away from her face, cascading down her back.

She had on blood red lipstick – the kind that would look ridiculous on anyone else. On her lips, it just made me them even more kissable looking. I was literally stunned and unable to speak.

"Bella? Are you okay?" she asked.

Alice was giggling from behind me. I just could not open my mouth and speak. Tanya took a step toward me, placing her hand on my shoulder to give me a gentle shake.

"Bella? You're scaring me. Are you okay?"

Clearing my throat, I looked at her eyes for the first time. She giggled and I presumed this meant she realized why I'd been mute. Positive I was blushing, I allowed Old Bella to creep in while I tried my best to hide the saliva I was sure was falling out of the corners of my mouth at the sight of her.

"Sorry, yes, I'm fine… Sorry. Let's get going. Wait. Let me say goodbye to Alice."

Turning to hug Alice goodbye, I saw she was still laughing at me. She stopped laughing just long enough to whisper in my ear.

"Nice job, Bella. She might even make me switch hit. Don't forget, brunch at eleven tomorrow."

I slapped her shoulder playfully before leaving.

Looking at Tanya, I smiled. "Where are we headed?"

I felt slightly more comfortable, but god damn, she was still making me want to run, not walk, to the closest room with a lockable door. _Not that I'd know what to do once we got there._

"Have you had dinner?" she asked.

As she brought her head up to look me in the eyes, I felt my knees buckle slightly, tripping over my own feet. She laughed at my misstep and looked down at the ground.

"You're good for a girl's ego, Bella."

"Nope, no dinner yet." _There you go, string words together.__.__. words are good._

"I made reservations for us at The Prince and The Pauper. It's about a thirty minute drive, is that okay?"

"Sure, of course."

Wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans, I contemplated thirty minutes trapped in a car with her.

I followed her out of the building and to a parking spot. She stopped in front of a very shiny light blue convertible. She opened her door and slid in, so I did the same. The roof had been down but she pressed a few buttons and it began to close, which I was thankful for; once the sun had set, it was cold. After I got in and buckled my seatbelt, I noticed there was a Jaguar logo on her steering wheel.

"Tanya, I never imagined this was the kind of car you would drive."

"I know, Mommy and Daddy bought it for me," she said, sighing. "They said they wouldn't be happy if I was driving anything else. It is a fun little toy, though."

"I bet," I mumbled.

"Just wait, if you want to after dinner, I'll show you where I live. I guess being insanely rich combined with guilt comes in handy at times."

The thought of going to where she lived after dinner made me squirm in my seat.

We spent the drive making small talk, my nerves slowly easing. I had to remind myself over and over, she was just like anyone else, but the flashy car and promise of an even more flashy apartment had me stunned.

Once we got to the restaurant and were seated, I realized that Tanya and I had completely different lives. She came from a very wealthy family, and while I had money now, I preferred to spend it less than I preferred to save it. Okay, I splurged on some clothes and accessories at Alice's insistence, but other than that, I had no intention of wasting away my money.

I wasn't sure how to feel about the whole money thing. It had so many other implications; different social classes, different ways of life. I shelved it in my head for the time being.

"So, Tanya, do you ever see yourself getting married?" I wasn't sure if this was exactly first date material, but what the hell.

She looked thoughtful for a moment and her eyes filled with tears. _Oh, shit._

"I'm sorry, was that too personal?" I muttered a few obscenities under my breath.

"No, it's fine, Bella. Really." She reached out and took my hand under the table. It was warm and soft, and I nearly shivered with tingles at the sensation.

"When I was with Kate, had you asked me that, I would have been absolutely certain of the answer – yes. I thought we'd get married, have kids, picket fence, the whole deal. Now? I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I guess in a way I should be thankful. It's given me perspective and the chance to reevaluate what I want my life to be." She smiled softly at the end, looking me in the eye with sadness on her face.

"I completely understand mixed blessings," I said, squeezing her hand gently.

Making a mental note to not bring up any topics that might upset her again, I smiled. We ate and the food was so good, our table was full of moans and groans and every other foodgasm sound you could make. We decided to forego dessert. Tanya mentioned she had some things at her place and I was getting antsy to be alone with her.

She paid the bill, insisting that since she asked me out, it was her responsibility. While she went out to get the car from the valet, I asked the receptionist for a pack of matches. I knew I wanted something for the bulletin board to remember this night, no matter what happened. It was another step for me, doing what I felt was right, what I felt I needed. One step closer to finding out who Bella Swan really was.

Tucking the matchbook into my purse, I walked out into the chilly night air. I stood next to Tanya, my hands on my arms, shivering. She brought her hands out to rub up and down on my arms and I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the sensation without freaking out that _a woman_ was touching me _in public_. Of course, to any outsider, we no doubt looked like two silly friends on a girl's night out.

The valet brought her car around and we'd been in the car almost fifteen minutes when she slid her hand over to my leg. I tried not to freak out. Tried. It was worse than the first time Jake kissed me with tongue and I thought I might jump out of my skin. She started to pull her hand away, I'm sure thinking that I didn't want it there, so I placed mine on top and gave her a smile, lacing my fingers down through hers as much as I could.

We listened to music for the rest of the drive, and I let my head fall to the side of my seat, closing my eyes, enjoying the moment. I heard the sound of a garage door opening and my eyes shot back open. When she talked about where she lived, I assumed she meant an apartment. No, we pulled up to a very pretty house.

"_This_ is where you live?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, I know, it's a bit much for one person. My parents bought it thinking they'd have a place to stay when they came to visit and could use it as an investment rental property once I graduated."

We got out of the car and met at the door to the house. She took my hand in hers and I smiled. Unlocking the door, she pressed the button to close the garage door and led me through an amazing mudroom, where I took my shoes off. She took hers off and lined them up neatly on a shoe rack she had in the corner with a variety of other sex kitten heels on it.

Once we were through that room, she took me into the kitchen and living room, then we went up to the bedrooms. Walking through the loft study first, I could see a desk with Tanya's laptop on it, paperwork, and things scattered around. The guest bedroom was simple, plain maybe even. Not much, a dresser, a bed, a few knick knacks.

The master bedroom was an en suite with a reading nook and the biggest bathroom I'd ever seen. There was a jacuzzi tub in one corner and a makeup station in the other. The whole house was beautifully decorated, but these rooms screamed what I thought of as Tanya. They were sexy, clean, and had a slightly old Hollywood glam feel to them.

I was pretty sure Tanya's product collection in her bathroom could rival Alice's, but I left that one alone for the moment.

"Wow. I'm pretty speechless. This whole house is amazing. I'm definitely jealous."

We shared a laugh that died into a smile and she took my hand again, leading me back down to the kitchen.

"Are you ready for dessert, or should we watch a movie or play a game or something?"

"Hmm... no dessert just yet. Let's watch a movie?" _Far, far away from each other._

She led me into the living room and let go of my hand to grab the remote. She explained her parents had setup a media player with movies loaded onto it. I honestly got lost as she tried to explain it, mentally checking out to roam the room with my eyes. She sat on one end of the couch and I wasn't sure what to do. Did I sit next to her? On the other end? Hell, in the other separate chair? I was leaning toward the chair when she spoke up.

"Get over here, silly. You've been sitting next to me all night, don't get shy now."

I laughed, and she smiled when I sat down next to her. She turned the TV on and flipped through to the movie menu. We agreed on a comedy and there were still an overwhelming number of movies to choose from. She narrowed it to movies released within the last twelve month, and we settled on _Knocked Up_, which I had already seen but she hadn't.

The intro had us laughing so hard the couch was shaking. Right about the time Katherine Heigel takes a plethora of pregnancy tests, I could feel her shift in her seat.

"Bella, can I snuggle up with you?" She spoke to me without looking at me, or even moving at all.

"I think I'd like that."

Tanya grabbed a soft fleece blanket from the back of the couch and I stood. She readjusted her body so that I had a spot between her legs, my back against her chest and we laid on the couch together, the blanket wrapped around us. If I thought it was hard to concentrate before, it was impossible after we repositioned ourselves.

Just as I was thinking how glad I was I'd already seen the movie, I felt her hands wrap around my waist and her lips against my neck. She was softly kissing me, tentatively. Testing the waters, I guess. Ever so subtly, I leaned my head back and away from her, giving her more access to my neck. I felt her lips widen into a smile against my skin.

Closing my eyes, I willed my breathing to calm down. All I needed at that moment was to sound like a panting dog in heat.

She pulled me closer, tighter to her body, and I could feel her breasts against my back, hard nipples pushing into me. I knew this was the moment – if I wanted to stop, to not go any further, this was the silent sign between us. I could turn back with little harm, but if I said or did nothing, I knew from the way she was holding me, kissing me, breathing against me, that we were going to go further.

I also knew there was no fucking way in hell I wanted her to stop. Leaning my head back all the way, I rested it on her shoulder. A deep sigh left my lips.

"Bella, as much as I'm enjoying molesting you on the couch, do you think we could take this upstairs?"

My brain was shouting "YES PLEASE!" but I knew it would be better to wait at least one whole second before answering her. _One. Two. Three._

"Yes, please," I giggled. _Christ, what am I, a 17-year-old virgin again?_

I stood up, Tanya right behind me. She turned the TV off and we started to walk up the stairs. Somewhere around step three, I realized I hadn't kissed her yet and decided to remedy that immediately. Leaning my body into hers, I pressed her against the wall next us. I wanted to take my time with this, another first.

My eyes were locked on hers as I brought my hands up to her head. I had one behind her neck and the other woven through her silky hair. I was grateful for her patience; she knew I hadn't ever kissed a woman before and she let me make the first real move. My breathing sped up as I contemplated exactly how I wanted to proceed.

Tilting my head slightly to the side, I licked my lips slowly. My gaze shifted to her lips, the red lipstick still as bright and delicious as it was at the beginning of our date.

I moved my head forward slowly, maybe too slowly. As I contemplated all the things running through my head, I had a newfound respect for guys that have to make the first move. I could feel her breath against my mouth and I closed my eyes, moving those last few centimeters forward. My lips touched hers and the tension melted away.

Tanya had soft lips, very soft lips. As I moved mine gently over hers, I thought I might pass out from pleasure. She took over shortly after our lips made contact, hands wrapped tightly around my waist, pulling my body closer. Her lips moved against mine tenderly, but I could sense the question in her kiss.

I smiled against her mouth; I knew the answer, even if she wasn't sure yet.

Taking her hand, I pulled away slightly, sprinting up the steps. She squealed and caught up as I began to run. We were laughing by the time we got to her room, collapsing on the bed together, her on her back and me on my stomach. I was looking at her, really looking at her and seeing her for maybe the first time. The fun side of Tanya, playful even. Sure, she could be sexy, but I could imagine her with her hair in a bun in a pair of sweats, adding logs to the fireplace downstairs, too. In that moment, she wasn't just the girl I fixated on in my head, she became real.

She reached over and touched my face gently with her fingertips, tracing over my features. "Bella, are you sure?" I had never seen her vulnerable before; it made her even more beautiful.

I smiled. I wasn't sure of anything other than the fact that I wanted to be right where I was. I knew she needed some sign, some reassurance that she wasn't taking advantage of an overly horny college freshman. Mustering up my best predatory gaze, I got up on my hands and knees, crawling to her body. I moved so that I was over her and we were face to face, inches apart. Bringing my hand to her face, I used my fingertips to trace her features as she had done to me. When I was done, I lowered my lips to hers again, nestling my body into hers. I trailed my kisses across from her mouth to her ear.

"Never been more sure of anything," I breathed more than spoke.

Her hands came up and around my jacket to grip my hair, tugging to bring our mouths back together.

"Please let me take this off?" she whispered against my lips.

Sitting up, I straddled her as she undid the one button holding my small jacket closed.

"Do you know how much this has been driving me crazy all night?"

Leaning forward, she began to kiss the line of my cleavage created by the corset.

"It can't be more than your little outfit has been taunting me. Seriously? Does that scrap of fabric even qualify as a blouse?"

"I could take it off, if it offends you so." The corners of her mouth turned up in a half smirk as she spoke.

_Oh, now she's gonna get it. _

Shaking my head no, I saw the look of disappointment cross her face. I brought my hands around her waist, lightly running my fingertips underneath the silky fabric of her top. My chin rested on her shoulder, once again placing small, soft kisses on her neck.

"I want to be the one to take it off."

She shivered beneath me as my hands went up and under the fabric, gathering it as they moved, sliding it over her head. As I tossed it over the side of the bed, I wondered how the hell I hadn't noticed she had no bra on before. _Wait, seriously, better things to focus on Bella..._

I looked down at her breasts, naked and exposed, waiting for me. I felt a moment of panic before the lust washed over me. Bringing my hands up to cup both of her breasts, I ran my thumbs lightly over her nipples. I heard her sharp intake of breath as they hardened under my touch and I smiled.

My head lowered and my tongue moved on its own out of my mouth to lick and lap at her breasts and nipples. As I sucked one of them into my mouth, I heard her moan. I softly nudged her back so that she was lying on the bed again. I moved my mouth to the other side, licking slowly first, flat-tongued swipes across the nipple, then wrapping my lips around it. I gently grabbed the peak with my teeth, giving a tug as it slipped back out of my mouth.

Tanya's hands were at the back of my corset, slowly inching the zipper down. Once zipper hit the bottom and she'd unhooked the fabric, the cold air hit my back.

"Sit up, Bella," she said softly.

I hesitated for a very brief moment knowing that as soon as I raised myself even a tiny bit, I would be exposed. I did as she asked, the corset staying on her body. Once I was all the way up, I had to fight the urge to cover myself with my hands. Tanya smiled at me, her hands reaching out to touch me. She ran them down from my breasts, across my abdomen and then one hand flipped the corset off the bed as the other undid the button on my jeans. Her eyebrow shot up in a question and I gave her a quick nod, letting her know it was okay to proceed.

The vibration of the zipper as each tooth unhooked was something I had never quite paid attention to, but was now acutely aware of. I leaned back, giving her all the room she might need.

"Bella, sweetheart, stand up so I can slip these off."

We stood together and I gave her a playful smile.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," I teased.

She laughed and went back to removing my jeans. Once she had them off my legs, she was down on her knees, looking up at me through her lashes. She put one hand on the outside of each of my legs, slowly working their way up to my hips. She reached out with her tongue and traced the outline of my pussy through my lace boyshorts, making me gasp.

Once her hands had reached the top of my panties, she pulled them down. I felt as naked as I was – completely and entirely exposed to her. This time as her hands ran up the inside of my legs, I suddenly felt like my whole lower half was made of Jell-o. When her fingertips reached my lips, she flattened her right hand out and palmed me while standing back up.

Kissing me, she brought her hands up to my breasts, cupping them.

"My turn?" I asked.

"Mmhmm."

Undoing the clasp on her slacks, I lowered the zipper. I ran my hands under the band holding them up and pulled her closer, cupping her ass beneath the fabric as the pants fell to the ground. I stayed where I was for the moment, enjoying our almost naked bodies pressed against each other. I wasn't as nervous as I imagined I would be; I felt comfortable and perhaps even slightly confident. Pulling back, I gave her a quick peck on the lips before lowering to remove her panties.

I was surprised; what I normally would have looked at with unfeeling evaluation in the store now brought out a lusty sigh – I had felt how little of her ass the thong she had on was covering when I embraced her, but now I saw the small triangle of fabric covering her pussy and I couldn't help it. My hands went to the band and pulled them down much faster than I had intended; I wanted to tease and torture her, but I felt like the only one being tortured in that moment.

As soon as she was exposed to me, my tongue darted out to taste her. She was trimmed and I felt a slight tickle as my tongue slipped between her folds and my lips touched hers.

I nearly went a science experiment route, asking her to lay back so I could fully inspect what she had going on, then I remembered - _date, not class_. I made another mental note to get a hand mirror and do some inspecting when I got home.

Withdrawing my mouth, I ran my hands up her sides, continuing all the way to her head, bringing her lips back to mine for a searing kiss. I wasn't lying before – I'd never been more ready for anything in my life.

Tanya grabbed me and pulled me back onto the bed, our bodies meshing together. I almost laughed at the sensation of breasts being in my way as I laid on top of her, but I was quickly taken from that thought when I felt her hand down at my pussy. Her fingertips were playing with me gently, teasing me.

"Turn over," she said.

As soon as I had, she began trailing kisses from my mouth across to my ear.

"Bella, you know I'm going to lick you now, right? You're still okay?"

My breath left me in a shudder. "Yeah, yes, mmhmm, okay, yep." _Great, I've become a mumbling idiot._

She laughed softly and kissed my lips again. "You're fun, Bella."

The sarcastic reply I'd been forming, along with all of my thoughts, flew out of my brain as I felt her tongue swirl around one of my nipples, her fingers pinching the other one. My back arched off the bed, pressing her further into me.

She kissed and licked a trail down to my hips, stopping to kiss at the edge of each side. As she settled between my legs, she kept her hands on my body, moving all the way down to my feet. She kissed the bottom of each foot before lifting my legs and setting them back down once she had bent my knees, giving her the access she wanted.

I could feel her hot breath against me before she did anything else. She was taking her time, moving slowly, letting me adjust. _Fuck adjusting._ I bucked my hips up, begging for her to go on.

"Eager, are we?" she teased.

"Oh fuck, you have no idea." Even to my own ears, I sounded whiney and petulant.

"Mm, I like it when you say 'fuck' Bella."

"In that case, please fucking continue."

"No need to beg, dear."

She didn't hesitate even for a second before bringing one hand down to my pussy, slipping a finger between the lips and trailing it to my opening. She eased it all the way inside of me before adding a second, and then lowering her mouth to my clit. When I felt her start to hum against it, her tongue pressed flat, lips surrounding it, I cried out.

She pressed her fingers all the way inside me again and used her tongue to lick in long strokes up the length of my slit.

"Oh fuck."

I couldn't help it, I wasn't even trying to tease her anymore, I just couldn't hold it in. _Who knew I was __so vocal in bed?_ I realized I'd been just as loud with Jasper.

Tanya whimpered against me and continued fucking me with her fingers. She sucked my clit back into her mouth and gave a small tug with her teeth. I felt myself come around her fingers immediately, the low moans escaping my mouth in a steady stream. She let go of my clit and kept lapping and kissing me until my breathing had returned to normal and I was wincing slightly from the sensitivity of her actions. She kissed each thigh before bringing my legs back to a flat position and crawling up my body.

Wrapping my arms around her, I closed my eyes. "Thank you."

She brought her lips to my chin, my cheek, my closed eyes, my nose, and finally, my mouth. I could taste myself on her and it wasn't as awkward or weird as I thought it might be.

"I don't think I've ever made a girl come that fast, Bella."

I could only laugh, words were impossible. I could tell by the way she snuggled into my body that she didn't expect me to reciprocate, and that only made me want to even more. Smiling, I gave her a gentle push so she would roll over.

"Bella, you don't ha-"

I cut her off with my mouth against hers, except that time I wasn't soft or gentle. I pressed against her with need, want, desire and more. I wanted her to know just how badly I wanted to give this to her, to experience this with her, to give this to _me_.

"Of course I don't, but fuck, do I want to. Now shut up and lay back. If I do something wrong, let me know, okay?"

She nodded and I started moving lower, wasting no time. I stopped briefly at her breasts, realizing I would never look at mine the same way again. I gave each nipple a swipe of my tongue and a kiss before moving lower.

From what Jasper had done with his hands and what Tanya did with her mouth, I was pretty sure I could handle this. I mean, I wasn't afraid I would get grossed out, I was more worried about my technique and if I would even be able to get her off... but really, I had all the same parts, so in theory I knew what needed to be done.

Bringing her legs up and over my shoulders, I dipped my head down to the apex of her pussy and felt that eager need crash over my body again. I began to give her soft, open mouthed kisses, swiping my tongue out to lick now and then. I was guessing from the way her body was writhing beneath my mouth that I wasn't doing a half bad job.

"Oh god, Bella, oh fuck," she moaned._ Better than 'not half bad__,__'__ perhaps._

Just as she had, I moaned softly against her, hoping the vibrations would transfer through my lips into her. She lifted her hips, pressing my mouth against her wetness even more. More out of curiosity than anything, I lowered my mouth and pressed my tongue against her opening to gauge her reaction. She seemed pleased, her hands flying to the back of my head to press me into her, so I pointed my tongue and pressed forward more.

Her sweetness surrounded me – I could smell her, feel her against my mouth, taste her on my tongue. She bucked again and I withdrew my tongue only to push it back in, this time moving her lips aside with my fingers to allow my tongue deeper access. I felt giddy, drunk from her body. I took my tongue back and replaced it with a finger. It was like nothing I had ever felt before; soft, spongy, slippery and wet, warm and inviting. I began to move my finger in and out of her and she was encouraging me with her words.

I nipped at her lips with my teeth, wanting to try as many sensations as I could. Returning my attention to her clit, I flicked it playfully with the tip of my tongue and she began to moan louder.

"Bella... Oh fuck."

The last word slipped from her mouth and I moved my mouth faster, plunging a second finger deep inside of her, needing to feel her as much as possible as she came around me. She arched her hips and I fought to keep my mouth latched onto her, licking and sucking as my fingers moved and she contracted around them.

I felt the throbbing slow and her hips came back down to the bed inch by inch. She was mumbling to herself and I wondered if I had done something wrong. I gently moved her legs off of me, and once I started to move back up toward her head, I realized she was mumbling words of satisfaction and happiness.

She took me in her arms and wrapped her legs around me. We were snuggled together in a soft embrace.

"Oh my god, Bella, are you _sure_ you haven't done that before?"

I laughed and buried my head in her shoulder. Even if she was just giving cliché compliments, I took them at face value. We laid there resting together for several minutes.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Wanna take a bubble bath?" she asked.

"Ooh! Yes!" I sat up and clapped. Sometimes it was impossible to turn off my inner five year old.

She got up and we walked to her bathroom together, hand in hand. As she reached for some bubble bath, I watched the way her body moved, breasts swaying on their own, legs long and lean, muscles contracting. She didn't have a perfect body, but who did? I noticed the soft roundness of her belly and for once realized that my very own stomach was something worthy of the same awe-inspired look; the look that made me realize that our bodies were meant to carry babies and that seared into my brain that I would not criticize my own flaws the next time the instinct to do so kicked in. I saw myself through new eyes, via my admiration of Tanya's body.

When I snapped out of the thought, I realized she was already in the tub, water running, bubbles piling high.

"Are you coming in?" She winked.

I crawled in, the hot water relaxing my muscles, and sat between Tanya's open legs. Leaning back to rest against her chest, her hands moved to circle my waist.

We were in the tub until the water ran cold and the bubbles deflated. We touched, kissed and licked any part of our bodies we could reach, bringing each other to a few more orgasms. In that moment, she was like a drug that I couldn't get enough of.

Once we toweled off, she asked if I wanted to stay the night.

We crawled back into the bed together, naked, once I said yes. We laid, facing each other, wrapped tightly together under the down comforter. Instead of feeling conflicted, confused, even more complicated than before, as I expected to, I just felt sated. Happy. Warm. Right.

As my brain slowly unwound and relaxed, I knew I was on the right path. I was proud of myself, knowing that I wasn't afraid anymore to tackle new experiences. Sure, I had to deal with Jasper and Alice, and Edward, oh and Tanya... but mostly, I was learning to deal with me.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit. Also to SweetDulci, who can spot a typo a mile away ;)  
**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_As my brain slowly unwound and relaxed, I knew I was on the right path. I was proud of myself, knowing that I wasn't afraid anymore to tackle new experiences. Sure, I had to deal with Jasper and Alice, and Edward, oh and Tanya... but mostly, I was learning to deal with me._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

When I woke up I was momentarily disoriented. Strange bed, strange person... wait... _woman_, in bed with me. Tanya looked just as ethereal sleeping as she did awake, and I was certain she would, in fact, wake up looking fabulous, as I had teased her the other day.

I looked at the clock and it was only nine. Not wanting to brunch in my date outfit, I began to gently wake Tanya up by stroking her hair. We were facing each other and I didn't want to just leave... then I realized I had no way to get home even if I did. I could call a cab and try to find the address somewhere, but I went for the direct route.

Moving my body closer to hers, I felt the heat radiating from her. Weaving my hands through her hair, I tucked a strand behind her ear so I could kiss just beneath that spot. Moving a little, I kissed her jaw, and once I got to her chin, I felt her skin tighten into a smile.

"Mmm, good morning, Bella," she sighed, and I smiled.

"Good morning. You do, in fact, wake up looking just as amazing as you do in class every day. How the hell do you do that?"

I had pulled back to look her in the eye as I spoke and I was amazed at the way her green eyes sparkled in the sunlight. She laughed and kissed me gently on the lips. "You're not looking so bad yourself this morning."

Her soft hands were on my body and, while I _really_ wanted to see where that was going to go, I groaned in frustration.

"What's the matter?" she asked, cupping my breast in her hand. _Fuck._

"I have brunch with Alice and Rose. It's a thing we do on Sundays."

"Oh, good. Let's hop in the shower and get going." _Uh oh._

"I'm all for a joint shower," I kissed her before delivering the next piece of information, "but the brunch is sort of a roomies thing. But maybe I could see you later today?"

She pouted a little, trying to get me to change my mind, but there was no budging. _New Bella, thank G__od, has boundaries._

We showered together quickly, all things considered. I was amazed again at the softness of both Tanya's body and her movements. She washed my hair and body and I washed hers, taking a few extra moments, hopefully unnoticed, to do a little more looking around than usual. I was still trying to figure her out, figure out her body... oh hell, figure out _my body_.

Throwing on my old clothes, I left my jacket off that time, and Tanya drove me back to the dorms. She walked me to the door and paused for a moment, looking at the floor.

Bringing my hand up to cup her cheek, I leaned in for a kiss. I noticed I felt okay kissing her now, where the first few times I was nervous. It was so unlike anything I was used to, but in a good way. Just as her hand wove through my hair and I was really getting into it, perhaps inappropriately so considering where we were, I heard stomping from behind Tanya.

The stomps made their way to us and we broke our kiss, Tanya looking both horrified and embarrassed.

"Kate," Tanya said.

_This can't be good. Kate?_

"Tanya," she spat. "Who the fuck is this?"

Tanya rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh, are you for real? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to play the jealous ex-lover card when you left me for a man?"

_Ohhh, Kate. Oh my god, they really are going to play this all out in the hallway, aren't they?_

Kate stepped toward Tanya, who had taken a step away from me.

"I told you I want you back, Tanya. Are you really going to throw away all those years? All the dreams we had together, the plans we made? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Kate was crying, trying to lean on Tanya, who looked so torn and conflicted. As this was playing out, the door to my room opened and Alice and Rose stood there, gawking. I wondered how much they'd heard of Kate's confession. I knew Alice would be hurt Edward hadn't told her directly about Kate, and I could only hope they didn't hear.

"Kate?" Alice asked. "Kate, did you just say... all those years and dreams?"

I could tell Alice was trying to hold in the rage and anger, but it began to bubble over at the end of her sentence. I put a hand on her arm to try and calm her, but when she turned to face me, she was shaking and already the tears were pooling in her eyes.

"Oh God, Alice. Edward didn't tell you, did he?" Kate began crying harder, collapsing onto the floor, a heap of sobs.

_This is not how I imagined this morning going at all._

I wasn't sure who to comfort first, who to be angry with, or how to feel right at that moment.

"Kate, is all of what you just said true?" Alice asked.

Kate looked up from the floor, like a punished child facing their mother.

"Yes," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Alice. I really thought I might someday love Edward, and your family's so wonderful. But dating him just made me realize that I would always love Tanya. I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm surprised he hasn't told you, there's no way he could have been okay with... how it ended."

She was crying through her words, gasping for breath between sobs and speaking, and I was glad Rose had the brain power to go grab a tissue box for her. I mean, I didn't really want to like her, but that didn't mean I wanted to see her drip snot all over my floor, either – quite the crowd had gathered in front of our room.

Alice shook her head and crossed her arms, taking a tissue from Rose to dab at her eyes.

"Seriously, Bella, you pick this one to date? And she's the ex of this girl, that was dating my cousin? Oh, this is rich." Alice's laugh was thick with irony.

_Hey, hadn't she learned this the shit my life is made of by now?_

"Alice, did you really expect less of me," I laughed, trying to ease the tension.

I looked from Kate to Tanya and back to Kate, raising my eyebrows in a question. Tanya crouched down to get closer to Kate.

"Kate, I told you I needed time and space to think," she said quietly, her voice laced with empathy and emotion.

"I know," she sniffled, "but I didn't expect you to be... dating someone else." The sobs were back.

_Maybe I'm not cut out for dating a woman. This is a lot of crying, and she doesn't even know it was a sleepover date yet..._

"Neither did I, Kate." Sighing, she looked up to smile softly at me. I could tell she meant this as a compliment, but I just felt sort of dirty. It was obvious Kate was in love with Tanya, and there I was, feeling stuck in the middle like the dirty whore breaking up the couple. No, it wasn't an entirely accurate portrayal of events, but my feelings regardless.

"It's the morning... Oh my god, did you sleep together? Are you bringing her back from your house? Oh my GOD." Kate jut got louder and louder as she spoke, shouting by the end, and stood up, her arms flailing.

Christ, this is the calm and composed pre-med student? Now I was just annoyed. Weren't they broken up? What the fuck. I was really enjoying that kiss.

"Yes, I was bringing her home, Kate. Calm the fuck down," Tanya whispered.

I noticed Alice and Rose had gone back inside, but left the door open. Peeking in, I couldn't see them, but my attention was drawn back to the drama queens in front of me.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Oh, christ, I really fucked everything up, didn't I? Did you sleep with her, Tanya? Do you still love me? Fuck, do you love _her?_" She was talking non-stop, practically spitting by the end of her sentence. She had turned to glare at me with a gaze of hate channeling the fire of a thousand suns. Not good, not good at all.

Thankfully, Kate had stopped crying.

"Yes, Kate, you fucked everything up. Yes, I slept with her. Did you sleep with _him_**? **Yes, I still love you. You can't just push away love like that in a few weeks," she sighed. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes and I wanted to hug her. Of course, I also wanted to live to see the next day, and with the ferocious hyena in front of me, I decided that perhaps hugging Tanya wasn't the best plan.

"You know I slept with him, but you didn't answer me. Do you love her?"

A pin could have dropped at that moment and we'd have heard the wind swooshing by.

"No. I like her a lot, but I don't love her," Tanya whispered, her eyes pleading with me to understand.

My breath left my body. I didn't love her either, but I could see myself maybe loving her in the future. A future that no longer existed, suddenly, and completely out of my control.

_On the up side, I guess my afternoon just freed up. Perhaps I'll plan a little Sunday night drinking party._

Eyes welling with tears, I tried to remember the feeling I'd had just a few hours before, Tanya's hand buried inside of me, the sound of my voice as I came bouncing off the shower walls. _Surreal, that's what this day is, and it's not even fucking noon yet._

Kate attacked Tanya, showering her with kisses. I could see Tanya resisting at first; at least she had enough consideration for my feelings to try and be polite? It was useless, though, and Kate hopped up into her arms, limbs wrapped around her, forcing Tanya to wrap her arms around Kate, holding them together. They began to laugh, and with each breath they took in together, I felt a little more out of body. Each time they kissed, it was like sprinkling an extra grain of salt on a fresh wound. Some day it would crust up and heal over, but couldn't they see what they were doing?

Alice dragging me into the room literally shook me out of my thoughts. She huffed at Tanya and Kate before shouting at them, "You two should be ashamed of yourselves!" and then she slammed the door closed. I stood, unsure of what to do. I looked at Alice who wrapped me up in her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, so sorry. Are you okay? Come, sit down for a minute. Rose and I picked out some clothes for you to change into. We're burning this outfit in effigy and then we're going to get the most fattening French toast we can find, okay?"

I laughed, even as the tears rolled down my face. Alice was making me laugh and reminding me that someone in the big world loved me. It was right in that moment that I realized that she was worthy of Jasper, and he was worthy of her. And me? I was woman enough to see their connection and step aside, because attraction like that doesn't come every day. Sometimes, the sacrifices we make for our friends and family _are_ worth it, as long as we don't lose ourselves in the process. As I looked into Alice's warm eyes, I made up my mind to give her the gift of love back.

Hugging her back, I let the tears fall more freely. I wasn't embarrassed to cry in front of her and Rose. These were my sisters. Not even half a year into the school term, I knew I'd made lifelong friends. If I had to give up love to have this kind of friendship, it was okay with me for now.

I was snapped back to the present situation when I heard Alice babbling.

"... texted Edward, because I'm going to give that cousin of ours a piece of my mind. I can't believe he didn't tell us about Kate! Oh my god, and how weird is it that you were dating her ex? What a small world."

She was rubbing circles on my back and I decided not to waste the day.

"Ladies, I'm going to go change into the outfit you picked out – thank you. I'll be ready for breakfast after that, okay?"

I tried to smile. Everything was overwhelming me and I needed a moment to myself. I wanted to put in my iPod earbuds and lose myself for a minute or two. Regroup, rethink, recap. I walked to my room and closed the door behind me.

My clothes were laying out on my bed: a bright green sweater, a black cami tank, and jeans. Thankfully they didn't pick out any panties, so I walked to the dresser and grabbed those with some socks, flopping back on my bed when I was done. Reaching over to my iHome, I grabbed my iPod. I plugged in my headphones and closed my eyes.

I felt my muscles begin to ease and release as the guitar began to play and the melodic voice of Jason Mraz _Life is Wonderful_ washed over me.

Letting the song play on, I focused on hearing and feeling the words and sentiment behind what he was saying as he sang it, seemingly, just to me.

I laid quietly as he finished the song. This is life: the good, the bad, it all balances. Waiting for the balance is the hard part. Sifting through the bad to find the good. Holding yourself together through the hurt for the happiness.

I used to joke with a friend that my iPod was psychic and I almost fell off the bed at the next song. It always cheered me up. I got so happy that I docked my iPod again and put the speakers up louder than I normally would be comfortable. As I stood, the song was still in the guitar stage, and I stripped off my clothes. Putting on my fresh panties and bra, I danced around the room as Jack Johnson began to sing.

Forgetting I was half naked, I opened the door and pulled Alice and Rose into the room to dance with me to _Upside Down_. Sometimes, you just needed to let it out, right?

We all spun around just as the lyrics implored, each of us getting dizzy and flopping onto the bed, huffing, as Jack sang the last few lines to us.

As the strains of _40 Kinds of Sadness_ began to play, I hit the power button, turning it off, and resuming getting dressed.

"Alice, Rose, get up! I am starving, in _dire_ need of caffeine, and now we have even more to talk about at brunch!"

"Okay, but I need to do this first," Alice said, reaching for the photo of Tanya on my board.

I lunged to stop her. "No! Alice, what are you doing?"

"Bella, you don't want to fall asleep and wake up to this, do you?"

"Alice... You're so sweet to think of me, but yes. The board is for the discovery, and, without being too graphic, well, she was a major _discovery._" I laughed.

"I don't understand you sometimes, Bella. Why wouldn't you just want to keep the memory but get rid of all traces of her?"

"Because, Alice, I don't need to remove everything from the board that isn't necessarily mine anymore. Besides, I don't think Tanya did anything wrong. It isn't her fault that I got hurt. I mean, I'm technically dating more than just her, you know."

Alice's eyes fell to the floor as she mumbled, "I know."

_Oh, Alice. Just give me another hour and once we've got food and coffee, I'm going to make you happy._

I hugged Alice and I'm sure she was confused. I tried to make it seem ordinary and gave Rose a hug, too.

"Okay, let's go. I'm eager to hear all about Rose's date, too!" I squealed and everyone smiled at that. I was pretty sure Rose hadn't spilled the details to Alice in my absence, since she was probably sleeping the whole time.

Alice drove us in her cute little Porsche to a place I hadn't heard of to get brunch. We were already much later than we planned to be, what with the Tanya and Kate drama.

We got seated, ordered, and had coffee all within fifteen minutes and I'd never been more grateful.

"Okay, would it be alright if I went first about Tanya to get it out of the way?"

"Of course," they answered in unison.

I gave them the abbreviated version of our date; I didn't go too far into the details, but I did tell them it was amazing and I felt like Tanya and I really had a connection. Everyone looked sad for a moment, then I reassured them that I really was going to be okay.

"So, Rose, spill... how was your date with Emmett? You stayed the night?" I waggled my eyebrows at her.

She told us all of the details of their date; he took her mini-golfing, which she harassed him for endlessly. She scolded him for "date recycling" and he brushed it off by kissing her, which made us all "awww" and swoon. Emmett was a good guy. I was glad they were getting along.

She swore they didn't do anything beyond a little kissing and fooling around, but everyone agreed it was only a matter of time before they went further.

As we scarfed our breakfasts, each of us picking off the other plates, I tried to think about the best way to bring up Jasper to Alice. I couldn't find any good ways to do it, so I decided for direct.

"So, Alice..." I paused.

"So, Bella..." She smirked.

"What's up with you and Jasper?"

Alice abruptly stopped eating, choking on the bite she'd swallowed.

"Oh god. Are you okay?" Rose said, looking at Alice with worry.

Once I knew she was still breathing, I laughed. "That's what I thought." I shook my head, still giggling.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

Too late to back out now, even though I was clearly going to face the Wrath of Alice.

"Alice, it's okay." I took her hand in mine to reassure her. "I saw the way you two interacted on Friday. It's not just you, you know? He sparks with you, he sees something in you and looks at you in a way that I know he doesn't look at me. You have amazing chemistry and now I'm giving you the opportunity. Those two rarely collide, so please, for me, take advantage of it."

I could tell Alice was completely unsure how to proceed. Hell, I would have been, too.

"Bella," she whispered. "I could never do that to you. I mean, come on… first you meet Rose's dream guy from the club, then," she started to laugh, "you go out with Edward's ex-girlfriend's ex-girlfriend." She started to laugh so hard she was choking again. "And now," she said, getting serious. "Now you're ready to give up the person you could be dating because you saw us spark? What does that even mean?"

She looked me in the eyes for the first time since I'd called her out on it, and her eyes were watery, wet, threatening to spill her tears at any moment. I squeezed her hand.

"Alice, have we met? You do know my life story, right? I don't think I'd be Bella Swan if I wasn't falling for my best friends' soul mates and getting tangled in crazy lesbian webs of doom."

The table laughed uproariously at that, and I was thankful.

"Besides," I leaned in and whispered this next confession. "I think it's time I take a little break from dating... but, I will confess I might have my eye on someone else. But, like I said, a break. I'm taking a break," I said with a laugh.

"Oh, Bella, you're too much," Rose said, and I smiled at her.

I meant it, though: I needed a break from all of the emotion of the last few weeks. Needing to wrap up a few loose ends, I texted Jasper from the table asking if he could meet up with me. As long as I was going to play matchmaker, I wanted to do it thoroughly.

We finished eating and sat for a few more minutes chatting, Rose regaling us with stories of Emmett and his bachelor pad. We all pitched in our portion of the bill and as we were walking back to Alice's car I felt my phone vibrate. I let Rose sit up front so I could check it out, and it was a text from Jasper.

_You know I'd love to see you. Where/when? -j_

I texted him right back.

**How about 30m? Your room?**

I was praying for another immediate reply, for something to go right in this bizarre day.

_Sounds good, see you then. -j_

Excellent. The plan was in place, now I just had to convince Jasper that I was okay with it. I knew he was going to go all southern gentleman on me and try and pull some crap, but if I could bust down Alice's resistance, I could certainly take down his as well.

Alice pulled into the parking lot and we all walked back to the room. I told the girls I was going to see Jasper and they both hugged me tightly.

"It'll be okay, I promise," I whispered to Alice as I hugged her, and she squeezed me tighter.

Walking to Jasper's, I thought about how I was going to handle the conversation. I had no fucking clue what I was going to do or say. I decided to start out with the Alice thing and then hopefully he would let me vent about Tanya.

Knocking softly when I arrived, Jasper opened the door quickly. As I passed him, he gave me a soft hug and a kiss on the cheek. I suddenly remembered there was nowhere to sit but that fucking bed, and I cursed my stupid luck as I hopped up, trying to be as casual as I could.

"I'm glad I got to see you this afternoon, Bella. I had a nice time yesterday, did you?"

"I did. Sorry again that my friends interrupted. You know, though... I think it might've been good, all things considered."

He plopped onto the bed beside me, taking my hand in his, then raised an eyebrow at me.

"All which things considered?" he asked.

_No time like the present._

"Jasper, I want to say something, but will you let me say everything I have to say before interrupting?"

He nodded and I smiled, realizing I might have sounded a little bitchy. Our bodies were turned toward each other, hands between us. He was rubbing his fingertip along my hand, tracing nervous patterns into my skin.

"Jasper," I said quietly. "I saw the way you looked at Alice yesterday." He started to interrupt, so I put my hand up, reminding him of the rules he agreed to. "No interrupting, let me finish. I should've said, I saw the way you two looked at each other, because it wasn't just you, Jasper. Alice is like the closest thing I have to a sister, Rose too. I saw whatever it is between you, and I know the reality between us. Is what we have amazing? Of course."

I had to pause and take a deep breath; it was really hard to fight the urge to kiss him just then, knowing I wouldn't be intimate with him ever again, and knowing what he was capable of. Focusing on Alice, I reminded myself of how happy she'd been that night with Jasper, then how miserable she was when I told her I knew, thinking she'd been a bad friend and betrayed me.

"Could what we have last forever? I don't know, maybe... I can't predict the future. I do care for you a great deal, that much I know."

I paused to look at him, to really look into his eyes so that he would know I wasn't just tossing him away or discounting any feelings he might have for me, too.

Looking at him, I expected him to say something, but he just stared back at me with sad eyes. Jasper slid over to me and took me in his arms, this time a much different feeling passing between us. I no longer had the urge to kiss him or touch him beyond a friendly way. It was as if in saying the words out loud, I had been telling my heart the truth and finally allowed myself to accept it.

As Jasper held me, I let out a deep breath, the culmination of several tense hours and drama-filled conversations. Before I could even think of telling him about the Tanya drama, I wanted to find out what he was thinking about Alice. If he wasn't going to pursue her, I'd really fucked things up by promising I would make it right to Alice. I pulled back from him slightly.

"Jasper, what're you thinking?"

We sat up; he was facing me and had such a heavy look on his face, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

"Bella, I don't know if it's fair to you that because of a few looks or what you think is a spark, that you just drop what we have together."

"Jasper, can you honestly tell me that you don't feel anything for Alice?" I asked.

He shifted his weight. "Well. No, I can't say that, exactly, if I'm being honest."

I brought my hand to his cheek. "Jasper, you're not hurting me by being in love with Alice. I mean, that sounds wrong. Of course, it does hurt because I do... or... did, have feelings for you, I won't lie. But what I feel for you and what you feel for me is clearly a fraction of what you and Alice feel for each other. If I can be okay with that, and I'm the one being left single here, then I think you should just say 'thank you, Bella' and get on with it," I said, laughing.

He laughed softly and brushed some hair out of my face. "Bella, can we still be friends?"

"The best of, Jasper. The best. In fact, let's start now..."

Sitting up, I crossed my legs and Jasper mimicked my actions. I began to recount, in great detail, my morning with Tanya and Kate.

We were nearly rolling on the bed with laughter. Tears were leaking from my eyes, I was gasping for breath. Suddenly, Jasper sat straight up and looked at me funny.

"Wait. Bella, oh my god. Bella! Did you have sex with a woman?"

I blushed. It couldn't be held back. "I did, Jasper..."

"Ooh. That's so fucking hot."

We laughed again and I noticed it was getting dark outside.

"Shit, Jasper, I have to get home. I haven't had time to do my homework all weekend. Can I give Alice your cell?"

"Of course." He got up and walked me to the door, his hand resting on the knob. Before he opened it to let me out, he looked me in the eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Bella."

"No thanks needed, friend," I said, smiling.

He laughed and watched as I walked down the hall and to the elevator. I decided not to go straight home – I needed a pastry and something tasty to wash it down with, and okay, maybe I wanted to see Edward. I popped into the cafe and looked around; no sign of him. _Damn it._

I got my usual cinnamon chip scone and opted for an herbal tea since it was so late in the day. Picking a table by a window to people watch, I sat down. A few minutes later, I saw Edward walk out from the back of the cafe. I gave him a smile and a small wave, not wanting to interrupt his work. He smiled back at me and made his way over.

"Bella, I'm surprised to see you here so late."

"Yeah, I couldn't face the room just yet."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Need to talk about it?"

"Are you sure you have time? This might take a minute to get through," I said.

"Yeah, I was just going on my break."

He sat down across from me and as I began to compose my thoughts, I knew exactly how to begin. I leaned in toward him over the table, lowering my voice slightly as I began to speak.

"So, I was going down on this girl... wait, is that too personal?"

We shared a laugh, and I was grateful. I needed to keep this conversation light, the irony too thick and the potential for tears on my part, too great.

"Actually, I'm surprised Alice hasn't told you. Oh, god, she didn't tell you already, did she?"

He looked confused. _Good._

"Nope. She did text me earlier, but she didn't spill the beans on anything major."

"Okay, so I wasn't really going down on her, but you'll see the irony of why I began that way. So last week, you told me about Kate, right? Well, at the time, I was halfway seeing someone named Tanya. I never once put two and two together and realized they might be the same girl. This morning, Tanya walked me to my dorm after a... sleepover, and who should we run into? Kate." I paused and raised my eyebrows. "Oh, Edward, it was like, the scene to end all scenes. Kate asking if we'd slept together, declaring her love for Tanya, and then in front of everyone, Tanya saying she didn't love me and wanted to get back with Kate."

Slightly embarrassed, I was looking down at the table.

"You slept with a woman?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Fucking hot," he whispered.

"Funny, that's the second time I've gotten that reaction today..."

"Wait, does that mean... I mean... I'm not judging; are you gay?"

"No, no, I'm not gay. I guess I'm bi? I have no clue. She was the first woman I've ever been attracted to, much less kissed or... you know, done _more_ with."

I was wringing my hands together nervously.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward reached his hand across the table to put his fingertips lightly on the back of my hand.

"You've only heard half the story, Edward," I said softly.

"Shit, there's more?"

"Oh, so much. So, you actually met Jasper Friday. Remember him?"

"Yeah, I remember," Edward said.

"Okay, so I noticed something funny at dinner, then again at breakfast on Saturday. He and Alice were looking at each other with such moon eyes, I could see them in my head together, forever. I mean, like, all that stars and fireworks shit that happens in movies, I felt like I was watching it happen with them. So, this morning, after the Kate and Tanya drama, I talked to Alice and let her know that I saw the way they looked at each other. Of course, she felt bad, but I told her not to. I mean," I sighed, "the way he looked at her. It's every girl's dream, you know, to be really looked at like that?"

Pausing, I took a sip of my tea and a bite of my scone. Edward bit his lower lip and I laughed internally at how that was my signature move. Well, Old Bella's. He ran his hand through his hair and looked down at the table.

"So, you just told them to be together?" he asked. "You just stepped aside, the same afternoon you were basically publicly humiliated and, well, outed to the entire floor?"

"Christ, when you put it like that it sounds even worse, Edward." I sighed again.

"No, I'm just… in awe at your ability to set aside your feelings. Fuck, Bella, my break's over and I can see Tyler over there flailing his arms at me to get back. Can I see you tomorrow? Do you have time for lunch, maybe? You never did get to tell me your tragic tale of woe," he said, smiling.

"I think I'm free for lunch. Jot down your cell number and I'll text you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good." He took a sheet of paper from his pocket and wrote down a phone number. He asked for mine but ran out of paper, so he wrote it on his hand, and it made me laugh. It was such a throwback to junior high, writing on your hand.

Smiling, I watched as he took my empty cup and plate back with him. _Thoughtful._

I waved on my way out the door and walked back to the room. Alice and Rose were on the couch watching TV. I could tell Alice was eager to find out how my trip to Jasper's room went, so I didn't bother to make her wait.

"He likes you, Alice. He wants you to call or text him tomorrow." I smiled at her. "Truly, I love you both, and I'm glad for you. He asked if I still wanted to be his friend, and I hope that's okay with you, Alice, because I would like to."

She leapt off the couch and hopped into my lap, kissing my face.

"Bella, I love you, I love you. You're so sweet and good to me. Of course you can be his friend, of course," she said, hugging me tight.

"Oh, Bella, I don't deserve you. I feel so terrible, like I broke you two up. I'm so sorry."

"Alice, stop it right now. I mean it. I won't have your relationship with Jasper start on a sour note. I'll tell you the same thing I told him – we might have been happily married, but he would never look at me the way he looked at you at dinner and breakfast. Besides, maybe you're just freeing me up for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet."

"Or girl," Rose giggled.

We fell into one big hugfest on the couch and I padded off to bed shortly after. Changing into my pajamas, I spent far too long thinking about the whole fucked up day I'd just lived through. The love and dating thing wasn't working out so well, so I decided it was time to branch out the 'Discovery' portion of my life. I had plans to doodle out a checklist of things I wanted to try and slowly work my way through it. I made a mental note to add my notebook to my messenger bag in the morning so I could work on it during class.

Norah Jones woke me with her crooning, asking me to go away with her.

I smiled and stretched in bed. It was going to be a better day, I could feel it. Something in the air had changed, and I was happy. Happy for Alice and Jasper, hell, I was even happy for Tanya and Kate.

Walking out to start the coffee pot, I spotted a white envelope on the floor in front of the front door. Rose and Alice's door was still closed, so I assumed they were still sleeping. I picked up the envelope and flipped it over, realizing it was a CD. The label read simply, "Bella" – a computer printed label, giving me no clues who left it, or what it even was.

As I was turning it over in my hands, Alice came out of her room.

"What's that?" she asked sleepily.

"I have no idea," I said. "It looks like a CD. The label has my name on it."

"Ooh! Go play it!" Alice was hopping up and down.

I had to use my computer to play it, but as soon as the machine booted up, I popped the CD in. My music player opened automatically and I could see the song come up. I pressed play and Rose walked in, joining Alice and me as we listened to the mystery CD.

_Unwritten_ by Natasha Beddingfield began, and I soaked the words. It was the perfect way to start my day and I had no clue who to thank for it.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield began and I soaked the words in like water to a sponge. It was the perfect way to start my day and I had no clue who to thank for it._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

We let the song finish and looked at each other, all with googlie-eyed expressions on our faces. Yeah, whoever made the CD was good....

Alice helped me pick out an outfit after I told her I was possibly going to have lunch with Edward. Alice and Rose both raised their eyebrows at that, but I assured them nothing was going on, we were just meeting for lunch as friends. We agreed on a white tank, a pink sweater, jeans, and my pink Chucks. I picked up my black rectangular framed glasses and was on my way out the door. That day was casual, comfortable, easy.

While it was fresh in my mind, I put my notebook inside of my messenger bag to start my checklist. I had an early class and then I would see Jasper in my second class. I wanted to meet up with Edward for lunch as we'd talked about, so I texted him.

_Free for lunch still? b_

I took notes during my first class, stopping only to write "skydive?" in my notebook. The prof was going a thousand miles a minute and I was irritated at the focus required. While walking to my next class, I checked my phone to see if Edward had replied. Sure enough, he had.

_Absolutely. In class now, should be free the rest of the afternoon. You? -E_

Tucking my phone back into my bag, I decided to answer him once I had a seat in my next class and could think.

On the way to my next class, I unconsciously began to hum _Unwritten._ When I saw Jasper, I smiled.

_Jasper wouldn't leave me an unmarked CD, would he?_

"Hey, Jasper!" I waved.

"Hey, Bella. How are you this morning?" He smiled and my heart melted a little. _No more romance, Swan,_ I reminded myself.

"I'm good, Jasper. How are you?"

We walked into the room and sat next to each other, as if it was just another day and nothing had changed. My heart ached just a little. I wanted to step aside for Alice, I knew it was the right thing, but that didn't mean it was easy for me. I could feel the heat coming off his body as I reached down into my bag for my phone and I let out an extra huff of air at the unfairness of it all.

_Yep, this is my last class. Free after 1. Where should I meet you?_

I put my phone away again, this time out of respect for Jasper. I didn't want to seem rude while we were sitting next to each other.

"So, has Alice called you yet?" I whispered, keeping one eye on the professor up front.

"No. She did text this morning though. We were thinking about getting together for lunch," he said.

"Ahh."

Nodding, I looked down at my desk. I wasn't entirely sure how to make this transition from boyfriend/whatever to just friend. When I felt his hand on my shoulder, I looked up at him.

"You okay?" he asked. His eyes were so soft and kind I got lost for a brief moment.

"Yeah, Jasper, I am. Thank you for being my friend, for caring."

Smiling, another sliver of pain escaped from my heart and was replaced with calm. It would take time, but things would fall into place as they were meant to.

Getting my notebook out, I doodled a bit on the first page while the teacher droned on. A thought popped into my brain and I turned to the second page and added "volunteer" to my Discovery List. I'd seen a lot of places on my road trip out to New Hampshire but there were a few places I missed, or wanted to revisit and spend more time at. I quickly scribbled in "Disneyland/CA Adventure" and closed the book, remembering my trip to Disney World. I'd a fun time there and thought visiting the other park would be fun as well.

I was glad Jasper hadn't noticed my doodles and list; I wasn't ready to explain that my heartache was leading me to pursue new and different avenues of exploration. In my head, it sounded a little pathetic. Upon reflection, I wasn't sure what drove me to get romantically linked to three different people my first week at school anyway. The thought seemed completely ridiculous to me now that I was looking back on it, but I reminded myself that I was just being open to opportunity to learn more about myself, no matter which form it came in.

Class was dismissed and I hugged Jasper quickly, wishing him luck at his lunch with Alice. I had a sudden and rather funny vision of Jasper and Alice on a double date with Emmett and Rose. The only thing that might make that more awkward would be a triple date including Kate and Tanya....

Pulling my phone out, I check where I was meeting Edward.

_Excellent, my last class too, let's go off campus? Meet 1, the cafe? -E_

Shit, it was already 1:05. As I walked to the cafe, I texted him back.

_Perfect, on my way... b_

Turning the corner, I saw him standing there, his back to me. His crazy hair gave him away. I stopped, frozen, to observe. He looked even better than usual that day. Not that he ever looked terrible, but I was used to seeing him in his cafe uniform. He had on dark wash jeans, _very nice from behind_,a black polo shirt, _collar popped up, _black messenger bag slung over his shoulder, and black and white checked Vans. Wait, _Vans? _Edward was wearing Rock & Republic jeans, a no doubt designer polo shirt, and Vans? I couldn't wait to harass him about that.

He was talking to a girl and I wanted to see their body language for a moment before I approached. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe Edward had begun seeing someone else since the Kate incident, but I don't know why... he was handsome, smart, and funny – surely he wouldn't be single long. It didn't matter if he dated other people. I wasn't looking for anything beyond friendship from him, right? _Right?_ _Right, brain, keep telling yourself that._

The girl had her hand on his forearm, resting it there as she spoke to him. There was some familiarity, but not in a romantic sense from what I could tell. She would giggle now and then and toss her hair, trademark flirty techniques, but he didn't seem to even notice. Mostly, he stared at the building and was sneaking peeks at his cell phone now and then. I decided to have a little fun with him.

_Trying to turn our lunch into a 3some? I know I'm open minded, but that's where I draw the line, buddy... b_

Moving around the corner of the building, out of sight, I giggled as I saw his reflection in a classroom window when he turned around to look for me. His black sunglasses rested on his nose and his lips were pulled down in an adorable pout. He turned back to his female companion, fingers flying across his expensive phone.

_Who says I want to share you? Where are you? Save me, please... -E_

He needed saving, how could I resist that? This situation would require confidence, so I knew I needed to channel New Bella. I could feel the desperation wafting off Blondie as I approached.

Tapping Edward's shoulder, I alerted him to my presence. He spun to face me and I could see his forehead crinkle in emotion.

"Bella! I was just telling Irina here that I was waiting for you...."

"Ohh," I tried really hard not to giggle, "are you ready to go, Edward?" I smiled at him, ignoring the heinous skank. I decided avoidance was the best plan.

"I am."

Offering me his arm, we wandered away from her. I could no longer contain my giggle and was gasping for breath by the time we reached his car, _a shiny black convertible BMW M3. "_Where are we headed, Edward?"

"Do you like pizza?" he asked.

"Love it."

"Ah, I know this great place, Three Tomatoes."

He opened the door for me and I slid in, putting my head in my hands; there was no way I could get into the depth of the irony before we got to the restaurant, so I just told Edward I would explain once we were seated.

The place was unsurprisingly busy for lunchtime. We waited a few minutes to be seated in sort of an awkward silence.

"How are your classes going?" I asked.

"Brutal," he confessed.

"I was surprised to see you at the cafe yesterday, and now you have time for lunch? You're not going to get behind by letting me monopolize a few hours of your time today, are you?" I smiled.

His mouth tugged up in a sort of half grin/half smirk and he shook his head no just as we were called to be seated. I followed behind the hostess and when she stopped suddenly at our table, Edward bumped into me. It was like a full body check, pushing me forward into the poor hostess. Edward's arms wrapped around my waist, steadying me before I fell all the way into her. I felt his warm breath as he overcompensated and drew my body back into his.

"You know, if you wanted to cop a feel, you could have just asked," he chuckled. My knees felt weak and I was glad to be in his arms, on the off chance I did actually pass out. Edward was warm and smelled good, and nothing at all about the current situation felt unnatural or awkward.

"I could say the same, you know," I said. "Letting me go might be a good start to eating lunch."

The hostess gave us a funny look but turned and set our menus down before walking off. I felt Edward's grip loosen and we took seats on opposite sides of the table.

"So, let's start with what is so funny about this place..." he prompted me.

"Oh, God. Okay, so actually I need to back up and give you some history before I sound like the world's biggest turbo slut. You might still think that when I'm done, but it will at least make me feel better to know I've given you the whole picture."

Our waiter showed up to take our food and drink orders. Once he was gone, I started talking in earnest.

Edward sat quietly and listened while I explained about my parents. He asked thoughtful questions about Jake and my drive out. He was kind when I explained about Emmett, Jasper, and Tanya.

"So, you lost both of your parents, your best friend slash boyfriend who turned out to be gay, drove on your own from essentially one coast to the other, met and began dating three people, one of whom was a woman, and then all three phased back out of your life as potential romantic interests in the span of two weeks. That's what the last year of your life has been like?" He looked slightly overwhelmed summarizing it.

"Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty fair analysis." I laughed lightly.

Our pizza arrived and we began to eat while still talking, each of us taking a turn with a question or comment and then a bite.

"I guess I shouldn't have taken it so personally when you turned me down for a date, then... even if I was a total dick to you."

"Yeah, it had less to do with you being a dick and more to do with life's complications. Now, of course, I've sworn men off for a while." I could see his eyes shift with curiosity, "And women. All romantic pursuits are off the table until I can get my footing here. I'm loving my classes and schoolwork, but I feel like I halted getting to know myself before I really began.... I started this list, don't make fun of me, okay?"

"Never," he said, as if he knew the weight of what I was trying to convey.

"So I started this list of things I want to do, see, or accomplish in my quest to find myself. Is that totally lame?"

"Bella, nothing you've said so far is lame, not even a little. Can I see the list?"

"Well, it's pretty short so far."

Reaching into my bag, I grabbed my notebook and opened it to the page with the list, then handed it to him. He wiped his hands so he wouldn't smudge it up with grease, which I appreciated.

"Hmm, we'll have to work on this, you realize?" Edward looked up at me through his lashes and I could see the hint of a grin on his mouth.

"You have some ideas for the list?" I raised my eyebrows and got out a pencil to write in any ideas I liked.

"I might. Let me think on it, okay?"

He handed my notebook back and we finished our pizza. I knew I had too much homework to blow off the rest of the day, as much as I really wanted to spend it getting to know Edward better. As friends. Really. _Right._

"Edward, thank you for lunch. I had a nice time. It's good to be able to get it all out sometimes."

We exchanged smiles as he led the way back to his car, opening my door for me and then closing it once I slipped in. He walked around and got into his spot, driving us back to my dorm.

"Leaving me already?" he grinned at me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I have so much homework. Don't you?"

He sighed. "Yes, I suppose I do."

He looked, upset? Disappointed?

"Edward, do you want to maybe meet up to study in the library tomorrow? I have to get back to the room for some things I need today, but I could plan to meet you there tomorrow after my classes, or in the cafe?"

Unwilling to just leave our next meeting to fate or chance, I realized from the way his face perked up, it seemed like he wasn't either.

"I'd love to, Bella. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my busiest school days, but I could meet later in the afternoon. What time are your classes?"

"I have a nine and a two, so I'm usually done and at the library by four fifteen. Would that work for you?"

"I guess that explains why you're usually at the cafe in between. That stinks that there's such a big gap in time between your classes. I work until one, then have a two o'clock class as well. It's pretty far from the cafe, but I could meet you there at four thirty for a caffeine and study break?"

"That sounds perfect. I might be in for lunch, too, so maybe I'll see you then. If you think of any great list additions, you can always text me."

We were pulling into the lot and I didn't want Edward to walk me to my door. Wouldn't that be too much like a date?

"Thanks again, Edward. I had a nice afternoon. I look forward to learning more about you."

Ss he put the car in park and turned it off, I turned and smiled. He got out and opened my car door again, that time taking my hand as I climbed out. Edward's hands were soft and warm, surprisingly so.

"I had a nice time too, Bella."

When he didn't immediately let my hand go as we walked, I was nervous, but it slipped from his on the way up to my room. I figured he was walking me up to say hi to Alice and Rose, but he stopped outside the door.

"Tell Alice and Rose I said hello?"

"Of course. Thank you for walking me to my door."

He smiled and turned to walk away. I admit, I watched a little longer than I needed. Those jeans were going to be my undoing. _Stop blaming the jeans when you know it's the body inside of them. _Sighing, I opened the door, then closed and locked it behind me once inside..

"What's that look?" Rose asked.

"What look?"

"I see it on your face. That look, Bella Swan. You have _that look_ in your eyes."

Rose was looking at me with a critical eye as I walked towards my room. I paused at the door.

"It's nothing, Rose, I promise. I have a ton of homework. I'll be in here if you guys need anything, okay? Hey, before I buckle down, how are things with Emmett?"

Rose broke into a wide nearly giddy smile at his name, so I knew things must've been going well.

"Oh, Bella. He's amazing – handsome, charming, so smart. I think we're going to double date with Alice and Jasper on Friday. Do you want to come with us?"

Suddenly, it was like seeing my thoughts spring to life. I had to stifle the giggle again at the thought of Tanya and Kate joining them to make the Circle of Hell in my brain complete.

"Rose, I'm so glad for both of you. It's sweet of you to invite me, but I think I already have plans." _Liar._ "I'm going to get to studying. Just knock if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded and went back to her open book. Closing the door softly, I began to unpack my things onto my desk. My mind wandered to Edward and his moods and mannerisms. I was pretty sure he was interested in me and I was interested in him, but I felt like I needed time to myself, to really get myself together before I wanted to invest time and energy in another relationship. The amazing thing was, he seemed to completely understand and respect that.

I opened my notebook and wrote "babies?" as another line item. I didn't want to limit the timeline of these activities, so I just opened it up and let the floodgates pour out, writing short and long term goals. When I was done, I had a page and a half of things I wanted to someday try or do, or might want to someday try or do. Some of them had question marks while others were certain. I thought for sure I wanted to get married someday, but the details were obviously up in the air about babies and where I might settle down to live. I knew I wanted to be an editor, but the exact details were still fuzzy.

There were things I wrote that were silly or just for fun, as well – go to the State Fair and get lots of things on a stick. It seemed like once I got started, they just kept coming. I imagined, and wrote down, going to Paris with someone I loved. Visiting the Louvre and walking hand in hand under the Eiffel Tower. I wanted to go to Italy and drink espresso in a little cafe.

I knew there were more things I wanted to add to the list, but the sun was down in the sky and I really needed to get my homework done. I couldn't let myself get too far behind if I wanted to have any sort of a life outside of class. I wondered what Edward was doing, so New Bella told me to text him. Old Bella was unsure and nervous, but I stuffed her back in the closet and mustered up my inner flirty badass. I know, I was supposed to be focused on school, but I swore to myself this would be the last distraction before I actually did some work.

_Think of anything great to add to the list, Edward?_

Cracking my book from class open, I began to review my notes when I heard my phone chirp in reply.

**That depends, Miss Bella, what are my restrictions?**

Hah... _you're going to regret that one, Edward..._

_No restrictions, this is about exploration, remember, Mr... I don't know your last name?_

Hey, just because I didn't want to get into bed with him tomorrow didn't mean I couldn't flirt a little, right?

**You're making it very hard to study, Ms. Swan (I asked Alice)... -Mr. Cullen**

Oh, dear. Hard to study, eh? I giggled and went back to my homework without replying. Just as I was closing my book to begin working on a paper for a different class, my phone chirped again.

**I didn't say I wanted you to stop, Bella...**

You're not the only one with studying to do, Cullen. On a whim, I picked up a my notebook and wrote "SB" on my Discovery List.

_Sorry, E, I gotta focus… can't drop out of college, don't have a sugar daddy ;) see you tomorrow. -b_

What was it about Edward that had me letting my guard down so completely after I resolved to keep myself out of romantic entanglements? _Could it be the hot ass in those jeans?_

Damn it. I closed my book and flopped on my bed to think. My list needed more work, but that would have to wait. Undressing slowly, I yawyned as I put my pajamas on and wandered back out to the living room to say goodnight.

"Bella, Rose said you had a funny look on your face when you came home today. Anything you care to tell me?" Alice asked.

Sitting next to her, I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Nope, no late night confessions. How about you? Did you see Jasper today?"

"I did." She sighed, that dreamy sigh of someone already deep in lust. "It was wonderful. We had dinner together and got to know each other better. I'm just so happy around him."

As if she'd been snapped out of a trance, her head twisted so she could look at me.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm sorry. Is this awkward?"

"No. Well, yes, it sort of is, but I did ask... and I had a feeling I knew the answer. I'm going to have to get used to it, since I'm sure he'll be around more. Speaking of, where's Rose? She out with Emmett?"

Alice nodded and took my hand in hers.

"Bella, you're like our sister, you know that? We both love you so much. I know you're lying about what's going on in that pretty head of yours, and trust me, I'll get it out of you." She paused to giggle. "It may take some time, but I'll figure it out. Speaking of figuring things out, any word on your mystery CD delivery?" She quirked an eyebrow up at the end of her sentence.

"Nope, no one fessed up today. I'll see Tanya and ask her about it tomorrow, though. Ugh, is it terrible that I'm dreading seeing her? At least I got class with Jasper over today and it honestly wasn't too awkward, but Tanya? I just don't know what to say or do. The whole situation feels like it exploded in my face."

I let my voice trail off in sadness at the end. I was probably channeling more sadness into Tanya than I truly felt, just because it seemed like a 'safe' place to be sad and not hurt Alice. She slipped her arm around me and pulled me closer to her.

"I can't even imagine, Bella."

We watched the end of some mindless TV show Alice had been watching, her arm around me and my head on her shoulder. She was right, I felt it too; we weren't blood related sisters, but this is what I always imagined a sister to be. She and Rose loved me and I loved them right back.

"Alice?" I questioned quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Don't read anything into this, okay?"

I could see her look at me from the corner of her eye, both of our heads level now.

"Okay...."

"Is Edward a good guy?"

She began bouncing in her spot, clapping her hands, and I knew right then and there that I was royally fucked.

"Oh, Bella, the best. I mean it, he's my best friend and I love him like a brother. He would do anything for me and vice versa. He's loyal and kind and sweet. He's romantic and smart...."

She shifted her body to look at me. It felt as if I was an ant on the sidewalk under a microscope tilted into the sun; intense pressure and heat took over my chest and I knew I was blushing furiously.

"I said don't read anything into it, Alice, and I meant it. I'm not dating _anyone_ right now, especially not the ex-boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend's ex-girlfriend, got it?"

We fell into laughter together at my explanation. It was a tangled web, and I was grateful we could still laugh about it.

"Uh huh, we'll see about that," she said, smacking my butt as I got up off the couch.

Climbing into bed, I thought about Edward; really, how could I not? As the peppy beat of _Wake Me Up_ by Wham drifted through the room, I was thankful that my sleep was restful and I couldn't remember a single dream.

Hopping out of bed, I danced at the footboard for the duration of the song. _Yep, another good day, Swan._ I got my clothes picked out and opened my door to see Alice at the coffee pot, willing it to drip faster. I repeated her actions from the night before, swatting her playfully on the behind as I walked to the front door on my way to the showers. Just like the previous day, there was a square white envelope containing a homemade CD with my name on a label. That time, as I slipped out the CD, a note fell to the ground.

_Bella,_

_It is sometimes hard to see that the mistakes we make in life can lead us to the right path._

Huh. I put the CD in my computer and Alice joined me in my room again.

"No Rose?"

She shook her head and we smiled together. At least someone was getting laid?

The piano began to play and I recognized the song instantly: _New Soul_ by Yael Naim. Alice and I danced together and I understood the meaning behind the note. Once it finished, Alice hugged me and I bounced to the showers. Thinking about my mistakes, I hummed the song all through my shower.

Whoever was leaving me the CDs could have been someone that wanted to be my friend on the floor – maybe someone saw me humiliated by Tanya and Kate and felt bad for me? There was no tone set by the songs yet aside from new beginnings, and that was fine with me. I got out of the shower and dried off, ggetting dressed before I walked to my room. I mentally replayed the song as I dried my hair and put on a touch of makeup.

Tucking the note back into the CD sleeve along with the disc, I put it on my desk with the envelope from the day before. _It's not going to be a good day, it's going to be a great day._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks to McVampy, for helping me fine tune a few lines. My little lambie began a thread for this story over at Twilighted; if you want to speculate about what SB might be, flame me for my atrocious writing, or just giggle with funny ladies, come and play with us. There's a link to the threads on my blog.**

**Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit. Also to SweetDulci, who is a master error finder.  
**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Tucking the note back into the CD sleeve along with the disc, I put it on my desk with the envelope from the day before. It's not going to be a good day, it's going to be a great day._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I had classes with both Tanya and Emmet that day. It would be nice to clear the air with Tanya, and I couldn't wait to hear from Emmett about why Rose hadn't come home the previous night. I also had study time with Edward after my classes. I'd have some time to waste until four thirty, when we were meeting in the cafe, but I already knew I'd be anticipating seeing him all day. Edward had to work until one, so if I really wanted to see him, I could go for lunch. I wasn't sure though. I was attempting to abstain, even if my libido was ready to rebel and hump the nearest tree at the thought of Edward's toned butt in those jeans from the day before. _Wonder if he works out frequently._

I hummed 'my song' as I walked to American Poetry. It was getting colder out so I was bundled up in a sweater and a wool peacoat with my jeans and sneakers.

Once I got to class, I briefly looked around for Tanya. I wasn't overly worried about finding her; I knew she'd find me if she wanted to talk, and if she didn't? That was okay, too. I hadn't untangled my feelings for her yet, but I knew they'd be more complicated than those I had for Jasper since they came along with a whole host of new emotions. I not only needed to deal with falling for her, but I had sex with a woman and needed to process and think about how that had affected me.

I was pulled out my thoughts when I heard the door open and saw Tanya walk in. She smiled weakly at me. _Great, just as awkward for her. S_ighing, I smiled back. She walked over and pointed at the chair next to me.

"Can I sit here?" she asked softly.

"Of course."

Taking her jacket off, she sat. She was wearing a grey cardigan on top of a purple dress and as I looked down to the ground, my eyes flitted across her bare knees. The knees that had been at my shoulders just days ago as she came against my mouth. Swallowing hard, I tried to contain my growing lust and sadness.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for what happened," she said. "I didn't want to call or text so that you could have some space, but I hope you know that I never planned for that to happen. I don't know what happened with Kate and me. I'm still not sure where we'll go from here, truthfully. I just don't feel like I can let all of that time and history go without a fight, you know?"

Her eyes were watery and I could hear the sincerity in her voice. _Why did she have to smell so good today? __Oh, right, she expects me to talk now._

"I understand, Tanya. I won't lie, it was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I can't say I was prepared to be outed at my doorstep after one night with a woman. I know you didn't intend for that to happen, though, so I can hardly hold it against you. It was pretty clear you and Kate still have feelings for each other, so I'm glad you two can try and figure that out. Maybe find your way back to each other."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wasn't thinking about the words Kate was saying and how they would affect you. That was pretty selfish of me." She looked down and I could see the tears drop from her eyes onto her skirt.

I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face so I could see her eyes. _Yep, still gorgeous. Fuck._

"Tanya, you had no ill intent. If you want to blame someone, blame Kate... but even she's just a girl in love with a wonderful woman, so how can you really blame her? She's lucky to have found someone worth fighting for. Don't beat yourself up anymore, just be quiet and help me pass this class," I teased.

Tanya smiled and squeezed my hand quickly, moving it back to her desk after the brief contact. I needed a distraction, so I began to run the lyrics through my head from my song, which reminded me...

"Tanya, this is sort of a silly question. You're not leaving me CDs are you?"

She drew her eyebrows together in confusion. "No, I'm not. CDs?"

"Yeah, today was the second day in a row."

Class began and I did my best to focus. It wasn't easy. When Tanya would shift in her seat, a fresh wave of her perfume would assault me. I had to bite my lip a few times at the memories running through my head of her breasts, my fingers inside her, and the way she looked so beautiful as she came undone beneath me. Then, of course, my brain would go to the humiliation I felt standing outside my room with Kate and Tanya. The way Kate was looking at me, Tanya admitting that she didn't love me, then their kissing and attacking each other right in front of me.

It wasn't until Tanya shook my shoulder that I realized class had dismissed and we were the only two left.

"You sure you're okay, Bella?"

_Fuck, I so do not want her to use that soft tone with me right now._

"Yeah, I'm fine, Tanya. Thanks."

Giving one more small smile, I gathered my books from the table, stuffing them back in my bag. I walked out of the room behind her, wished her a good day, and found an out of the way tree to sit under. I had planned to go grab lunch at the cafe and sneak a peek at Edward, but I wasn't feeling up to it anymore. I just wanted a few minutes to gather myself back up before I had to face my next class.

I pulled my Discovery List notebook out of my bag along with a pencil and began to doodle on a random page while brainstorming for new things to add. I penciled in "cooking class," "art class," "learn Italian," and "learn French," which I realized would be necessary for my fictional-at-this-point trips overseas. Leaning against the thick tree trunk, I closed my eyes behind my glasses, thinking about Paris when I heard my phone chirp at me.

_No lunch today? -E_

Smiling, I pondered what I should text back. The jumble of emotions was bizarre; I could go from being slightly morose over Tanya to giddy at the thought of Edward, someone I hardly knew.

_Needed some time to think, sorry... not a great day. b_

Bumming Edward out or earning his sympathy wasn't my motivation, but I did want to be honest with him. I was sure it would come up later at the cafe, so why even bother to hide it?

_Sorry to hear that, b. Gonna be ok? Want me to bring you some lunch?_

Did I? I probably did, but I decided I needed to be alone, more.

_You are too sweet, but no thanks. I'll be alright. See you 430 still?_

I added "learn to skateboard" to the list and closed the notebook, putting it and the pencil back in my bag. I got out my Leary book, opening it to where my bookmark was. My phone chirped a few moments later.

_Wouldn't miss it. See you then._

The remainder of my time between classes was spent reading. I got up to stretch and walk to my next class with a little more time than I needed, wanting to go at a slower pace and enjoy the campus scenery. I was almost to the door when I heard him.

"Sexy Librarian!"

I laughed; he'd caught me with my hair pulled up and my glasses on again.

"Emmett, maybe now that you're dating my roommate, you should come up with a more appropriate nickname for me?"

"Hmm, you might be right, Bellarina. Are you graceful like a dancer?" He took my hand and tried to twirl me under his arm, except that I tripped and almost fell flat on my face. "This might take a while, Stinkerbelle. Let me think on it, okay?"

He flashed his megawatt smile and held the classroom door open for me.

"So, how'd it go with Rose?" I asked as we walked to some empty seats together.

Emmett made a grunting noise and laughed. I sat and began to get my class notes and things out of my bag.

"That good, huh? I noticed she didn't come home last night," I said.

"About that, Bella... we didn't do anything, I swear. Well, wait, I mean, we did _something_... but... crap."

"It's okay, Emmett, you don't need to explain to me. Rose is a grown up and perfectly capable of making her own choices."

I smiled and tried to reassure him but he looked like he was going to vomit.

"Are you okay, Em?"

"Bella. I really like her…."

I put my arm around Emmett's shoulder and gave him a good squeeze. "I can see that. Don't worry, I'm sure she likes you too."

He seemed to smile and relax a bit, but I could tell there was something he was holding back. I didn't get a chance to ask him about it though, since class began, but I decided to revisit our note passing from last week.

_Really, you ok? Need to talk?_ I wrote and passed it to him.

**Thanks, Stinker... I'm good, promise.**

He smiled as he passed his note back and I let that subject drop.

_You and Rose have plans tonight?_ I wrote.

**Yep, studying and dinner. You got a hot date?**He wrote back.

_No, no hot dates for me for a while... no dates in fact._ I passed the note with a huff this time.

**What? Why not, SL?**

Nudging me, he winked as he passed the paper back. I laughed; perhaps I should embrace the inner Sexy Librarian.

_Self-imposed dating exile. Need some time to figure a few things out, you know? I sort of jumped in with both feet and got a little burned._

I could see his eyebrows furrow a little as he read. The corners of his mouth drew down into a frown. He bent down to my ear, not wanting to pass notes anymore, I guess.

"Bella," he sighed. "I'm so sorry. I heard about what happened with you and Tanya, and then Alice and Jasper... I don't know any details, but are _you_ okay?"

I took in a deep breath. "I'll be okay, Emmett."

He squeezed my shoulder and went back to the notes.

**Don't shut yourself off, Bella. I know you've had a rough few days, but you never know what's out there for you next.**

Suddenly I wondered; was Emmett leaving me the CDs?

_Thanks, Em. You're not my secret CD person, are you?_

He laughed out loud_._

**Secret CD person?**

_Yeah, someone's left a CD for me two mornings in a row. No names, labels printed from a printer..._

**Stinkerbelle has a secret admirer?** He wrote.

_Shut it, Emmett. They aren't love songs, just songs about life._

We actually had to pay attention for the remainder of the class, so our notes halted for the time being. Once we were dismissed, Emmett turned to me and put his hands on my knees to keep me where I was.

"Bella, listen to me. Stop whatever's going on in your head right now. You can't be afraid. You're going to get hurt in life; that's part of taking risks. Didn't you tell me this year was to take risks and discover yourself?" I nodded. "Then do it."

"Emmett, listen, I am." I pulled out my notebook. "See this list? Things I'm going to do to discover myself. Not all of life has to revolve around having a romantic partner. These are mostly things I can do either alone or with friends. I'm not afraid. If something comes my way I won't ignore it," _except Edward_, "but can't you understand that I just need at least a few days to regroup? Come on, you know some details of what has happened over the last week."

He pulled me into a tight bear hug. I could tell this was an Emmett signature move.

"Sorry Stinker, I love you like a sister already. I'm not going to push you, but I also won't hesitate to butt in again if I see you letting life pass you by, got it?"

"Got it. Emmett? Can't breathe."

He let go and we laughed for a moment.

"I'm off to meet Rose. She mentioned you have plans on Friday and can't go out with the four of us? Was that true or a line so you didn't have to fifth wheel it?"

"True," I lied.

"I so don't even believe you, Bella, but I'm going to let you get away with it this time."

We stood up and walked out the door back into the cold, Emmett helping me put my jacket back on.

"Can I walk with you back to the room?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, actually, I'm not going to the room."

"More classes?"

"No, I'm just meeting someone," _with a fine ass_, "down at the cafe to study for a bit. I'll probably be back at the room in a few hours though, so I'll see you when you drop Rose off?"

"We'll see how the night goes," he said winking, and we went our separate ways.

I looked at my cell to check for messages and the time. It was four ten and I didn't need to meet Edward until four thirty, but my stomach had begun to rumble. I walked to the cafe and got a scone, a fruit bowl, and a coffee. I smiled when I thought of the first time I spoke to Edward and how the scone and coffee was his peace offering. Taking my plate, I found a table, dropped my bag off, then walked back up to get my coffee.

The guy behind the counter handed me my cup with a wink and I just laughed a little and shook my head. I walked back to my table with thoughts of Edward swirling in my brain. While I ate my fruit and waited for Edward, I read a little more Leary. I was just wrapping up the end of the book, having eaten all of my fruit and moved on to my scone when I heard a light laugh from beside me. I snapped my head up and saw Edward's face creased in laughter. _Beautiful._

"What's so funny, Edward?"

"_Why We Suck_, Bella? Really?" he asked.

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"I never pegged you for reading modern books. You strike me as more of a 'classics' reader."

"Well, I'm just full of surprises."

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even think about it, the flirting and teasing between us as natural as if we'd been doing it for years. He sat in the chair next to me.

"Do you have a lot to work on?" I asked.

"Yeah, unfortunately, I do," he said with a sigh. "Do you mind if I grab a coffee while you finish up?"

"Of course not, go ahead."

He stood and took his puffy brown coat off, placing it on the back of the chair he'd been sitting in. He was wearing a black button up, and it wasn't until he turned around, _of course I turned to watch him walk away, _that I saw the intricate design on the back. There were less than five pages left in my book, so I went back to it, hoping to get through them before he returned. When I finished and closed the book, Edward still hadn't returned. Turning in my chair, I saw him chatting with the winker. Edward noticed me looking and smiled before walking back to me with his mug.

"Finish your book?"

"I did. It was hysterical. Want to borrow it?"

"Actually, I would like to. Do you mind?"

"Not at all, but it's due back to the Swan Library in a week." I laughed and pushed it to him.

"Oh really?" He raised an eyebrow. "What's the fine if I'm late?" he asked, tucking it away in his bag.

_Deep breaths, Bella, deep breaths. _

Leaning closer to him, I said, "I've never had anyone dare to return anything late, but I'm sure I can think of something."

For a moment, he looked like he might close the distance between us and kiss me, but then he leaned back and we both laughed. I noticed the way his eyes sparkled when his face was happy, as if they were somehow powered by a part of his brain that lit them up with laughter. His leg slid next to mine under the table and my instinct was to jerk away from the contact. New Bella all but got into a fist fight with Old Bella in my brain. Thank God, New Bella won. My leg stayed where it was, heated from the proximity of his.

Reaching down into my bag, I got out my Discovery List notebook as well as some classwork I needed to get done while we were there. My goal was to be a good study companion; not to interrupt too much, but interact when we both needed a mental break.

"Ahh, the list!" He snatched my notebook away before I could protest. "Let's see, what have you added since I last looked? A whole page, nearly. Paris? Italy? Good start, Miss Swan, I'm impressed. Have you ever been to Europe?"

_Fuck me._ I was completely and utterly lost in his eyes. "Nope," I managed after a moment.

"Before you go, I'll have to give you a list of places to visit."

"Have you been many times?" I asked.

"We used to go every summer as a family, actually. Sometimes Rose, Alice, and their parents would join us. The last time I went was after high school graduation."

"Too busy now?" I asked.

He shrugged. "My parents get to go by themselves now. I think, as much as they hate to admit it, they enjoy going on a trip alone."

Huh. _Considerate, too?_

"So it's been four years?"

"Mmhmm." Looking down, he grabbed a thick book out of his bag. It landed on the table with a thud and I jumped a little.

"Nothing to add to my list, then?"

He smiled, still looking down at my list.

"I'm not sure I can top 'lots of things on a stick,'" he said, doing a very poor job of holding in his laughter.

"Edward! Don't make fun of me. Have you ever been to a state fair?"

"Ugh, no."

"Have you ever had anything on a stick?" I asked.

"Never. Thank god."

"That's it. Now my mind is made up." I snatched the notebook from his hands. "Guess what I'm adding to the end of that sentence?"

Pulling out my pencil, I scribbled furiously. I used my non-dominant hand to hide what I was writing.

"There," I huffed, closing the book.

His eyes shifted to my hand, placed firmly over the notebook. It was going to be a fight, I could tell as his lips twitched.

"Bella," he dragged out my name.

"Edward," I was curt.

"Are you going to show me what you wrote?"

"No."

"You're not going to make me tickle you right here in front of everyone, in this very crowded student cafe, are you?"

_He wouldn't._ My eyes narrowed at him. _Fuck, he so would._ Would that be so bad?

His hand that had been closest to me flexed and opened, palm down on the table. It crept to the edge, and I wasn't sure which I wanted more – for him to tickle me or for him to not tickle me.

"Are you ticklish, Bella?" he almost whispered.

I shook my head no.

"I don't believe you," he said with a smirk.

That damn hand, it kept creeping toward my body, resting at the edge of the table. My eyes never left it as he lifted it off the table and thrust it to my side. He wrapped his long fingers around the edge of my body, then curled them toward his palm, tickling me almost too slowly to really be called a tickle. What came out of my mouth was more of a half moan than a giggle. Surely he realized he wasn't exactly tickling?

Regaining my senses, I smacked his hand away with both of mine, leaving my notebook unprotected. He reached with his other hand and snatched the notebook, turning his body away from mine. _Damn it._

"Go to the State Fair and get lots of things on a stick with Edward," he read.

_Payback, Cullen... you know what they say._

Pressing myself against his back, I rested my chin on his shoulder. My hands moved under his arms, gliding along the tops of his thighs.

"Edward, give me back my notebook," I said softly, right at the base of his ear. He shivered, ever so slightly.

"Bella, what's SB?" _I must be doing something wrong; how can he still be talking?_

I flattened my palms on his legs.

"SB?" I asked, my head tilted up and my mouth against his neck, making sure my breath would flow across his ear.

"This line right here," he pointed. "What's SB? And, damn it, you're not fighting fair."

I saw his eyes close and took the opening to grab my notebook back. I reached into his lap, _maybe a little too into, _got the book and yanked my arms back to my body. I held the notebook tightly to my chest.

"Are you going to tell me?" he asked.

"Tell you what?" _Right, as if he's going to drop it that easily._

He laughed. "It's okay, Bella. You can just tell me that you aren't yet ready to go public with your love of Steve Buscemi."

_... if only it was that easy, Mister Cullen._ We both laughed, then, and he turned to look me in the eyes.

"Bella, you can always tell me to mind my own business. You shouldn't feel like you have to hide or lie, just tell me you aren't ready to tell me yet. I will understand. I respect your privacy."

"Thank you, Edward," I mumbled, looking down at my notebook. "I'm not ready to tell _anyone_ what SB stands for. But when I am, you'll be one of the first to know."

We exchanged another smile and both got down to the reason we were together – studying. _Studying, Swan. For class, not his ass or beautiful eyes. _

A bit later, I needed a break from reading so I grabbed my camera out of my bag and snapped a photo of a very studious looking Edward. That got his attention and he looked up, smiling at me, so I snapped another.

"Miss Swan, why are you taking my photograph?"

"It's for my board."

"Your board?" he questioned.

I briefly wondered if I was going to sound like a complete loser; a discovery board? A discovery list?

"Remember, taking time to discover myself?" He nodded, so I continued. "Well, Alice made me a big board to put things on. So far it has photographs and a few random mementos. It's okay that I took your picture, right?"

He smiled. Not just any smile – a big, beautiful crooked smile.

"Yes, it's okay."

Several hours and cups of coffee later, the sun had set and I was long out of excuses to sit and stare. Edward clearly had more coursework than I did, and I felt guilty. Packing up my bag, I set my hand on his arm, trying to gently get his attention. He looked up and stifled a yawn.

"Edward, I'm done with my homework for the night so I'm going to get going."

"Wait just a second and I'll walk you to your room, okay?"

"You really don't have to, Edward. I can see you have a ton of work, and I'd hate to take away any more study time from you."

"Why don't you let me decide how I spend my time." He smiled at me and spoke in a polite way, not forceful like those words could have been said. For all I knew, he was creating an excuse to keep studying with me, just like I had with him.

Nodding, I watched as he packed up, then held the door for me as we left the cafe.

"What made you decide to go to Dartmouth, Edward?" I asked as we walked.

He laughed. "My father, actually. He went here for med school as well. You?"

What _had_ made me choose Dartmouth?

"Truth? It was the farthest from home. From the memories. I was accepted and knew I'd come here before Charlie was killed. I just couldn't handle being anywhere close to where Renee died any more, you know? Then when Charlie was murdered and I found out about Jake, it just felt so right to be as far away from that mess as I could get myself."

"Bella, I'm going to say something that might be difficult and personal. Don't be offended, okay, I just want to give you something to think about?"

This was new. I had only known Edward a short time, but he didn't strike me as the type to ever get nervous.

"Okay."

"I just want to ask, to make sure..." He paused, clearly stumbling through his thoughts and words. "I think it's important that you don't just bury all of the grief and emotion that must come along with those three things happening in your life with new experiences. Yes, the new experiences are a great idea and a wonderful opportunity to learn yourself, but you probably need to churn through that stuff a bit before you can let go and really be the amazing person underneath all of that hurt. You might think you're doing well at handling what happened with Jasper, Tanya, and even Emmett, but Bella... you must be hurting more than you're showing. It's okay to be a little heartbroken. It's okay to admit that you let them get close and that you're sad now that things didn't work out. Make sure that while you're keeping yourself open to new experiences, you're also keeping yourself open to really processing and feeling them."

We'd reached the door to my dorm by the time he was done. I stopped to lean against it while I looked at Edward. Was he right? Was I pushing down my emotions to keep my happy face pasted on?

"Edward, would you like to come inside for a minute? You could say hi to Rose and Alice, maybe see my board? Is that totally lame?" I laughed. "I have more I want to say, but you can understand this hallway has not treated me kindly lately."

"I'd love to come in," he said.

Rose and Alice were both on the couch watching TV but hopped up to hug Edward as we came in.

"Hey guys," Rose said, looking at us after her hug with Edward.

"We just finished studying and I had to leave the cafe. If I have any more coffee, I might not sleep for the next week," I explained.

"The first step is admitting addiction," Alice teased.

"Sure, but only if you want to be cured of your addiction, Ali. I happen to love mine."

Sticking my tongue out at her, I motioned to my room, Edward following. He closed the door once inside and sat on my bed.

Pointing over to the board, I took my camera out of my bag and hooked it up to print Edward's picture. As the photo began to slide off the printer, I turned to look at him. He was still entranced with my board, despite the fact that there were really only a few things on it. When the picture was finished printing, I picked it up carefully and tacked it next to the others I already had up, standing close to Edward.

"Tanya?" he asked softly, pointing at the photograph I had taken of her reading.

"Yeah," I sighed and turned to sit on the bed. Edward sat next to me, his knee on the bed but not quite touching mine, which were folded in front of me.

"Did you love her?" he asked. I laughed.

"No, it was way too early to be in love with her. I was in deep like, I suppose. She was so smart and funny, not to mention sexy. Did you love Kate?" He looked thoughtful and I regretted asking. "I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to drag it up."

"I asked first, it's okay Bella. I don't think I was in love with her, no, but it felt like it might go that way. I sort of knew there was something she was holding back, but I wanted to give it a fair chance. We always had such amazing chemistry when we exchanged email. Am I a complete nerd or what?"

"No, no, Edward." I reached for his hand, _too much?_ "You're not a nerd. You opened yourself up to her, there's nothing more brave than that. It didn't work out, and like you told me, you need time to deal with it and let it go properly. It's okay to admit you're a little heartbroken. In fact, it's sweet. It gives me hope that there are still good guys out there." I squeezed his hand before I set it back down.

"Thanks. Perhaps I should listen to my own advice now and then. It's just as well, I suppose. I don't need distractions right now. This first year of med school is already harder than I thought it would be. Not that I can't handle it, I'm sure I'll settle into a routine soon, but it's kicking my ass right now."

Edward yawned again and I smiled. _Yeah, focus on school... stupid classes interrupting my life again._

"Sounds like you're tired, and I need to get ready for my day tomorrow."

"Kicking me out already?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I am. I have an early class and I have a feeling I'll need to stop for some caffeine between classes."

_Subtle, Bella._

"Lucky Tyler," he mumbled as we got up off my bed and stood together awkwardly for a moment.

"Not working tomorrow?"

"No, I've had to cut my hours back. I'm hoping I don't have to quit entirely, but for right now I'm down to Tuesdays and Fridays."

_Friday._

"You work Friday?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Late?"

"No, afternoon shift, then I have a class. Why?" he asked.

"Do you think you might want to do something after your last class? Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett are all going out and they want me to go…."

His crooked grin came back. "So I'm your alibi, Swan?"

"No, Cullen, not exactly. Although if you're too busy, can I still say we're going out?" I twiddled my hands together, hoping I wasn't sounding as lame out loud as I sounded in my head.

"Not too busy, Bella," he said. "I'd love to go out Friday, but you know I'm going to call this a date, right?"

"As long as you don't expect me to put out at the end, I'm okay with that."

His laughter roared through my small room and I joined him in a fit of nervous giggles. _How did I just manage to stumble into a date with Edward?_ New Bella smacked Old Bella and reminded me that I was smart, funny, sexy, and well deserving of a date with the hot guy in front of me.

We walked out of my room still laughing. Alice and Rose shot me funny looks and I waved them away, thankful Edward was in front of me and not able to see our interaction. _And thankful I could watch him as he walked. _Once he stepped out of our room, he turned back to look at me.

"Should I text you about Friday?" he asked.

"Sure, that sounds good. Good night, Edward," I said with a smile.

"Good night, Bella."

He smiled back and turned to walk out of the building, allowing me a final parting view of his assets. Closing the door, I leaned my head against it, already hearing the squeals coming from Rose and Alice. _Shit._ _Game face, New Bella, put it on..._

I turned around to face them and they were both directly in front of me.

"Oh, Bella, you guys are going to be so cute together!" Alice shrieked.

"Alice, slow down. I told you, I'm not dating anyone. Well, that's not exactly true I guess, since I did agree to go on a date Friday, but I'm not steadily dating anyone, got it?"

"You're going out with Edward on Friday?" Rose screamed.

_What is it with these two?_

"Yes, Rose, kick it down a notch, please... after the weekend, I would prefer the entire dorm _not_ know every detail of my private life. Don't go making a big deal of this, you two; he's busy with med school and I'm busy figuring out my life. We're just going out as friends, I'm sure. Before you even ask, Alice, yes you can help pick out my outfit. Now, ladies, I need to get a good night of sleep. Who has coffee duty in the morning?" I asked, looking right at Rose, knowing full well it was her turn.

"Yes ma'am. I'm on it," she confirmed with a salute.

"Good girl." I hugged her, and then Alice.

"Night ladies. See you bright and early!"

Once inside my room, I changed into my pajamas and made a mental note to order a few new books from Amazon after school the next day, when I'd have more time to browse and think. I took a minute at my computer to check my email and load my two new songs onto my iPod.

I fell asleep listening to music and dreamed of Jacob the entire night. While I was sure I hadn't yet been in love with Tanya or Jasper, I knew I'd been in love with Jake, and the dreams seemed like a cruel reminder. In the first dream, I was pregnant with our child, his hands cradling my swollen belly lovingly. I had to pee in the dream and I shot out of bed, wide awake, needing to pee urgently. The second dream was my dream wedding, down to every last detail I'd ever considered. When I got to the end of the aisle, however, it wasn't Jake standing there waiting for me anymore, it was Jake and Mike, and I realized I was intruding on _their_ wedding. The last dream was softer, more of a replay in my brain of some of my favorite memories of us rather than a creation of new material. The first picnic we went on at La Push Beach, our first kiss, our awkward first time making love. That dream was the hardest, reliving all of the memories. I woke up crying and with a sense of sadness. After the first few chords on the song coming from my alarm, I nearly screamed out loud in frustration. _Fucking All American Rejects and their Dirty Secret._

Slapping my alarm, I begged it to stop its torture of my brain and heart at the irony of my wake up song. I wiped the last few tears from my eyes and made my way to the saving grace of my existence – the coffee pot. Once I'd poured myself a cup and taken a few sips, Rose and Alice came out of their room.

"Morning Bella. You look like hell. You okay?" Alice asked.

Why did people always feel the need to point out when you look like shit? Obviously if you feel like shit, you know you probably also look like shit, why rub it in?

"Mmhmm, thanks."

I started to walk back to my room to get ready for the day when Rose called my name. I turned around and she was holding up another white CD sleeve. Already irritated and pissed off from my dreams and Dirty Little Secret wake up, I'd forgot about my CDs. Rose let the CD slide out of the paper case and began to read the enclosed note out loud.

"It looks like it's just lyrics..." she said.

_If it's a broken part, replace it_

_If it's a broken arm then brace it_

_If it's a broken heart then face it_

_And hold your own_

_Know your name_

_And go your own way_

I wasn't familiar with those, so we all walked back to my computer to play the disc. It was interesting; I had to listen to it more than once to let it soak in, but I loaded it onto my iPod so that I could listen throughout the day. It seemed happy, but for some reason the tone and melody just struck a sad note with me.

Maybe Edward was right. Maybe it was time to let myself feel a little sadness. I didn't want to wallow, but every day couldn't be sunshine and rainbows, and I needed to learn to deal with my feelings without pushing them aside or letting them take over. Balance. I needed to learn the balance of living.

**A/N: If you're happy (they have a real date!) and you know it, click "review" ...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:**** I owe so much love to so many people this week. To Mixxy, for helping me with some emotional things. To lambie, for starting my thread (yep, I'm thanking you twice, that's how much I love you!). To 4luvofmary, for being my perv in arms, for helping me tweak throbbing cocks and for pointing out my stupid errors. For McVampy, for sanity (and giggle) checking my sentences. For all of you – for reading and embracing this non-traditional story – thank you.**

**Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Maybe Edward was right. Maybe it was time to let myself feel a little sadness. I didn't want to wallow, but every day couldn't be sunshine and rainbows, and I needed to learn to deal with my feelings without pushing them aside or letting them take over. Balance. I needed to learn the balance of living._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I walked to class with my headphones in, letting my three songs wash over me. I couldn't believe I considered myself a Jason Mraz fan, but had never heard the latest song left for me, _Details in the Fabric_.

The anger at Jacob for treating me so horribly all those years was nothing, I realized, compared to the anger I felt for allowing myself to be treated that way. How does that old expression go, no one can walk on you if you don't lie down? No more lying down. _Except for Edward, maybe._ But not in that way... only in good ways.

Before my brain had a chance to wander too far down that path, I was at my classroom door. I yanked it open and found a seat easily enough. My shoulders ached and I pulled out my trusty notebook, writing "get a massage" onto the list. I had always been too weirded out by the thought of random unknown people touching me, but New Bella insisted it would be a good experience.

I tried to focus on my class, but the looming date with Edward was playing through my brain as if I was the video editor. We could go to dinner, or back to his place and watch a movie. _Edward lives off-campus. I wonder if he lives alone?_ Maybe we'd go do something fun. _What does he think is fun? _

Class was finally dismissed and I made my way to the cafe to grab a coffee. I decided to get Jasper one as well. Friends did that for each other, right? Two coffees and another wink from Tyler later, I was on my way. Sometime between waking up and the end of my first class, my mood had settled and eased out of sorrow and into comfortably numb territory. As I was walking to class, my phone chirped in my bag, but my hands were full, so it would have to wait.

As soon as I walked in the door, I scanned the room for Jasper and finally spotted him tucked into a row in the middle of the class. _Huh. Is Jasper avoiding me?_ I walked to the row and excused myself past several people before standing next to him.

"Jasper?"

He looked up, surprised.

"Hey B. Oh my god, did you bring me coffee?"

"Yeah. Why'd you sit over here? Can I sit next to you?" I asked.

"Of course you can, Bella. I'm sorry, I talked to Alice this morning and she said it might be good if I laid low for a while. She mentioned you were having a rough morning," he explained.

_Fucking Alice and her good intentions.__ Love her._

"It's okay, Jasper. It wasn't you or anything to do with you. Friends are important, right?" I smiled at him as I sat and he smiled back.

"Do you need to talk, Bella?" He whispered, since class had begun.

"Not right now, Jasper, thanks. Maybe another time, though."

I grabbed my phone and saw the text was from Edward. I smiled, big and wide.

**I can't believe I missed you. I ran all the way from the opposite end of campus to catch you during your caffeine fix and Tyler said I missed you by a few minutes. agghh... Coffee Girl, can we meet up later? Not sure I can make it to Friday... need a fix... E**

I giggled at his lengthy text message and his playful tone.

_Scone Boy – I'm not a drug, nor something you get a "fix" of. Sorry we missed each other at the cafe, what did you have in mind for later? PS – does Tyler have a nervous tic or does he wink at all breathing females? b_

Hah, I could be witty and flirty, too. Let's see how he likes that.

**Terribly sorry to compare you to drugs, although I must confess, I do find your presence intoxicating at times. I thought we could get together and get a little sweaty, a nice burn going in our muscles, heart pumping, heavy breathing, blood flowing…. Tyler is in fact very particular and only winks at the most beautiful women. **

I laughed: sweaty, burning muscles, heart pumping, blood flowing? Even Edward Cullen wasn't that forward, was he?

_Why, Edward, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with your suggestion. I mean, I did just watch Sweet Home Alabama last night, and while Josh Lucas did have me breathing heavy, sweating and got my blood flowing to all the right places, I'm not sure I can handle another viewing so soon again._

I held my phone in my hand so that I could review his text, which seemed to come back instantaneously.

**Josh Lucas? Coffee Girl, I'm hurt. You don't want to be sweaty and breathing heavy with me?**

I didn't want to give him the wrong impression, but I was having fun playing with him, and the nickname thing was growing on me.

_You don't get hot & sweaty from looking Josh Lucas? Have you seen him with his shirt off? What sort of hot, sweaty action did you have in mind for tonight, Scone Boy?_

I took notes, paid attention, and did my best to not focus on Jasper's lips and the way they wrapped around the edge of the coffee cup each time he took a sip. My phone was on vibrate and I looked down when I felt it buzz against my leg.

**Come, run with me? I need a little adrenaline after these classes today. You in? If not, tell me when and where I can meet you for my fix. E**

A run? It had been a while, but I was game for that. I knew I could keep a decent pace and it wouldn't hurt to work off a little of the Ben & Jerry's I seemed to be inhaling lately.

_A run sounds nice, actually. This is my last class, should be done around 1. When/where do you want to meet? -CG_

I turned back to focus on the class and slipped my phone in my bag with a smile. It suddenly clicked – Edward and I were flirting, and I realized that he had more than a passing interest in me. I don't know why it wasn't obvious before, but the flirting had always seemed light, fun and playful, and not at all what I was used to.

"You look pleased all of a sudden," Jasper whispered.

"Just making plans with a friend," I explained.

"A friend? Would this friend happen to be Edward?"

_Damn it, Alice, can't you keep your mouth shut?_

Jasper was my friend, why bother to hide it? I had a crush, it was fun, it was flirty, it was just what I needed.

"Yep, sure is," I said.

Jasper smiled at me and we went back to our schoolwork.

When class dismissed, Jasper and I talked for a few minutes about his plans for the day. He was going to have lunch with Alice, then maybe catch a movie together. I let him know I was probably going to be out of the room for a while, running with Edward, and he just smiled at me. I had no clue how fast he and Alice were going with their budding relationship and I liked it that way for now.

We hugged and went our separate ways. I grabbed my phone out from my bag on the walk back to the room and saw that Edward had texted me to say he would meet me there at two, if that was okay, so I texted him back quickly to confirm.

Once I got to my room, I dug through my dresser to find some workout clothes and changed. I waited for Edward on the couch once I'd pulled my hair back into a ponytail and changed into running shoes. He showed up right on time, two water bottles in hand.

"Thanks, Edward," I smiled at him.

"My pleasure."

"So, do you have a route planned for our run? I haven't run since I got here, to be honest."

"I do. In the few years I've been here, I've scouted a few good paths. Did you run back home?"

"Yeah, a few times a week. When it was rainy I had to take it indoors to the gym, but I like being outside. I'm sure once it starts to snow we'll be forced inside again," I said.

"Wouldn't be so bad, being forced inside with you, Coffee Girl." I blushed at his double entendre.

We were standing outside, stretching and getting ready for our run together. I was watching as each muscle moved in his legs and back; he had spandex running shorts with the fluttery running shorts over the top, and a skin tight running shirt on as well. Even though it was a full sleeve length, I could see when his biceps flexed and relaxed.

"Ready?" Edward asked.

I was suddenly worried. "What? We're not racing, right?"

"No, of course not. There's no way you'd keep up with me," he winked. He had me there, no use in even arguing.

"Ready," I said.

Edward took off at a light jog and I was trying to steady my breath and keep his pace. Pathetic that I was already feeling winded, just a sign that I needed to get out there more, I guess. Maybe it would mean more runs with Edward, never a bad thing.

"I think I'll take it easy on you today and just loop around the pond, but I expect more from you Swan... I'm going to amp it up next run, just so you know," he smiled.

I just smiled back, wondering how he could keep talking while we were running. He already wanted to run with me again though, that was probably a good sign. Normally I would've had my iPod with me, but it seemed like an antisocial move, and I definitely wanted to at least try to talk to Edward as we ran. I looked down at the ground briefly and found myself entranced by the movements of Edward's leg muscles. With each step we took on the ground, his calves moved and the muscles shifted, flexing and releasing. I looked up to his thighs and wondered if they flexed this same way in bed. _In bed?_ _Getting a little ahead of yourself, Swan._

I slowed briefly and let him go a pace in front of me, allowing me the best view of all. My eyes flicked up from his thighs to his ass, and even though he had those funny little running shorts on, the spandex beneath left very little to the imagination. I could see as he flexed with each stride he took and I imagined him naked, wondering how the muscles would move as he flexed his hips forward or pulled them back.

It became clear to me that my mind had wandered a little too far when I was suddenly greeted by the brown dirt directly in front of my face.

"Oh shit, Bella! Are you okay?" _Fuck._

Rolling onto my back, I kept my eyes tightly closed. I wasn't ready to get up off the ground and face my humiliation just yet.

"I think so," I whispered.

I felt Edward's hands on my forehead, then his fingertips traced across my cheeks and up to my nose. They ghosted across my lips and over my chin, then down my arms, checking for damage, I'm sure.

"You scraped up your leg pretty bad. Can you bend it?" Edward's voice took on a very serious doctorly tone and I giggled at that.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I opened my eyes to look at him. "You sounded so serious just then. Very doctor like. It's kind of hot, actually."

He turned a slight shade of pink and stuck his hands out to help me up. I slipped my hands into his and he helped me stand, letting go of only one of my hands when I was upright. We walked back to campus, me limping slightly, holding hands the whole way. I think my smile never dipped below ear-to-ear the entire time.

It took double the amount of time to get back to my room walking, but there was no way I could run. Once we were in the room, Edward dug through his bag looking for something, then went into Alice's room and found a first aid kit to clean up my knee. He came out with a bottle of peroxide and a small blue box.

He saturated a cotton ball in peroxide and swiped it across the abrasion, then blew lightly to help with the stinging. I shivered. The breath wasn't meant to be anything more than a comfort, but I was sitting up on the kitchen counter with Edward Scone Boy Cullen between my legs, lips puckered. I stifled the moan that desperately wanted to escape and coughed, instead.

"You okay?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, it just stings a little," I said, wincing.

"Sorry. Just let me tape some gauze on here and you'll be ready to go."

He put a square of gauze over my knee, then taped the top and bottom with some funny white tape. When he was finished, he rested his hand on the top of my knee, almost at my upper thigh. The heat from his hand was making me slightly dizzy.

"Thank you, Edward."

"Don't thank me, Bella, I'm the reason you tripped." _Oh shit, how did he know that? _"If I hadn't suggest we go running together, you wouldn't have fallen and scraped up your knee. I'm the one who should be sorry."

_Whew._

"We'll call it a draw on the blame game, okay?" I smiled.

"Since running was a bust, can I take you out for dinner?"

Crap, I really wanted to go, but it was also getting late; the walking back and then patching me up had taken much longer than anticipated. I tried to give Edward the most genuine look of regret I could as I spoke.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I would love to go to dinner, but we're already way past where I thought we'd be time-wise if we'd just gone for a run. I have a paper due in a few days and I'm in desperate need of a shower. If I want to have time to go out with you Friday, I need to get my homework finished up today and tomorrow."

He looked down at the ground; was he embarrassed? I put my hand over his, which was still resting on my knee.

"Hey, speaking of, what are your plans for Friday, anyways?"

He looked up at me and smiled. "As if I'm going to tell you. What time can I pick you up?"

I narrowed my eyes at him in mock frustration. "I have early classes, so I'm done for the day by one, just like today. What time would you like to pick me up?"

"Hmm, this will require more thought on my part. I didn't realize you were done with classes so early. I'll let you know tomorrow, okay? I should probably get back to my apartment and be a good student like you. Then I'll be able to enjoy Friday night guilt free as well."

"Yes, we don't want any guilt tainting our fun, do we? Help me down?" I requested.

_Yeah, it was a cheap ploy to get his hands on me._

He put his hands around my waist and lifted me slightly before bringing me down off the counter. I landed between his legs, my body pressed right up against his. He was warm and hard, but when he dropped his arms to the sides, his chest relaxed and felt soft and safe. I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second to inhale his scent and imprint this memory into my brain.

He took a step back, mumbling a lame apology and walked to the door. I opened it and held the handle, waiting for him to walk through and end our time together. He stopped right at the threshold, picked up his bag and looked at me, his head cocked to the side.

"Thanks for the run, Bella. I hope we can do it again sometime, without injury."

I laughed. "Me too, Edward. I can already tell you're going to be good for my cardiovascular health." _Good girl, New Bella._

He smiled wider and laughed as he walked off, and I took my time again to enjoy the view. Once he was out of sight, I closed and locked the door. I had the dorm room to myself and was in desperate need of a shower. I walked to my room to grab some pajamas to wear. I really wanted to wear the warm flannel pair with my red thermal tee, so I found those and sat on the bed. After I took off my shoes and socks off, I laid back for a moment, thinking about my run. _Edward running._

My eyes closed and I could see him again, leg muscles working as he ran. I could hear him drawing air into his lungs and being pushed back out. I imagined his lips as he panted for breath, those sweet, red ripe lips. When we ran, his elbows were at his sides, arms pumping back and forth. His biceps revealed that he did more than just run, and I wondered what it would be like to wrap my fingers around them and use them as leverage.

Peeling my clothes off, I threw them on the floor, deciding I could walk to the shower in my robe. I laid back down again, head resting comfortably on my pillow. My left hand teased my nipple as my right slowly rubbed back and forth over my clit. I tried to remember what Jasper had done with, for, and to me that night, convinced that I needed the release and could find it again on my own, now that I mostly knew what to do.

As soon as I closed my eyes again, he was there. _ It was his hands on my body, his face back between my knees, hot breath spilling over my skin. I had seen his lips wrap around his fork and spoon when we ate together the previous weekend, and I imagined them against my skin. His little tongue peeked out to lick the sweat from my body as he worked his way up to my mouth. _

My left hand slid further from my breast and down to join my other hand. _ I could see him above me, similarly to how we'd been positioned as he helped me off the counter; bodies pressed together as close as can be, except we were naked. I could feel just the tip of him pressing against where I wanted him most. _I slid a finger just barely inside myself and groaned.

_He pressed forward, letting just the tip slide in. I lifted my hips to take him all the way inside. _My finger dipped all the way in, and I quickly added a second, moving them in and out as I rubbed faster with my other hand._ Edward was kissing my chin, my mouth, my ear, worshipping me, loving me. He moved in and out of me with reverence, slowly. I could hear his soft moans and sighs as he got closer to his edge. My name slipped sweetly from his lips as he rested his body against mine and grunted._

I closed my mouth, tightly pressing my lips together in hopes of dampening the sound as I came, the thoughts of Edward buried deep inside of me overwhelming me. As soon as I felt the muscle spasms slow around my hand, I withdrew my fingers and slowed the circles from my other hand.

Once my breathing returned to normal, I stood up and put my robe and slippers on. Grabbing my toiletries, I made my way down to the shower, Rose and Alice still nowhere to be found.

**EPOV**

I felt like I was fifteen again, driving home; couldn't I be civilized and wait a few more minutes until I got to my apartment? I was rock hard and ready to go, even before I'd seen her for the first time that day. The flirting texts, just missing her at the cafe, and oh, when she ran. I could see her legs moving almost gracefully at first, her arms pumping beside her, panting. She was clearly working hard, but that was my intention. I wanted to see her glow with a sheen of perspiration. I wanted to imagine slowly licking a falling drop of it from her neck. The way her whole body moved as she ran, breasts bouncing, hair bopping, every move she made seemed designed to turn me on even more.

Even when she fell, she rolled onto her back, eyes closed, head tilted back. I could almost imagine a look of pleasure on her face instead of the wince of pain. Holding her hand as we walked back to the room, and patching up her knee were the most brutal pleasure. Her body was radiating heat into mine as I blew across the peroxide on her knee. When I took in my next breath from my position between her legs, I could have sworn I could smell her arousal.

Then she had to go and mention taking a shower, and I had to look at the floor so she wouldn't see the pained look of desire cross my face – I didn't want to go there with her just yet. I wanted to savor the courting, the wooing, the romance between us. But there was no way she couldn't feel me pressed against her as I brought her down from the counter, her breasts pleasantly pressed into my chest.

Alice had given me some interesting information about Bella. Bella herself had told me about her past and a lot of detail about Jasper and Tanya, but Alice brought more emotion into it. Bella kept up a strong front when telling me about her parents and Jake, but Alice knew the softer side and could see how much pain it caused Bella, even if she didn't admit it to herself. I listened and stored away every detail Alice gave me, whether it was in person, on the phone or via email. _It's always in the details._

I pulled into my parking spot and let out a groan. I had to actually stand, walk to my apartment, and try to make it into the shower before I could let the fantasies begin again. I tried my usual thoughts of puppies and kittens, my grandma, Janet Reno... anything to will the erection back to a "walkable" level. Once I was there, I sprinted into the apartment and kicked my shoes off at the door. I walked to my bedroom, took my clothes off and put them in the hamper, _yep, I'm a dude that picks up after himself_, and turned the shower on.

The steam began to fill the bathroom and I tested the water with my hand. As I climbed in, I let the thoughts flood my brain and the blood flow back into my cock. The irony hadn't escaped me that the last time I was fantasizing about a specific woman in the shower, it was this woman, before I even knew her name. I no longer needed the extra woman in the fantasy; Bella alone would be enough to satisfy me for what I already suspected would be a long time.

I thought back to Bella on the ground, propped on her elbows, lips slightly parted. _Fuck, I want her mouth on mine. On my body, everywhere._ _First, we'd kiss and I would slowly undress her. I wanted to lick her entire body, stopping at her breasts to suck a nipple into my mouth. I would run my tongue across the hardening peak and pinch the other gently between my fingers._ My hand began to stroke up and down my hard, wet cock. I grabbed the conditioner bottle and put a healthy drop in my main wanking hand.

_Once I'd paid proper attention to her breasts, I would lay her back and worship her. My mouth would swipe through the folds of her slit before my lips wrapped around her clit. I would suck and lick her there for a moment, perhaps even dip a finger deep into her._ As I stroked harder, squeezing, I could feel the drops of precum leaking out from the tip. I swiped my hand across the top, gathering them up and spreading them out across my shaft. I swirled the tip a few times bringing myself closer to the edge. _I would add another finger, fucking her gently, lapping at her clit with my tongue pressed flat, wanting to bring her to orgasm more than once before my own. I could see her eyes roll back in her __head as I imagined what she looked like when she came._

I felt my own orgasm rise and spill out of me as my dick pulsed in my hand. I put the palm of one hand against the shower wall as my legs felt weak, my dick still throbbing in my hand. I had stopped my movements, giving my body a moment to recover. My brain wandered while my body rested._ Once she came under my mouth, I would kiss her hips, up her belly and back to her breasts. I would stop again, swiping licks and placing kisses at each nipple while touching her. I wanted to touch and caress every spot on her, to let her know just how she made me feel._

_My mouth would meet hers sweetly, but filled with need. Loving, but longing. _I began to get hard again and returned my hand to its spot at the base of my shaft and stroked much more slowly. _My mouth would open to hers, her lips separating and both of us panting into each other as we break for deeper breaths. I could imagine her soft lips against mine as my hands roamed her gorgeous body. I'd run one along her side and up to her breast as I kissed her, her moan sliding directly into my mouth, the vibrations of her lips against mine. _

_My hand would move down between us, first teasing her, sliding between her lips and dipping a finger or two inside of her and then back out, pressing against her clit. Her hips would arch up into my touch and I would bring my hand down to help sink myself into her. _The thought of lowering myself into her, sheathing my hard cock inside of her wetness, sent me flying over the edge the second time. Once again, a sign of complete and utter … something, when you can't even make it to coming in your fantasy before you come in reality. And I was totally fine with that.

Fairly soon after that I finished showering. I lathered up my body, made a few funny hairdos with the shampoo in my no-fog mirror that I kept in the shower for shaving, and generally had a good time. There was a lightness to me, a sense of happiness, that I hadn't felt in a long time. It wasn't that I was depressed or sad before, but this was a new heightened state of happy. A better Edward. She already made me want to be a better man and I only knew a fraction of the truth that was Bella.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist, walking into my office/study. I sat at my computer and worked for a few minutes, then walked to my bedroom to find some pajama pants. After I put my pants on, I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a beer. Leaning against the counter, I thought more about the woman that had captured my thoughts and was well on the way to capturing my heart. I didn't want or need any more distractions after Kate; I wanted the opposite. I wanted to go back to concentrating fully on my schoolwork and focusing on my future, but I realized that maybe this was my lesson to learn, too.

As I walked back to my desk to finish my homework, I began to plan our date more thoroughly. I emailed Alice to ask her a few more questions about Bella, then wrapped things up and turned in for the night. I snuggled under my comforter and thought about my night with Bella. My main goal was to get one great kiss.

**BPOV**

I showered and changed into my pajamas, finished my homework in record time, then went into the living room to chat with the girls. Rose and Alice were both back, so we talked about Jasper and Emmett, both of them clueless about my afternoon with Edward.

"Bella, I heard you have a date on Friday," Alice half asked, half mocked.

"I do indeed." I couldn't contain the smile. I had just come by my own hand for the first time in my life to the beautiful image of him fucking me, and I wasn't about to hold in the happy.

"Shit, Bella, you look like you just got laid," Rose said. _If she only knew._

All I could do was giggle. It was a good day that started as a shitty day. The past looming over me had been replaced with the joyous prospect of the future.

I fell asleep with a mile wide grin on my face. It was my turn to do coffee, so I woke up a few minutes early and got everything going. I spied the CD at the door and practically hopped over. I slid the shiny disc out and put it in my computer, pressing play as fast as I could.

My giggles turned into full belly laughs and soon I was lying on the bed, overwhelmed by the shaking. Alice and Rose burst through my door, not even bothering to knock. They both looked at me with curious expressions. I was gasping for breath, muttering like an idiot as Fergie's _Clumsy_ played in the background.

"He... we... clumsy... oh god... it's him... trippin... stumbling... oh shit...I can't believe it's him..."

Tears were streaming down my face when I finally calmed down. Edward Scone Boy Cullen was sending me CDs. This morning's had a definite romantic overtone to it (although it was also flat out mocking me), and I couldn't have been happier at the prospect. I was even more excited for Friday.

**A/N2: OK, so now you know about the CDs... click review and show me some love, bbs.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Many thanks to the nameless bitch that helped me with some ideas and such, even though I said I was going to offer her no thanks. I love you hard and appreciate your friendship more than you know. Every conversation we have requires my LOLerskates and brightens my day.**

**Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit. And to SweetDulcinea, who rocks my socks.  
**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Tears were streaming down my face when I finally calmed down. Edward Scone Boy Cullen was sending me CDs. This morning's had a definite romantic overtone to it (although it was also flat out mocking me), and I couldn't have been happier at the prospect. I was even more excited for Friday._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I already had that particular Fergie song on my iPod, so I didn't need to load it. I created a new playlist, ESBC, and added the songs I'd received thus far to it, in the order I'd received them. I wasn't sure if I was going to ask Edward outright about the CD deliveries. They'd become a very fun and interesting part of my day, and I didn't want them to stop.

Replaying Emmett's words in my brain several times, I sprinkled in Edward's advice about not pushing my pain away. It was hard to bite off small pieces of grief and handle them. I was still trying to figure out how to not collapse my day with grief when a stray thought passed through my brain about my mom, Charlie, or Jacob. I knew that I was happiest lately when I was around Edward. Even if it never bloomed beyond friendship, I was already grateful to have him in my life.

I had to get through this day to get to my date with Edward. Thursdays were my split class days, so I had an early class with Tanya and an afternoon class with Emmett. I found myself actually looking forward to both of them. The more excited I got about my date with Edward, the more the pain eased with the Tanya situation, and of course Emmett was guaranteed to make me laugh at least ten times.

My first class was American Poetry with Tanya. Things went fine. We sat next to each other again, exchanging the typical pleasantries friends do. When class was over we discussed an upcoming paper that was due and then it was off to a lunch break pit stop at the cafe. Edward must not have been working, but I saw Tyler. Of course he winked as he handed me my coffee and sandwich. I got a text from Edward a few minutes later.

**Tyler's teasing me with descriptions of how hot you look today... busy later?**

I smiled. I wanted to look nicer, admittedly on the off chance I ran into Edward, so I had on a blue knit dress with white polka dots, silver ballet flats and some silver pieces of jewelry. Flirting back and forth with Edward had become the highlight of my days.

_Study together? Meet 4:30, library or cafe? -b_

I did still have tons of work and wanted to take off Friday after classes without guilt.

**You're very studious, Ms Swan. Will meet you 430 for coffee and studying, desp need caffeine and my CG fix.**

And he thought I was an addict...

Just like on Tuesday, I got to the cafe first. This time, I pulled out my textbooks and began to work before he got there instead of reading for pleasure like last time. I had my earbuds in, listening to my ESBC playlist when I noticed Edward pulling out the chair next to me. He took his jacket off before sitting down and set it in the chair opposite me, on top of my own jacket. As he moved next to me, I could smell his scent and it was slightly intoxicating.

"Hey," I said. He laughed. _Why is he laughing at me?_

I furrowed my eyebrows and he pointed to my earbuds, still laughing. I looked around and, yep, people were staring.

"That loud?" I barely whispered. He just nodded and tried to control his laughter.

Setting his bag down and taking a seat, he looked at me so intensely that I was suddenly nervous.

"What?" I asked.

He smiled, the full and glorious crooked smile of his. "Nothing," he said, shaking his head, never drifting his eyes away from mine.

"Hey, you have glasses on," I said. _Real observant, Bella._

"Yeah," he looked down at the floor. "I had a late night and my eyes just rebelled against my contacts this morning. Do I look like a total dork?" He ran his hand through his hair as he spoke, making it go even crazier than usual.

"Oh, God, no... it's nice, I like them. Sexy. Smart."

He looked slightly flustered at the compliment. "I'm going to get a drink and a snack. Can I get you something?"

I pulled together my most serious face and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. "I don't know. There's this crazy employee here and I think if he sees someone bringing me food or beverages, he might lose his monkey shit on me... _again_."

Edward lifted one of his eyebrows and pursed his lips, holding his laughter in. A nice pink shade spread across his cheeks and somehow made him look even more appealing to me.

"That reminds me, crazy Coffee Girl, are you ready to take back calling me an asshole yet?"

He'd leaned in ever so slightly closer to me and as he spoke, and I paid careful attention to his lips. The way each line and crease moved as he spoke suddenly fascinated me. _Would they move like that against mine? Against my skin?_

Shaking my head no, I gave him a wide smile.

"You sure I can't get you anything?" he asked a second time. "I promise not to lose my monkey shit."

My turn to quirk an eyebrow. "You sure you can hold it in?"

"Yes. What can I get you?"

"Double tall mocha and a cinnamon chip scone?" I said with a grin.

"I'll be right back."

"Bless you!" I smiled at him before he walked away. _Yeah, his ass is rocking in the jeans again._

**EPOV**

Fuck, I wanted to kiss her so badly in that moment at the table, but I didn't want to kiss someone who thought I was an asshole. I'd need to wait. I had to wait. I wanted to wait. Okay, maybe certain parts of me didn't want to wait, but I'd think about that later.

Even while just sitting there studying, she was sexy. She had her legs crossed and I could see the foot that was on the ground tapping now and then, her calf flexing and relaxing. I wanted that calf to be flexing against my shoulder. Both of her legs, actually. _More fresh data for the bank._

As I walked to the counter to grab our snacks and coffee, I could feel her eyes on my body. I wanted her to want me as much as I wanted her, so I was glad she was showing an interest.

Alice and I had talked the night before, after I'd dropped off the next CD while pretending to fish around for medical supplies in my bag. She was supposed to put the CD by the front door to save me a trip so early in the morning after my late night of studying, but when I got home and began to think about it, I knew I had to swap songs. Bella was worth the early mornings, so I had Alice hang on to the burned CD and brought the Fergie song to tuck under the door.

Alice's help had been something I wasn't sure I could ever repay her for. She said she wanted to help Bella find happiness, like she had. At first, Alice didn't know I was the one leaving the CDs, but she put two and two together after the second day and emailed me. We talked for several hours on the phone that night, mostly about Bella and some reminiscing about our fun moments together. Alice told me about Bella's nightmares and it tugged at my heart to hear how sad she was at times. I wondered if Bella would bring up the CDs. _There was no way she wouldn't be able to figure out who was sending them now, right?_

After ordering her scone and my sandwich, I walked them back to the table before getting our coffees. She was engrossed in her book again, so I set the plate next to her and walked back to the counter.

"You gonna hit that, dude?"

_Ugh._

"Tyler, don't be a douche. No, I'm not going to _hit that_. I am going to try and date her, though, so stay the fuck away," I growled.

Grabbing our coffees, I didn't bother to wait for his response before turning to walk back to the gorgeous woman waiting for me. I smiled, thinking about our date the next day. I had most of the plans in place, I just needed to pick up the flowers on the way to get her, pack up the food, and get the blankets in the car.

When I got back to the table, I placed Bella's cup next to her left hand and took my seat. She smiled at me and I thought about the way her lips stretched across her face, covering her shiny white teeth. I imagined them stretched over other places on my body and felt myself straining against my pants.

"Do you have a lot of work to do?" I asked, desperate to distract my brain.

"Not too much. Just enough to irritate me," she laughed.

I smiled again at the realization that I wanted to hear that laugh every day. Was I getting ahead of myself? Probably, but I couldn't help it. Maybe this is what my father meant when he told me that he hoped I'd someday meet someone that would turn my world upside down. I'd blown him off at the time, but looking at Bella in that moment, I could see leaving behind my selfish and immature behavior for something better with her.

When my sandwich was gone, I took my plate to the counter, then got my books out and began to study next to her. I'd read a few sentences, then glance up to study her. Sometimes I'd look at her face, tracing the lines of her eyes with mine, or the shape of her nose. I memorized the furrow of her brow as she focused and concentrated, the cupid's bow of her lip as my brain wandered and thought about softly licking it.

Stealing a glance to her pale arm, I trailed my eyes from her wrist that I longed to suck and nibble on, to her elbow where I could imagine placing more kisses and then up to her shoulder... which of course led me to her collarbone. Her dress cascaded down the front of her body in a V that covered her beautiful breasts and I was pulled out of my thoughts, unabashedly staring at her, by the clearing of her throat.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen, do you see something you might like?" she whispered, a smirk across her face.

_Fuck me._

My lips brushed across the lobe of her ear when I leaned into her, before speaking. "I'm not sure yet, Ms. Swan. I'll give you a thorough and complete analysis once I've had a closer look."

She shivered as I pulled back and I noticed her eyes were closed.

"Cold?"

"Mmm, maybe a little," she said, opening her eyes.

She brought her hands up to rub her arms and that only made her breasts push out farther. _Was she teasing me as much as I was teasing her?_ I pulled my sweater off over my head and handed it to her. She slipped it on and we both laughed at how big it was on her. Then she did something I never in a million years would have expected. Her eyes closed again and she turned her head toward me, lowered her nose to her shoulder and took in a deep breath. _The fuck?_

"Coffee Girl, are you _sniffing_ my sweater?"

She turned beet red and her eyes scrunched closed even tighter than they'd been, emphasizing the cute creases at the edges. I wanted to kiss each side, to reassure her. Of course, she surprised me again by opening her eyes and looking right at me, somehow finding her confidence.

"I like the way you smell, crazy Scone Boy. Got a problem with that?"

She arched an eyebrow, as if tempting me to cross her. I shifted in my seat, a lame attempt to adjust myself and regain some comfort in my pants. We were back to Feisty Bella, the one that made me see her in a new light that first time I'd met her, before I even knew her name. This led me to thinking about my shower time and I had two sudden realizations.

First, she probably had actually done something very similar to what I fantasized about her doing with Tanya. I wondered if it had been Tanya who was with Bella that morning. _Holy shit that would be hot._ Second, I realized I'd formed a habit of making withdrawals from the bank while thinking about her in the shower. _Note to self: withdraw from the bank on dry land next time.__ A guy has to have goals, right?_ I wondered if I could spread her across the table in front of us and show her just how much I wanted and needed her right in this moment.

_Play it cool, Cullen. _"No problem at all," I said, smiling.

We both turned back to our books and a few minutes later, I noticed her hand resting between our texts.

"Need this hand for anything?" I asked, tilting my head down towards her hand.

"Not right at the moment, but I'm sure I'll need it at some point," she laughed.

I moved my right hand up and over her left. Spreading my fingers, I laced through hers and curled them into her hand. As I went back to reading my book, I rubbed the side of her palm with my thumb.

**BPOV**

_Did he really just ask if I needed my hand?_

"Not right at the moment, but I'm sure I'll need it at some point," I said.

I watched as he put his hand over the top of mine, not underneath as I would have expected. He wrapped his fingers together with mine. His hand was hot and his skin was softer than I imagined it would be. His thumb traced lazy paths on the side of my hand, and I should have known that studying was all but useless at that moment. Instead, I pretended to read my book again and he seemed to be doing the same.

We spent the next hour in relative silence, just enjoying the company of each other while we worked independently, but together. The quiet was nice and reassured me that we could be around each other and actually focus and get work done, which was important to me. _Well, I could focus before he put his hand on mi__ne, at least._

I _needed_ to do well in school, but more than that, I wanted to do well. I realized that I wanted to be with someone that wanted me to better myself. Jake wanted success for himself, but never thought about the implications of what that might mean for me, often sacrificing my own wants or needs to fulfill his.

"Coffee Girl?" Edward whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, Scone Boy?" I replied, not bothering to look up from my book.

"You've been on that page for like twenty minutes now."

_Shit._

"Yeah, and?"

"You done studying? I have some things I need to attend to for this date I have tomorrow. Can I walk you back to your room?"

"Date, huh? Tyler finally work up the nerve to ask you out?" I teased.

I bit my lip to keep from giggling and his head whipped up so he could look at me.

"Coffee Girl, this is your first and final warning. Do not ever put the mental image of Tyler asking me out in my brain again."

We laughed and I pulled my hand away from his to pack up my bag. Once we were both ready to go, jackets back on, bags over our shoulders, he took my hand again and I smiled at him. I wanted him to know that I liked that he was holding my hand. He nodded at the person working the register, Tyler's shift long over, as we walked out of the cafe and into the dark evening.

"Hey, what time are you picking me up tomorrow?" I asked.

"I was thinking I'd pick you up around four. Does that work?" He looked at me and his eyes seemed to be full of hope and happiness. He looked so youthful and full of life in that moment; glasses perched perfectly on his nose, cheeks pink from the cold air, eyes bright.

"Yeah, four would be great."

Four would give me plenty of time to get back from classes, change, and freshen up. We walked into my building and stopped in front of the door to the room.

"Hey, can I get a hint about where we're going? You know, so I know how to dress," I explained.

He smiled. "A hint? Hmm."

He let go of my hand and leaned in. My back was pressed against the door. Grabbing the lapels of my jacket in his hands, he pulled me slightly closer to him and leaned down. _Is he going to kiss me? Oh, God, please, KISS ME!_

"Wear something warm and comfortable," he whispered in my ear.

Edward placed one soft kiss on my cheek before backing up and out of my personal space.

"I do have a favor to ask of you, however," he said, looking down at the ground.

"Oh?"

"Do you think I could possibly email your song of the day tomorrow? While it brings me great joy to stop by on my morning run and deliver it, I suspect you might appreciate a date that won't need to crash by nine." He chuckled and looked up at me.

"Ah, you're confessing already? I'm a little disappointed. That doesn't mean the music will stop, does it?" I smiled at him, hopeful.

"Well, I did just ask for your email address so I could send it, didn't I? I'm glad you like them and would be disappointed if they were gone," he said. The tone of his voice was soft and warm. "I don't intend to stop anytime soon. I just thought perhaps I could stop using an entire CD every day for only one song, and waking up so early."

Taking his hand back in mine, I used my other hand to dig my keys out of my bag. I unlocked the door and tugged him in. _Huh, no one is home?_

"C'mon. I'll get a piece of paper to write down my email address."

We exchanged a smile and walked to my bedroom with me leading the way. Once we were inside, I let go of his hand and Edward sat on the edge of my bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As if he belonged there.

_Oh, Edward, you have no idea how many times I have imagined you in that bed._

There was a notepad on my desk, so I sat in the chair and wrote my email address down. I passed him the paper, then stood up to walk him out. His hands flew out from his sides and hooked behind my knees. He didn't pull me forward, he just played with the backs of my knees and I nearly fucking swooned right there. It took all of my strength not to rest my knees on either side of him and push him back, having my way with him.

_Must send Jasper a thank you card for awakening the beast._

I looked down into his eyes, suddenly so serious and heavy with emotion. The movement of his fingers against my skin would have tickled under normal circumstances, but he wasn't exactly using a light, tickling touch.

"Tyler was right, you know," he half whispered.

"Mmm?"

"He said what you were wearing would drive me crazy. That day you came into the cafe with your friend, you were wearing a similar shade of blue and I might have mentioned it to him. You should never wear any other colors."

I laughed and he stood up, his hands dragging up my legs slightly. His fingertips rested against the back of my thighs, material pooled in his hands, as he stood in front of me. His fingers were less than an inch from the bottom of my ass and I was again struggling with myself; did I want him to keep going or not?

"I should go," he said quietly.

Edward turned and picked up his bag, letting go of my legs. I was instantly disappointed, but I had hope that we'd be in a similar position again soon. He led the way out of my room, then opened the door to leave. Once Edward was outside the room, he turned back to me. Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, he stopped to rub his thumb along my cheekbone.

"See you tomorrow, Coffee Girl."

He bent and kissed my cheek softly again, lingering just a moment longer than a peck, before giving me one last smile. As he walked away, I sighed. _Yep, you have it bad, Swan._ _The sooner you admit it, the so__oner you can just let go and be happy again._

I closed the door and walked back to my room, changing into my pajamas. Sprawled out on my bed, I stared at the ceiling. My mind began to replay memories of Jake, almost against my will. I didn't want to think about him, I wanted to maintain my state of blissed out Edwardness. Once I began down that path, though, the memories and emotions flooded back.

Our first kiss played like a movie in my brain, as fresh as if it had happened the day before. My left hand went unconsciously to my right, feeling for the promise ring I'd given back. My mind wandered to the dreams I'd the other night and the pain I felt. I realized it wasn't so much the pain over losing Jacob's love; even I knew on some level we'd grown apart and were no longer a good team. The pain of the lies and cheating were really what ate away at me. When I needed him the most, he wasn't there – he was fulfilling his own needs before mine, again.

Sighing, I rolled over, facing away from the door. I tucked my knees into my body and closed my eyes. I caught the faintest smell of roses and thought of her. Renee's favorite flowers were roses and toward the end, Phil made sure that we had an endless supply of fresh red roses.

The tears welled up, the image of her in the hospital bed at the house, kerchief around her fuzzy head, as she smiled at me one of the last times. She would look at her vases of flowers and sigh, quoting Thoreau to me for the millionth time.

_Truths and roses have thorns about them._

Now and then she'd switch it up with Ovid.

_The sharp thorn often produces the delicate rose_, she would recite as she stroked my cheek.

She hadn't been Mother of the Year, that was true, but she was good to me. I always knew she loved me. I always knew she was proud of me. I'd been so angry at the end of her life. She was being taken away from me before she'd really have the chance to see me grow into being a woman. Laying there, I realized that she should've been angry as well. Never once during the six weeks I was there did she seem upset. Maybe she was too tired, maybe she'd made her peace with dying by then; I'd never know.

The tears were coming in an endless stream, so opposite from the days after her death when I couldn't cry at all. The days that bled into weeks of numbness and nothingness, especially after I left Jacob and Washington behind.

_Washington_. _Charlie_. The two would always be linked in my mind and heart.

My body shook with the weight of the sob that escaped my throat. _Charlie._ I had so much time to prepare for Renee to be gone. Even with Jacob, I saw him slip away gradually, but Charlie was taken in a moment. Though we were never very outwardly affectionate with each other, I knew Charlie loved me just as much as Renee did.

Grabbing my quilt, I pulled it up and over me. I was grateful my homework was done as I finally gave in and did what both Emmett and Edward had been encouraging me to do. I let another sliver of the grief I'd been holding inside of me out with each tear that fell. I let my heart open a little more to Edward with each breath I took in.

The conflicting emotions were almost amusing. Grief juxtaposed to my burgeoning crush. The two danced in my head as I slipped into a deep sleep. Renee's face smiling. Edward's hand in mine. Charlie's funeral. Jacob and Mike at Charlie's funeral. Edward's muscles as they flexed when we ran together. The sound of Charlie's laugh, rare as it was. The many sounds of Renee's laugh, ever changing to the situation. The sounds of Jacob's laugh. Was it always false and hollow, or only in my memory? The laughter of Alice and Rose brought a smile to my face, both of them so full of love. It was Edward's laugh that was last to go through my conscious thoughts, full and rich, light and inviting.

When I woke up in the morning, my eyes were crusted thickly and I couldn't even open them at first. It had been a long time since I had cried so hard or for so long. Maybe that had been the only time?

Suddenly, my brain shifted into gear and I remembered it was Friday. Hopping out of bed, I flipped my laptop open and willed the stupid machine to power up faster. As soon as I was able, I loaded up my email and sure enough, there was something from Edward, timestamped just a few minutes before. I clicked to open it and held my breath as I read.

_Bella,_

_I hope this gets to you before you leave for the day; I was remiss in asking what time you normally leave for classes. Not every lyric here applies, but the overall tone and sentiment do._

_I can't wait to see you today._

_-E_

I downloaded the attachment and loaded the song into my iTunes. It was _You Owe Me Nothing in Return_ by Alanis Morissette. I had a few minutes of extra time, so I Googled the lyrics and read them as they were sung. While I took my shower and got ready for the day, I plugged my iPod in to sync.

It was Friday. Date day. I couldn't have been more excited.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I owe a huge thank you to antiaol for the DBS banner, to manyafandom for several banners, mjinaspen for her banner, lambcullen for hers... and so many other people just for their love and support.**

**Thank you to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit. Thank you, as well, to Eagle Eye SweetDulci.  
**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I downloaded the attachment and loaded the song into my iTunes. It was You Owe Me Nothing in Return by Alanis Morissette. I had a few minutes of extra time, so I Googled the lyrics and read them as they were sung. While I took my shower and got ready for the day, I plugged my iPod in to sync._

_It was Friday. Date day. I couldn't have been more excited._

_

* * *

_

**EPOV**

Once I got home from dropping Bella off, I changed and went for a quick run to clear my mind. I couldn't wait for our date on Friday and I was glad that most of my plans were falling nicely into place.

When I got home from my run, I sat at my desk to cool down and check my email. There were a few unimportant things along with something from Alice with information I might need for the date, and an email from my parents. I made a mental note to deal with those later and began scanning my playlist I had created for Bella. I knew the next song I wanted to send from the moment she agreed to a real date. I wanted her to know that I wasn't going to pressure her into giving me anything she wasn't ready to give and this seemed the best way to convey that.

Once I had my email composed and saved as a draft to send in the morning, I opened my web browser. I checked my Twitter updates, read some news, and got bored quickly. I saw a photograph of someone that reminded me of Bella, the long flowing hair I imagined weaving my fingers through and I could feel the blood headed south in my body. _Time to give in to__ the bank on dry land, Cullen._

I was certainly no virgin, but I liked to keep things fresh with the few ladies I had been with. I went to one of my favorite sexuality websites to check out anything they might have updated since my last visit. Browsing through a few pages of random information, I spotted their recent addition of a positions page. I clicked through several, imagining myself with Bella in each one. There were the usuals – missionary, doggy style, up against a wall. _Fucking Bella up against a wall… mmm._ Then I spotted The Leapfrog. The model with her hand down between her legs, the man behind her... I could very clearly imagine myself kneeling behind Bella, rubbing my hand over her smooth ass as she begged me to fuck her harder.

It didn't take long for me to bring that party to its natural conclusion and I was grateful for the box of Kleenex I kept at my desk. I disposed of the tissues and showered, then made my way into the kitchen to prepare a few things for my picnic with Bella the next day.

I woke up nervous as hell. I had a restful night of sleep, thank goodness, but this was the day of our first official date. We'd flirted enough that I was 99% certain she was interested, but there was still the 1% chance in my brain that she was just a flirty-type girl.

Usually I had an afternoon shift at the cafe and then a class, but I traded Tyler for the day off. I shot him a quick text to thank him again for the swap and set about picking out my clothes for the day. I wouldn't have time after my class to come back and change, but that was okay. For what I had planned, I'd be fine to wear the jeans, long sleeved t-shirt, and Vans to class as well. I put on a hoodie and scarf and took off for my day.

I smiled when I stepped outside; it was one of those magical fall days that wasn't too cold or too warm. _Perfect for snuggling_. I brought two blankets from my apartment and packed them in the trunk for later.

My class went impossibly fucking slow. I was literally staring at the clock at some points, making my best Hiro-style attempts to teleport myself into the future. _Fucking _Heroes_ infecting my brain. Love that show._

Finally, class was over and I was free to go. I'd packed the picnic basket the night before and Alice agreed to pick it up from my apartment and meet me on campus with it since I was cramped for time. She met me right outside my classroom and I hugged her tight, thanking her profusely for her help – all of her help since I'd met Bella. We talked about where I was taking Bella, the weather, and a few other things before she left to meet Jasper, Rose, and Emmett for their double date.

I walked to my car, put the basket in the trunk and made my way to the florist. I happily paid for my bouquet and drove the short distance back to campus. I walked at a quick pace to Bella's room and knocked softly once I got there.

She opened the door and I was momentarily stunned. Bella personified that classic girl next door sexy look. She had on those strange boots I see all the girls wearing these days but never remembered the name of, tight jeans, a black turtleneck, and a light green hoodie. Her hair wasn't overdone, but wavy and down, taunting me. She had on lip gloss and maybe mascara, I could never tell those things about a girl. She seemed to be glowing with happiness, and that was reassuring. I held out the bouquet of soft pink gerbera daisies. I'd made sure to request the florist include a vase, on Alice's recommendation, since the girls didn't have one. _She'd need that for the future, since I intend to keep her well stocked in different flowers._

"Thank you," she said softly. Smiling, she leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Let me just put these in my room and we can get going."

"Do you have a scarf?" I asked. "It's getting a bit windy, you might want it."

"Oh, yeah. Let me grab it while I'm in here," she replied.

When she walked back out, I realized we both had on the same scarf and we laughed.

"Shall we?" I asked, offering her my arm. She wove her scarf around her neck and linked her arm with mine, pressing her warm body into mine slightly. _It's so going to be a good night._

"Did you have a nice day?" she asked.

"It was okay. I spent most of it anxious to see you."

I was beyond even caring if she knew how much I liked her. I didn't want to play games; we both had enough complications in our lives. Bella deserved uncomplicated and honest, for once. She smiled and I asked how her day was.

"Pretty much the same as yours." She blushed ever so slightly as she answered me.

We walked to my car side by side and I opened her door. She seemed pleased with that, surprised even? Alice's words rang in my ears, _Treat her right, Cullen. She deserves only the best._

I walked around, got in and started the engine, turning on the heat and lowering the music so we could talk as I drove. It didn't take long to get to the park and I knew we had plenty of time before sunset. I got out, ran to open Bella's door, and offered her my hand as she stood. She kept hold of it even once she was out, squeezing and giving me a smile when I tried to pull it away. I knew I would need it to get the things out of the trunk, but I held on until I had the trunk open and it became obvious to her what we were doing.

"A picnic?" she asked.

_My turn to blush. _"Terribly cheesy?" I asked.

"Oh no, not at all. Wonderful. Perfect," she said while smiling at me, then grabbed the blankets out of my trunk.

I liked that she was easy and comfortable with me, that we could interact and talk as if we'd known each other far beyond the few weeks it had been. She put the blankets over her forearm, letting go of my hand, and I grabbed the picnic basket. We walked to a mostly sunny spot and spread out one of the blankets, sitting down next to each other.

"Hungry?" I asked.

She nodded and raised an eyebrow. "What's inside?"

"Oh, a few things. Let's sit and talk for a few minutes, okay?"

I pulled the portable iPod speakers out of the basket, doing my best not to let Bella see the contents, and set it up. Classical music played at a low volume as I sprawled out on the blanket beside her. She laid down and faced me, and soon we were going on and on, mostly about classes since I'd taken a lot of the same classes she was taking.

We talked about her summer and the trip out, then the discovery board in her room and the discovery list. I noticed her shiver and got worried.

"Cold?"

"A little," she confessed.

"Let's get some food. Can I feed you?" I gave her the biggest smile I could muster. Sure, it was cheesy, but doesn't everyone like a little cheese now and then? She laughed and nodded.

"Okay, but only the good stuff."

"Why, Ms. Swan, I personally prepared almost everything in this basket. It's all good." Winking, I opened one side.

"Okay, close your eyes."

Turning, I watched as she sat up, crossing her legs and closing her eyes. I brought a shrimp out from the case and stopped.

"Do you like spicy?" I asked, my voice cracking a little more than it should for such a generic question. She just looked so damn trusting, willing and ready for anything right then and there.

"Sure, a little spice is good."

I dipped the shrimp into the cocktail sauce and moved it to her mouth. Clearing my throat, I willed my body to stop reacting to her.

"Open up," I whispered.

She opened her mouth and I slipped the shrimp in up to the tail. "Okay, you can bite, just try not to get my fingers," I laughed.

She bit down and began chewing. Instead of the response I thought I might get, _maybe a little nice soft moaning_, her eyes flew open and she spit the shrimp into the grass.

"Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Oh fuck."

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, panicked.

"I'm allergic to shellfish, Edward. It didn't even click when you said to bite down, my brain was... uh... preoccupied. I'm so sorry. Shit, I can feel my mouth swelling already. We're going to have to get some Benadryl right away," she said.

I had already started to pack up the blankets and music. I was familiar with allergic reactions, so I stood and grabbed everything I could, as Bella grabbed the blankets.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry. Fuck. There's a drug store right down the road. Let's go."

I grabbed her hand and we ran to the car. I threw everything in the trunk and, for the sake of skipping a trip to the hospital, allowed her to open her own door and buckle in. I ran to my side, turning the car on before I even buckled my belt.

"Edward, slow down," I could hear the swelling in her mouth already, _oh God, what did I do? _ "I promise, I'll be okay as long as we get to the drug store soon. It won't do anyone any good to kill us in an accident or get hurt because you're not buckled. Take a deep breath, buckle your seatbelt, then drive."

She took my hand and I let out a quick laugh that she was more calm than I was – here I'm the one in med school and she's the one with the swelling breathing passage. _Ironic._ I got us to the drug store in under two minutes and we both ran in, scanning the aisles for the Benadryl. I found it and ripped the package open, twisting the cap off and measuring out a dose carefully in the included cup before handing it to her. She drank it down and then laughed.

"This is so very Hitch of us."

I looked at her confused.

"_Hitch_? The movie? Come on, you haven't seen Hitch?" She looked at me as if I had two heads. As if this movie was some sort of required viewing in life. I had to hold a laugh in as she spoke, her tongue and lips now visibly swollen and impairing her speech adorably.

"Nope, I haven't. Are you feeling better at all?" I asked, still worried. I put my arm out for her to take again and we walked to the counter to pay.

"Not yet, but the swelling seems like it maybe stopped getting worse. It should be all better in fifteen or twenty minutes. Let's go to Blockbuster and rent _Hitch_?"

She actually looked kind of excited. This was new territory for me. Humble, smart, beautiful, and funny. She wasn't pretentious, egotistical, needy, or superficial. Her throat was closing because I fed her something she's allergic to and she was asking to hit Blockbuster on the way home for a movie? _Keep this one, Cullen. Keep her close._ I set the box down for the cashier to ring up her medicine and she moved toward her purse.

"You're kidding, right? I give you something you're allergic to and nearly require hospitalization on our first official date, and you're trying to pay? Coffee Girl, you're crazier than I thought."

I handed the cashier my Centurion and waited for her to swipe it. Once I signed the little slip, we walked back to my car, still arm in arm. That time I opened her door for her again, then closed it behind her, walking casually back to my side. I took a deep breath before getting back into the car.

There was a Blockbuster not far from the drug store and we walked hand in hand the entire time we browsed. Now and then I'd stroke my thumb across the top of her hand or she'd squeeze my hand and give me a smile. We found Hitch pretty easily and checked out with some popcorn and candy as well. By the time we got to my apartment, I realized Bella was mostly back to normal and that made me immensely relieved.

Once we got inside, I realized Bella hadn't ever been there before. I was grateful that I was a tidy guy, the rooms basically stayed company ready. There were a few beer bottles on the table in the living room, but that was it, and I cleaned those up in one sweep of the room. Bella looked at the photos I had around and joined me in the kitchen where I was getting the snacks ready.

The shrimp went straight into the trash and I looked around and threw out anything else that might have come in contact with them.

I stopped what I was doing in the kitchen and leaned against the counter to look at her. "So, do you have any other allergies I should know about?"

She had taken her hoodie and shoes off at the front door and I was once again overwhelmed with the urge to attack her. _Just a kiss, Edward, that's all you wanted tonight, remember?_ The war in my brain raged on as she moved closer to me.

"Nope, no other allergies. Sorry, I forget about it sometimes since it's just habit to avoid shellfish. I feel bad that I diverted our date."

She looked up at me bashfully and I smiled.

"Oh my God, I just realized you must be starving. Shit, I'm sorry Bella. How about we order pizza or Chinese and get these snacks opened up? Also, I had a few things in here that didn't come in contact with the shrimp that should still be okay."

Rummaging through the picnic basket, I brought out the chocolate covered strawberries and pasta salad. I set the bottle of sparkling apple cider on the counter and opened it, pouring some into two wine glasses. I offered her the pasta salad and strawberries, but she turned them down, sipping on her cider.

"Do you mind if I just pop into my room to set my sweater down and take my shoes off?" I asked. "I'll grab some delivery menus and be right out. You can get the movie set up if you want."

She took the glasses and snacks into the living room and I went to my room to grab the menus from the desk. Kicking my shoes off, I put my sweater back in my closet, then brought the menus out to her. We agreed on pizza and once I'd ordered the food, I sat next to her on the large couch. She had set up the movie and paused it, ready to go at the beginning.

She picked up her glass and proposed a toast, "To disastrous first dates." Laughing, I tapped my glass with hers and took a sip.

Her eyes creased when she drank and for all of the confidence she exuded in our past interactions, she seemed downright nervous. I took her hand in mine and grabbed the remote to press play. She reached and grabbed the bowl of popcorn, settling it into her lap. I scooted closer to her, _to reach the popcorn._

The pizza showed up pretty fast for a Friday evening and we both dove in, pausing the movie to eat and talk.

"At least our first date isn't _that_ bad, right?" I asked.

"No, no, not nearly that bad. Hopefully our second won't be as terrible as theirs, either," she said, smiling.

_Yes! She was already giving me a chance to fuck up again._

"No, next time we're going to an actual restaurant," I mused.

"Oh really?" She quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Yep. We're going the fancy date route, I think. In fact, what are you doing tomorrow night? Would you allow me the extreme pleasure of going out with you again?"

She smiled, a broad smile full of hope and happiness.

"Love to, Scone Boy."

We finished up our pizza and I put the leftovers in the fridge. I got out the strawberries to let them come to room temperature for after the movie, and joined Bella on the couch again. That time, I sat right next to her from the start.

I was feeling bold; we had date number two semi-planned, and she was clearly enjoying my company. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I pulled her into me slightly. Once I turned the movie back on, she seemed to nestle into me, half resting on my chest, half on the couch.

"You smell delicious," I sighed.

The words came out like vomit, about three quarters of the way through the movie, when Sara's figured out that Alex is Hitch, at the zoo. My right arm wrapped on top of hers and I pulled her closer. My left hand pushed her hair back and I ran my nose along her neck. I could feel her giggle.

"You're distracting me. Don't you want to see the movie?" Her words protested my actions, but her body pressed into me more.

"Of course I do. Come here, we're moving around a little."

Scooting to the end of the couch, I reclined against the back and arm. I brought my right leg up onto the couch and pulled her back to me, my left leg dangling off lazily. She squealed when I pulled her back, but that was the end of her protesting. We watched the rest of the movie with my arms wrapped around her, resting on her stomach, her arms on top of them, fingers laced through mine.

Each time she took in a breath, I had to fight to focus on the movie instead of peeking down at her chest moving. Finally, Will Smith and Eva Mendes got their acts together and cleared everything up, paving the way to a blissful happily ever after. As the credits rolled, I noticed Bella's breathing had evened out. _Shit._ She'd fallen asleep on me. I gently moved us into a sitting position and she woke up. It wasn't even nine yet, so I had to take the opening.

"And I thought I'd be the one falling asleep early," I teased.

She stretched and yawned, apologizing. "Sorry, sorry, I'm really not tired. Must be the Benadryl," she explained.

"It's okay. Would you like me to take you home?"

"No, of course not. Mmm, do I remember that you have strawberries in the kitchen?"

"I do," I said. "One of the few things I didn't prepare for our date, but I'm assured they are delicious."

Standing, I reached out for her hand to help her off the couch. We walked to the kitchen together and I noticed that she wasn't keeping her usual distance from me. She was so close, in fact, that I could feel her warm body right behind me.

Once we got into the kitchen, she let go of my hand and leaned against the counter. I picked up a strawberry and held it to her mouth. As she opened her lips, I nearly groaned. Her little pink tongue snaked out and wrapped around the chocolate first, then she wrapped her lips around the berry, sucking it into her mouth slightly. She bit down and the juice clung to her lips after I moved the stem away. I bit my own lip to stop myself from licking her lips, then she reached over and grabbed a berry for me.

We stood feeding each other berries for a few minutes. There was some laughing, some teasing, lots of playfulness. It was perfect and exactly what I had imagined for the strawberries, albeit not in my kitchen. Bella yawned again as I cleaned up the strawberry stems and put the plate in the dishwasher.

"Ready to go home?" I asked. She shook her head no, even though her eyes were drooping. I decided to take another chance. "We could go lay down and talk. I swear, I'll be a perfect gentleman, just talking." _More word vomit._

"Who says I want you to be a perfect gentleman?"

Her lips pursed together with the smirk she was fighting, and I was speechless. She took my hand and led me to the bedroom, having watched me walk there earlier.

"Ugh, Edward, that's not a bed. It's like big enough for ten people. Are you secretly a Sultan with a harem?"

I laughed, probably too loud. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I brought her between my legs, as I had the day before.

"The only person I want in here is you, I can assure you of that."

**BPOV**

When he said those words, my body went tingly right down to my toes. I wanted to set my knees on the bed on either side of his body, push him back and go crazy with him, just as I'd thought when we were in my room the day before. Another part of me wanted to just slow down, relish this experience. Edward had been in my life a handful of weeks and I already knew he was the kind of person I could see myself with long term. Forever? Who knew, but a long time? Yes.

Resting one knee on the outside of his legs, I propelled myself around his body to the other side of the bed. I let out a moan of pleasure as I sank into his comforter and pillows.

"Edward, this has to be the world's most comfortable bed," I sighed.

"Really? I suppose maybe I take it for granted. Perhaps I should love my bed a little more."

"You really should."

I closed my eyes and he laid down beside me, taking my hand in his. It was quiet for several minutes, the sound of our breathing the only noise between us.

"Bella, will you tell me more about them?" he asked softly.

I wasn't 100% certain who he meant, honestly.

"Hmm?"

"Your parents," he clarified. "I'd like to know more about them, if you're okay talking about them?"

"Renee, my mom, she was amazing," I said quietly. "A little bit of a flake. You know how they say 'free spirit,'" I made air quotes, "well, that was her all the way. She lived each day, truly, even before she got sick. She never met a project she didn't want to tackle or something new she didn't want to learn about. When she got sick, she started doing yoga faithfully and trying her best to take care of her body. She always ate healthy before she got sick, but she was extra vigilant after. She even started going to a non-denominational church near her house. I asked her about that once and she said that she didn't have the answers, but it could never hurt to have one more person supporting you," I said laughing, then paused for a moment.

"She was my best friend. She wasn't a perfect mom, but I wouldn't have changed her for anything. I try not to be angry about the time that I won't get with her now that she's gone and instead be grateful for the time I did get with her," I sniffled, holding the tears back, "but sometimes it's impossible. When I think about how she won't be there to help me get ready on my wedding day," I sucked in a breath and a sob escaped, along with several tears, "or to see my babies..."

I looked up at him to see if I'd freaked him out yet. _Nope, still listening, still caring. _My eyes fell back to the comforter we were laying on.

"Part of it isn't even just me – my kids will never get to know her, either, or my husband. It's not like I'm going to marry Jake, and he's about the only guy I know that knew her."

I felt Edward's hand stroking my hair and I looked up into his eyes again.

"Charlie, he was like the Yin to Renee's Yang. He was so grounded and settled in small town Forks. He loved to fish and was so dedicated to his job. He loved me fiercely and he loved Renee as well, until the day he died. He never stopped asking me about her, never stopped caring and wanting the best for her, even if that meant it wasn't with him." I thought back to Edward's most recent song choice for me and that made me cry a little harder.

The bed shifted and I realized Edward was wrapping his arms around me. His hands were on my back, my cheek flush against his chest as he comforted me. He released me slightly and I pulled back to continue talking. I could see his eyes again, but his hands stayed around me, warming me and making me feel so safe and secure. It was such an intimate gesture, this small comforting thing he did. I was certain in that moment that I'd never felt anything like that from Jake, and I made a mental note to scan through my memories later and think about whether or not Jake had ever really loved me, or if he was more in love with the idea of me.

"Last night I was thinking about how I had all of this time to prepare for Renee to leave. We got to say really important things to each other and reminisce. Time, we had time with each other; deep, fun, love filled, meaningful time. Charlie was just ripped away by something equally senseless, but utterly without warning. I wish I'd had one more chance just to tell him that I loved him, you know? I'm sure he knew, but we didn't say it enough," my voice trailed off.

"When you love someone, can you ever really say it enough?" Edward's voice was crackling and strained, full of unspoken emotion.

"No, I suppose you can't, really. One of the few things I am grateful for, that both of their deaths taught me, was that you have to take life by the balls, you know?" We both laughed. "I mean it, really. Phil set aside this money for me and I just feel _obligated_ almost, to really live this life now. To make it count, because I was reminded twice in a row that someday I won't be here to enjoy it. I want to really soak in as much as I can, so that in those final breaths, I can say that I loved my life, experienced the most of it that I could, and am happy to have been given the chances that I had. I don't want to regret anything or hold my anger in and let it eat away at me."

"Not even at Jacob?" he asked quietly.

"No, not even at Jacob. How can I be angry? Hurt, sure. But angry? He was just a confused boy, trying to do what he thought was right. He didn't want to hurt me. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he deserves to be happy too. I'm just glad I found out now and not ten years and two kids later. I really value honesty. He taught me that, you know? Even if the truth is hard to swallow, I would rather choke on the truth than swallow a lie easily. I don't want to make you think I'm a saint; I get angry, I cry, I'm hurt, it aches. Last night I had a horrible time with everything overwhelming me. It's hard for me to just let go bits and pieces and really deal with all of them being gone, but I'm trying. Thank you for that, by the way. Your words stick in my head sometimes and I know that I can't move forward until I at least acknowledge the jumble of emotions in my head."

His hand was on my face, thumb stroking over my cheekbone. He tucked my hair behind my ear and gently lifted my chin so that I was looking him in the eyes.

"Bella, I know we've only known each other a few weeks, but I already feel like I've known you for years. My heart knows you. Don't laugh, I know it's cliché. I'm not saying it to get in your pants or to get anything from you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you just need to text and vent about a shitty day, or call me and talk about the rainbow you saw that inspired you, or if you need a pair of arms around you while you cry, I'm here for you."

My heart was beating so hard that I felt each and every ka-thunk reverberate through my body as he spoke. I wanted to thank him in some way, to show him that I appreciated his kindness and friendship. It seemed like the most perfect and most awful moment to kiss him. So I did what I thought was best right then: I buried my face in his chest and let go just a little more. His arms tightened around me, rubbing soothing lines and patterns on my back as I cried until I literally couldn't cry anymore.

Once my breathing returned to normal, I wrapped my arms around Edward just a little tighter. Hooking my top leg over his, I brought myself as close to him as I could possibly get. A muffled groan vibrated from his chest against my face. _Oh, Edward, I would already give you the world if I could. Shit, I am so fucked._

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"Everything. Thank you for everything, Edward."

"Oh good. Does this mean you don't think I'm an asshole anymore, Coffee Girl?"

Laughing, I reluctantly pulled back to look at him. I ran the back of my hand over his cheek, sweeping my hand up into his hair.

"No, Edward, I don't think you're an asshole anymore."

"Good," his voice was rough, "because if you still thought I was an asshole, I wouldn't be able to do this."

Edward leaned down, his body pressing into mine, and looked me in the eye. He ran his nose against mine, a quick nuzzle that made me smile, before he softly touched his lips to mine. He moved back slightly and let out the cutest sigh ever before his mouth turned up into his crooked grin.

Closing the distance between us, I wrapped my lips up with his, pressing slightly harder than he had. As if he'd been waiting for a sign, he took this encouragement and ran with it, moving his lips against mine. One of his hands wove through my hair and gently stroked my scalp with his fingertips as we kissed. I kept my eyes open and he had closed his after the first kiss, which made me smile.

Pulling back, I rested my forehead against his and took a few deep breaths. _What a night._

"Amazing," he whispered. "You are simply amazing, Isabella Swan."

"You're not so bad yourself, Edward Cullen," I laughed.

We looked at each other then. Not a surface glance, we really looked at each other.

"Bella, it's pretty late. Do you want to spend the night? I can sleep on the couch and make breakfa-"

I put my fingertip to his lips, willing him to just be quiet for a moment.

"I'd love to spend the night, Edward. I trust you. If it won't be awkward for you, I can just borrow a t-shirt and you can stay here." _Was that really what I meant?_ "I mean, I want to be clear, Edward. I would really like it if you stayed here in your bed with me. I'm not saying I'm ready to sleep with you, but we're grown ups. We can share a bed for one night without going crazy, right?" _Right._

He nodded and we got out of bed. Edward gave me a huge t-shirt to sleep in. I went into his bathroom to wash up and change, and by the time I came out, he was in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and an off-white wife beater tank. Edward walked around me and into the bathroom. He grabbed a new toothbrush for me, which I was grateful for, since all of the crying had made my mouth sticky. We brushed our teeth together, sharing the small sink, exchanging glances and smiles back and forth. He finished and took out his contacts as I kept brushing and watching him.

Edward walked behind me when he was done and let his hands swipe across my hips and over my lower back as he passed. It again struck me as the kind of thing couples shared, an intimate everyday moment. I liked it, and I wanted him to do it every night. I finished brushing and he was already under the covers in bed by the time I walked out. He had his glasses on, _holy mother he is hot_, and he was reading a book.

The tank he was wearing allowed me to see his shoulders and arms for the first time, and I stopped and looked at him for a moment. Each page he turned, his arms flexed and relaxed and I could see the definition of his chest as well. Edward wasn't what you would call ripped, but he was well defined and clearly in shape. Watching him made my breathing pick up and my mind wander.

Smiling, I walked out and climbed under the covers next to him. He set his book down on the nightstand and turned off the small table lamp. We turned toward each other and wrapped ourselves up together. We were once again as close as we could be, his hands resting on my lower back, my cheek on his chest listening to his heart beat, our legs twisted together. I could feel _every_ part of him in this moment and I was struck at his lack of embarrassment. Really, what was there to be embarrassed about, anyways? Didn't I want him, too?

_Damn right I did._

**A/N2: Don't kill me yet. Remember, they have another date Saturday no****w! Hit 'review' and show me the love, ladies.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: All outfits and links to the hotel and restaurant are on my blog. Supah thanks to my brand spankin' new beta, Siouxchef. Thanks also to the nameless bitch that helps keep me sane everyday, and to TwilightMundi, who so graciously helped me clean this up a bit, and to SweetDulci, Eagle Eye.  
**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I smiled and walked out, climbing under the covers next to him. He set his book down on the nightstand and turned off the small table lamp. We turned toward each other and wrapped ourselves up together. We were once again as close as we could be, his hands resting on my lower back, my cheek on his chest listening to his heart beat, our legs twisted together. I could feel every part of him in this moment and I was struck at his lack of embarrassment. Really, what was there to be embarrassed about, anyways? Didn't I want him, too? _

_Damn right I did._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I woke up with a smile. I didn't even bother to open my eyes, not yet wanting the almost dream of the night before to fade away. Once the corners of my mouth lifted, I felt the bed shift and realized _why_ I was smiling.

"Good morning," he said, barely above a whisper.

His hands were on my face, cupping each side. He was placing soft, tickling kisses all around the surfaces he could reach; – my eyebrows, my nose, my chin. He stopped and I could feel his nose next to mine. His breath was skimming across the surface of my lips, his forehead resting against mine.

We had drifted slightly apart during the night, so I took that moment to wrap my arm around his waist and draw my body closer to his. I wanted to be right next to him, wrapped up in this moment together. As I had wrapped my arm around his waist, his went around mine and his fingertips settled at the waistband of my panties, consciously or unconsciously.

"Morning," I said, my eyes still closed tight.

"Sleep well?" he asked, then brushed his lips softly against mine.

I hummed in reply and ran my fingertips up his back, causing him to press his body into mine. When my hand reached his neck, I stopped to gently stroke the skin there. I felt a long, slow expulsion of air from Edward's body and he relaxed in my arms.

His lips came to mine again and I gently pressed on his neck, needing him to kiss me more, harder. I was lost with him, my brain finally fully waking up, the need stirring in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't even really figure out if it was hunger or lust, some swirled combination of the two, perhaps.

Each time Edward's lips left my own, no matter how brief the separation, my heart simply ached. The slow burn in my body raged on as his hand moved up to my hip, then trailed a line of fire to my shoulder, his thumb grazing the edge of my breast along the way. I whimpered against his mouth and hooked my leg over his hip, bringing our lower halves together.

Any uncertainty I had that I was going to make love with Edward Cullen vanished right at that moment. I'd have to have been an idiot not to see where this was going and enjoy every last second of it. Acting on impulse, I let my body lead the way down an unfamiliar path.

"Bella," he whispered, his mouth against the skin of my collarbone. Hs hand returned to my lower back, pressing me into him. I wanted more. I _needed_ more.

As I was beginning to nudge his head up for more kisses, I heard a phone ring. Seconds later, I heard Edward groan.

"Ignore it," I begged, opening my eyes to look into his.

"I plan to." He smiled and returned to kissing my exposed skin.

His hands found the hem of my shirt and slipped underneath. They felt rough against my skin, but not in an unpleasant way. He moved them up and brushed his fingertips along the surface of my back, ending with his fingers curled up and over my shoulders.

His phone rang again, the same ringtone as before, and he dropped his forehead.

"Fuck. Damn it."

"It's okay, I'll be here when you get back," I said. "Obviously someone needs to get in touch with you."

I kissed his lips one last time and he rolled out of bed, grabbing his glasses as he did so. He walked to his dresser where his phone was and looked at the display before tapping the screen to answer.

"Good morning, Alice."

Sitting up in bed, I hugged my knees to my chest. _What could Alice want so early in the morning? _My gaze shifted to the clock and I realized it wasn't so early after all. It felt nice to sleep until the double digits on the clock, and I wondered what my day would entail before my grand date that night.

Edward's hand ran through his crazy hair as he paced and I caught bits and pieces of their conversation. He told Alice all about the shrimp incident and I could hear her laughter through the phone, causing me to laugh again at the memory.

"Alice, you can have her back soon, I promise. No, that won't work for me." I could see his hands flailing about in frustration with her. "Fine, I'll see you at noon then."

He tapped the face of the phone again and set it back on his dresser. When he looked up at me, he had that sad little puppy dog expression and I wanted to fix it, but didn't know what 'it' might be.

Edward walked back to the bed and slid in next to me. We were sitting side by side when he picked up one of my hands and kissed it.

"I'm sorry, I held her off as long as I could," he sighed. "Alice wants you home by noon."

"We're still on for tonight, right?"

His hand came up to my cheek and he kissed me softly. He nuzzled my nose again, as he had the night before, then pulled back.

"Of course. You're not getting rid of me just yet."

I smiled. "Wait. What's Alice all in a tizzy about? Usually she could care less how I spend my Saturdays."

"I sent her email last night after you fell asleep to let her know that you were here and staying the night. I mentioned our new plans for a date and she insisted that she wanted to spend the day with you getting ready once she found out where we were going."

"Really? Where are we going that requires all day to plan and prepare?" I asked skeptically.

"Nice try."

Edward smiled and kissed me again, his stomach rumbling loudly. On instinct, I reached out and touched it, my palm laying flat against him. He closed his eyes and smiled.

"I like it when you touch me," he confessed.

"Good, because I plan to do it as frequently as possible."

And I meant it, I really did. I was enjoying the new experiences of learning Edward and his body. Turning his head, he kissed me again and then we were once again interrupted by his loud, protesting stomach.

"It's okay, I'm hungry too," I said. "I can't believe how long we slept."

I got up and stretched before I realized by the look on Edward's face that my shirt had ridden up above the bottom of my panties, giving him a nice, but unintentional, show.

"Yes, hungry..." He waggled his eyebrows at me and I laughed.

He got up from the bed and we walked into his kitchen hand in hand. He had some fruit in the fridge and granola bars in the cabinet, so we stood and ate, staring at each other. There were a few awkward moments, but overall it was just nice to share the space with him.

"So, I have to get you back in time for Alice. I would much rather you stay here with me, but I'm afraid arguing with her is no use," he rolled his eyes and moved closer to me.

His hands were on the counter resting on either side of my body. His legs were on the outside of mine, warm and soft against my bare skin, the hairs on his calves tickling against the smoothness of mine where his pant leg had ridden up. He had one last piece of pineapple in his bowl that he held up to my lips. When I parted them, he didn't push it into my mouth as I had expected; he held the wedge between his fingers and traced it along my lower lip. I had to resist the urge to suck the lip into my mouth and swipe the juice that pooled on the surface.

My breathing increased as I felt Edward's body press against mine, then saw the tip of his tongue peek out from his mouth. He licked his own lips first, several breaths passing between us, then softly sucked my lower lip between his. That time, I closed my eyes as we kissed, knees going weak. I was glad to have him against me partially because I wasn't sure I'd have still been standing, had he not been right there.

Edward's right hand came up to the left side of my face and cupped my cheek, his long fingers wrapping up and behind my ear. He slowed our kiss and nipped gently at my lip as he backed away.

"Alice..." he breathed.

"I'm making you think of your cousin right now?" I teased. "Shit, this is going far worse than I imagined."

"You haven't seen her in full Alice mode yet, just wait. If we're late, she'll keep you away from me longer under some stupid pretense, and the sooner," he kissed just below my ear, "that I can get you back," and then at my jawline, "right here in my arms," another kiss, on my chin this time, "the better." Finally, blessedly, he kissed my lips again. He wasn't holding back that time. I hadn't even realized he had been earlier, but the passion, want, and need behind this kiss made it clear to me that he had. I pressed into him and he groaned before taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom to get dressed and on our way.

_Fucking Alice._

He drove me to the dorm and walked in with me. Alice and Rose gave him a hug before peppering me with all kinds of questions about our disastrous date the night before. We all sat in the living room and talked about things, then Alice insisted that Edward leave us to our girl time. I walked Edward to the door and gave him a quick peck on the lips goodbye. He brushed his hand across my cheek again, in what was quickly becoming my favorite move of his, and leaned down to kiss me.

"I can't wait to see you tonight. I'll miss you," he whispered. His eyes had a glow of sincerity about them and I felt like I was radiating happiness.

_Yes, Bella, this is how it's supposed to feel._

Smiling at him, I ran my hand down his arm to give his hand a gentle squeeze before he left me for the day. Once I'd watched him walk away, as usual, and the door was closed, I let out a dreamy sigh and heard Alice and Rose squealing from behind me. I closed my eyes and laughed. There was so no use fighting it, they'd see the expression on my face, and really, didn't I just want to soak up this feeling for as long as I could?

Alice's hands were around me before I could even turn around, hugging me from behind.

"Oh, Bella! We have such a fun day planned before your date. Are you ready?"

"Sure, Ali, but can I turn around first? I wouldn't mind a shower and a change of clothes before we get to these plans you have."

She laughed and let me go. I turned to face them both and we all squealed in a circle, jumping up and down. _Yep, we're embracing our inner teenagers for sure now._

"So, what are these grand plans, Alice? And what do you know about where Edward's taking me tonight?" I narrowed my eyes at her as I ended my sentence.

"My lips are sealed about his plans, but oh… Bella… swoon!" she giggled.

"Gross, Alice, that's our cousin," Rose said.

"I never said I wanted him, Rose, I just appreciate a nice romantic gesture from a man," Alice huffed. "Bella, go get some comfortable clothes on. Don't worry about a shower, we're having a girl's day at the spa. Don't even think about protesting, it's already all scheduled."

"I wasn't even going to." I smiled at her on my way to my room, and it was the truth. I was looking forward to the day with my two new friends, bonding with them and getting to know them even better. It would be a fun way to pass the time while waiting for my date. If I couldn't spend the day with Edward, Alice and Rose were the next two people I would want to be with.

As I walked in, I flipped my laptop open to boot and check my email. I'd been avoiding Jacob for a while and considered sending him something quick just to reassure him I was fine. I hadn't even bothered to open his last few messages, confident they were full of the same crap as the first few – the "I need you," "I want you back," type messages that I had frankly had enough of.

I pulled some yoga pants, a tank top, underwear, and socks out of my dresser and got a thick hoodie out of the closet to keep warm. Once I'd changed, I sat at my desk to write Jacob back. That's when I saw it; sometime between when I'd fallen asleep and when I'd woken up, Edward sent me email. The subject was simply "Beauty". The body read:

_Sometimes, there is truly beauty in the breakdown. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with me last night. I hope you continue to feel comfortable sharing yourself with me and I very much look forward to our date tonight. I promise, no Benadryl will be required this time._

He signed it "Edward" and I noticed an attachment – my song. I loaded it into iTunes and read the title as it played - _Let Go_ by Frou Frou. I'd seen Garden State and knew this song almost by heart, but never felt the significance behind it until just then. It brought a smile to my face, not just the lyrics, but some of the moments and sentiments from the movie as well. I loaded the song into my ESBC playlist and closed the email. I moved on to Jake's feeling content and happy.

Opening the most recent email from him, which the timestamp told me had been sent that morning, I saw his angry words.

_Bella, I don't understand why you won't email me back? I thought we were going to be friends? Is this how "friends" treat each other? I miss my Bells. Please answer me, I need to know you're okay. Love, Jake_

It struck me as odd that he was so worried, but never bothered to call. What the hell? It was as if he was picking and choosing his moments to be dramatic, then working himself into a frenzy for no good reason. It wasn't like he couldn't get in touch with me – if he'd bothered to text me, I would've replied. I realized that he was attempting to manipulate me with his passive aggressive behavior. I composed something quickly back to him.

_Jake, don't be so dramatic. I'm busy, I have a life. We are friends, but not for long if you can't keep yourself in check. I'm fine - better than fine - I'm great. How are you? How is Mike? -Bella_

_Take that, Jake. New Bella's in charge now._

As soon as I hit send I closed the laptop back up and went into the living room. Alice and Rose were already waiting in matching track suits, which made me laugh. They both effortlessly looked like they walked out of the pages of a Victoria's Secret catalog.

We went to the spa where we started with waxing and plucking. Alice convinced me go to for a partial Brazilian after we all made a pact to do it together; they revealed that they both had dates later that night as well. I figured why not, it's about new experiences, right?I got my legs and eyebrows waxed and was grateful for a steam shower in between that and the massage we had planned. I made a mental note to scratch 'massage' off the Discovery List when I got back to the dorm room. We all got facials, then met up in the jacuzzi for a soak before our mani/pedis and hair. We gabbed like long lost friends and I learned so much more about Alice and Rose, and even Edward.

Everyone agreed that my hair should be down around my shoulders, so the stylist just put some loose curls in it, then did my makeup with a light smokey eye and a natural gloss. Even I had to admit that it looked great.

Once we got back to the dorm, Alice got out some clothes from my closet. She picked a grey and black corset and panty set with black garters and stockings, a black and cream oval print dress, and black patent heels. I finished it off with silver jewelry, a black purse, and a cute jacket that would keep me warm. New Bella reminded me that I looked hot.

Picking up my Discovery List notebook, I crossed out "get a massage," and closed it up, setting it back on the upper corner of my desk. As I was finishing getting ready, Alice and Rose came in to admire me. Alice handed me a smallish pink rolling suitcase and I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Oh, come on, you already spent one night with him. Just trust me, you'll be thankful in the morning. That reminds me. We're counting our girls' day today as Sunday brunch, so don't rush back. Have fun, Bella. I'm so glad that you and Edward are hitting it off!"

"Me too, Alice, me too. It's so easy to be around him, it's a little scary. I…."

There was a knock at the door and Alice and Rose hopped off my bed and squealed again as they ran into the other room. I took a deep breath and grabbed my jacket and purse, following quickly behind them. Alice opened the door and I sucked in a quick breath at Edward's appearance. He was wearing a blue button-up dress shirt with a tie which had diagonal black, blue and grey stripes. He had dark pants on and dress shoes, and when my eyes finally made it back up to look at the rest of him, I noticed a single red rose in his hand.

"You look amazing," he breathed into my neck as he pulled me in for a quick hug. His arms wrapped around my waist and dipped to my lower back to pull me closer.

"So do you, but don't you always?" Turning back to Alice and Rose, I bid them goodbye. "Alright girls, I'm off! Alice, thanks for the mystery bag. Rose, have fun on your date with Emmett and tell him I said 'hello.' Oh, Alice, tell Jasper I said 'hi' too, please." I laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

Edward handed me the rose and took my other hand in his as we walked out. He was rolling my suitcase behind him and loaded it in the trunk once we got to his car. I noticed a small black bag already in there and presumed it was his overnighter. I was excited at the prospect of going someplace new and fun with Edward. I was also excited that I'd get to show off my newly pampered body in the hot lingerie Alice picked out for me.

As I slid into my seat, goofy smile plastered across my face, I thought about our upcoming dinner. That was the only detail I managed to get from Edward on the walk out to his car, since I was already a teensy bit hungry. Edward asked if I wanted to grab a snack on our way out as we had a small drive ahead of us, but I declined, grateful for his offer.

Once he was seated on the driver's side, he turned to look at me again. "You really look amazing, Bella."

"Thank you, Edward. I'm so excited. Do you feel like spilling any more details about where we're headed?" He smiled and shook his head no. "How about just telling me how long it will take us to get there?"

"About an hour, maybe an hour and fifteen minutes, depending on how legally I drive," he chuckled.

"Okay."

Smiling, I slipped my hand into his after he set up some music to play from his iPod. The sound of the music was a soft background noise to our near constant talking. In what felt like no time at all, we pulled up to a red brick building with a cute red awning above the door. Edward gave his keys to the valet and led me inside. He smiled at the hostess.

"I have a reservation for two, the name is Cullen," he said.

She led us to our table and we sat next to each other looking at the menu.

"Everything looks and sounds delicious. How'd you pick this place?" I asked.

"Ah, my parents have actually come to visit me a few times and they recommended it. They know the chef, so I was able to get reservations on short notice."

He smiled and I nearly melted... or dragged him away to what I was sure our next destination was. I gently reminded New Bella that Old Bella still needed to eat, so if she wanted to have her wicked way with Edward, she'd have to be patient.

"Do you think you might want to share something?" he asked. "I was thinking we could choose an entree each and swap, and also share a pear salad. How does that sound?"

I thought about the creamy bleu cheese in the salad melting on my tongue, the soft, sweet pears dissolving along with it and the crunch of the pecans providing a nice contrast. Imagining Edward feeding me was almost enough to make me pant.

"It sounds delicious." I licked my lips. "What were you thinking we could share?" I glanced back down at my menu and spotted several things I might enjoy.

"Well," he was back to studying his menu, "plenty of things are deal breakers, seeing as how I promised this date would _not_ involve Benadryl." He smirked at me. "How do you feel about steak?"

"That sounds good. What if you order the filet and I'll order the fettuccine?"

"Mmm." His eyes narrowed as he made a low noise of pleasure. _Yeah, you'll be doing that again later, for much different reasons, I hope._

The entire dinner was one long seduction. Edward did indeed feed me bites of the salad and I repaid the favor. Watching his lips close over the food and get gently drawn out as I withdrew the fork was almost too much. _Almost_.

Both of our main courses were heavenly. I would twirl a bite of my pasta and feed it to Edward, then he'd bring a bite of perfectly cooked steak to my mouth, a hostage swap, as we'd begun to call it. He insisted at one point that I had sauce from my pasta at the corner of my mouth and leaned in. His tongue came out and quickly swiped the edge of my lips before he wrapped his own around them. It was a cheap ploy to kiss me, but I let it slide since I'd been trying to find a good reason to do the same to him; he was just bold enough to out and out lie, knowing there was no way in hell I would call him out on it.

When dinner was finished, our waitress asked if we wanted dessert and I knew there was no way I could eat another bite. Edward insisted we at least look at the dessert tray, so she brought it out for us. I admitted there were several tasty options and was utterly shocked as I heard Edward order.

"We'll take a slice of the chocolate mousse cake, a crème brulee, a slice of the chocolate walnut pecan pie, and a bread pudding. To go." He winked at me after uttering those last words and I blushed. There was simply no way not to, New and Old Bella agreed.

The waitress brought the boxed up desserts and the check. Edward didn't even bother to open the folded case with our bill, he simply handed a shiny black card to the waitress with a smile. She came back almost immediately and handed it to him, wishing us a good evening. Neither of us corrected her when she referred to us as Mister and Missus Cullen.

We stood outside and waited while the valet brought Edward's car back. We both had our jackets on, but Edward stood behind me, arms wrapped around me.

"I can't wait to take you where we're going next," he whispered into my ear. I could feel his warm body pressed against me and I was light headed for a moment. The idea of an uninterrupted night with Edward away from my dorm or his apartment, cell phones turned off, laptops unplugged, was my personal idea of bliss. He kissed me softly on my neck and I rested my head back on his shoulder. I let out a soft sigh and closed my eyes, content in this moment.

I was also a little nervous; we hadn't done much yet beyond kissing and some light groping, but we both seemed eager to get to the next step. I had to admit to myself that being with Jasper and then Tanya had been eye opening for me, and I realized how much fun being with someone else could be. I knew I wanted to take my time and enjoy my experiences with Edward, but I also wanted to let things happen naturally, in the time that we both wanted, not on anyone else's schedule or by the guidelines someone else thought we should follow.

I was pulled out of my sexytime thoughts as the valet pulled up and opened my door for me. The rose Edward had given me was sitting on the dash and I picked it up once I was buckled in. Edward dropped the bag of desserts in the trunk on his way to his seat and saw me fiddling with the rose once he got in.

"Too cliché?" he asked, scrunching up his face a little. He put the key in and we were on our way to our next destination as I spoke.

"Not at all. It's beautiful. Renee's favorite flower was the rose. When I went to be with her at the end, Phil had gotten into the habit of always having fresh red roses. She would walk around saying all these silly rose quotes and smelling them."

Edward squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Don't be silly. There was no way you could, and I very much love the gesture," I said, smiling back.

The rest of the drive was silent and I was surprised as we pulled into what looked like a mostly residential neighborhood. Edward parked on the street and turned the car off. I raised an eyebrow at him when he turned to look at me.

"It's a B&B," he explained.

I was so giddy, I clapped in excitement; I'd never been to a B&B before.

Edward unloaded our suitcases from the trunk and handed me the bag with the desserts in it as his hands were full. I was practically skipping with excitement as we walked in to the building. Edward dealt with the room arrangements and the Innkeeper showed us to our room for the night.

I looked around and took in all of the different qualities of the room. It certainly was unlike anywhere I had ever stayed before; it was on the smaller side, with a cute little fireplace opposite the bed. I smiled when I realized the shower was probably large enough to accommodate two. As I walked back to the main room, I saw Edward heave my suitcase onto the bed.

"Ooh! Shall we see what our Alice has packed?" I smiled. I was a little hesitant to open it on the off chance she'd packed something risqué, but I decided to take my chances.

Edward took my coat and hung both of our jackets in the wardrobe on the opposite side of the bed. He came back to my side just as I was opening the top of the case. There were clothes folded neatly, my favorite grey UGG boots, and a bottle of wine next to a corkscrew that made us both laugh. I took the wine and corkscrew out and handed them to Edward to set on the desk. I saw a pink hoodie and my favorite scarf also, and just as I had gotten to the bottom, I noticed a lace-trimmed purple tank and panty set which I assumed was to sleep in, and some black lacy panties and a bra. Edward put one hand on my lower back and the other reached out to grab the undergarments.

"I'll have to send Alice an extra special thank you gift for packing these," he mumbled as he unfolded them to properly examine each piece.

"You haven't even seen what's under this dress yet," I teased. He dropped the black scraps of fabric and his hands were around me in a flash.

"Trust me when I tell you that I mean every word of what I'm about to say. I have never looked forward to anything more."

Laughing, I swatted his hands away, pulling out a smaller pink mini suitcase. Opening it, I saw some toiletries, a toothbrush, a Hello Kitty contact lens holder, my glasses, and a brush. _They thought of almost everything._

"Weird, no toothpaste?" I asked, more to myself than Edward.

"I told her I had that one covered," he explained and pointed to his small bag.

I'd gotten to the bottom of the mini case when I saw a bunch of black wrappers. I almost fell over laughing when I realized what they were: condoms with Kama Sutra positions printed on the wrappers. Among the sea of black, _just how much sex did they think we were going to have?_, I spotted a soft pink piece of paper, folded in half. The flap said, "For Bella's eyes ONLY" in Alice's handwriting.

"Here, keep yourself entertained looking at this," I said, handing him the case with the condoms in it. His eyes went wide, then he began to examine each wrapper, one by one.

I opened the note to read it.

_Bella,_

_We love you and want you to have a FUN weekend. The condoms are more of a joke than anything. We saw them and just couldn't resist. No matter what you decide to do or not do, please remember that we love you and we can't wait to hear all about it. Edward is a great guy and deserves a good woman like you – and you deserve a good guy like him, too._

_Love, Alice & Rose_

They'd each signed their name and I was touched by their sweet gesture. I folded the note back up and tucked it into one of the pockets inside the case. My hands playfully fought with Edward's as he continued to sift through the naughty condoms. I wrenched the case from him and began to put my things back in so that I could easily carry them into the bathroom.

Edward gave me his pouty face and I laughed.

"Edward, do me a favor and pack those things back into the bigger bag, please?" I pointed at the clothes and boots that were unpacked on the bed. "And stop looking at me like that. I've been on the pill for years," I said as casually as I could while walking away.

I got the urge to skip again, jump for joy, something, anything, to let out the rush of ecstatic energy I felt. Instead, I took a deep breath once I set my bathroom case down and steadied my nerves. We'd been in the same bed the night before and I knew Edward wouldn't take advantage of me, so I just needed to decide what I was okay with.

Sure, we were moving fast. Sure, it was maybe too soon for a weekend away _and all that it implied_. I couldn't deny the pull I felt to him, though, and just like that morning, I felt the rush of desire creep over me and knew that I would be his and he would be mine before the night was over.

I smiled at myself in the mirror and began to take my jewelry off. Unhooking my bracelet, I slipped it into my case, then took my earrings off. Suddenly Edward's cool hands were at the back of my neck.

"Would you like help with this?"

He bent down and kissed the left side of my neck, then the right, looking at me in the mirror. I had to fight to keep my eyes open and my brain coherent.

"Please."

He unclasped the necklace and slid his hands on top of my shoulders and around my neck to hand it to me.

"Do you want to see a picture?" I asked.

He quirked an eyebrow at me and I opened the locket.

"Renee and Phil, obviously," I pointed, "and Charlie. Phil gave me the locket before I left Florida. I've worn it more in the last week than ever before. Thanks to your encouragement, I realized that I couldn't just keep ignoring that they're gone."

I smiled softly at him, then lowered my head to set the locket in another pocket of the case. His hands wrapped around my waist and he gently turned me so to face him. He kept his hands on my hips after I was facing him and lowered his lips to mine. Edward kissed me sweetly for a minute, then rested his forehead on mine.

"Thank you for showing me their pictures. I know it can't be easy to carry them around with you and be reminded of them. I wish I could've met them."

I felt like he was looking straight through my eyes and into my heart. He always knew exactly what I needed to hear. I ran my fingers through his hair and smiled at him.

"Ready for dessert?" he smirked.

"Maybe not just yet." I patted my still full belly. "How about we start a fire and open the wine. I'm sure once I've digested a bit I'll be ready to enjoy dessert." Even I wasn't sure if I meant the actual food or something else by the time my sentence was finished.

Edward took my hand and tugged me out of the bathroom.

"I already started the fire. Why don't you open the wine while I get a glass?"

He let go of my hand and rummaged through his bag. I had the wine ready and turned to watch as he grabbed a box and opened it, producing a very odd looking cup.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A wine glass."

"Where's the stem? And the other glass?" I crinkled my eyebrows as I asked.

"There's no stem," he explained as he walked toward me, "and there's just one. I figured we could share."

He reached next to me on the table and filled the single glass about a third of the way with the dark red liquid. He tipped the glass and took a long sniff, eyes closing and smile widening as he did so.

"Do you like wine?" he asked, eyes returning to my face.

"I've never had any," I shrugged.

"Ah, well, this might be a bit much for you then, but try a sip."

Edward handed me the glass and I took a little smell first. It was strong, he was right. I tipped it back and took a sip.

"Let it sit in your mouth for a minute," he explained.

For some reason, those words nearly sent me over the edge. I did as he suggested though and it wasn't bad. It wasn't something I would drink every night, but I could taste the appeal of it as I swallowed. Edward's eyes were fixed on my lips as I handed the glass back to him. Out of habit, I sucked my lower lip into my mouth and shifted my weight nervously.

Closing the distance between us, Edward wrapped his hand around my waist again and looked down at me with a smile. I wasn't playing coy that time, I was just flat out nervous; even after summoning the strength of New Bella. She was no match for Edward Scone Boy Cullen.

"Can I help you out of these shoes?" he asked quietly. I nodded.

The next thing I knew, his hands were sliding down my sides. When he reached the edge of my dress, they moved to my stocking covered legs and I sucked in a quick breath. His fingertips trailed down to my feet, both hands moving to the left, and he gently tapped the top of my foot.

"You have to lift it if you want the shoe to come off," he laughed. _Oh, right._

I lifted my foot and he removed the shoe, repeating his actions on the other side once he was done. He looked up at me and I saw the lust in his eyes as his hands went back to my legs. As he lifted his body, his hands reversed their path up my legs, then under my dress. He stopped just under the hem for a moment, a silent question in his eyes. I tilted my head slightly to let him know it was okay to continue, even though I wouldn't have minded if he'd stopped where he was.

As his hands slid up and under my dress and he stood to his full height, he was peppering kisses along my collarbone. Edward groaned as he ran his fingers just beneath the fleshy part of my bottom and came across the straps of my garters. He moved his fingers up and down the straps as his mouth moved to my neck. His hot, open mouthed kisses on my skin combined with his hands on my ass were driving me crazy.

"Bella..."

I got that feeling, the 'ants in your pants' moment where you just fucking know something is about to happen and you almost can't hold back, but know you have to... just for a minute longer.

I hummed in response to him and he squeezed me into his body. I could feel how hard he was through his pants and I was glad I wasn't the only one having trouble holding back. Pulling back from him slightly, I began to undo his tie. As soon as I had it undone, I slid it from his neck and threw it aside. I unbuttoned his shirt as quickly as I could. Edward's hands were still on me, but they'd moved to the surface of my dress, hesitant and waiting at the top of the zipper.

"Bella," he tried again. "We're getting to the point of no return, love. Fuck, you're driving me crazy just standing here." He sounded exasperated.

I understood completely.

"Good," I said quietly.

His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned now, and I pushed it over his shoulders and off his body. I took a brief moment to look at him standing there. He'd taken off his shoes and socks at some point and was left in only his pants and belt. His upper body was softly sculpted, bare and demanding attention. I licked and kissed his nipple as my fingers went to his belt. The urgency took over and he picked me up by the waist. I squealed a little as he set me back down next to the bed and slid the zipper down on my dress. I had his belt off and tossed to the side, pants unbuttoned and ready to be unzipped.

The zipper on my dress slid down quickly and he pushed the small straps off my shoulders. I thought we'd need to move apart for the dress to fall off my body, but Edward simply peeled the top portion down, then tugged from the bottom, sending it to the floor with his pants as he did so.

He groaned when he saw my corset and ghosted his fingertips over the swell of my breasts. I was more than seduced, I was in a frenzy of need, impatient. I sat back on the bed and pulled him on top of me. Moving my legs to either side of his body, I felt his hands everywhere at once.

"Stop, Bella, please," he begged. "Just for a moment."

I was brought out of my lust-filled haze as he spoke.

"What?"

My hand moved to his face and I began to trace his features, crumpled in concern.

"I know you said you're on the pill, but do you want to get a condom anyways? I mean, God, this is awkward. I've been tested, have you?"

I laughed. _Only you, future Dr__.__ Cullen, would interrupt what was about to be the hottest sex of my life. Not that it was a very vast list of contenders. _I took a deep breath, thinking about what he said.

"I haven't, but Jake and I were each other's firsts."

His face fell a little more. _What the hell?_

Kissing me softly, he rested his body on mine. Frankly, that just increased my frustration with whatever it was he was hesitating to talk about. He set his forehead on my chest and looked to the side.

"Edward? What?"

Threading my fingers through his hair, I tugged gently, forcing him to look back up at me.

"I know you were each other's firsts, Bella, but you weren't each other's _only."_

He wasn't being hurtful, just honest. If I was being honest with myself, he was being smart, too. I'd never even thought to ask Jake about his encounters with Mike; had _they_ used condoms? Even if they had, did Jake or Mike ever bother to get tested for any STDs?

"Fuck. Edward. I'm so sorry," I blew out my breath. "I didn't even think about the consequences of Jake's cheating on me. God damn it."

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. That clearly wasn't Edward's intention and he rolled to the bed and laid beside me.

"It's okay, you know. We can deal with it when we get back to school. I just … need to protect myself. I feel horrible."

I laughed bitterly.

"_You_ feel horrible? You shouldn't feel horrible at all, Edward. If anyone should, it's Jacob, but I doubt he feels much these days."

"Bella, I didn't mean we had to stop. I just wanted a minute to grab a condom. I'm sorry that I ruined the moment," he said, voice quiet.

His comments provoked another laugh from me.

"You think you ruined the moment? Edward, I love that you're so smart and responsible. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to think about protection in that sense. I just feel so… dirty. It's so wrong, right, because I've only ever been with Jake, but clearly I was the only one being faithful. And who really knows who else he was with, you know?"

"Don't cry, sweetheart. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His thumbs wiped my tears away as he spoke. Tears I hadn't even realized were falling. His body was halfway on mine again, hands up at my face. I looked at him, sure I was going to see something horrible and awful. Instead, I just saw love and I was amazed again at his ability to overlook the flaws and mistakes of my past. He rolled to his back, bringing me with him and I curled into his side. His hand rubbed soothing patterns on my back and I took a deep breath, tears slowly stopping. My hand moved across his bare abdomen, fingers flat on his skin.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"What are you thanking me for?"

"Because I know that you're not afraid to be a grown up. You see a problem and you want to handle it. You don't shy away from it and pretend it doesn't exist. It means I can really trust you. I appreciate that, even if it isn't always exactly convenient."

We both laughed and he pulled me on top of him.

"I want you to be able to trust me. I need you to trust me. This isn't a fling for me, Bella. I'm not just trying to get up your skirt and leave."

"I know, Edward. And, I do. I do trust you."

Edward knew most of my history with Jake and also knew just how far I'd gone with both Jasper and Tanya. I wanted to be completely honest with him from the start, and they were both important parts of my recent past. As I leaned down to kiss him, his hands moved lower again, cupping my bottom and pulling my hips into his again.

"Edward. Maybe we should take a minute first to … prepare? I would hate to be interrupted for what would be the third time, by my count."

"Mm, you have a good point. Not just yet though, I'm enjoying this too much," he spoke against my lips and continued kissing me. One of his hands moved to my head and he stroked his long fingers against the back of my neck as his lips played with mine. _Those fingers_, I wanted them all over me. I needed them.

Moaning into his mouth, I pressed my hips against his, letting him know my patience was wearing thin. He gently but quickly pushed me off him and got up from the bed.

"Okay, I get it, me either, can't wait, not any more, need you so bad," he was babbling as he walked at a fast pace into the bathroom. I heard the case open and things falling onto the floor in his haste to get a condom. I giggled to myself as I waited. He walked back in, boxers tented and distress written across his face.

While he was gone, I turned to my back and propped myself up on my elbows, one leg stretched out and the other bent up at the knee.

"Fuck," he muttered, drinking me in once he finally looked up at me. He pulled his boxers down and off his body, stepping out of them on his way to the bed.

"God, I hope so."

"You are completely sinful, Isabella Swan."

"Get over here and let me corrupt you then," I giggled.

Crawling up from the foot of the bed, he tossed the condom down for the moment as his hands ran up and down my legs again. Edward undid the clips of my garters and slid my stockings off, following them quickly with my panties.

He wasted no time at all bringing his fingers to me. He was straddling my legs just below the apex of my thighs, his thumb resting right on my clit. I let out a contented sigh at the feeling building in me. Moving his fingers between my lips, he dipped one of his long, luscious digits inside of me.

"So fucking beautiful," he whispered.

His other hand moved up to drop inside my corset and tease my nipple. I flexed my hips, needing more of him, somehow. Edward sprawled out next to me, his hand never stopping his stroking of me. His mouth came to my neck and he kissed, sucked, and licked every part of me he could reach.

"Do you even know how hard you make me? Watching you squirm beneath me, my fingers deep inside of you as your whole body flushes with excitement? God, I want to keep you on the edge of this moment all night."

_Fuck. Me too._

Turning my head to meet his lips, I hoped to convey just how badly I wanted and needed him. I whimpered against him, silently begging him to give me what I wanted, even if I wasn't sure exactly what that was. _Did I want him inside of me, or did I want him to make me come? Did it fucking matter? _Either option was practically mind blowing.

Edward's thumb moved faster against my clit as he withdrew his fingers and pushed them back in slower.

"Is this how you want me to fuck you?" he asked quietly. "Soft and slow? Maybe you want it faster, harder?"

_Who knew Scone Boy was a dirty talker?_

"Please," I whimpered.

"Please what, Bella? Please fuck you harder with my fingers, or softer? I want to make you come so hard before I'm inside you."

Hard enough to leave a temporary mark, he bit at the juncture of my neck and body and I screamed, unable to hold back any longer. His other hand came over my mouth gently to muffle the noise I was making and I really tried to hold it in. My eyes clamped shut and my entire body went stiff with my orgasm washed over me. Edward continued to move his fingers, thumb still gently rolling back and forth across my clit as I came down.

Withdrawing his fingers one final time, I saw him reach for the condom and felt my build up beginning again, just at the sight of him. He'd shifted so that he was straddling me again and I was ready to beg him, if he hadn't already been moving as fast as I thought he could. I felt primal – the need, the want, all of the build up over the last few weeks.

Edward rolled the condom down his thick length as I moved my knees to either side of his body. He shifted his weight so he was resting partially on top of me, kissing me again, and my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Edward," I sighed. _Perfection. This moment is perfect._

"I know," he whispered, kissing just below my ear. "I know."

I felt his hand between us as he guided himself into me. Any amount of imagining what this moment would be like would have been insufficient for the reality. He was longer and thicker and far, far better than I could have hoped for. From the first time he sank deep inside of me, I was gone, lost in a sea of lust and love.

He pulled back and adjusted my legs and hips, sinking further the second and subsequent times. I couldn't help the small sighs and murmurs as he slid in and out of me, pushing me closer to the edge.

"Bella, look at me, love." I moved my eyes to meet his. "I want you to touch yourself, please. I want to hear and see and feel you come around me, underneath me, with me," he strained as he spoke.

My hand moved between us and I almost flew off the bed at the pleasure of touching myself while Edward was inside of me. Of all of the new experiences I had up to this point, I decided immediately this was my favorite.

I slid my fingers lower and touched him, feeling around him as he moved. He groaned into my neck and began his own panting and mumbling. I kept my fingers around him as I moved my thumb back up to my clit. I pressed and my hips bucked.

"Faster, Edward, please."

"Oh God, you're going to kill me," he laughed a little, but complied.

The increased speed from him and friction from my hand sent me over my edge for the second time. He didn't have a free hand that time, so Edward pressed his lips to mine, body shaking with a laugh as I came loudly again. His laughter stopped as my body began to relax and I felt his muscles clench, his movements stopping to let his own orgasm flow through his body. He grunted and lowered his forehead to my shoulder with his body as closely connected to mine as it could be.

Ss he relaxed above me, his soft breath swept across my skin. My hands wrapped around him and we both rolled onto our sides. He dealt with the condom and I watched in fascination as he tied a knot and dropped it into the trash can. I'd never seen what happened to a condom after sex and was curious.

He rolled back to face me, helped me remove my corset, and we wrapped up together under the blankets. One of his hands was stroking my back and the other was in my hair. His lips were pressed to my head and I thought for a moment he'd fallen asleep. I was worried about the fireplace since I had no clue how to turn it off, and I knew enough to know that needed to get up and use the restroom, but I wasn't ready to wake him just yet.

"Thank you," he whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear.

I lifted my head to look at him. "For what?"

"I've never felt like that before," he explained.

"Are you kidding?" _That's not very nice, teasing me right after we just had sex._ I was a little miffed.

"No, absolutely not. That was... unbelievable. You really do bring out the worst in me," he laughed.

"I happen to think it's the best, but we can debate that later," I said, climbing out of bed.

Before I could, Edward's fingers were wrapped around my waist, bringing me back to him. He pulled me close, nose at my neck, lips on my shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I have to pee, Edward, if you really need to know. Do you want to turn the fireplace off while I'm in there?"

His hand traveled up to cup my breast and I groaned in protest. "Just another minute, love, please."

He was kissing me softly and really, what was I in such a rush for? We cuddled another minute and he let go of me after one last sweep of his hand across my body.

"Okay," he playfully smacked my bottom as I got up, "you're free… for the moment."

I turned to scold him, mostly sure he was still teasing me about his reaction to our intimacy, but he had such a broad and sincere smile on his face, I could tell he wasn't kidding. I pondered this as I walked to the bathroom. Edward stood at the sink, washing his hands, then left before I did. When I was done and had washed my own hands, I walked back to the bedroom to find Edward sitting up in bed, the bag of desserts next to him and boxes opened all around him.

"Dessert?" He smiled and I smiled back at him. "It looks like they forgot the forks," he said as I walked towards the bed, "so we're just going to have to use our hands." As his words trailed off, he gave me that grin, which had just the slightest bit of a naughty hint to it now.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Supah thanks to my betas, Siouxchef and TwilightMundi. Thanks also to 4theluvofmary, algonquinrt, and adorablecullens, who each contribute to my day-to-day sanity and to my nameless friend for assistance in providing STD testing information. Thank you to the sexiest Eagle Eye, Sweet Dulci.  
**

**Also, one thing to note; lots of reviews mentioned that now Bella can cross "SB" off her 'to do' list, and so I wanted to clarify. The Discovery List is similar to a to do list, but she won't be crossing him off anytime soon. She wants to discover everything about him and really learn him... he wasn't just something to achieve or obtain.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_"Dessert?" He smiled and I smiled back at him. "It looks like they forgot the forks," he said as I walked towards the bed, "so we're just going to have to use our hands." As his words trailed off, he gave me that grin, which had just the slightest bit of a naughty hint to it now._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

I climbed onto the bed just as naked as I had left it. Edward and I sat facing each other, knees touching. The first box he grabbed was the crème brulee. Putting my hands on his knees, I ran them up his thighs as he looked into the disposable foil pot curiously.

His eyes moved from the pot to mine and then back as my hands continued on their path. When I reached his hips, I uncrossed my legs and climbed into his lap. Adjusting myself, I wrapped my legs around him, pulling myself a little closer.

"You're gonna share, right?" I raised an eyebrow.

He laughed and poked the top of the caramelized sugar crust, breaking it into pieces. His finger dipped into the pot and he scooped a bite. Opening my mouth as his finger approached, I closed my lips around it once it was inside, then ran my tongue across the surface of his skin. I hummed and closed my eyes as his finger slipped back out.

Edward leaned back slightly and I grabbed the pot from him, swiping my finger through the soft custard and bringing it up to his mouth. He parted his lips and I brought my finger down onto his tongue, feeling him suck and lap at my skin. My heart rate increased and my breathing picked up, leaving me to wonder just how long we were going to continue to drag this out. I was enjoying dessert, but I would enjoy Edward much more.

I set the foil pot down on the bed and wrapped my arms around his neck, fingertips playing at the nape of his neck as I softly licked his lips and then kissed him. I could taste the lingering sweetness on his mouth and it made me smile.

Reaching for the container next to him, he looked inside; it was the chocolate mousse cake. My smile grew even more wide as I brought two fingers into the edge of the fluffy mousse, gathering just a small amount, and swiped it across one side of my collarbone. Edward had his lip between his teeth when I looked up and he wasted no time leaning over to lick the warming chocolate from my skin.

His lips moved to my neck and he swiped a lick out before softly dropping kisses in what felt like a random pattern around the skin. I closed my eyes and lost myself to the sensation of his lips and tongue against my skin, my mind soaring to thoughts of him repeating his movements much lower on my body. A wave of heat swept over me at that thought and I moaned softly as I felt Edward rest his head on my shoulder.

"You know, when I said I'd never felt like that before, I obviously didn't mean that I'd never _felt like that_ before."

As he spoke, his finger trailed from one collarbone across to the other. I shivered at the sensation and felt my nipples tighten and goosebumps spread over my upper body.

"What did you mean?" I asked. I had meant for the question to come out confident and clear, but instead it came out as more of a breath than anything else. I could barely even focus on what he was saying; _how could I want someone again so quickly_?

His hands were at my sides and I was brought out of my lust fog. Shifting my head, I brought my eyes to his and tried to focus.

"Seriously. I need you to know. I've spent my life being focused on school and activities to get me into a good college, and now that I'm here, I can't fuck this up. At the same time, I've wanted you from the moment I first saw you. I've never had that kind of reaction to someone."

His hand came up to cup my face and I started to get nervous. Was that what this was? Didn't he just tell me a few minutes ago, and yesterday, that this wasn't all just a ploy to get up my skirt? His thumb rubbed across my forehead, which had creased in confusion. He kissed me softly and I couldn't bring myself to respond, not if this was going to end badly. _Just rip the band-aid off and get it over with_,_ why was he teasing me?_

"Not like that, love. This worry doesn't belong on your beautiful face. What I meant was, I've had quite a few girlfriends. I've had sex with some of them, but it's never been that intense before." Edward kissed the side of my neck and nibbled lightly before continuing. "I've never felt this strongly before. You make me feel primal and full of... everything. I want to take you away and never let you leave the bed, or put clothes on. I want to worship you not only for your beauty, but for your heart and spirit, for your intellect … and this is all very new for me. I don't think I've said more than three words while having sex with someone before, I'm usually just focused on getting to the goal. I forget to stop and enjoy the moment with the other person. And that's the other thing... that was above and beyond anything I've ever done. We started fucking, but that wasn't fucking at the end. Oh, Christ, I've turned into a girl," he trailed off, putting his head in his hands, and started to shake his head.

I lifted his eyes back to mine and gently pulled his fingers away from his face. I kissed each of his palms before setting them on my thighs.

"Thank you for being honest." I leaned up and kissed him softly and smiled. "I feel the same." This time my hand wove around the back of his neck to press his mouth into mine. "I've never, ever felt this way before," my voice lowered to a whisper. "You make me feel so good."

And he did, several more times.

As we lay there curled up with each other, fireplace safely turned off, we talked about all the different reasons why I needed to contact Jake. I asked Edward questions I would've been embarrassed to ask anyone else, probably even my doctor; he knew my secrets already, so it felt safe.

We talked about going to the clinic and lab together. He assured me that everything would be confidential and quick. He explained that I needed to have a full exam and blood work done, and would have my results in a few days, at most a week. We also talked about how, to be on the safe side, we'd continue using condoms for six months. I didn't want to expose Edward to any STDs unnecessarily and that was apparently the accepted timeline to wait after possible exposure, even with negative test results. After the six months was up, I'd go back for another blood test and we'd hopefully be in the clear. _Are we really already talking about being together six months from now?_

I didn't care. As Edward nuzzled my neck and whispered dirty words to me about how he couldn't wait to have sex without a condom, my mind went fuzzy and my body tingled in the way I learned that only Edward could make it.

We changed into our pajamas, brushed our teeth, and took our contacts out, sharing the bathroom together. I got to see Edward in his glasses again and it made me smile that someone so perfect could also be flawed; it was a good reminder of his humanity and to myself to stop putting him on such a pedestal. I fell asleep with Edward spooned up behind me, one arm underneath my neck and the other at my waist. It was perfect.

I woke up in a rather different position, limbs splayed out in the bed, alone. I was cold and my eyes slid open slowly, soaking up the surrounding area.

"Edward?" I called out softly.

Nothing.

I sat up and tried again, a little louder. "Edward?"

The shower wasn't running, but I checked the bathroom anyway. Completely empty.

The room was chilly, so I grabbed my cell phone and crawled back under the covers. The clock read almost eleven in the morning, and I thanked the heavens for sleeping in on weekends. I texted Edward to ask where he was and got a reply back quickly, letting me know he was grabbing breakfast. There was a knock at the door a few minutes later and I opened it to see Edward carrying a mountain of food.

He set the tray on the bed, then ran back out before I could ask where he was going. I shook my head and another knock came moments later with two coffee cups.

"I couldn't fit the mugs on the tray with the food and I know how serious your addiction is, Coffee Girl," he said with a wink. _God, I love him._

I moved to kiss him and as my lips touched his, the full impact of my last thought hit me. I loved him.

The panic started to bubble as our lips moved together, but I reminded myself that just because I felt it didn't mean I had to say it, or he needed to know. Of course, it was less about him knowing than me acknowledging the feelings. I'd only ever loved Jacob before, and look how that turned out. I needed to stew on those thoughts for a bit, but first I needed breakfast.

We sat and ate together in bed, talking, laughing, and sharing kisses and little touches the whole time. Our bubble was about to burst with our trip back to Dartmouth, but that was okay with me too. I didn't want to spend too much time wrapped in this imaginary land. I knew from the last week that we could function together while still doing what we needed to do for our classes, so I wasn't worried.

I'd been right – the shower was large enough for two. We spent even more time talking, kissing, caressing, and laughing in there. There was no laughing at all when Edward stood behind me and mercilessly teased my body to another peak, one hand over my mouth to muffle the whimpers of pleasure and one hand lower, expertly provoking the whimpers. I basked in the haze of my orgasm as he lathered up a wash cloth and cleaned my body, then washed and conditioned my hair for me. His careful attention to detail did not go unnoticed and I gladly returned the favor, both the washing and the touching.

The drive back to campus was slow and mostly quiet, save for some iPod music. We held hands the majority of the time and Edward walked me to my room, tugging my hot pink suitcase behind him, which made me giggle.

"Can you come in for a quick minute?" I asked, unlocking the door to the room.

"I wish I could, but I have to get back and get some things done before class," he sighed. I turned back to him saw he had that same grin with a hint of naughty to it on his face, just like the night before. He moved a little closer, backing me against the wall. He pressed his body into mine and brought his lips to my ear. He moaned softly before he began to speak, pressing a small kiss just below my ear. "I'm going to think about you while we're apart. The only thing that will get me through the next several hours is the thought of what I'm going to get to do to you the next time I see you."

My head tilted back and hit the wall, eyes closed as he kissed me passionately.

"Uh, knock knock?"

_Fuck._

I cringed and my shoulders slumped down. My eyes were still closed, and I desperately wanted to melt into the wall.

"Hey Alice," Edward said, chipper as ever. As if his cousin hadn't just caught us completely making out right outside the room. I peeled one eye open. _Oh, God. She's with Jasper._ I straightened up, still completely mortified.

"Edward, you remember Jasper?" she asked, as they shook hands.

"Hey, Jasper."

"You coming in, Edward?" she asked.

"Nope, I was just leaving actually. I have a ton of things to do before class tomorrow."

Edward hugged Alice, shook Jasper's hand again, and gave me one last peck on the lips before walking away. _Yeah, I watched him walk away. No one could resist watching that ass_. Even through his jeans, I could imagine just how his muscles would be flexing, thanks to the show I'd gotten on our run and the night before.

Alice tugged my hand into the room once he was out of sight, and began to machine gun questions at me. I walked to my room and collapsed on my bed as we talked for what must've been hours. It was getting visibly dark outside and I was hungry.

"Wait, where's Rose?" I asked, sitting up.

Alice laughed. "She's still with Emmett. She told me not to disturb them in their Den of Sin. I didn't ask any more questions after that."

"Shit, Ali, I'm sorry; shouldn't you be hanging out with Jasper?"

"It's okay, he knew I was going to abandon him at some point to talk to you about the weekend." She smiled. "I should probably go spend some time with him, though. It's getting late, he'll need to go soon."

"Okay. Come back and spill the details to me when he's gone, alright? I'm going to grab something from the cafe, then change into my pajamas and get some stuff done in here, with my door closed." I emphasized the last part with a wink and a giggle.

My phone chirped a few minutes after I got back with a sandwich, as I was eating and going through some paperwork on my desk.

**My pajamas smell like you. Miss U **

I blushed and replied.

_Miss you too. Coffee tmrw?_

I opened my laptop and waited while it booted. I needed to see if Jake had replied yet to my email, then I'd gauge whether or not I'd risk a phone call or send another email.

Another chirp from my phone, and Edward and I texted back and forth a few times, arranging plans to meet up for a study date at the cafe. I was glad that we were both focused and neither of us was interested in distracting the other from school. Well, distracting too much.

Finally, my email loaded and I saw a reply from Jake and an email from Edward. I clicked the email from Edward first and was surprised; it was time-stamped from that morning. He must've snuck out and emailed me when he was getting us breakfast.

There was no text in the body of the email, and the subject was simply "Crazy for You." I downloaded the attachment, loaded it into my ESBC playlist, then clicked play. I smiled as old school Madonna sang to me. I let the lyrics soak into my skin and smiled at the fact that Edward Scone Boy Cullen was perhaps falling for me just as quickly as I was falling for him.

When the song was over, I read Jake's email and decided to call him. He was terse in the email, but I felt like he could probably handle a phone conversation. Since this was a delicate topic, it would be easier to address live instead of exchanging email back and forth.

I pressed the call button when I found his saved information, and my heart began to beat faster. As the rings sounded in my ear, my pulse throbbed in my brain. Finally, on the fourth ring, Jacob answered.

"Bella?"

_Well, at least he sounded excited to hear from me. Maybe this wouldn't be so tough after all._

"Hi, Jake."

We exchanged pleasantries and caught up on each other's lives, before I interrupted him to get to the point of my call. I no longer even felt a best friend connection with him and just wanted to get this over with and move on.

"Jake, listen. The reason I'm calling is to ask you some questions. I promise not to get upset at the answers, but you have to be honest with me, okay? Please, Jake."

He was quiet for a minute, then agreed.

"Jake, was there anyone..." I paused. _Shit._ "Was there anyone else, besides Mike?"

The silence was deafening and I began to fear the worst. What if there wasn't just anyone before Mike, but several someones?

"No," he whispered.

"Excuse me?" I needed to hear him say it again, just to be sure.

"No, there wasn't anyone else, aside from Mike."

He sounded ashamed and for a moment, a twinge of guilt flittered through me at forcing him to confess these details.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I have to ask. Were you safe?"

"Fuck, Bella. Really?"

Now I was angry. "Yes, really. God, Jake, this isn't the time to go all four year old on me. You put my body and life at risk!"

"Yes, we were safe."

"Every time?"

"Almost every time." His voice was full of anger as he spoke. "I would never have done that to you."

I laughed at the irony, then asked him a few more questions and he got quiet again.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

It was the first time he had apologized for what he'd done to me. _To us._


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thanks to **_**swill122**_** for the suggestion that Edward get tested with Bella as moral support. My thanks to algonquinrt and adorablecullens for the sanity checks along the way. Also, to **_**dazzlemebetch**_**, who I believe was the first to point out to me about the timeline. Many of you**** mentioned that their wait wouldn't be six months, since it had been a while since she was with Jake. Also, several people mentioned Tanya and Jasper – that was always intended to come up in this chapter, but I completely love that you guys all think about**** these things and mention them to me. I love your reviews and ideas/suggestions so much, keep them coming!**

**Supah thanks to my betas, **_**Siouxchef **_**and**_** TwilightMundi**_** and Sexy Eagle Eye SweetDulci.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

"_I'm sorry, Bella." _

_It was the first time he had apologized for what he'd done to me. To us._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

It was my turn to be stunned into silence.

"Bella?"

"I'm here. You just... you've never apologized before."

"Well, I mean it," he said, then let out a long sigh. "I know it wasn't a good situation at the time, but I think you finding us that day was probably the best thing that could have ever happened for all of us. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and that I've continued to be a complete toolbox, what with emailing you and being rude. You finding me that day forced me to face what I was doing. What I had become." His voice lowered further. "What I am."

"And what is that, Jake?"

I could feel my eyes welling with tears, but I needed to hear him say it. To extinguish the last little ember of hope that I might have allowed to continue to burn, despite all the hurt and pain he caused me.

"I'm …" The faintest whisper of a word crossed through the phone line, "… gay."

"I'll always love you as my best friend, Jake, and I am proud of you for finally being honest and true to yourself."

Tears were streaming down my face and the heaving sobs were building. I could sense our conversation was almost over. I just needed to make it a few more minutes.

"I love you too, Bella. I want you to know that I'll stop emailing and harassing you. When you think we can be friends again, please contact me. Email would probably be best, as Mike and I are headed somewhere else. We aren't sure where yet, but we just can't live in Forks anymore, you know?"

Sure, I could imagine. Forks was a small place, full of old thinking and not likely to accept Mike and Jake. Had I still lived there, the shame and embarrassment of our situation, of Jake cheating on me and everything else tangled up with it, would probably have driven me away, too.

"Well, Jake, why don't you send me an email when you guys figure it out. I'd like to stay in touch, as long as you can maintain this new sense of normal." I broke into a sob that I masked as a giggle at the end.

"Okay, Bella. Thanks."

He was optimistic as ever and we hung up. My body lurched with another sob, the reality overwhelming me again. _He was gay._ I'd loved him with my whole heart. I was ready to give my entire life to him. How did I not know? Was it possible that I never loved him at all, I just loved the idea of him? What would've happened had I not found Jake and Mike? Would we have gotten married, wasted years of our lives pretending?

I felt sick. I was going to be sick.

I opened my bedroom door and Alice and Jasper were snuggled up on the couch together. _Edward._ I desperately wanted his arms around me to reassure me. Had I been wrong about Edward, too? No, I really loved Edward. We weren't pushed together through circumstance or geography. We were putting in effort to make it work, not taking it easy with the nearest possible warm body.

My feet somehow carried me out of the dorm room and down the hall. I couldn't stop long enough to answer Alice's frantic questions as I ran, I just had to go and explain later. I didn't want to get sick in our room bathroom, I wanted to maintain some level of privacy while I indulged myself in the unscheduled nervous breakdown I was about to have.

The bathroom door flew open when my palm smacked against it. I found the nearest toilet and got straight to business. I was sobbing, heaving my body toward the white porcelain bowl that most college kids seemed to worship for vastly different reasons than I was right then. I heard the door open and close behind me, but once my stomach was empty, I just sat there. I let all of my previously held hopes and dreams out in the form of tears, for what felt like hours, head resting on my forearms.

The door creaked open and closed again, as it had repeatedly during the time I was on the floor, alternating between dry heaving and sobbing. Sometimes a girl would stop and try to talk to me, ask if I was okay. I could only shake my head no and wait for them to leave. The lock to the main door clicked, and the sobs came faster. _Please, all I need right now is for some psycho to be locking him or herself in the bathroom with me._

"Bella."

His voice was so faint, I was certain it had been a hallucination.

When I felt his hand on my leg, I looked up through the watery pools my eyeballs were still swimming in. He seemed like a hallucination behind the wavy patterns of my unshed tears.

"Love, I'm not even going to ask if you're okay, since you are so clearly not. _Please_, let me help you."

Edward's hand slid up my back and then I felt the other beneath my knees as he picked me up. Certain I was covered in vomit, snot and tears, I tried my best to protest, albeit weakly.

"No, no," I sobbed, shame and embarrassment at the forefront of my brain. "Please, this is awful and disgusting and I must look hideous."

Even as I was protesting, my body was curling into his, overruling my brain.

"Shh. It's okay. Let me take care of you."

So soft and light, his voice wrapped around me like a fleece blanket, holding me close to him, while he wrapped me in the warmth, comfort, and safety of his embrace.

"I'm just going to set you down for a moment. Don't panic."

He was still whispering and I nodded quickly.

We were in the back shower area and I heard the water turn on in the stall next to me. Edward reappeared and I couldn't bring myself to look up at him, even as much as I knew I needed to. I needed him to know how much I appreciated what he was doing for me by allowing me to surrender myself to him, to his touch, to his love.

His hands went first to my shoes, slipping them off and setting them behind him. He unbuttoned my jeans next, leaving them sitting on my hips as he pulled my layers of shirts off. My bra was still on as he stood and I could tell he was undressing as well, his clothes hitting the floor with less care and concern than he'd placed mine.

Edward bent to lift me again and I rested against him, his hands moving to pull my jeans down and off my body. I could feel the soft cotton of his boxers against my hips and the tears had begun to slow as my brain caught up with the realization that I would be safe again. Without even knowing what was wrong, Edward was here, holding me, loving me, reassuring me.

He led us to the stall with the water on and I flinched as we moved under the spray. The heat from the water stung my skin and I tucked my head in to Edward's shoulder.

As the water washed over me, his hands undid the loose ponytail that was now simply a pile of tangles on top of my head. His fingers wove through the mess, gently unknotting my hair and stroking it back. Each time his hands touched a bare part of my body, I felt a little better. A little stronger. A little more myself again.

Not once the entire time he was helping to rinse my pain away did Edward stop to ask me what was wrong. It was as if the cause had no space in his brain, his only concern was getting to the solution. He finished cleaning me up as best he could in a dorm room shower with no soap or supplies, then turned the water off.

"I left the towels on the counter, I'll be right back."

I laid back against the tile wall, resisting the dire plea from my knees to simply allow them to go weak and slide my body to the ground. Thankfully, he was back before I even had time to think about it twice, lifting my arms and wrapping me gently in a towel before he dried himself quickly with the other.

There was a soft knock on the door and I saw Edward wrap the towel around his lower half and disappear. Alice's soft voice carried through the room, then the door closed and locked again. I could see his feet as he put on what looked like plaid lounge pants. There was more movement and I assumed he was putting on a shirt. His hands moved to the edge of my towel and he hesitated briefly.

"I want to put some dry clothes on you before we go back to your room, sweetheart. Can I take off your wet clothes?"

Another sob heaved from my body; this man asked permission to remove my bra and panties, even after we'd already been so closely intimate. The contrast with Jacob, who almost never asked me anything, smacked me in the face again. I nodded quickly twice, my eyes focused on the tile patterns of the floor. My wet hair hung around my face, shaking with the movement of my head and dropping water around me.

Before he did anything else, towel still around my body, Edward pulled me into his body. His arms wrapped around me again and he rested one hand at my waist and the other between my shoulder blades.

"It's okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay, I promise."

His hand wove up through my hair and I took in a deep breath, my first real breath since I'd run from my room. I felt my body loosen in his arms, the tension and stress easing out slowly.

"Can I get you changed now?"

I was grateful that his voice was still low; my head had begun pounding. I nodded and he moved back slightly, taking the towel down. He rested it against his own body as he unclasped my bra and lifted it off. "Arms up," he said, wrapping the towel back around me before reaching under to pull my panties down. He moved with such reverence and respect, keeping me covered when he could, knowing that this wasn't a sexual act or a moment for him to gawk or gaze.

He moved away again and I saw my plaid pajama pants come into view. Stepping in when he lowered them enough, he slid them up my legs, fingertips grazing my hips on his way to my waist. There was no way to get my shirt on with the towel still in place, so I simply dropped it. I was tired of holding up the wall anyway; I wanted him to see me completely. I needed him to know me. Edward never missed a beat, back in front of me with a shirt, slipping it over my arms. He gently maneuvered the shirt onto my head and once it was over my breasts, he let it drop and cupped my face, bringing my gaze up to meet his.

Although he had just gently dressed me, staring into his eyes, I felt even more naked than before. I was a grown woman who just had to have her fairly new boyfriend help her through what was undoubtedly one of the most profound displays of emotion she'd ever had. On one hand, I was endlessly grateful that Edward had been there for me when I needed him the most, and on the other, I was horrifically embarrassed.

He softly kissed the corner of my mouth and slid his hands down my arms to take one of mine into his. With his other hand, he picked up our discarded clothes and towels, then unlocked the door and led me out of the bathroom and back to my room. I was grateful that, contrary to what I thought might be the scene outside, there were only a few people wandering around.

The door to the room was open slightly and Alice and Jasper were nowhere to be found, but the other bedroom door was closed. Once we got into my room, Edward led me to the bed, where I sat. He brought me a cup of tea and a cinnamon chip scone, which made me smile.

"I should've made sure you had lunch or dinner before I left," he mumbled, handing me the scone.

I greedily drank the entire cup of warm tea in a few gulps. "I'm sorry, I only had Tyler bring the one cup. Do you want some water?" I looked up at his eyes again, soft and worried. I nodded, still unable to force myself to speak, even as much as my brain was shouting at me. Shouting at me to tell him I wasn't completely crazy... just a mixed up girl in a strange moment.

He left the room briefly, getting me a large cup of cool water at super speed. He set it on the desk next to the bed and sat with me.

"Eat some, please," he implored.

I'd forgotten about the pastry in my hand. I broke a piece off and brought it to my mouth, the soft dough crumbling on my tongue as the cinnamon chips melted. I made a low humming noise and Edward smiled.

His hand was on my leg, fingers splayed and occasionally moving in small patterns against my pants as he patiently waited for me to finish eating. When the scone was gone and I'd had more water, I started to feel better. Brushing the crumbs from my pants, I looked at him again.

"How did you know to come?" I asked.

"Alice called me. I packed a small bag as quickly as I could and raced over. When I got here, she was pacing outside the bathroom, keeping people out. She took my bag and handed me the towels, suggesting that I help you shower. After she set my bag in the room, she came back with the pajamas for us."

_Thank you, Alice._

"Can we lay down? I want to explain, but if you don't mind, I'd much rather be curled up with you."

His smile grew. Perhaps he was worried this whole time that I was upset over something relating to him? Then I felt selfish; I'd taken him away from whatever it was he needed to get done before school.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I sniffled. "I forgot that you went home to get ready for the week. Really, I'll be okay if you need to go." I cursed the tear that fell onto my cheek, betraying every lying word that had just come out of my mouth.

"There's nowhere else I want to be right now. You come before everything else at this moment. I'm here for you. Lie down, let's talk." He leaned back onto my small bed, opening his arms for me.

As we curled up together, I told him about my conversation with Jake. I wasn't sure I'd been honest with myself, up until that afternoon, with how I felt about the whole situation. I hadn't allowed myself to feel the entire weight of the grief over losing my lifelong best friend and boyfriend on the same day I lost my father. The details poured out of me and I confessed the entirety of my previously held belief of my love for Jacob. I was honest that I wasn't even sure anymore if I ever loved him, but that hadn't prevented me from building grand ideas and plans in my head about our lives together, before all the tragedy and drama.

I cried again, for the loss of all the things I thought I'd have with Jake. For the loss of my parents, again, because it crept up on me in that moment of weakness. I cried for the relief and overwhelming happiness that Edward's comfort brought me. He didn't ask questions and didn't offer solutions, he simply listened. When I stopped crying, we laid quietly together.

A smile spread across my face as I felt the warm sun on my body. It was a new day. My heart felt lighter and my mood was measurably happier. I opened my eyes and realized that part of the warmth was from the body next to me. Or, more accurately, the warm body wrapped up with me. I brought my hand up to Edward's head and tucked his loose hairs behind his ear. His breathing changed from slow and even to ragged. I brought my leg up over his hip and pressed my body further into his, feeling just how happy he was to have me that close.

"Good morning, love." He leaned forward and kissed me softly. I broke our kiss first, nuzzling my face into his neck.

"Thank you, Edward. I wish I could think of something good enough to say 'thank you,' but all I have right now are the words."

He let out a soft hum and pulled me closer, his arms strong and warm around me. "It's more than enough."

I finally moved my eyes from the bed over to the nightstand and saw that it was already eight thirty. I had a nine o'clock class, so I jumped out of bed and frantically began searching out clothes to change into. Once I was at my dresser, I threw off my pajamas and pulled on some random comfortable underwear, then began to fidget with a bra when I felt Edward behind me.

"Are you sure you have to go to class?"

He was kissing down my neck, hands in front of my body and cupping my breasts underneath my still unhooked bra. _Fuck._ I was really tempted to skip class and show him just how thankful I was for his listening skills, perhaps indulging a little in his _other_ various skills, but I knew that was a habit we'd get into if we allowed ourselves, and I just couldn't do that to either of us.

"Seriously, I'm standing here in," I looked down, "peace sign, happy face underwear and the most generic nude-colored Target bra ever, and you can't keep your hands to yourself?"

He was playfully irritated and began to take his frustration out on my breasts, teasing my nipples with barely-there touches. His body was pressed up against mine, still lavishing my neck and shoulders with kisses and licks. I was ten seconds away from caving and spending the day in bed with him when he gave one last gentle tug of my nipples before withdrawing his hands. They trailed around to my back and he stepped away to hook my bra for me, then placed a kiss between my shoulder blades.

"I never want to keep my hands to myself when I'm with you. And, I like seeing you in normal clothes. Sure, sexy lingerie is great, but this is the real Bella. This is the Bella I want. The Bella that I need every moment of every day. Thank you for keeping us on track."

At the mention of being on track, I turned to the closet and grabbed the closest pair of jeans, tugging them on quickly. My shirt was another random selection from what I had at hand and I pulled it over my head discussing last minute details of our days with Edward as I shoved everything I'd need for class into my bag.

"Hey, let's go get the blood draw today?" he asked.

Edward had that lusty look in his eyes and I knew he'd simply removed his physical self from my body, but his brain was working overtime thinking about the next time we could be together.

"Yeah, sure," I replied. "My last class is at eleven, so I could meet you around one?"

I turned to face him and say goodbye and he fell back on the bed with laughter.

_Oh-kay._

"Edward, I have to go, seriously. One, cafe? Yes? No?"

He was still just laughing and I was as fucking clueless as I had been thirty-seconds before. I grabbed my messenger bag and threw on my glasses from the top of my dresser; I didn't have time to put my contacts in. Pulling my hair back in a ponytail, I noticed Edward had moved to lean against my closed door, watching me run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

"First, that shirt is hysterical, and hopefully very true. Second, love, you'll be okay if you're a few minutes late, I promise. Let me put my clothes on and walk you to class?"

Curious, I quickly glanced down to see I had pulled on my Hello Kitty t-shirt that said "I heart nerds".

"No, Edward, I hate being late. I can't wait, but I'll see you at the cafe, okay?"

I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, intending to steal a quick peck on the lips before I rushed out the door, but somehow the Edwardness of him sucked me in and I was softly moaning moments after we began. His hands moved to my ass and I was ready to give up my entire college career then. _J__ust throw me down right over there_, my mind was begging. It was his turn to be strong, though, and he reached behind, turning the handle and pulling the door open as he moved us.

"Later. I promise," he said against my lips, pushing me out the door.

Practically sprinting to class, I thought of Edward and his body while running the entire way. I had to distract myself and turn my focus back on school or the whole day would be a waste. As I sat in my seat just before class began, I could hear my phone vibrating against my books, and looked to see a text from Edward.

**Miss you already.**

I had no time to text him back right then, but did so between classes. Checking my email, I saw that he'd continued sending me music. I read his thoughtful note and scrolled to the song; it was clearly labeled _Chasing Cars_. I smiled and played the song in my head.

Class with Jasper flew by. We had a whisper-level conversation in the back of the room, sometimes passing notes, to catch up on what was going on with him and Alice. He was clearly head-over-heels for her and I'd seen enough glimpses from Alice she felt the same. He asked me how I was doing, having partially witnessed my breakdown the night before. We hugged after class and I realized how much easier it was to be around and talk to him now, compared to just a few days after our... _encounter_.

With a few minutes to get to the cafe, I walked at a fast clip, eager to see Edward. As I rounded the corner of the building, I shrieked as someone grabbed me from behind.

Edward grunted into my neck and turned me so that my back was pressed up against the wall. The kisses began immediately, hot and needy as his hands went up to my face. I laughed into his mouth; the absurdity of being pinned against a campus building out in the open by this gorgeous man was not lost on me.

"Laughter wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for, Coffee Girl," he said, forehead against mine.

I tilted toward him and pecked his lips before responding. "I know, but it's really the only one appropriate for right in the middle of campus, wouldn't you say? Much as I'd like to throw you down and have my wicked way with you right here, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over very well with everyone else. Later, love, isn't that what you said to me this morning?" I smiled at him and he took a step back.

"Alright, are you taking me to get poked and prodded?"

Edward laughed and I blushed, realizing what I had said. I smacked him lightly on his shoulder and we ducked into the cafe to grab sandwiches to eat on the walk to the medical offices. Edward told me he was going to get tested along with me, since he knew I had an aversion to needles. I was grateful for that; it was sweet of him.

The nurse asked me questions about my sexual past and I explained the situation with Jacob. Edward was in the room the entire time, at my insistence. We also talked about Tanya and Jasper. My contact with Jasper was very limited, but the exposure was still there. I'd need to talk to both of them about the risk of HIV, no matter what the outcome of my blood test was.

After I explained that Edward and I planned to use condoms for six-months either way as well, the nurse chuckled lightly.

"You mean," she paused and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, "about three more months."

My brow furrowed and she pointed to the calendar.

"If your last exposure was back in June, you've already gone about three months."

Edward's face lit up and I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, that's true."

She explained that I'd have my results back within a week, then she did the physical exam. I asked Edward to come into the exam room with me and hold my hand, which he did without complaint.

"I think she deserves some ice cream after that, don't you?" the nurse said to Edward.

"At the very least," he smiled at her, then she turned, discarded her gloves, and left me to get dressed.

"I'm very proud of you, you know," he said.

Edward took my hand in his and we walked out together. "Proud of me?"

"Yes. A lot of people would rather hide from the truth. Bury their heads in the sand and pretend bad things would never happen to them. You're being responsible and respectful not just of yourself, but of me as well. I appreciate that, and I fully intend to take you for an ice cream sundae, if you'll let me." He squeezed my hand.

"That sounds good, but can we walk over to the ice cream shop? I'm sore and achey from falling asleep in a teensy bed with a very large man."

"Hmm... very large, you say?" He waggled his eyebrows and we both laughed. "Listen, let's talk practicalities. You're right, your bed is much too small. Will you pack a bag and stay with me tonight?"

It took me all of two seconds to decide, but I waited a respectable thirty before answering out loud.

"Sure. I have a class at nine tomorrow, though. Can you give me a ride?"

We were at the door to my room and I had the key in the lock, turning the handle to open it when he bent to whisper in my ear.

"I'm pretty sure it will be you doing the riding this evening."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: This chapter was... a lot more lemony and far less plot-movey than I had planned. Sorry?**

**Super mega thanks to my betas, Siouxchef and TwilightMundi.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

"_I'm pretty sure it will be you doing the riding this evening."_

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

My knees went weak at his words and I couldn't help it when my heart leapt in my chest. I took an extra heartbeat to compose myself, but even then, I was a gooey mess when I turned around to face him.

"I can't wait."

I pushed the door open and led us inside, where Rose and Emmett were sitting on the couch.

"Hey guys."

"Hey, Bella," they answered in unison, and I giggled.

"I heard you had my cousin wrapped around your finger. I had to see it for myself. Good job, Bella." Rose gave me a grin at the end of her comments.

I blushed and shuffled my feet a bit before changing the topic.

"So what are you guys up to? I never see you over here," I said.

They exchanged glances and then I saw Emmett blush. _Emmett _blushed!

"We're just hangin' out. I missed you. Thought we could chat for a few. How about you guys?" Rose said.

"Ah, I just came by to pick up some clothes to spend the night at Edward's, actually."

"Ahh," Rose said, then stood up. "Edward, why don't you sit with Emmett for a minute and I'll help Bella pack her bag."

Edward nodded and gave me a soft kiss before sitting next to Emmett. I was trying to remember if they'd ever met before, then decided it didn't really matter. Guys always seemed to have some strange ability to get along with each other no matter what.

Rose shut the door to my room and flopped on the bed with a dramatic sigh.

"Oh God, Bella, I am soooo in love with Emmett. How could you give that up?"

I laughed; if only she knew how interested I was in Emmett back then.

"Well, you two seem perfect together, the very little bit I've seen," I said, emphasizing the last part.

"I know, we've just been shut in at his place. He has a great apartment. His parents have money, so they rent this beautiful place for him. He has a nice area set up for homework, and he's just the best kisser ever," she sighed.

"I would beg to differ," I said, "but it's kinda gross to talk about the way your cousin kisses, I imagine."

I flopped on the bed next to her. "You really love him, Rose?"

"Oh yeah. Totally. Do you love Edward?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I haven't said it out loud yet, though. I need to do something nice for him soon. He's helped me so much lately. Any great ideas?"

"I heard," she said softly and reached out to grab my hand in comfort. "Let me think about it and get back to you, okay? I'll email you if I think of anything before Sunday. That reminds me, Alice and I talked and we wanted to invite everyone to brunch on Sunday. I know we said it would be girls only, but this is just an exception so everyone can get to know each other a little better. You think Edward can make it?"

"Dunno, but I'll ask and get back to you. Sounds fun."

Rose let go of my hand, then popped up off the bed and walked to my closet. Moving hangers around, she picked out a grey plaid dress with a white blouse underneath. As she assembled the outfit, picking out shoes and undergarments, I gathered up my toiletries and a pair of pajamas. I went with the Hello Kitty theme and grabbed a white HK winking tank and some heather grey lounge pants.

We chatted more about how things were going with Emmett, and she told me bits of how things were going with Alice and Jasper. I was so happy for everyone, it felt like the pieces were falling into place. It was such a grown-up feeling, all of us in love and playing house together. It was an odd transition from high school, where everything seemed designed to strip away our choices.

While I was gathering the rest of my things, Rose wandered back out to the living room. A few short seconds later, I could hear her soft laugh and the three of them began to talk. I packed an overnight bag with my things; it was smaller than the hot pink hard-sided suitcase and coordinated with my laptop bag.

I made sure to put my Discovery List notebook in my laptop bag; I wanted to amend some of the items on there and add a few new ones. As I was zipping the bag, Edward's hands slid around my waist from behind and his nose nuzzled into my neck.

"Almost ready?" He was gently biting the juncture where my neck met my body and I leaned back into him. My breathing picked up and I was enjoying visions of Edward bending me over the bed, then snapped back to the reality that my bedroom door was open and Rose and Emmett were mere feet away from us. I went for a simple, teasing response.

"I'm always ready for you."

Moving my hand up into his hair, I tugged his mouth to mine and enjoyed a languid kiss.

He mutter something against my lips and I pulled away from him, albeit reluctantly. "Ice cream," he repeated.

I wasn't sure how his mind could be on ice cream in that moment, but I handed Edward my bag so we could go. We said goodbye to Rose and Emmett and walked to the ice cream shop.

Edward's hands were on my knees as we faced each other, sharing bites of our sundae. I insisted that we get a scoop of Coffee, Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz! and Edward insisted on a scoop of Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. The third scoop in the sundae was mutually agreed upon: Chunky Monkey. The combination of the oatmeal and coffee was actually very good and made me laugh. Who knew two such different flavors could come together and create a third, even better flavor?

My eyes swept Edward's body and, as cheesy as it was, I realized that we were like the ice cream we had been feeding each other. Separately, we were good: tasty, satisfying, and strong flavors. Combined? We magically became even better, enhancing each other's subtleties and creating something new and wonderful.

"How come we're always eating together before we..." I trailed off, blushing.

His hands crept up from my knees to the inside of my thighs as he leaned closer.

"Because for some reason, I find myself in need of plenty of energy and stamina around you."

We shared a laugh and finished up. Edward tossed our garbage into the trash can and we walked out hand-in-hand. I let him lead since he knew where he was parked and soon we were on our way back to his apartment. I teased him the whole way, with my words and hands, enjoying that he had to focus on driving and couldn't tease me back.

After he parked, Edward practically flew out of the car, opening my door for me. He moved to grab my overnight and laptop bags from the trunk, plus his school bag.

There was a nervousness in the air, anticipating our night together. I was worried; I knew with each passing minute that this was nothing at all like what I had felt for Jacob. The urge to say the words out loud was growing stronger, but I wanted to wait for the right moment.

Edward fumbled with his keys and finally, we were behind closed doors in a private place. The bags fell off his shoulder with a loud thunk and his hands were on me. We walked to the bedroom, peeling clothes as we went. As insane as it sounded in my brain, I needed to reconnect with Edward; to feel him, in every meaning of the word. The trauma and drama of the day before had worn me down and I needed the reassurance that he still wanted me, baggage and all.

By the time we made it to the bed, we were both shirtless and shoeless, Edward fumbling with my jeans.

"Fuck, I need you so bad right now. At least twenty times today, I had to readjust myself in the middle of class, thinking about how I couldn't wait for this moment."

Knowing exactly what he meant, I sped up my fingers, begging them to get him naked and beneath me faster. The moment his pants were down, I pushed him onto the bed. He laid prone and I slid his pants the rest of the way off his body, followed quickly by my own. Edward opened the bedside table and pulled out a condom. He began unwrapping it and I grabbed it from him, looking at it curiously. I gave him the best predatory grin I could and began to move toward his body.

Rolling the condom down his thick erection, I leaned forward and gave it a curious swipe of my tongue. My face scrunched in disgust.

"That is completely foul. What the fuck?"

Edward laughed beneath me and explained that the spermicidal lubricant they used on them made them not exactly tasty.

"Besides, love, it's not your tongue I want on my cock right now."

A visible shudder ran through my body and I moved to straddle his hips. I looked down and took in his body, laying calmly beneath me. He was completely absorbed in me, his eyes shining with love and his body was laid bare for me. I ghosted my fingertips over his stomach, causing him to close his eyes and take in a sharp breath.

"Is this what you want?" I asked quietly.

Sliding along his length, I lowered my upper half to his and teased him with some newfound sexiness I mustered from somewhere. _New Bella reappears._ Edward growled and thrust his hips up at me. As he slid over my clit and then back, I moaned. His hands came up first to my back, unclasping my bra, then slid down between us. I felt him guide himself inside of me, and the frantic need built even more.

Lowering my hips down to take him all the way inside of me, I pushed the air out of my lungs with a soft sigh. I needed Edward as much as I needed my next breath of air in that moment. Planting my lips on his neck, I began to kiss where I could reach, needing every part of my body to be connected to his in some way. His fingers were skimming my lower back as we moved together.

"Sit up, love."

I did as he asked and he moved my bra from his body, where it stayed since he unhooked it. He palmed each of my breasts, then leaned his body forward to kiss and lick where he could. I moaned softly, the intensity of feeling him everywhere almost overtaking me. Edward's hand slipped between us and began to gently play me.

"Fuck, I absolutely love watching you like this. You are so beautiful, Bella."

Wanting to give him more room to work with, I leaned back slightly. Edward's eyes lowered and he watched where we were joined as his fingers continued to tease and torture me. He knew exactly what he was doing, keeping me right on edge as long as he could. As he began to mutter softly, his hand picked up speed and I could feel myself losing control. I was completely powerless, unable to hold off my orgasm, even if I had wanted to.

A soft "Oh god," slipped from my mouth before I felt myself beginning to come around him. He seemed to thrust harder then, his finger pressing into my clit perfectly. My whole body became still, tense, too full of pleasure to move. I was grateful that he had the sense to keep going, and once I realized I had stopped, I relaxed and allowed my body to melt back into his.

Sitting up straighter, I moved my upper body to his and wrapped my arms around his neck, changing our positioning and angle. I bit my lip to keep in the moans and cries that were bubbling up again as Edward continued to push himself deep inside of me. I heard him swear, our faces next to each other such that I couldn't see his expression, then his arms wrapped around me tightly. For a moment, I wondered if he was mid-orgasm, but then he twisted our bodies and pinned me to the bed beneath him.

Edward's face was full of need as he let go of me and pulled back. He repositioned my legs so that my knees were pushed up, legs basically folded in half, and plunged deeper than he had been before. His restraint seemed broken as he moved faster. I could feel another climax building in me and moved my hand between us, knowing how much he liked it the last time I'd done so. Sure enough, he let out a loud groan. I loved knowing that I had this affect on him, and it only made my orgasm approach faster.

Groaning loudly every time he was all the way inside of me, I knew it would be only moments before I was flying free again.

"Come with me, Edward," I begged.

My body was impatient, not even waiting for me to get all the words out before the orgasm rolled over me with great force. I cried out and heard Edward do the same.

Moments later, I felt his kisses, soft and wet, land all over my face. As he swept them down my collarbone and chest, his body moved and my knees flexed back to their normal place. Edward moved off the bed and I missed him so much, the tears pooled in my eyes almost instantly. He walked in the direction of the bathroom, _ah the condom_. I got up as well, making my doctor-recommended trip to the restroom and we rejoined back in bed.

Edward laid behind me, spooning his sweaty body next to mine. He held a breast in one hand and his other arm was beneath my neck. Hitching his leg over my hip, he drew my lower half to him again and I sighed contentedly. This, right here, was all I ever needed.

Threatening to flutter closed, my eyes were betraying my plans to get up and do my schoolwork. I felt Edward's fingers softly sweeping my skin and tried to will myself to wake up. Just as I gave in and resolved to a quick nap, I heard him whisper.

"Bella."

I hummed, hoping to not have to actually use words. The sleep was dragging me under faster.

"I love you."

For a brief moment, I wondered if he was sleep talking, but then I felt his body shift, turning me in his arms.

"Look at me. I know you're probably not ready to sa-"

I strained, pushing my body up and using muscles that were already exhausted, then covered his mouth with mine. _Edward is in love with me_, was like a tape on loop in my brain. I couldn't have been more exhilarated if I'd just taken a cold shower after a few shots of espresso.

Realizing I cut him off, I changed the pace to soft, slow, easy kisses. I moved up to kiss his nose, his eyes, his fuckdorable chin, and then back up to look him in the eyes again.

"I love you, Edward," a small sob came out with the words. I had done enough crying the night before to last a lifetime, but this was different. This was the realization that my heart would be okay. My heart would sing again. My heart _was_ singing again.

My body wormed closer to his and he held me tight, both of us quiet for what felt like a long while. I was in no danger of sleep anymore, though; my heart was pounding heavily in my chest and it felt like adrenaline was coursing through my veins.

Letting go of me slightly, Edward pulled back and shifted his body. He was looking into my eyes with a smile I couldn't quite pinpoint. Running his fingertips over my eyebrows, his smile widened and I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so fucking happy right then. I'd never seen someone look _that_ happy. I felt my heart drop through my stomach, the intensity of the moment suddenly shifting as I realized that _I_ probably looked that happy just then. I sure as hell felt that happy.

A thousand thoughts flew through my brain. I closed my eyes at the speed of them, the crushing weight of them. I drew in a soft, slow breath, not wanting to scare Edward or distract from this moment we were sharing. I needed to learn to cope with my grief, and although I knew Edward wanted me to lean on him, I also knew just how strong I could be. The smile on my face widened even more and I opened my eyes back up to look at him. His long fingers cupped the side of my face and I pushed my head into his hand.

"As much as I want to stay here with you in this moment, the sooner we get our homework done, the sooner we can come back."

I groaned and nodded, knowing he had a point.

We both got up and out of bed. Edward went to his dresser, me to my bag. I threw on my pajamas and turned to see him wearing the same off-white tank he had on the first night we spent together. This time, he paired it with boxers, and it was still just as sexy. Maybe even more sexy, especially when he laughed, as he was doing in that moment.

"What?" I threw my hands up in question.

"Only you could make Hello Kitty sexy twice in one day."

He picked up my laptop bag and motioned with his head out to the other room, so I followed.

Okay, the truth was, I followed to watch him walk. He had my bag, and in the tank and short boxers, I could see most of his muscles. I was certain drool was leaking from the side of my mouth by the time we got to the kitchen. He set my bag down by a chair, then turned back to the cupboards, plucking a tall glass from one of them and turning to me.

"Juice?"

"Water?" I countered.

Edward nodded and filled my glass, bringing a beer for himself. We settled into our comfortable study routine of touching and kissing now and then, but mostly working to get it out of the way. I fired up my laptop and sent an email to Jasper, having obtained his email address via text from Alice earlier in the day. I let him know I needed to talk to him and suggested we have coffee, but left it up to him if he was more comfortable with me just telling him via email. I really, really hoped he'd go for coffee. Although the idea of telling him face-to-face seemed more mortifying, somehow explaining via email seemed worse and completely disrespectful.

At some point my stomach grumbled and Edward apologized for not having food in the fridge. We ordered a pizza and took a break when it arrived, enjoying quiet conversation.

"Edward, Rose mentioned to me that we were breaking our girls-only rule already to invite the guys this week. Do you want to have brunch with the five of us on Sunday?"

"I'd love to. On one condition." I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Spend the weekend with me, please? We'll get our homework done, but I just... I can't imagine you not here." His hand came up to stroke my cheekbone. "How did I exist before you?"

I knew exactly what he meant. Exactly. What I felt for him was nothing like what I felt for Jacob. It didn't even touch the sparks I had with Jasper or Tanya, either. I leaned in to kiss him, the tomato sauce from the pizza staining his lips a darker red. His breath smelled of beer, and even though I'd never had any inclination to drink it before, I was drawn the scent, coming from him.

We finished up our homework and went back to the bedroom; we were full, happy, and in love. As we gave in to our base need for each other again, much slower that time, I focused on what I was feeling. The way Edward's touch made me feel, his love for me was conveyed in every touch, every kiss, every caress. We were quieter, more reverent with each other, and I was grateful for so much in that moment.

Laying together in the dark, Edward's arms firmly holding onto me, I thought about the day ahead. I needed to sit down and talk to Tanya, but I wasn't sure how she would react to that. _Or how Kate would._ Things had been civil between Tanya and me lately, but this might push us back into uncomfortable territory.

I decided that I just couldn't worry about it anymore – what would happen would happen and my worrying about it wasn't going to change a damn thing.

My body relaxed into Edward's and I heard him whisper his love for me once again before we fell asleep.

My cell phone alarm went off, just as I had set it. After I turned it off, I stretched and yawned, thankful that I wouldn't have to walk down the hall and deal with random strangers so early in the morning. Edward was still holding me tightly and I moved, just a bit, to try and wake him. I wanted to enjoy some actual morning with him before I had to leave for class.

When I heard no sound and felt no movement from behind me, I gently peeled his arm away from above me. I slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen to scour the cabinets and refrigerator for something to make. There were a few eggs, but I had no idea how old they were. _Ew._ Finally, I found some pancake mix in a cabinet, and after a quick bug inspection, made some batter. As the coffee was brewing, Edward stumbled in. I bit my lip looking at him; his hair was more of the usual disarray, but he looked more rested than I'd seen him lately, and his glasses were back. He lifted his hand to cover his mouth as he yawned and I seriously wondered why I couldn't just have Edward for breakfast.

He must've seen the look in my eyes and laughed a little as he got two mugs from the cabinet and poured us some coffee. We ate together, laughing and then talking quietly as we made our plans for the day. I told him how nervous I was talking to Tanya and he reminded me of some statistics and information to ease my fears and concerns. I knew Jasper didn't have class around noon today, so I was hoping we could meet up then. Of course, I also had to make time to talk to Tanya, and get my work done.

Edward and I took a leisurely shower together and I felt like I was literally bathing in his love at the same time. Surely the other shoe would drop eventually and we'd move out of this honeymoon-stage, but I was determined to absorb as much as I could while we were in it.

I knew Edward had a late class like I did, so we made plans to meet at the cafe around four. Just as we were packing up our things, I checked my email to see if Jasper replied. He had, and said I could text him later, but that he could grab a cup of coffee after class. I was both relieved and more nervous.

I spotted my usual email from Edward and smiled. This time there was simply a poem and an attachment. I read the poem first, _somewhere i have never travelled_ by e. e. cummings.

The attachment was titled "Gamble Everything for Love" and I was fairly certain that was a song I hadn't heard before. I imported the file into my ESBC playlist and willed my phone to sync fast, since I knew Edward was waiting on me.

Once it was done, I snapped my laptop closed and packed my things up quickly. The only thing I slowed down for was to rest my cheek on Edward's chest and soak my last few minutes of undiluted Edward in for the day. He swatted my behind playfully and we were out the door in a flurry. I held his hand as we drove and while we listened to NPR, I realized there were so many things we hadn't talked about yet.

Edward parked on the side of campus closest to my class, in another one of the trademark Perfect Boyfriend moves I was growing accustomed to.

"Do they study you and teach other guys how to be perfect boyfriends, too?" I teased.

His loud laugh startled some people around us. "I'm nowhere near perfect, love. I just … I value you. I've had things I value slip away before and I know now to cherish them while they're here."

He knew he was being cryptic, I could tell from the way he was phrasing things. I raised an eyebrow, really wanting an explanation, even though I knew it was impossible. We were at my classroom door by this time, and he had class to get to as well.

"Later, I promise."

We parted with a soft kiss, exchanging another whispered confession of love, and I watched him walk away, once again wearing those jeans that made me want to bite his ass.

I made my way through the door and into the classroom, still floating on my high from Edward, when I saw Tanya. She had a strange look of hurt on her face, but still smiled at me and tilted her head to the empty chair next to her.

Smiling back, I made my way over and sat down, knowing the conversation wouldn't flow as easily that day as it had previously. I had so much to tell her, and it seemed from the look on her face, she felt the same.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Many thanks to algonquinrt, adorablecullens, siouxchef and the rest of the Usual Suspects for keeping me sane. Extra thanks to swill122 for the Discovery List addition ideas. Thanks to TwilightMundi for the beta job, and Sexy Sweet Dulci for the Eagle Eye (tm).  
**

**Playlist & Discovery List are at my blog.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I made my way through the door and into the classroom, still floating on my high from Edward, when I saw Tanya. She had a strange look of hurt on her face, but still smiled at me and tilted her head to the empty chair next to her._

_Smiling back, I made my way over and sat down, knowing the conversation wouldn't flow as easily that day as it had previously. I had so much to tell her, and it seemed from the look on her face, she felt the same._

_

* * *

_

**BPOV**

We whispered an exchange of greetings before class began, then had to resort to note passing. I asked if she could meet up with me after class and she said she could. The class dragged, but finally, we were on our way to the cafe. I figured it was as good a place as any to talk, even though we did run some risk of running into Edward.

We sat and I had coffee while she had tea. I knew Jasper would be by in about an hour, and I selfishly hoped I'd be done talking to Tanya before that. _How awkward would it be to have Jasper find me still talking to her?_

"So, Tanya. This is uncomfortable." My eyes glanced around the room, trying to find anything other than her to settle on. I gave in, finally, and looked at her. "The reason I needed to talk to you is because I found out Jacob didn't practicing safe sex every time with Mike. I didn't know when I was with you, Tanya, I'm so sorry. I went for some lab work yesterday. The physical exam showed nothing obvious, but I should have the rest of the results by the end of the week. Just to be safe, I plan to go back in three months for a six-month re-test. I did some research and there are conflicting reports on HIV transmission between two women, but I wanted to let you know. I wouldn't feel right not telling you." I shifted my eyes from her down to the table as I played with the frayed edge of my napkin.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm not entirely surprised; I mean, the way you described him," she snort-laughed, "he didn't exactly strike me as the most considerate guy. I knew I was taking a calculated risk when …" I looked up at her and it was her turn to look away and be shy. "When I was with you."

"Well, you know, I assumed that you were negative as well." I quirked a brow, hoping she wouldn't make me say the words out loud.

"Oh, God, no, no no." She was waving her hands frantically, bordering on comedically as she motioned up and down her body, then made a swirly motion over her lower half. "No, I'm negative."

We sat in awkward silence for a minute and I sipped my coffee, the taste and scent now inextricably linked with Edward. I bit my lip to keep from smiling at the thought of him.

"Bella?"

I hummed in reply, not ready to extract my thoughts completely from Edward yet.

"Are you dating him?"

We looked at each other for a brief moment and I saw a glint of pain in her eyes.

"I am." But then, I was a little angry. "I don't see why you're upset even in the slightest. I don't need to remind you how I was unceremoniously dumped in front of my dorm room when your ex-girlfriend appeared from nowhere and you chose her, do I?"

She looked surprised, but New Bella was in charge, and I was learning that she was a force to be reckoned with. "You know what, though, it doesn't even matter anymore, Tanya. You're happy with her and I'm happy with him."

Only once I saw the tears slide from her eyes and down her cheeks did I feel remorse. I didn't feel bad for what I said, I felt bad for how I'd said it. She asked a simple question and I went completely on the defense.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "You know, what happened between us is long over, but there was no reason for me to get so bitchy. It did hurt, though, you know?"

Tanya nodded and I saw a few more tears escape. I handed her the napkin I'd been slowly shredding and watched as she dabbed her eyes and took a few breaths.

"I never imagined Kate would do that," she whispered. "I thought that whole part of my life with her was over. Then I was forced to choose, after we had such a great night together. I was so conflicted because I could see so much potential in what you and I had, but she was my whole past and had been my whole future for so long." She paused and I thought she was done talking, so I tried to think about what might be appropriate to say in that moment, but was surprised when she began to speak again. "It only took forty-eight hours for me to regret my decision."

The next time her eyes met mine, they looked slightly hopeful and I realized I needed to curb this quickly.

"Tanya," I tried to speak softly and not get her hopes up. "Could there have been a future between us? Yes, probably." I was being honest – both with her and myself. "But then I met Edward." I bit my lip again to prevent the smile that so desperately wanted to creep across my face.

"I see."

If I thought the tension was palpable before, it was nothing compared to what it ratcheted up to in that moment.

"I think I'll collect what's left of my dignity and get going. I'm sorry to have wasted your time."

She bent to pick up her purse and I knew I couldn't let her leave like that. It just wouldn't be me.

"Don't leave upset. I'm sorry this didn't go as you hoped, Tanya, but maybe someday we can be friends. Maybe things will work out with Kate after all. You just never know."

She nodded a bit and gave me a sad wave before turning to leave. I sat back in my chair, draining the rest of my coffee as I thought about her words. I knew I'd talk to Edward about it, partially because it was fucking hysterical at some level, and partially because I wanted him to know in case it got back to him through Kate. Mostly, though, I wanted to tell him because her questioning me actually solidified my feelings for Edward. She made me realize that all the other bullshit out there paled in comparison to the sliver of Edward I had experienced, and my heart soared at the thought that I'd be allowed the opportunity to experience more.

I was lost in my own little Edworld when I heard Jasper clear his throat and sit down across from me.

"Hey, Bella."

He smiled and I felt so at ease. I smiled back and let out a long sigh.

"Hey, Jasper. Thanks for meeting me. How was class?"

"The usual," he shrugged.

"How are things with Alice?"

We talked for a while about their relationship. I genuinely enjoyed hearing about their interactions and getting a sense of what Jasper was feeling already for Alice.

"So Jasper, I wanted to talk to you because I found out Jacob wasn't practicing safe sex when he cheated on me. Obviously your exposure was... about as minor as you can get, but there is a very tiny risk. If you had a cut on any of your..." I looked away, completely embarrassed in that moment. It was so complicated, I almost laughed at the circumstances and situation, but this was honestly no laughing matter. "Well, if you had any cuts, you might want to go get blood work done. My physical exam was fine, and I should have my own labs back by the end of the week. I looked up some information and there's never been a case of transmission from... touching. But I wouldn't feel right not saying anything."

By this point, I had memorized the pattern on the tabletop. I wasn't sure how Jasper would react and I worried that if he reacted poorly, I would lose both his friendship and Alice's, and then perhaps Rose as well, and Emmett... I hadn't stopped before to think about the huge chain of reaction and consequences my actions could cause.

Jasper put his hand on mine and I looked up at him, unshed tears shining in my eyes.

"Bella, it's okay."

I blinked a few times, tears finally rolling down my cheeks. "What do you mean, it's okay?"

"Like you said, there are no known cases of transmission. I'm not an idiot, and even though we didn't explicitly talk about it, I wouldn't have gone any further without taking steps to protect myself, and you. Thank you for telling me, but I'm not worried. I've been tested recently and I'll make sure to follow-up, but I think you're making it out to be a bigger deal than it is."

He was smiling at me again and I was thankful for the ease of this conversation. Contrasted with the tense nature of the previous conversation, this was a breeze.

"Thank you, Jasper."

We exchanged another easy smile and went back to talking about Alice. As Jasper spoke, I spotted Edward walk in and watched as he looked around, presumably for me. Edward gave me a soft smile when he spotted me in the corner with Jasper. I motioned with my head for him to join us and he nodded and held up one finger, letting me know he'd be over in a minute.

"Jasper, Edward's here. You don't mind if he comes over do you?"

"Nope."

Edward went to the counter and I could see him talking to Tyler. They parted with a fistbump after Edward got his coffee. He began to walk toward us and my smile grew. When he got to the table, he stuck his hand out and shook Jasper's, then leaned over and gave me a soft, sweet kiss before sitting down between Jasper and me.

"How's your day going? I thought you had to work Tuesdays?" I asked.

"Yes, normally. I had some catching up to do, so I asked for the day off," he said. "I actually need to run to class after I finish this cup of coffee. Can I walk you to your next class?"

"Of course."

The three of us sat and talked for the rest of our free time, then Jasper excused himself. He shook Edward's hand again and gave me a soft hug before he left. Edward gathered up both of our bags and slipped his hand into mine as we walked to our classes. We agreed to meet up after class at my dorm room and parted with another kiss.

As I took my seat, I saw Emmett giving me two thumbs up and laughed. I punched him on the shoulder, then set my head down on the desk.

"Christ, Bella, you are utterly fucking delicious today. Has your boyfriend seen you in that outfit? The only thing you're missing are the glasses and you'd be back in Sexy Librarian mode..."

I laughed and looked down, realizing that he was right.

"Your girlfriend dressed me. Blame her."

I heard him mutter, "You mean _thank_ her..." and he turned back to his book.

"I'll let you know later if I should thank her," I laughed and nudged him.

"How are things going with Eddie?"

"Really great, Emmett."

I smiled and class began shortly after, both of us trying to pay attention. When class was over, we parted with a hug, knowing we'd see each other again on Thursday. I walked to my room and Edward was already waiting for me. He was leaning against the door, eyes trained on the outside entrance. His smile grew wide when I got closer and I nearly collapsed into his arms once we were standing next to each other. I felt his body shake with soft laughter.

"Long day?" he whispered into my hair, lips pressed against me. I simply nodded my head and burrowed deeper into his arms.

We stood in the hallway for a few minutes, until I finally mustered the strength to grab my keys and unlock the door. I was surprised to see Alice and Jasper, and turned to Edward.

"You didn't knock?" He shook his head no. "Why not?"

"I was waiting for you. I didn't want to interrupt them."

Alice stood and hugged Edward in greeting and I went to my room to re-pack my bag, which Edward had brought in from his car. The shoes Rose picked for me that day were killing my feet, so I made sure to pack comfortable clothes and shoes. It was getting colder, so I packed a thick, plush sweater, jeans, and a pair of Chucks, along with under clothes and socks. I left the same pajamas as the previous night in the bag and zipped it up, walking back out to the main room.

Edward was in a one-person chair and Alice and Jasper were on the couch, so I plopped down in Edward's lap. The four of us talked about a wide range of topics, from school to brunch locations and Thanksgiving break plans. I hadn't even remembered Thanksgiving was coming up, but I'd planned to stay on campus anyway, so it wasn't a huge deal.

Before it got too late, Edward and I left to get dinner and our studying done. We picked up a pizza on the way to his apartment to save time, but I made him promise to let me cook dinner on Saturday, when we'd have more time.

When we got inside, Edward took our bags to the table and I leaned against the couch to unbuckle the straps on my shoes. Once I had them both off, I rubbed my feet briefly and cursed Rose again. My wardrobe had been a complete mix of comfortable outfits and things on the dressier side. I was usually okay in either and there seemed to be no rhyme or reason with dressing up or down, I just based it on my mood that day.

By the time I walked into the study area, Edward had taken out my laptop and things in my bag and was brewing us both a cup of tea. I grabbed plates for us to eat our pizza and made my way to the table, Edward following shortly after with the steaming mugs. Instead of sitting across from me, he sat as close as he could next to me. It wasn't actually that close, considering both of our laptops were open and we had things scattered all around, but it would do for the moment.

I grabbed my Discovery List notebook and smiled as I opened it. I added "learn to knit" and "learn to crochet" to the list. I'd seen someone knitting in class and it seemed like a great skill to have. I could knit a few scarves for my friends for Christmas, and maybe a hat or two if I had time. I smiled, thinking ahead to Christmas, and then it fell away at the realization I had no family to spend it with. I took a deep breath and a long sip of my slightly cooled tea, weighing my options. Though Christmas was months away, I wondered if Edward would want to spend it together.

Edward's right hand slid to my knee and his thumb began rubbing circles. I refocused on his face and he smiled at me.

"You sort of checked out there. You okay?"

I nodded. "Long day."

"What'cha thinking about, baby?" He leaned and kissed me, shifting his body and bringing his other hand to my face.

I hummed and smiled under his lips. "Just life. Adding some things to my list."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Edward was kissing from one corner of my mouth back to the other and it made me giggle.

"No, not really. You're distracting me, you know."

I set my book and pencil down, winding my hands around his neck. I scooted to the edge of my chair so I could be closer to him, my legs outside of his, causing my skirt to ride up slightly. He groaned and moved his other hand down, sliding both under the hem and around to the outer edge of my thighs.

"Ready to tell me what SB means?"

His mouth was trailing hot kisses around my neck and down to my collarbone. He hummed against my skin and I shivered.

"Maybe."

His teeth nipped slightly, hands pushing further beneath my skirt.

"If I tell you, do you promise not to laugh?"

I knew there was zero chance I was going to tell him the real meaning, but I didn't see the harm in a little white lie.

"Mmhmm."

Barely able to think straight with his hands and lips roaming my body, I squeezed my eyes shut tight in thought.

"Snow boarding."

All movement stopped and Edward began to laugh. I pulled back and gave him my best pouty, hurt look.

"You promised, Edward!" I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. Snow boarding? You've never been?" I shook my head no. "I'd like to see that, I think," he whispered, fingers tracing patterns on my face.

"Fat chance. I'm sure I'll fall nine hundred times and make a complete fool of myself."

I turned back to my list, doodling random art in the corners of the page as I thought. I felt a pang of guilt at lying, but I sort of felt like a weirdo having him on my Discovery List.

"Bella, even if you fell nine thousand times, you'd never be a fool. You're trying new things, learning new skills, having new experiences. That's admirable."

"Alright, alright. Let's get back to work so we can hopefully have some time together before we have to go to sleep."

Edward chuckled, but turned back to his laptop and began typing away. I added "go to the theater" to my list and then closed the notebook, turning my attention to my own homework. It didn't take too long to finish, then I checked my email. Nothing exciting. I sent a quick email to Alice asking if she had any ideas of nice things I could do for Edward. Once I hit send, I shut down and closed my laptop, then put it back in my bag. I went into the kitchen to wash our pizza dishes and mugs. As I was setting the last piece of dishware in the rack to dry, Edward's hands wrapped around my waist. His lips were pressed against my neck.

"I swear, Rosalie packed this outfit just because she knew how it would torture me all fucking day."

His hands were on my hips, pulling me back into him. I could feel his erection through his jeans and I tipped my head back to his shoulder.

"Why would she do that?" I spoke barely above a whisper, the lust-filled tone of my voice surprising even me.

"She knows I have a little librarian fantasy." He groaned and bit my earlobe gently as he spoke.

"What is it with you men and librarians?" I laughed as I asked, thinking about Emmett and his constant reference to me as a sexy librarian.

Edward just groaned and pushed into me again. His hands moved up to the zipper in the middle of my dress, tugging it down to the belt. He didn't even bother to unfasten the belt, simply working on the buttons of my shirt next. Once they were undone to his satisfaction, he slipped his hands underneath the fabric of my bra, hands criss-crossed in front of me, and began to tease my breasts.

I sighed and leaned back into him more, giving up. Really, was it so bad to have a boyfriend who worshipped your body when he got the chance?

He pulled his hands out and gently turned me to face him. As soon as my eyes met his, he leaned down and kissed me, hands frantically working at the belt of my dress. Once it was undone, he unzipped the dress the rest of the way, then pushed the fabric to both sides. My hands reached for his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. I bit my lip and smiled when his upper body was naked in front of me. Edward's hands were at my waist, impatiently tugging my tights down my legs. His hands and lips trailed back up my body, stopping to move my dress and shirt over my shoulders and off my body.

Edward had me pressed up against the counter as his hands moved around to unclasp my bra. Once he flung the material off my body, he attacked my breasts again. He was licking and sucking my nipples and the noises I was making were getting louder. I didn't care about anything in that moment except the two of us. I felt Edward's hand at the apex of my thighs and I pushed my body into him with a soft moan. His fingers snaked under my panties and rubbed across my lips quickly. His other hand tugged at the material and they fell to the ground without a sound. Before I knew what was happening, his hands were at my waist again and he lifted me onto the counter.

The countertop was cold against my skin, but Edward's hands wrapped around my lower half and pulled me almost to the edge, feet dangling off. He moved between my legs and reached around to his back pocket, pulling out a package too large to be a condom. As he unwrapped the rectangle of... _something_, his grin grew, not only in width, but intensity.

"I picked these up yesterday at the clinic. Rest your arms on the counter and lean back."

Not one to argue when my half-naked boyfriend is between my legs, I did as he asked. He put the rectangle over my center and followed it quickly with his mouth. Edward was moaning and teasing my entrance with his fingers, mouth and lips doing things I'd only ever experienced with Tanya, under very different circumstances. I let my head drop back as Edward moved his tongue over my clit, stroking one finger in and out of me slowly. I had no brain power to compare and contrast what he was doing to what Jasper had done, or even what Tanya had done, I was simply lost in the moment of experiencing Edward.

His mouth moved faster over my skin, the thin barrier separating us. It was a different sensation for sure, but he seemed so into it, and that made the experience even better for me. I felt the tightness begin and he added a second finger to his first, still moving in and out of me slowly. I began to breathe heavier, faster, harder, my need for him growing so much. My eyes closed, profanities slipped off my lips like air, and I came hard against his mouth and around his fingers.

I was gasping for breath when he slowed his movements. My entire body was tingling and every movement, even the small sweep of his breath across my skin, seemed to bring a new sensation of pleasure. Edward kissed a trail up my body, stopping to circle each nipple and suck it between his lips before meeting my mouth.

"Fuck, that was so hot. I can't wait to taste you, to really lick and pleasure you," he murmured against my lips. I couldn't have agreed more... if that was Edward with a barrier, I wasn't sure I could handle Edward without one. "Please, can I take you to the bedroom?"

I almost snorted with laughter at the ridiculousness of his question. Then I melted a little that he was still enough of a gentleman to ask. The weight of what he said smacked me, and I realized I hadn't answered the fucking hot man in front of me, asking permission to take me to his bed.

"Please," I whimpered, somehow consumed with need again.

Edward carried me, my legs wrapped around his torso, and we made love sweetly in his bed. He was gentle and loving, and then ravenous and passionate. He drove me crazy, bringing me to the brink of another orgasm before pulling back, all while talking dirty to me. By the time he finally brought me over the edge, I was nearly insane with lust and need.

We laid together, wrapped in each other's limbs, quiet as we caught our breath.

"Edward, what was that thing you used?"

"I'm pretty sure you're familiar with a mouth?" He chuckled, knowing he was teasing me. I poked him in the ribs and he recoiled a bit. "It's called a dental dam. Just a piece of latex. I could have chopped up a condom, but the ones they had at the clinic were flavored. I'm sure you recall what the last condom you licked tasted like?"

It was my turn to laugh and I brought my hand up to his hair. "Thank you. That was... I don't even have words."

We talked quietly about Jake, Tanya, and Jasper, including my conversations with the latter two that afternoon. I explained about Tanya and her asking if we had any future. He didn't seem surprised at all, but his jaw was set in a funny way as he spoke once I told him. As I detailed my response to her, he visibly relaxed and gave me a few soft kisses. Now and then throughout our conversation, we'd simply stop and kiss for what seemed like long moments.

Edward was the softest kisser I had experienced, when he was being gentle. There was a passion behind some of his kisses, but not these; these were the "I love you" kisses, and they reminded me of a question I had been holding all day.

"Edward, when you said this morning that you valued me, what did that mean?"

His eyes softened and he tucked my hair behind my ear, stroking my face. "Just as you have lost things in your life, people you've loved, I have too. I know what it's like to have to go through the pain of losing someone you thought would be around forever. I understand about your grief and pain because I've been there. Not in the exact same way, but similar."

I pressed my forehead to his as he spoke, listening intently to his words and the emotion behind them. When he paused, I pressed my lips to his cheek, then his lips, and over to the other cheek.

"Did you love her?" I asked. I could see from the look in his eyes, the ragged pain he felt, and assumed it was a woman.

"Very much so," he sighed softly as he answered. "Not in the way you're thinking, though. She was my sister. My twin. My other half from birth."

My eyes welled with tears. Edward knew. He understood exactly how I felt. He knew the pain of loving and losing a family member.

"When?"

"We were sixteen. Meningitis. She thought she had the flu. We did everything together and I loved and hated her at times, just like good siblings should. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and I always knew she felt the same about me. She had this great boyfriend, and even though I had no concept of dating at that time, I could see how happy he made her, you know? He would do the smallest things, it seemed, and she floated on a cloud for days. I learned through her what women liked. When she died, I was devastated. I was lost and alone. That's why Alice and I are so close now. In some ways, she helped me replace Anna and became that person for me. She's been my sounding board, my best friend, and she and Rose are both like sisters to me."

I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him tightly to my body, hooking my leg up and over his hip. "I'm sorry," I whispered. It was all that needed to be said between us at that moment. I listened to his breathing steady and then slow, but felt him hitch beneath me once or twice. His face was buried in my chest and we were wrapped so tightly together that I felt every move he made.

Eventually, Edward pulled back and looked at me. His eyes were tired, red around the edges. He kissed my shoulder, then sat up. As he pulled his knees up to his chest, he let his arms drape around his legs. I looked at and admired his body from this angle. His muscles were flexed in many places and I could see the definition and tone in them. I ran a hand up his back, then in what I hoped were soothing circles as I sat up next to him.

"Time to get into our pajamas?" I asked, kissing his back.

He nodded and got out of bed, walking into the bathroom. I heard the water a few moments later and he was brushing his teeth by the time I got in with my own brush. Edward smiled sadly at me in the mirror and I leaned my head against him. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't want to be right up next to him in that moment. To ease some part of his ache, as he had done for me countless times since we met.

We finished brushing and each took our contacts out, Edward slipping his adorable glasses on and me going without. As we walked into the other room, I saw him move to his dresser, grabbing pajama pants and pulling them on. He reached for a shirt, but I stopped him. I considered not even putting my own pajamas on, but pulled them on after some internal debate. Edward turned the lights off around the apartment, double-checked the lock on the front door, and we crawled into bed together.

Exhausted from our emotional days, we both easily fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up on the opposite side of the bed from Edward and quickly remedied that. As I nuzzled myself up against his chest, I felt him stir and wrap his arms around me.

"Good morning, love."

His voice was scratchy, and I loved it. I loved being with him and experiencing the range of Edward. The happy, loving man, the sad, broken boy, and everything between.

"You know what I'm gonna add to my list later?"

Edward hummed and clung to me tighter.

"I'm going to add 'wake up in Edward's arms everyday for a week straight,'" I said with a sigh.

"I rather like that one," he said, grinning.

"Me too. What time is it?"

Turning slightly, he looked at the clock behind him. "Seven."

I sighed. "I have a nine o'clock class, how about you?"

Edward nodded, not making a move to get ready for the day. I pulled back, making my way to the bathroom to start the shower. Edward walked in and I smiled at him. "Shower?" He nodded sleepily again and we undressed, climbing into the steamy, warm shower together. We washed each other softly and enjoyed a few more long kisses together before agreeing to grab a late lunch together at the cafe.

I wanted to stay in my dorm room that night, so we agreed to spend it separately. My heart constricted in my chest at the thought, but it just wasn't practical – we were already almost living together and I needed a night of space. I wanted to reconnect with Alice and Rose and have a girl's night, so I sent them both a quick email before we left for the day.

Of course, my email and song was there. The body of the email simply said "I love you." Once I added _Say_ by John Mayer to my ESBC playlist, I plugged in my iPhone to sync. I sipped my coffee in the kitchen with Edward while I waited.

"Have I told you lately how much I love waking up to an email and song from you?"

"Nope, it's been a few days," he said, laughing lightly. I moved to where he was standing, all fresh and clean, dressed and ready for the day. Putting my arms around his waist, I rested my head on his shoulder, nose turned toward his neck. I nuzzled in, absorbing as much of his scent as I could in that moment.

"I do. I love waking up and knowing that you've thought about me," I said.

I felt him shake beneath me.

"I never stop thinking about you."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: For those of you that have patiently waited for this story to begin again – thank you from the bottom of my heart. I anticipate updates to be at least weekly; they may be more frequent, but I am committing to "weekly" for now. **

**Thank you to TwilightMundi, who tolerates my insane quirks and need for affirmation. Thank you to philadelphic and kimpy0464, who did me the huge honor of giving this a quick read thru and offering their invaluable thoughts.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

"_I never stop thinking about you."_

**BPOV**

After we got to campus, Edward and I walked quietly, hand-in-hand before we went our separate ways. Watching him walk away, as I'd grown accustomed to doing, I felt excited. It was late October, Halloween was coming up the next week, and then November would bring Thanksgiving. December would be an important month – I'd be retesting and if all signs were still clear, Edward and I could finally drop the last barrier between us, literally.

Thus, my first class of the day was spent in a haze of thoughts about how we might celebrate. Over the couch. On the counter. In the shower. I almost started a second list in my Discovery notebook just for all the positions I wanted to experiment with, but thought better of it.

Jasper brought two coffees to class, and we smiled and spoke quietly as we sipped and soaked in our professor's words. Things were still going well with him and Alice, and I realized our dorm suite was probably sitting empty most of the time.

The highlight of my day, however, was lunch with Edward. I'd come to think of the cafe as our place, and every time I passed it, even the times I didn't stop in, I smiled wide and proud. Tyler was working and I grinned at him behind the counter once I was inside. Edward had beaten me there, and was sitting at a table, book open on his lap.

As quietly as I could, I walked up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. Unintentionally startling him, his knees dropped and the book fell to the ground with a loud thud, causing us both to laugh.

"Hey," I said quietly when he stood to embrace me.

"Hi. I'm sorry, I had no idea what you'd want to eat," he said. "Let's grab something."

Waiting in line, we snuggled and I told him about my classes. He was quieter than usual, and I couldn't tell if he was simply being respectful and listening to me or if something else was going on. Once we sat down to eat, it seemed like he relaxed a bit, but he still wasn't the playful, open, flirty Edward I'd gotten to know over the last few weeks.

"You okay?" I asked, my hand on his knee.

"I'm tired today," he confessed. "I didn't sleep well last night, and my classes are already so brutal."

"I'm sorry, sweets. Early bedtime tonight?"

As I took a bite of my sandwich, I watched his face crinkle a little with emotion.

"Yeah," he said, yawning. "It's probably good you're going to spend some time with the girls tonight. I can get my homework done and go to bed ridiculously early."

Allowing that thought to process through my head, I furrowed my brow a little.

"You know, we can get to sleep earlier. I mean, we don't always have to stay up so late, _you know_..."

Edward laughed lightly, turning to face me.

"I happen to like staying up late, doing _you know_ with you," he said, lips lightly grazing mine. "I hope you do, too, because I plan to _you know_ with you as often as I can, and even though I'll be getting to sleep early tonight, that just means I'll be well rested for tomorrow."

"Yeah," I breathed against his mouth. "I always want to."

Before we went any further, Edward pulled back and gave me one last peck. "Come on, we need to finish lunch, then I have to run to class, unfortunately."

Once he put his book away, we spent the rest of our lunch focused on each other. I was grateful; if I had to be away from him that night, I wanted to get as much of him during the day as I could. We walked to his class together, then I made my way back to my suite to get my homework finished before Rose and Alice got back.

When my schoolwork was finished and there was no sign of Rose or Alice, I texted them each to prod them along. I knew their classes were over for the day. They each replied and let me know they'd be back soon. Apparently Alice was going to get movies and Rose was picking up snacks and drinks.

Nothing left to do, I paced the room and glanced at my cork board. I realized I hadn't put Alice and Rose's note from my suitcase over the weekend up yet, so I did. Before pinning the folded paper to the board, I opened and re-read it and giggled, suddenly realizing how much I missed Edward.

Lying on my bed, I replayed the weekend in my head, wishing for many more just like it. Well, right up until Sunday night. I'd agreed to spend the weekend with Edward at his apartment, cooking for us on Saturday, and I couldn't wait. I wasn't sure what I'd cook yet, but I knew whatever it was, whatever we did, as long as we were together it would be fun and flirty. Hopefully, Edward wouldn't have too much coursework over the weekend and would be able to relax a bit.

As I began to think about potential menus, my phone chirped in my bag. I hadn't yet set up a custom ringtone for Edward; there were just too many songs to choose from.

"Hello," I said, smiling.

Edward hummed before speaking, and the sound made me ache for him. "Hey, baby."

Giggling, I soaked in his relaxed-sounding voice before replying.

"You sound drunk, Edward," I chastised. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm just very slightly buzzed," he said quietly. "And missing you like crazy."

"I miss you, too," I said with a sigh. "Homework done?"

"Yeah, mostly." His voice turned breathy, then. "What are you doing?"

"Just waiting for Rose and Alice to come home. You getting ready for bed?"

Edward sighed again and I could hear his clothes rustle, the mouthpiece of his phone rubbing against his shirt, much like I wished I could be.

"Yeah," he said, that morose tone inflecting his speech again. "Why didn't I want you to come over?" He was sort of half-whining, and it made me laugh (on the inside).

"Because you're smart. We can't just stay in bed all the time, you have a stressful few years ahead of you. If we don't figure out how to balance all of this now, what will we do when you have to go through your residency?"

There I was again thinking about our future together, I realized, only that time I'd shot us several years ahead.

"I don't know, Bella. Maybe this isn't for me. It's like only a few weeks into the year, and I already feel overwhelmed and entirely too stressed," he said, speaking quietly. "Maybe I'm not meant to be a doctor."

When he was done speaking, I could hear the long pull he took from his beer bottle, then another loud sigh. I was in completely new territory; I'd never questioned or doubted what I'd do in life. I always knew. Always.

"Edward, baby, I wish I was there to hold you and stroke your hair. To help you decide. I think you're probably just tired from the weekend and everything. I'm sure I didn't help," I mumbled. "It'll be okay, Edward. If you really think it might not be the right thing, we can talk about it and I can try to help."

His voice was thick and heavy as he hummed again. "Thank you. I wish you were here, I think I'm just frustrated."

"Edward, it's been like twenty-four full hours," I said, teasing him with a laugh.

"I meant it when I said I never stop thinking about you," he said. "What are you wearing?"

I really wanted to resist him, but his voice was so fucking sexy right then. It had the same tone and inflection as it did when we'd been in bed, and I was a puddle of mush.

"Same thing I wore to school, my horny boy."

"You haven't undressed at all? Come on, baby," he practically whispered, "take something off for me."

"Edward, I don't know when the girls will be back," I said, attempting to be practical. "What are _you_ wearing?"

"Just a second, and I'll be down to my boxers." As he spoke, I could hear the rustling of fabric again, and I had to admit, it was getting me a little hot. Readjusting my body, I got comfortable on my bed and waited for him.

"Okay," he said, a large gust of air coming across the line, "I just fell into bed. Mmm, I can smell you here still, all edible and delicious. Makes me so fucking hard."

I confess – I had no clue what to say or do. It just felt awkward. Everything I considered saying felt so silly in my head.

Settling on a hum, I closed my eyes and pictured him. That felt better, and my brain was able to calm down and relax a little.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

The speed and depth of his breathing increased and he let out a small moan before he answered me. "I'm touching myself. Are you?"

As he spoke, my hands wandered, and it felt slightly less awkward since it seemed like he wasn't going to pressure me to say anything.

"Yeah," I breathed.

Another long groan came across the phone line, and then I could feel my body responding to him. I could imagine him laying there, his hand wrapped around his dick, slowly stroking himself. Just as my hand slipped beneath the waistband of my jeans, I heard two loud, shouty girls come into the dorm.

"Where are you, baby?" I heard Alice shout.

"Fuck, Edward, the girls are home," I said quietly, then covered the mouthpiece of the phone to shout back at them. "I'm in my room. Be out in a minute."

This time, his groan wasn't sexy at all, just frustrated.

"Sorry," I said. "I was kind of getting into that. We'll have to revisit this another time."

"I miss you," he said quietly.

"I know you do. I miss you, too. I'll be thinking about that, and you, what I know you're about to do, all night, I hope you know. Guh."

Just then, there was pounding on my door, and I gasped, startled.

"Christ, those girls are impatient. Sorry, Edward. We'll talk in the morning?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just do me one last favor?"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Say 'fuck' one more time? Please?"

If it had been anyone else, in any other circumstance, I might have laughed. But the way Edward nearly begged? I was incapable of saying no.

Mustering my inner vixen, I closed my eyes again and remembered back to the B&B, how Edward had made me feel in bed... how the corset I wore made me feel like the sexiest woman around... how his hands, and mouth, and lips all over me brought me to new heights. After all of that replayed through my brain, it was easy to give him the breathy, sexy-sounding dirty word he longed for.

"Thank you," he said, voice slightly strained. "Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."

"You too, Edward."

Once I hung up, I took a few deep breaths and made my way to the main room. Alice and Rose had popcorn, Reese's Pieces, Red Vines and Twizzlers, Coke, a contraband bottle of rum, and what looked like a mountain of beauty products.

"Hey girls," I greeted, giving them each a hug. "Sorry, I was just saying goodnight to Edward."

"How is our dear cousin?" Rose asked.

"Eh, he sounds a little depressed and stressed out tonight, actually," I confessed.

"He's probably just tired," Alice said. "He gets grouchy when he's tired, and this is going to be a long year for him. Well, a long several years."

Alice's words got me thinking; dating Edward was more than dating just another guy. His time was going to be in short supply, not just during med school and then residency, but for a long, long time. I had no idea what he even wanted to specialize in, though, maybe he wanted to be a researcher? Maybe he wanted to be a podiatrist?

"Bella?" Rose said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Welcome back."

"Sorry," I laughed.

The three of us watched movies, put mud masques on our faces, painted each other's nails, ate far too much, and generally had a fabulous time chatting. Sometime after our second obligatory red SOLO cup of rum and Coke, Alice came up with a genius idea for my thanking Edward for all of his support lately.

We all went to bed much later than usual, knowing we'd pay for it the next day, but I could hardly find it in myself to care or regret it. It was the most fun I'd had with the girls in a while.

Thursday, I woke up late, ran out the door, and barely made my class with Tanya. Rushing into the room, I picked a seat close to the door and gathered the things I needed. Thankfully, class went by fairly quickly and I was happily on my way to get caffeine from the cafe afterward.

When I finally had my cup in hand and found a seat at a table, I checked my phone. I had several texts from Edward. If they were any indication of his mood, the tension and stress from the previous day was gone, and I was glad. I did, however, intend to ask him about it and hopefully get him to talk to me more. I didn't want him to just push aside his feelings and keep pressing forward if he wasn't sure.

Once I'd scrolled through the texts asking me how my morning was, the text asking me to meet after classes, and the text asking if I was going to coffee, I began to compose my reply. Letting Edward know I was indeed getting coffee (and lunch), and that I'd had a great morning, but wasn't sure about after classes, I pressed send and tucked in to my turkey sandwich.

Determined to get my classwork done before the day was over so I could have a relaxing night, I opened my book and sighed.

"Someone so beautiful should never look so sad," came the voice I'd longed to hear all morning.

Nearly knocking my chair over, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He'd become a daily fixture in my life somehow, and I was happy for that.

"How's your day?" I asked as we sat down together.

"Brutal," he said. "Better now, though."

As he grabbed my sandwich and took a bite, I laughed, only too eager to share whatever he wanted.

"Gonna make me sleep alone again tonight?" he asked, giving me the most adorable set of puppy dog eyes ever.

"Yeah, I think so," I said with a sigh. "Sorry. I need to get this done and I have a paper coming up. If you want me to spend the weekend, I should focus. How are you doing? Did you get a lot done last night?"

He nodded, taking another giant bite of my sandwich.

"How are you feeling about what we talked about last night? Med school, all that?" I chanced.

"I'm fine, mostly. Sometimes I forget all the reasons why I wanted to be a doctor, but you'd be surprised what a good night of sleep and some deep thought can do."

"Oh, heavy thinking? Is that what you were doing when you called?" I asked, face buried in my book again to hide my smile.

Edward's laugh was light and free, back to the Edward I knew and already loved.

By the time I got back to the suite and checked my email, I realized I'd forgotten to look for my song that morning. Eagerly clicking on the email from Edward, I saw the file first – 3 – and began to load it into my playlist. The body of the email was simple and to the point:

_Bella,_

_Because sometimes you need a little meaningless pickup, and I have the feeling we'll both need a musical boost to our days._

_Love, Edward_

As I clicked play and heard the song begin, I recognized it as _Energy_ by Apples in Stereo. Hearing it made me long for a good run, but the weather outside was awful. I decided to pack my running gear in my bag for the weekend and hope Edward had a gym at the fancy apartment complex of his.

The rest of the night was indeed relaxing; I read, had a cup of tea, ordered Edward's surprise, and went to bed early.

Friday morning was sunny, but cold, and I was in a great mood. Edward and I had agreed to meet after his last class, at my room. My homework was done, and I was packed and ready to go by the time he arrived.

Once we were at his place, it was dark and he still had homework left to do, so I watched a movie while he worked at his desk in his room. Even though we were apart, we were together, and it felt comfortable and easy. Edward spent so long on his homework that I fell asleep; he woke me sometime during the night and we walked to bed, then curled up into a warm ball together.

On Saturday, I woke up with Edward groping me, which is probably the best way to wake up ever. He was in front of me, facing me, and wide awake. Reaching out, I took him in my hand and slowly moved my mouth to his. Our hands frantically worked each other's bodies, and our mouths were soft and tender as they moved together.

Edward panicked when he must've realized he was close to release, and turned to grab a tissue from the box just in time. His hands continued to pleasure me and my grip on his body increased as my orgasm induced every muscle in my body to clench. It was delightful, and the perfect way to start our weekend.

After a quick run in his apartment's gym, and a not-so-quick shower, we went grocery shopping to restock Edward's apartment. It was amusing browsing the aisles with him and watching as he picked out food for himself. I grabbed what I needed to make our dinner as well, and we paid then went back to his place. He still had more homework, so as I cooked, he worked.

He finally took a break to eat, sitting at the table and bantering with me, playful and sweet, but was right back at it after he helped me clean up. I felt a little abandoned – it was Saturday night, after all. Sucking it up, I tried my best not to be a pouty brat about it, and sprawled on his couch again. In a repeat of the night before, he woke me at some point and we curled together.

Sunday morning, I woke up to Edward pressed against me from behind. He hadn't shaved in two days, and his scruff raked its way against my neck, side to side, as his hand ran down my arm.

"Well, there you are, Scone Boy. I almost thought I'd lost ya," I said with a smile.

Edward hummed and bit down, teasing me. "I'm here. I'm always here, I'm just sometimes busy getting things done so I can focus on you more."

"I can't complain about this plan," I said.

His fingertips brushed across my nipple and I arched back into him. We were slow and reverent with our teasing, finally able to take our time and be together. Once he had a condom on, I moved to turn onto my back, but he stopped me.

Instead, he pulled my top leg up and over his, then slipped inside me carefully. From this angle, everything felt so different, and I remembered how shallow my spectrum of sexual experiences was. Edward's hand moved lower and he was soon coaxing my body to orgasm. His other arm wound around me from beneath and pulled me tighter to him as he continued to push into me, his breath warm against my ear. Several moments later, his grip tightened and he let out a slow groan before relaxing against me.

Even as we laid together after, his hands continued to roam and touch, loving me quietly and reassuring me. Turning, I faced him and we kissed softly for several minutes, until we both needed to get up. We took a lazy shower together, washing each other and touching, laughing and kissing. Everyone was waiting when we got to the pre-agreed restaurant.

After we'd all ordered and began to talk about our weekends, the topic of Thanksgiving (a topic I'd been dreading) came up.

"Bella, you should come home with us," Alice implored.

"Yes!" Rose agreed.

Edward's hand squeezed mine beneath the table, his own silent show of support.

"I can't," I said. "I have plans."

Well, I was sure I'd have plans by then, anyway.

"Oh," Rose said, clearly disappointed. "You sure?"

Nodding, I squeezed Edward's hand back. Another little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone, right? I was vehemently opposed to them feeling sorry for me and inviting me to be with their families out of pity or obligation.

"What's everyone doing for Halloween?" Alice asked.

It seemed like each couple was pairing up to dress as something cute or funny – Alice and Jasper as a cowboy and cowgirl (which prompted many cowgirl-style jokes... which prompted _me_ to mentally flag cowgirl for a quick Google check, since I had no idea), and Emmett and Rosalie as a football player and cheerleader.

"What do you guys want to go as?" Rose asked.

Turning to Edward, I ran through a few possible scenarios before I noticed his expression.

"I don't know if I can make it," he said. "My classwork isn't going to get any lighter, and Halloween is on a weekday this year... You could go, though?"

Did I want to do that? Go to the party without him? I wasn't sure. Shrugging, I decided I'd think about it later.

For most of the rest of brunch, I was stuck inside my head, thinking about everything. When it was time to go, Edward dropped me off at my room. He walked me inside and stayed for a bit, lying on my bed and talking about our plans for the upcoming week. Knowing how busy he'd be, we tried to plan ahead, making study dates and setting aside time for each other, but it made me nervous.

After he left, I spent the afternoon doing laundry and getting ready for the week, then took out my Discovery List. I added "take a photography class," then slipped it back into my bag and got ready for bed.

The next few days passed in a blur; Edward was, in fact, too busy to go to the Halloween party, so instead of going by myself, I camped out with him at his apartment and passed out candy to the few kids that were out. I was surprised when Edward came up behind me. Resting his chin on my shoulder, he kissed me lightly.

"Someday, you think we'll have one of those?" he asked quietly.

"One of which?"

I could have guessed at what he meant, but the selfish side of me wanted to hear him say it.

"One of those mini Snickers," he teased, reaching to grab and open one. As he took a bite, he kissed me and the chocolate on his lips melted between us. "A little Han Solo or Princess, I mean."

Setting the bowl of candy down, door closed for the moment, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. As strange as it was, that simple question, simple confirmation that he, too, was thinking about our future, turned me on immensely. Before we got too far, unfortunately, there was another trick-or-treater and we had to dial it back.

With each new kid that came to the door, I wondered what our kids might look like. If Edward thought about having babies with me, did he think about marrying me? What would it feel like to be Mrs. Edward Cullen, I wondered. The knock on the door or chime of the doorbell pulled me from my thoughts each time, but I caught myself smiling widely several times.

At eight o'clock, I turned the porch light off and walked back to Edward, who'd returned to studying. Still worked up from earlier, I was determined to help him unwind a bit. Turning his chair, I straddled his lap and did my best.

A few days later, his embroidered lab coat showed up, and I got great pleasure from wrapping and giving it to him. I attached a note about how much I appreciated his care and concern for me since we'd met, and that I hoped he knew how much I cared for him. He showed me just how much he loved me that night.

October turned to November, and as the weather grew colder, Edward and I continued to heat up. We'd settled into a routine together, spending some nights together at his apartment, some nights apart so we could focus on school. He continued to have exponentially more work than I did, so I enjoyed spoiling him in various ways and spending time cooking for both of us.

The Tuesday of Thanksgiving break came, and I watched everyone pack up, then took them to the airport. Saying goodbye was difficult, knowing they were going away to be with their families. Rose, Alice, and Edward were going to Chicago and Emmett was flying back home to Tennessee. Jasper was going to head home to Texas, but decided to save himself the trip since it was such a short break, once he found out neither of his siblings would be there.

Edward and I had texted through the time they were gone, and on Thanksgiving, I was surprised when I heard a knock at the door.

**A/N2: I've put myself up for Fandom Gives Back again. There is a "Team MsKathy," and if you'd like to know more, please check out my blog (www dot mskathy dot com). As always, thank you for your love, support, and reviews. They mean the world to me.  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who always so graciously helps me clean this story up.**

**Some interesting turns were taken in this chapter, diverting from my outline... this means there are now less chapters ahead than I anticipated, FYI. Blame Edward.**

**Some of you asked for a recap in your reviews for chapter 22. So sorry I did not do this in the previous chapter, so here is the recap of chapters 1-21, written in freeform by me, late one night (so it's a bit ramble-y):**

**Bella lost both of her parents (Renee slowly to cancer, Charlie quickly to a work-related injury). Her boyfriend/love of her life cheated on her with Mike. She moved away to Dartmouth for a fresh start, road tripping all the way out there and re-discovering herself. She rooms with Alice and Rose, and dates Jasper, Emmett, and Tanya during her first week, which was overwhelming. She kisses Emmett and has sparks, but he feels nothing for her. She does more than kiss Jasper, but then he is attracted to Alice. She does more than kiss with Tanya, but her ex-girlfriend Kate, who briefly dated Edward, decides she wants her back. This is sounding like a terrible crackfic, omg. Okay, so in comes Edward, who is a little judgey toward Bella. They sort of have it out, but then call a truce. Bella finds out he's Alice and Rose's cousin, and then she also hooks up Emmett and Rose and Alice and Jasper, and starts spending more time with Edward. She wants to be single for a bit but can't really deny her attraction to Edward, so they start to flirt and banter and semi-date. Edward begins sending her CDs with meaningful songs on them. Then they date for real, and it's a disaster, as he feeds her shrimp and she's allergic. They have their first real kiss after Edward makes sure Bella no longer thinks he's an asshole and then begin dating seriously. Edward takes her away to a B&B for a night and they have an important talk about STDs, agreeing to go get tested together. Bella calls Jake to ask about his cheating on her and protection and he apologizes for what he put her through, finally admitting he's gay. She has a mini breakdown, because she realizes that everything she built up in her head was wrong, and everything she thought about her life with Jake was a lie. Edward, of course, is there to help her through that, and back at school Bella has to tell Jasper and Tanya about the unprotected sex and the risk to them (minimal), and Tanya reveals she wants to get back together with Bella, which makes Bella realize she definitely has no interest in anyone but Edward.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_Edward and I had texted through the time they were gone, and on Thanksgiving, I was surprised when I heard a knock at the door._

**BPOV**

"Jasper, what are you doing here?"

"Well, it's nice to see you, too, Bella," he said with a little laugh. "I had a feeling you weren't really going anywhere for turkey day, so I decided to impose upon you. Although I did bring food, so hopefully that negates my impact."

His adorable smirk never waned as he semi-pushed passed me and into the room.

"Jasper, I... Well, I was going to-"

"Don't even go there, B," he interrupted. "You don't need to explain, I'm not asking you to. Just one friend visiting another on a holiday."

Closing my mouth (and the door), I sat on the couch with him and watched as he spread out the food he'd brought. I could see sliced turkey, cheese, bread, pickles, olives, and what looked like brownies.

"Jasper, where'd you get all this food?" I asked.

"Eh, I went grocery shopping earlier."

There was a pause in the conversation as we ate, then he looked at me, seemed to be evaluating me.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked. "I know this day has to be hard for you. You … you don't look so good. Do you need to talk?"

I'd spent the morning crying and feeling sad, and sorry for myself. I missed everyone – my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, and I felt incredibly lonely. I even found myself missing the familiarity of Jake.

Instead of telling him the truth and talking, though, I shook my head no. It wouldn't feel right to open up to Jasper like that, not when I was so strongly missing Edward and wanting to confide in him. Why had I been so stupid and insisted on not going with them? I would probably have been having a much happier time just being around them. No one needed to know how miserable I was inside, I'd be eating turkey and surrounded with people I love.

When we finished eating, we put a movie on. It was slightly uncomfortable, sitting there, knowing Jasper had caught me in a partial truth about my break plans. I felt compelled to explain. Turning to him, I looked down at my hands and laced my fingers together, mimicking the comforting actions I'd come to love from Edward – the way he'd take my hand, but not just hold it, he'd move his fingers over mine, tracing and rubbing, always actively touching me.

"Jasper, you know, I just didn't know what to say," I began. "I felt uncomfortable and awkward, in the spotlight, and then everyone had somewhere to go. I don't want to be anyone's blanket they carry around with them because they have to or feel obligated."

He turned to face me, then shook his head.

"You know that's not fair, right?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Not fair to whom?"

"Bella, your friends are sort of like a chosen second family. They want to be there for you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why."

"I agree, everyone here feels like family. I just hate being weak and dependent on anyone else."

"Did you say that when Alice needed your help in her English class last week?"

I shook my head no.

"How about when Rose asked you at brunch about cooking for Emmett? Was she weak?"

Again, I shook my head.

"It's easier to believe in this family when you're on the giving end of things, but it isn't selfish to ask of your friends – it makes them feel useful and wanted."

Jasper had a knack for saying exactly what I needed to hear, and in that moment, he couldn't have been more right. I began to panic, uncertain of how to make things right with everyone.

"What do I do now?" I asked as the tears began to fall.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," he said. His thumb reached out and swept my tears away. "Everyone's going to be hurt, for different reasons. Alice and Rose will understand, but I don't know Edward well enough to know how he'll react. Do you want to run through some ways to talk to them, or do you want me to leave you alone to think about it?"

"I need to think. And shower," I said with a little laugh.

"You do. You stink," Jasper said playfully, joining my laughter. "Alright, I'm going to get going, then. I promised Alice I'd call her at six."

Walking Jasper to the door, I tried to form a plan in my head, but it was one big blur of panic and worry.

"Just call them," he said, before giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking out of my suite.

When he was gone, I flopped onto my bed and looked at my phone. Was it really just as simple as calling and apologizing? So far, I hadn't lied a ton – I'd never said I was going anywhere for the break, or told anyone anything entirely untrue. Still, I'd misled them, even I could see that.

"Edward," I half-breathed, half-sobbed into the phone once I'd mustered the courage to call. "I'm so sorry."

"Bella?" he asked, clearly worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... just a fucking idiot. Edward, I need to tell you something. When I told you guys I had plans for Thanksgiving, I wasn't exactly being honest," I explained. "It's not like I out and out lied, mind you, I just had plans to stay here."

The call was quiet for several moments, and my worry increased with each passing second. I couldn't help the tears, falling faster.

"Do you hate me?" I choked out.

"What? No, Bella, of course I don't hate you."

Letting out a huge breath, I could hear him shifting in place. Imagining the look of disappointment marring his beautiful face made me feel even more disappointed in myself.

"Why didn't you come with us?" His voice was tinged with sadness and hurt. "Do you not want to meet my family?"

_Oh, crap. _Of course that's what any normal person would think.

"That's not it at all, Edward. I'm just so stupid. I felt awful when Alice asked, like I'm the lost puppy everyone has to adopt and care for. I should have talked to you about it after brunch, but I just thought it would be fine and no one would even care or notice. Then Jasper came over, an-"

"Jasper's there?" Edward interrupted.

"No, not anymore. He came over to make sure I was okay, brought some food, and encouraged me to call you and come clean."

Suddenly, he sounded angry. "So you talked to Jasper about this, but couldn't talk to me?"

"Well, I mean, I didn't intend to talk to him about it," I practically whispered. "He was just here, and..." I stopped trying, since I knew there was really no justification. "I'm sorry."

"Bella, when we first started dating, I told you that you didn't have to ever tell me anything you didn't want to. Instead of just saying you didn't want to talk about it, you misled us."

The quiet hung in the air between us again, dragging out and making the ache in my chest grow. He hadn't sounded angry when he last spoke, just hurt. I couldn't decide if that was better or worse than anger.

"I need to run. We're getting ready to play Scrabble, and I don't have much more to say. We'll talk when I get back?"

"Yes," I sniffled. "Can I still plan to pick you up?"

"Yeah."

He was quiet and subdued, and I had no idea how to read his voice and gauge his reactions. We hung up and I sobbed quietly in bed, then raged loudly since I had the freedom and space, a rare commodity.

I was angry at everything and nothing, but mostly at myself. All the bullshit I spewed about being New Bella was just that – bullshit – if I couldn't back it up with my choices and behavior. I'd lied to the people I cared about most. What the fuck was I doing?

No one called or texted me that night, and I was actually grateful. It allowed me the peace and space I needed to work things out in my head.

The next morning, Alice texted me with _I miss you_. It was simple and to the point, and somehow, I knew Edward had told her about my fib. I texted her back to let her know that I missed her, too, and was eager for her return.

That afternoon, I went for a run. It was cold and my lungs ached with the temperature and how hard I pushed myself, but I needed it; I needed the burn in my lungs, my legs, my heart.

The evening was awful. I took an extra-long shower. I wrote in my journal. I made promises, aloud and unspoken, to myself. My attempts to give Edward his space that day were well-intentioned, but I realized perhaps slightly misguided when he texted me with a very simple _I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Miss me?_

God, if he only knew how much I'd missed him. I texted him back almost immediately.

_More than I could ever express. See you tomorrow, xoxo._

That night was spent primping, shaving, picking out clothes (and lingerie, since I was spending Saturday night with him), and putting my head back on straight. I didn't need to beat myself over the rocks for my mistake, that wouldn't help anyone. The best way to recover, I decided, was to just stop thinking I always knew what was best for those around me, and taking the choice out of their hands. I had thought the girls and Edward would be happier without me around, because I knew I'd be sad about my family. The truth, though, was probably that, like Jasper had said, they'd have loved the opportunity to help me through a tough time.

When I awoke the next day, I was nervous, but excited. My bag was already packed, so I spent the afternoon checking the flight on the airline's website and pacing my room. I kept my ESBC playlist on repeat, and tried to read, stretch, anything I could think of to settle my mind.

Finally, once it was closer to arrival time, I left for the airport. Not wanting to drive to and from Boston, they'd flown in a tiny prop plane, and I giggled when I dropped them off at how small the airport was. Granted, I hadn't flown much so I had little to compare it to, but still.

Arriving early, I waited for their flight as close to the gate as I could get. Alice and Rose were on the same flight as Edward, but meeting Emmett, whose flight arrived a little bit later, then driving to the dorms together. Watching them walk toward me, the anticipation and nervousness grew.

Alice embraced me first, in a crushing hug. Attempting to keep my emotions in check, but failing miserably, I cried at the relief of seeing them and really knowing they weren't upset with me. Rose hugged me, then they wandered off.

Edward, however, was another story. Sure, he hugged me and held my hand as usual, but there was a distance there. An uncomfortable, unpleasant, certainly unwanted distance. He drove us the short distance to his apartment, then carried my bag in, setting it just inside his bedroom.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Yeah. We had breakfast and lunch, but I'm hungry."

There was no hint of teasing or playfulness in his voice, where there would usually have been a double entendre.

"Do you want to eat here? I could make something, or we could go out..."

"We can grab something here. Are you going to eat, too?" he asked.

"Yeah, I could go for some dinner."

We rummaged through the cabinets and fridge, piecing together a meal. As we ate at the table, the silence dragged on. The longer we didn't talk, the more afraid I got. He had said he'd missed me, though, so I felt optimistic about that.

"Did you have a nice time visiting your family?"

I was trying, really.

"I did. My mom actually said she was disappointed she didn't get to meet you; I don't think Alice and Rose left any detail of you unspoken," he laughed, and a tiny spark of lightness floated over him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't meet her. Maybe next time?"

Edward looked up, then turned his body to mine.

"I'd like that a lot. I think you two would get along really well. I wanted to talk to you about that, in fact. Come on," he said, tugging my hand lightly.

We went to his bedroom, and I was nervous. So far, there hadn't been any steamy kissing or reconnection on an intimate level, so I was unsure of what to expect. Following him still, I climbed into bed once he motioned for me to join him, and laid in his arms, our bodies still fully clothed, spooned together.

"You know, I should have known better than to not ask you explicitly about your plans," he said, sighing. "I mean, I knew you weren't flying anywhere. I just didn't really think about it, you know? I'm sorry."

Uncertain of what to say or how to react, I blinked a few times and thought about what to say.

"Are you okay?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"I am, mostly," I said.

Pulling me into his embrace more, he nuzzled his nose down into the crook of my neck.

"Are you okay?" he repeated, quieter the second time, but with more emphasis and unspoken meaning.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I think I'm getting there. But I still miss them. The ache is so strong sometimes."

"I know," he said quietly. "I know exactly what you mean."

We laid like that, quiet, holding each other close – holding each other together – for hours.

"What about Christmas?" I finally asked.

"Hmm?" he hummed, and I realized he'd fallen asleep.

Turning to face him, we stretched out next to each other and I repeated my question.

"Ahh, Christmas," he said, yawning. "Well, actually, after we talked the last time, I made some plans for us. I hope it wasn't too presumptuous."

The relief I felt as his admission was immediate and overwhelming. For what felt like the millionth time that week, tears pooled in my eyes.

"You did?" I asked, leaning up to kiss his nose.

"Yeah. I didn't want you to be alone, or to protest. I thought we could join my family and knock out at least one thing from your list."

"Oh?" I asked, between soft kisses up and down his jawline.

"Mmhmm," he hummed. Gripping my hips, he turned us so he was lying on his back, my legs straddling the outside of his body.

"Which one?" I asked.

My focus was quickly evaporating – Edward's hands were moving up and down my denim-covered thighs, pulling me tighter to his body. It wasn't at all how I imagined reconnecting with him in this way. We'd just laid together, I'd cried, I was slightly sweaty, and not even in my sexy lingerie, but it felt right.

Shifting my body slightly, I angled my hips closer against his and we both moaned. My mouth was at his ear, and his at mine, as our bodies moved together. Our need for each other was palpable, and I wasn't sure we'd even get our clothes off.

Pushing his body up, Edward's slid against me in the most delicious ways, and I gripped my hands into his hair. When I felt his fingertips curl around my thighs and trace the seam of my pants between my legs, I moaned softly. As he pressed harder, I moved faster, needing and wanting more. When his fingers moved against my clit, I gasped and pushed into him again.

We moved like this, the sound of our clothes rustling, until I began to feel my orgasm approach. I'd never done this, whatever _this_ was, and it was intoxicating, knowing I could affect him in this way, even fully clothed. He nipped gently at my neck and spoke softly, words of love, affirmation, and dirty, dirty things. Closing my eyes, I rode out my orgasm as I wiggled against him more quickly, my pleasure spiking and being punctuated with loud cries.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward had turned us over and was pushing his body against mine again. His hands were wrapped around me, our bodies as close as they could be while still clothed. Whispering again, he told me how much he'd missed me, missed us, then went quiet as his body tensed above me. My hands were still threaded in his hair, our mouths finding each other in the quiet aftermath of what we'd done.

Edward's head rested on my shoulder as he regained his breath, and he began to laugh. Soon, we were both laughing hysterically, though I wasn't entirely certain why. It was like the feeling from before, I wasn't sure of the origin or reason, but it felt right.

"Sorry," Edward laughed, finally moving to my side.

"Sorry?" I asked.

"Yeah, I didn't intend to just attack you like that. I just, God, it was a really long week," he said. "Thank you."

"Did you... I mean..."

Flustered, I wasn't sure how to ask if Edward had quite the happy ending there that I'd had.

"Shower?" I asked, hoping it would convey everything.

"Yes, I did," he said, smiling. "Yes, shower."

The sun had long ago set, I realized as we made our way into the bathroom. Leaning against the counter, I watched as Edward started the shower, then made his way back to me. Trapping me there, an arm on each side of my body, he began to kiss me carefully, tentatively. My hands moved up from his, eventually settling on his strong biceps.

Resting his forehead against mine, he ran his nose up and down the length of mine, then he spoke. "My mom, she's so great, but sometimes I can see the grief just weighing on her. It's as though she wears it like a sweater. She misses my sister so much, and I try to be everything for her, to be perfect. It's exhausting."

Winding my hands up and around his shoulders, I pulled him closer to me.

"It would have been nice to have you there, Bella. I needed you too, you know," he confessed. "Need you still."

My heart ached again at his words, and I felt the truth of them, the weight of my own selfishness at not even having thought about his pain and loss. "I'm sorry," I said, kissing his lips. "I'm sorry," I repeated, kissing his left eyelid. "I'm sorry," I said, moving to the right side. "I'm so very sorry," I finished, one last whisper of a kiss against his lips.

"Let's get cleaned up and we can talk more," he suggested.

Removing my clothes for me, Edward set them in a pile, then removed his own, with slightly more care when he got to his boxers. I had to giggle; it was just funny, and seemed odd.

"Have you ever done that before?" I asked.

"Come in my boxers, or dry humped?" he asked. "Wait, doesn't matter, the answer to both is yes."

Laughing, we stepped into the shower together. It was warm, and wet, and standing there in Edward's embrace was perfect. Once we were both clean, we got out and dried each other off. Before I had a chance to put my pajamas or any lingerie on, Edward pulled me to bed with him.

"Nothing between us tonight," he said quietly.

Slipping into the cool sheets, I smiled when Edward's hands were immediately on my body, pulling me to him. Our legs tangled together, bodies pressed closely as we faced each other.

"So, Christmas – I made plans for us to spend it with my parents in Aspen. They have a house there, and we can hang out, enjoy the snow, get those boarding lessons you have on your list. My parents won't care if we stay together, so you can knock off the one about waking up in my arms for a week straight, too."

Certain my expression had crumpled, I looked away from his happy, relaxed face. Another lie I had to own up to.

"Edward, I need to tell you something."

My stomach felt like it was being turned inside out.

"I don't know how you're going to react, because you were so upset over my misleading you, but this is a flat out lie I told you." Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm down. It didn't help. "SB on my list was never snowboarding."

The bed shook slightly, and I looked up. I was confused; why did Edward find this funny?

"Bella, you're so fucking adorable. Seriously, Coffee Girl, did you really think I had no idea what SB meant?"

Leaning down, he kissed my forehead first, then tilted my chin to raise my lips to his.

"I think the first time I realized what it meant, I was hard for hours. That's another reason I want to take you away for Christmas," he said, moving to kiss my neck. "You, me, privacy, protection-required period over..."

His teeth scraped across my collarbone and I sighed.

He knew.

He'd known all along what SB meant, or at least, he'd figured it out at some point.

Relief.

It was ten tons of stress removed from my body all at once, and I felt playful and relaxed.

"You'd better let me work on this one just a bit, then," I said, nudging him to roll onto his back. "I mean, I can't cross it off until I've thoroughly explored you, Scone Boy."

Back to the confident and self-assured man I loved, Edward crossed his arms beneath his head and winked at me once I'd settled between his legs.

Starting at his toes, I noticed and memorized every detail I could about his body. I wanted my exploration of him to be mental, physical, and emotional. For that night, though, I decided to stick with learning what he liked, what made him groan and moan, and how to tease him just right.

Kissing a path up his calf, I nipped lightly behind his knee and his entire body jerked. When I licked and kissed the same spot, he let out a loud gust of air. His thighs were more predictable, and my lips and teeth elicited the expected soft moans.

Intentionally skipping over the part of him begging me for attention the most, I peppered small kisses from one hipbone across to the other. Of course, his dick was constantly reminding me of its presence beneath my breasts at that point, and I had to hold in a giggle.

Dipping my tongue quickly into his belly button, I continued my path up, and teased his nipples. I had no idea men's nipples were even a sensitive spot, but the way he squirmed and made noise... I made a mental note that it was a spot to revisit. Edward's attitude and willingness to simply let me explore spoke volumes to me about his trust in me, and his self-image. How many men would lay themselves bare like this to be examined?

Pulling his small nipple between my teeth, I looked up at him and returned his wink as I gently bit. I expected him to jump or pull away, but he stayed very still and seemed to almost purr with pleasure. Moving to the other side, I repeated the action, then followed it with a quick kiss and lick. Crawling higher, I put my knees on either side of his hips, our bodies dangerously aligned, and rested my mouth against his neck.

Here, I paused. I inhaled, his scent, his being, the moment – everything I could.

"I love you," I said quietly, before I moved up to kiss his lips. Lingering here, too, I watched as his eyes took me in, as well.

"I think I need a list," Edward said against my lips, "because I certainly intend to repay this favor."

Shivering at the thought, I kissed him deeper. His hands moved to my back and I realized I'd allowed myself to get distracted. Breaking our kiss, I shook my head and smiled at him again. "Still my turn."

Kissing from his bicep down, I moved all the way to his fingertips. Picking his hand up, I kissed each fingertip, then on a whim, sucked one into my mouth. Edward's eyes closed and his head fell back against the pillow.

Observing his reactions carefully, I experimented using my teeth, gently scraping the surface of his skin. Then, I nipped at his palm, kissed the skin there, and turned his hand over. Once I'd repeated the same actions on the back of his hand, I gave one last kiss and set it down on the sheets.

With a smug smile, I trailed my kisses down the outside of his thigh, then moved in. Taking him in my hand, I watched his reactions to my touches, licks, and the way I changed the pace of everything I did. It was fascinating to see how he responded to my tongue teasing him versus my lips wrapping around his skin and taking him into my mouth.

Edward's tenderness as I experimented was a sharp contrast to Jake, but I tried not to think about it; it only came to mind when I felt Edward's fingers playing gently with my hair, touching and rubbing me as I loved him. There was no demanding roughness, although I wouldn't have minded that from him, just his hands reassuring and connecting with me.

After several minutes of my attention, I could feel him tug slightly, and I was unsure what to do. Sure, I'd swallowed before, but it wasn't my favorite thing. If I hesitated too long, it wouldn't really be my choice anymore, so I tried to think quickly, and finally decided to go with it. Using one of my hands, I simply found Edward's on my head and covered it reassuringly. My other hand continued to work his body, along with my mouth, and soon he was coming.

Watching him fall apart under my touch, my actions, my body – me – was spectacular. It was the second time that night I felt powerful and sexy, wanted, loved, and frankly, wanton.

As he came down, I kissed my way back up to him. I was surprised when he pulled me closer and kissed me soundly; Jake would never in a million years have even given me a peck until I'd brushed my teeth after giving him a blowjob. His body was soft against mine, but his mouth seemed to convey everything in that moment, his tongue sliding sensually against mine.

That was how we fell asleep that night – wrapped together, curled and twisted, tangled arms and legs, bodies as close as they could be. As I fell asleep, I thought about what it would be like to meet Edward's parents, what uninhibited, condom-less sex with him would feel like (I wasn't even sure why he was so eager for it), how our bodies would slide together in ten years, if he wanted babies, if I did, and so many other things.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Don't forget to donate to Fics for Nashville – you can find the link in my profile or on my twitter feed. My entry will never be published elsewhere, so this is your only chance to get some Bella and Edward lovin' in a different style than you're used to. The basic premise is that James and Bella are high school sweethearts, but something happens leading to traumatic events between them. Edward and Bella begin a non-traditional romance, I guess you could say. I am really proud of the way it turned out, and I hope you'll be pleased as well.**

**Thank you to my lovely beta, TwilightMundi, and to nerac/carenl for the pre-read. Also to the 900 people I polled for help on something in here, thank you. To mjinaspen (for the Aspen question answering, too) and moojuicey/swill, thank you for the marathon comments way back in the days before this was on hiatus. This is just the start, my lovelies, just the start. ;) **

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**_That was how we fell asleep that night – wrapped together, curled and twisted, tangled arms and legs, bodies as close as they could be. As I fell asleep, I thought about what it would be like to meet Edward's parents, what uninhibited, condom-less sex with him would feel like (I wasn't even sure why he was so eager for it), how our bodies would slide together in ten years, if he wanted babies, if I did, and so many other things._

**BPOV**

After Thanksgiving, things picked up in every aspect. Edward and I were together more, of course I saw Jasper and Emmett in class, but I also saw Alice and Rose around the suite. Outside of class, I spent a little more time with Tanya. It was nice to hang out with her, and even though she'd broken up with Kate, she knew we were never going to be anything more than friends. She taught me to knit and crochet and for that, I was thankful. I began working on scarves for my friends, since they were fairly easy to mass-produce, and the time between classes in the cafe with Tanya was spent chattering and clacking needles.

Gifts were tough for me to decide on; aside from the scarves, I wanted to get everyone something meaningful. It hardly seemed like the academic year was half over, but the closer it got to Christmas, the more real it felt. I was excited to meet Edward's family, but nervous about what they'd think of me, and if they would approve of how quickly our relationship had grown.

By the time we were ready for our six month re-testing, we were practically living together. Edward had given me a drawer in his dresser, space in his closet, and a "side" in the bathroom. Most of the time, it was heaven, but there were times each of us was stressed and we'd snip at each other, as with any meshing of two lives.

That week, we were extra low on patience with each other, and our studies. Several times, one of us had walked away from the other in a huff of emotion, only to come back and apologize a few minutes later. The making up was nice, but the tension had to break at some point. There was just no way we could function under that much stress.

The day we went back for the blood draw was a Monday, so that we'd have our results by that weekend. We'd had to go to an off-campus clinic that time, since school had been closed for the winter holiday. It wouldn't matter to us much though, as we were getting ready to leave for Colorado, but it would be nice to have the peace of mind.

Finally, Friday came and we visited the clinic again, each of us receiving our all clear results. We kept our composure until we left the clinic, but then Edward picked me up and spun me around, lifting me off the ground. It was romantic, like a cheesy scene from a movie, and I was ecstatic.

We had no time that night to be together anyway, as we both had to finish packing, and we also had dinner plans with the rest of the gang before everyone left. Alice and Jasper were going to Houston to be with Jasper's family, and Emmett and Rose were going to Tennessee to be with Em's family, so everyone was equally stressed out.

Thankfully, I had done almost all of my holiday shopping online, or with Edward since we were on break and would take little road trips, exploring and shopping. My gift for him was some lingerie, a book, and an iTunes gift card for more music. Since we'd agreed to exchange in front of his parents, I decided to save the lingerie for later Christmas night, when the time came, and packed it in a separate part of my suitcase.

My scarf for Alice was a beautiful sky blue color, with neutral shades woven in. For Jasper and Emmett, I used a mossy green color. Rosalie got a fire engine red, and Tanya a very soft pink, which I'd delivered to her during our last day of classes. I knew she could knit her own, so it was more the thought and spirit of the gift than the actual item itself. She still seemed very appreciative, and I was glad and relieved that we'd found a new level of friendship.

For Jake and Mike, I actually mailed a set of scarves. Jake had emailed me his new contact information – they'd moved to Seattle suburb together – and I sent their gifts a few weeks before the holidays. I'd gotten a lovely thank you note from them via email, with an update on their lives. They were settling in well together and were already discussing adoption. Rolling my eyes, I closed the email that would go unanswered for a bit.

I'd sent a package with a note and scarf for Phil, even though he likely wouldn't get much use out of it, and planned to call him closer to Christmas. He was my last bond with my mom, and it wouldn't be easy, but I was also his last connection to Renee, and I knew we needed to stay in touch at least a little.

Once Edward and I had packed, we put our suitcases into the trunk of his car and made our way to dinner.

Everyone was there and waiting when we arrived, so we made our way around the table, hugging and shaking hands as we greeted everyone. Finally, we sat and ordered, then the gifts began to flow around the table. Not everyone had gotten gifts for others – Edward, Jasper, and Emmett still didn't know each other well enough to swap gifts. We'd set a spending limit of twenty dollars per gift in order to stop people from going overboard.

From Alice, Edward got a book of Kama Sutra poses, which made us all giggle and remember the first weekend at the B&B. Edward squeezed my knee underneath the table and we kissed quickly. I knew, even as much of a joke as it was, the book would get put to good use. Rose got Edward a book about giving cunnilingus, which also brought giggles, and more blushing from me. At least both of their gag gifts were useful...

The sexual theme continued as I opened my gifts from them – a book about fellatio from Rose, and a bottle of what she claimed was the best lube, from Alice. I was a little uncomfortable, but watching the look in Edward's eyes as I flipped through the pages of the book was hot. The thought of reading and learning from the book excited me beyond what I expected and my mind was immediately pulled back into exploring his body the night before.

Leaning into him, I rested my body against his and whispered, "I can't wait to put that book to good use exploring you again." My hand curled inside his thigh, my thumb brushing up the middle seam of his pants, against his now-hard length.

Edward's hand covered mine and slid it back up to the top of his thigh, while he laughed and gave me a quick kiss. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I like it," he said against my lips. We shared another quick smile, and turned back to the table.

Realizing we'd missed some of the other gift passing during our time in our little bubble, I tried to pay attention for the rest of the dinner. When we were done, I hugged everyone tightly and Edward drove us back to his apartment. We were making the drive the following day from school to the airport in Boston, so we went to bed shortly after we got back. One last double-check that we were packed and we were curled up in bed together.

"Do you think your parents will like me?" I asked quietly.

Edward laughed. "Of course they will. They'll love you."

The rest of our time that was supposed to be spent sleeping, I tossed and turned. Edward slept soundly for the most part, and I enjoyed watching him. As he relaxed into a deeper sleep, his face softened and he looked so innocent and pure.

By the time the alarm went off, I'd caught a few hours of sleep, but not enough. Exhausted, I made my way through breakfast, then enjoyed being the passenger as we drove to Boston. We talked a bit, but mostly listened to music and were quiet. Once we were parked and checked in for our flight, it felt even more real. I was really going to meet Edward's parents.

My anxiety multiplied when we were on board, and though I tried to relax against Edward's warm body and rest, I couldn't help but feel nervous. Of course, then he pulled out the books he'd stashed in his carryon, and I just about died as he flipped through the pages. He had an inside seat and turned it away so the flight attendants never saw, but it was alternating between making me embarrassed and really turned on.

The flight was several hours long, and at some point, I did doze off, thankfully; it helped to settle and calm my mood a bit, for which I'm sure both Edward and I were grateful. We arrived late in the evening, waiting for our bags at baggage claim. Edward's parents hadn't met us at the airport at his direction, he explained. They were eager and willing to pick us up, but he'd asked them to wait at the house, until morning, to allow us to settle in. It was sweet, and exactly the kind of thing I was coming to expect from him.

Once we'd retrieved our bags, I noticed a man helping Edward. I must've been really exhausted to not have noticed him before, but as he wheeled our luggage away, Edward took my hand and explained this was his concession for not allowing his parents to pick us up – they'd sent a car.

There was plenty of snow on the ground when we'd landed, and now I was getting a look at it firsthand. I hadn't experienced snow much, so I looked forward to playing in it when I was more rested. Edward and I snuggled together in the back of the car as the driver took us to his parents' house. I'd fallen asleep by the time we arrived, and Edward helped me walk in, allowing me to rest against him. Thankfully, just as they'd promised, his parents were nowhere to be seen.

After a quick trip to the kitchen to grab a snack, Edward led us to the bedroom. Our bags were waiting, and rather than unpack that night, we agreed to save it for the morning. Once I'd stripped down to a tank top and underwear, I crawled into bed and yawned. Watching Edward undress was always a treat, and this night was no exception. My body was tired from the travel and time difference, but seeing him take his clothes off was definitely doing something for me.

"Guhhhhh," I said, sounding ten shades of idiotic. Edward Cullen somehow reduced me to mono-syllables.

His back to me, he turned to look over his shoulder. "See something you like?"

"Even your cheesy lines kill me, Cullen. Get over here," I half-whined.

Watching as his bare shoulders shook with his quiet laughter, I bit my lip as he dropped his pants, giving me a view of the ass I loved to lust over. He still had his boxers on, but it was one step closer to naked. When he turned to walk to his side of the bed, I realized he was just as turned on as I was.

"I'm so glad to be here with you," I said, after he'd climbed in next to me. "Thank you for inviting me."

"I wouldn't have wanted my Christmas any other way," he said. His hands were on my body, already almost rendering me incoherent, and he left two large wet spots, one over each nipple, as he made his way lower. "Besides, there's something I've been wanting to do..."

"Edward, I spent all day on a plane. Are you serious? Can we at least go shower first?"

His reply was a very succinct, "No," and I didn't argue.

Before he took my panties off, he ran the tip of his nose along the middle of my lower lips, nuzzling and pressing against me. On its own, my body began to writhe and press against him, over-ruling my brain. His teeth nipped at the fabric, up and down against the swollen flesh, teasing me. Finally, I felt him pulling my panties down and off my body, and decided to use the opportunity to help him undress as well.

A little awkward fumbling later, we were undressed and kissing where we stood. Edward pulled my hand and crawled back on the bed. When I moved to lie on top of him, he shook his head.

"I wasn't done," he explained.

Moving my hips up toward his face, his tongue darted out before I had a chance to protest. My hands flew to the headboard, gripping as I tried to bring my thoughts back to my brain. Could he even breathe like this, I wondered?

I missed him, needed him, wanted him, but my body and brain felt disconnected as he pleasured me. Unable to think rationally, I let go and let my body take over. Turning to my side, I hoped Edward would roll with me and get the hint, but he just gripped tighter.

"Let me move," I whispered. "I promise I'm not escaping."

Laughing lightly, I turned my body and Edward must've figured out what my plan was. As he moved back to working my body, he groaned and the vibrations against my skin sent shivers through me. From here, I was facing his erection, and I tried to work slowly. My hand stroked his base as my tongue, lips, and mouth focused on his tip.

Edward's hand snaked around the back of my leg, then apparently he got frustrated, as he rolled us back to our original position – him on his back.

Momentarily, I panicked as I envisioned what we looked like in my head. Could he see all of me from this position? Even my...

The thought died in my head as his fingers teased me, then pushed inside. Suddenly, I didn't care which part of my anatomy Edward was looking at; if he was going to be that enthusiastic about it, it obviously didn't bother him.

The difference in sensation between the last time he'd done this, with the dental dam, and this time, was amazing. Suddenly, I understood what his interest in having sex without a condom was – for him, the sensations would be amplified just as much as mine were in that moment.

Moaning around his cock, I hoped the vibrations paid off as much for him as they had for me. I assumed they had, since his hips flexed up, and he made the sexiest noise I'd ever heard. As we eagerly lapped and sucked at each other, I got lost in him, lost in pleasuring him. Focusing was difficult, and eventually, one of us had to give in – me – and I rested my head against his leg as I felt my orgasm approach. I tried to keep the contact going between us, my fingers and hands rubbing his thighs as my lower half shamelessly rubbed against his face.

Unintentionally holding my breath, I felt my orgasm crash over me and had to fight to hold in the loud noises I wanted to make. I wasn't sure how far away Edward's parents were, and I was certain that would not be the first impression I wanted to give them.

As soon as my orgasm was mostly over, I took him back in my mouth, my efforts to make him feel just as good as I did renewed and revived. I did feel a little awkward with my body just sort of wagging in his face still, but he continued to touch and kiss me, which surprised me. He didn't seem to be working me up to a second orgasm, just enjoying my body and the different ways he could get it to respond. He already seemed like an expert, and I felt so inexperienced, but before I could fall too far down that rabbit hole of thoughts, I was reminded of the task in front of me.

Edward was making soft sounds, and I loved listening to his different reactions depending on what I did. When I licked the soft ridge around the head, he sighed quietly, and when I used my teeth, gently of course, he groaned a little bit louder. After I'd experimented enough and knew he was on the verge of his orgasm, I stuck with one thing. Listening to him whisper and whimper, I smiled around his skin, drunk with the knowledge that I was the one driving him crazy.

As his body tensed beneath me, I swallowed as gracefully as I could, and laid still for a moment. My fingers continued to trace patterns on his legs and eventually, I turned and crawled up to lay next to him.

"That was interesting," I said.

I really wasn't sure what to make of it yet. The position was awkward and even though it felt good, everything I did with Edward felt great. Was it better to focus solely on each other, or was it nicer this way, where we gave each other attention at the same time?

Humming, Edward pulled me out of my thoughts as he turned me in his arms, then pulled me close to his body. His head rested on mine, his nose in the crook of my neck, and we fell asleep without another word.

The following morning, we woke to the glorious smells of fresh coffee and bacon. Maybe pancakes, too, I decided. Edward and I were still wrapped up together, although our position had changed, and buried under the soft fluff of the down comforter. Watching his eyes fight to stay closed the last few seconds of sleep, I began to kiss the corners of his mouth lightly. When the corners turned up and he began to kiss me back, I smiled, too.

"Good morning," he said, his voice still rough and sexy.

"Mmm," I hummed, "yes, it is."

Stretching my body out beside his, I tangled our legs together and made a little squeaky noise as I reached my arms up as far as I could. Edward took the opportunity to kiss and nibble at my décolleté. When his thumbs ran over my nipples, I let out a breath and curled my body back into his.

"I smell breakfast," I said. "I'm hungry."

"Me too," Edward said, lowering his head to swipe his tongue across my nipple before pulling it between his lips.

"Edward, your parents are right out in the kitchen," I said whispering urgently.

"Do you know how many times I've had to listen to them?"

"Oh my god, seriously?" I whisper-shrieked.

He laughed and brought his hands back up to my face, looking at me as he ran the pads of his thumbs across my cheekbones.

"Yeah. My parents are still disgustingly in love, and not afraid to show it. It's cute, actually. Gives me hope."

All thought was cast away as he kissed me gently when he was done speaking.

"It was hard for them, when she died," he whispered against my lips. "But they leaned on each other. Other couples would have broken up or been bitter and angry, but in so many strange ways, it brought them closer."

Our moment of intimacy went from sexual to tender in a quick moment. Everything unspoken in that moment made my heart pang, and I wasn't quite sure why.

"If we ever go through something like that," he said, then paused to take a slow, deep breath. "Something like what you and I've been through alone, I need to know you'll be able to come to me, the way they did. I need you to know just how much I need you, too. I trust you, and I want you to trust me too, implicitly."

Unable to form the words I know he needs to hear, I simply nodded as my eyes filled with tears. I already needed him, and perhaps that was the core of my problem; I was so afraid, because if he left me, too, I would really be fucked, and I knew it. There would be no trip to re-discover myself, I'd simply be shattered.

Taking a deep breath, I wrapped my arms around him and we lay together in this moment, two people slightly broken. In the quiet, I began to question myself and my choices. The further away I got from Jacob and that life, the more confident I'd become in who I was and what I wanted, which was comforting. It made me happy to be on my own, to be with Edward, and to be at Dartmouth. I wondered briefly what the next phase of my life would be like, and smiled.

Then it sank in: I was content. For maybe the first time ever, I had everything I wanted in that moment. I would absolutely have changed some circumstances and brought my parents back, but I'd found my place in life even without them. Guilt flooded my heart, and the urge to sink and succumb to the negative feeling almost took over. I sat with it for a minute, rolling the guilt through my thoughts, and came out the other side knowing, not just thinking, but knowing, that neither of them would want me to waste my days alone and lonely.

Even though Renee would never meet Edward, I knew she'd have loved him. She would have teased me about his crazy hair and his fine ass. Charlie would have made overtures with his shotgun, then shared a beer with him on the porch while Edward feigned interest in fishing. It would have been perfect, and good.

Except that it might not have been, I realized.

If Charlie and Renee had still been alive, I might never have moved and gone to Dartmouth. I might have stayed in Forks, stayed with Jake, living that life of lies – to others, and to myself.

It was all too much before coffee, I finally decided, and dragged Edward out of bed. He smacked, then rubbed my ass as I walked in front of him, and we laughed through a quick shower together. He studied me as I got dressed, and I smiled carefully at him, wondering briefly if my epiphanies from the morning were written across my face for all to see. Would the world know just how fucking happy I was in that moment? I sure hoped so.

We walked hand-in-hand out to greet his parents. As soon as we'd turned the corner, and I saw them, I knew what Edward meant about them being sickeningly adorable. His mother was sitting in his father's lap, her arm around his neck, as they whispered to each other, broad smiles on both of their faces. Once they saw us, they shifted apart just a bit.

"Good morning Mom, Dad," Edward said, walking to give them each a kiss on the cheek. They both stood quickly after, embracing him in a hug, then turning to me. "This is Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Esme, and my dad, Carlisle."

Each of them opened their arms for a hug, and I was a little nervous. Moving to Carlisle first, I said hello, then gave him a quick, stiff hug. I could tell it was just as awkward for him as it was for me, and that made me a little more comfortable. Esme embraced me; it was more than a simple hug, and she was so warm. Everything about her was soothing to me, and she was the antithesis of my own mother in that sense. Renee was frenetic, and Esme was steady, calm.

"It's nice to meet you both," I said, then shifted uncomfortably in my spot.

"Do I smell breakfast?" Edward asked, thankfully removing the attention from me. "Bella, coffee?"

"Yes, please."

Making my way to help Edward, I was promptly shooed out of the main cooking area by both him and Esme, so I turned and sat with Carlisle. Thankfully, he was playing with some electronic device and seemed not at all focused on me.

Moments later, Edward appeared with a plate full of blueberry pancakes and bacon, coffee mugs in his other hand. It was something so small, but I loved sharing a plate with him when we ate. It felt like a small moment of intimacy that was perfectly acceptable in public.

"So, are we going skiing today, or do you kids need a day to recover?" Esme asked.

Edward and I exchanged glances, then laughed.

"How about after tomorrow, Mom?"

"Okay. I'll call and schedule some lessons for Bella. Would that be alright?" Esme asked.

"Sure," I said. "I'll need to rent whatever gear I might need."

"No need, we keep spares here," Esme said, smiling. "We'll just have a relaxing day then."

Edward reached over with a bite of pancake, and the morning marched on like any other. After we'd eaten and watched a little TV, Edward and I bundled up to go outside and play in the snow. It was so different watching him play and jump in the snow. He was still my Edward, just lighter. More free, and comfortable. It was really interesting, the difference in him around his parents. There was a vulnerability there I hadn't seen before, and I appreciated him allowing me to experience it.

He was always so independent, never really seeming to _need_ me for anything, but when we went back inside and had taken all of our outerwear off, Esme had cocoa waiting for us. It was as if he was a bright-eyed six-year-old again, taking a mug of steamy goodness from his mommy. I giggled at them both, then accepted my own steaming mug and curled up on the couch with him.

After a game of Scrabble, then dinner, we sat around and talked. Everyone else had wine, but I declined. Edward had taken my feet in his lap and was rubbing them slowly. Now and then, his hand would wander just slightly up the inside of my calf, tickling a little. Then his palm would flatten and the fingers smoothed over the back of my leg, leaving a trail of tingles.

When his parents weren't watching, I could see his eyes shift and cloud with lust and longing. He was too polite to ever drag me out of the room, but if the look on his face was any indication, we wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon.

"Bella, it was so nice to meet you," Esme said, standing to give me a good night hug. "Edward's never brought a girl home, so this was quite a treat."

I had to keep my head from whipping over to look at him in surprise. Surely he hadn't had trouble finding women, but he'd never brought one to meet his parents?

"Thank you for having me, Esme. I really appreciate you hosting me for the holidays."

"Don't be silly," she said laughing. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Carlisle gave me a warm hug and then they were off to their room, which I was grateful to finally note was on the way other side of the sprawling house.

Yawning, I reached up and stretched, hoping I was at least kind of teasing Edward.

"I'm _so_ tired," I said. "Ready for bed? I bet I'll be out in ten seconds flat," I deadpanned. My chest fluttered just looking at him. I was so fucking lucky that such a sexy, smart, kind, giving man wanted to take me to bed, and had me in his heart, and I knew it.

Turning away from him to walk to the room we were staying in, I actually heard him growl. I thought I might fall over from laughing as hard as I was, but then he matched my pace and walked right up behind me. As his hands slipped around my waist and we began to make the trek together, awkwardly, he turned his mouth to my ear and whispered.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, for so long, you'll be lucky if I let you sleep at all tonight."


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Well, well, well... I was really amused how the reviews were so split between people being angry I cockblocked (as if!) and people eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. Here it is, lovelies. I must say, you guys bowl me over and knock me out each chapter with your reviews. I just couldn't ask for better readers, so thank you. **

**Kisses and gropes to my beta, TwilightMundi, who keeps me sane (mostly) and laughing. Thank you to nerac/carenl, who calms my fears and worries, and also happy birthday to her.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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_Turning away from him to walk to the room we were staying in, I actually heard him growl. I thought I might fall over from laughing as hard as I was, but then he matched my pace and walked right up behind me. As his hands slipped around my waist and we began to make the trek together, awkwardly, he turned his mouth to my ear and whispered._

"_I'm going to fuck you so hard, for so long, you'll be lucky if I let you sleep at all tonight."_

Laughing, I walked just a little faster, eager for the night to really begin.

Each step forward I took, Edward was right behind me, pressed to my body, touching me and taking off a piece of clothing. He began with my shirt, which came off and he almost threw to the side. I had to stop him; what would his parents think if they woke up and found our clothes littered on the path to the room! I wasn't ready for that, so instead, I just held onto what he removed.

Once my shirt was gone, he somehow unhooked my bra, although if you'd asked me, I would have sworn his hands never left the front of my body. When it was off my arms, I held that too, and thankfully we were inside the bedroom by then. Dropping what was in my hands, I turned and began to work at the button-fly on his jeans as fast as he was unbuttoning my own pants.

There was nothing better than the frantic feeling we were immersed in right then, the need for each other consuming us entirely.

Edward's head bent down and his lips embraced my nipple. They were wet and warm, wrapped around the tight peak. Just the tip of his tongue swiped across the skin, eliciting a soft moan from me. We continued to walk back to the bed, and when he'd succeeded in laying me down, his fingertips began to trace patterns and letters on my body. I felt hearts and stars and random letters that seemed to spell nothing, but through each one, I felt his love.

My eyes had long ago closed, and I wasn't cold as I laid bare, naked, exposed to him. The room was dark, I knew from before I'd closed my eyes, moonlight coming in between the slats of the blinds on the window. I could imagine how I looked to him. Edward always saw the best of me. Well, he saw the worst of me, too, but through his eyes, I knew I was always beautiful, always perfect, always loved. My body seemed to hum and vibrate with anticipation, warming me to the bone.

As his lips met my flesh again, dragging and pulling it between his teeth, I got lost in the feeling. Drowning in Edward didn't seem like such a bad thing as he hovered above me, fingers lacing through mine as his body aligned itself naturally where it needed to be. My hips lifted, pressing our bodies closer on instinct. I wanted to be like this, always. Always.

One of his hands slipped away from mine and trailed down my body, resting at the top of my pubic bone. When his lips met mine, his thumb snaked out and slipped on top of my clit. Whimpering, I lifted my hips again, seeking more friction. I could feel him smile against my mouth, and that made me smile.

"Don't tease," I whispered.

"Baby, I'm just getting started," he said quietly, against my neck. "Didn't I tell you we'd be here all night?"

Pressing harder with his thumb, he shifted his other fingers lower, pressing into me just slightly. Lost again, I was so lost in the pleasure. I'm sure I babbled, begged, and pleaded. The next thing I was aware of was Edward pressing against me. I knew I begged then, quietly and repeatedly. My eyes were open, looking into his, as he entered me.

Once he was as close to me as he could get, all the way inside, his hand slid back into mine. Moving my lower half and wrapping my legs around his hips, we began to rock together. His hands squeezed mine randomly as he continued to move, and it was so, so good. The tension and pleasure began to build, and everything felt so different.

Releasing my hands, Edward moved one next to my head, the other he used to move down and unhook my leg from his body. Tracing his palm up the back of my thigh to my knee, he brought the leg up and over his shoulder. Then pushed in again, somehow going deeper. A half-noise half-word came from me, the only sound I was capable of as I willed him to do what he'd just done again. He did, again and again, driving faster and deeper, beyond my wildest fantasies.

The hand that had moved my leg explored my body, teasing my nipples, tracing my lips, my cheekbones, down my body again, and brought me back to my frenzied feeling of lust.

"I never want to stop," he said. "But you're so fucking sexy. I wish you'd let me take your picture like this. Every time you're so close to coming, your face gets this relaxed expression and you radiate bliss. Are you going to come, baby?"

Just hearing him talk like that made me grind harder against his hand, my need increasing exponentially.

"Please."

His entire body kept pushing, kept drawing my closer as his hand worked frantically in tandem.

"I want you to come. I can't wait to watch you, oh god, to feel you. You have no idea how different it feels..."

He was right, but so fucking wrong.

Tucking my head into his shoulder, I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him to me. We were a mess, a beautiful mess, as we came. I couldn't help it, I was always struggling to contain my noises, but there was no putting a lid on things when he pushed somehow harder, somehow deeper, somehow everything was just more, and the cry from me was muffled by his skin, but still louder than I intended.

"There it is right there. There's my beautiful girl," he panted, still bringing me delicious pleasure.

Obscenities came whispered from his mouth seconds after my body began to spasm, and I did my best to pry my eyes open, to watch him as I knew he'd watched me. The way his face contorted was beautiful, and a little funny. Seeing him as he shifted through the stages of his orgasm was interesting, though. He went from the twisted, contorted expression to fully relaxed and smiling within the span of a minute or two. When he finally opened his eyes again, looking down at me, we shared a smile before he wrapped my body in his arms and began kissing me.

Edward was panting and trying to catch his breath, which made me laugh a little. "Need some extra cardio in that routine of yours, Scone Boy?"

Chuckling lightly, he laid down beside me and brought my hand to his mouth, peppering little kisses over my knuckles.

"You're good for my heart health, apparently, Coffee Girl."

We laid quietly for a few minutes, then I got up to use the restroom. Edward followed behind and, once we'd washed our hands, we brushed our teeth together. With the little touches and exchanged glances, it was so reminiscent of that first time at his apartment. Once we'd taken our contacts out, I walked back to the main bedroom.

Laughing when I saw the disheveled state of the bed, I crawled over to rearrange the pillows and quilt covering it. Before I could crawl back into bed, Edward's warm hand began touching me at the base of my neck, trailing down my spine and ending with a loud crack of his hand against my ass. I yelped and laughed, then moved to turn over, but he stopped me with his hand on my back again.

"Put the pillow under your hips," he instructed softly.

Rising up a bit, I did as he asked. His hands distracted me again, and I had to fight the urge to stand and let him play my body as only he seemed to know how. Curling against my body, he had one hand cupping my breast, the other between my legs.

When he'd pushed inside again, I hummed and smiled. I had no idea if he intended to make good on his promise of all night, but I'd sleep a very happy girl that night, either way.

"I love being this close to you. Feeling you around me."

When he said that, I felt my whole body clench, which then caused him to groan and press his hips harder into mine. It was like a chain reaction of physical sensation – him thrusting harder, my body responding, ramping him up, and on and on, for what felt like several hours. The angle he was at felt unimaginably good, and I bowed my head on the other pillow to try and regain control of my breathing and noises. His hands were still working my body, bringing me higher, and I bit my lip as I felt my orgasm approach.

Edward must've sensed I was having trouble holding it in, as his hand slid up to cover my mouth. He clearly didn't anticipate my response, which was to suck several of his fingers into my mouth, because he was the one making loud noises after that. There was something both sexy and sensual about feeling him inside me, and wrapping my lips around his fingers in my mouth. At the end, I bit lightly on the finger in my mouth and laughed as he pulled it quickly back out.

If I'd thought he was close to being finished with me, I was so wrong.

Both of his hands went to my hips, steadying me, but still touching me in that way that made me feel so connected to him. Just as I'd begun to feel the love bubble expanding, he picked up his pace, practically pounding into me.

He was grunting as he thrust in and pulled back out quickly, and I couldn't help the squeaks and other noises that were forced out of me. His hands slid from my hips to cup my breasts, and the sensation was totally different. It was a complete dichotomy in my brain how he was clearly fucking me hard, but still touching me gently. I gave up thinking about it as my body once again took over, and I pressed back against him.

With both of us working against each other, I was worried the noise would be enough to wake up the whole town, much less his parents, but I gave up caring at some point. Moving my hand between the pillow and my body, I scissored my fingers around him and felt as he moved, then shifted to my clit.

There were so many things going on, too many to focus on all at once, and I was frustrated. I felt overwhelmed, in a good way, but still unable to focus on and absorb what we were doing. Every move was quick and hurried, frantic and needy, unlike before. Closing my eyes, I focused on feeling everything Edward was doing to each part of my body, and then on what I was doing, and the build came quickly. So quickly that it took me off-guard when my orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks.

My entire body was exhausted and sated, and all I wanted to do was collapse and go to sleep, even though I was clearly a sweaty mess, but Edward continued. I was surprised at the sensation as he kept going, and could feel my body still responding to his, still climbing up again. It made me feel greedy and hungry, where a second before, I'd been ready to stop.

I was still a mess, and then I felt Edward's hand meet mine. Working together against my body, another orgasm rolled through me, as Edward's did as well. It was exhilarating but exhausting.

After crawling into bed together, Edward pulled me into his arms. Despite my exhaustion, I laid awake for much longer than he did, thinking about everything we'd done. Everything we'd felt, experienced, shared. I felt euphoric, and I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to fall asleep, but I did.

In the morning, as the sun began to fill the room after what felt like far too few hours of sleep, I woke to Edward kissing my body.

"Good morning," he said, looking up at me from my ankle.

"Morning," I whispered.

We smiled at each other, and he went back to work, nibbling at the bone on the inside of my ankle. It tickled, and I jerked my leg back a bit. He held strong, though, laughing.

"I know you so well. I love that I can anticipate how you're going to react to me," he teased.

"Oh?"

Edward nodded and kissed up my calf, then set my leg on the bed.

"Like this spot right here," he said.

Nibbling just a little behind my knee, he laughed as my leg flexed out and stretched, turning slightly to give him more room to work.

"Or when I touch you right here."

His fingertips slid down along the seam where my legs joined my body, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Just before they reached where I'd begun to throb with need, he pulled them away.

"This is one of my favorite places."

As he cupped my breast, his thumbs slid over the nipple.

"I love to watch your body move, tighten, swell with arousal."

He was straddling my hips, both of us still naked, and I could see him getting just as turned on.

"This freckle right here," he said, leaning down to kiss the freckle beneath my left breast, "is my favorite." Moving slightly to the other side, he continued. "This is my second favorite, though." And he kissed another, one I hadn't ever known I'd had. "And this scar," he said, nose running along the scar on my hip, "I want to take it away and make sure you never feel pain like you must've to get this again.

"Your lips, both pair, plump and pink, begging for attention."

At this, he moved back to straddling me, one of his hands tracing the lips on my face, the other moving to those between my legs.

My breathing increased in speed and decreased in depth as I felt my body responding to him.

"The way you feel around me..."

His voice quivered just slightly as I felt him push a digit into each spot his hand was. Humming lightly, he pulled back and out from both spots, and I gave him my best pouty eyes.

"That look, right there? You are so fuckable right now. That's my dirty girl coming out to play."

Biting my lip to keep the grin inside, I realized he was right; I felt sexy, desirable, wanted, and I really wanted him back inside of me.

"Are you going to ask me nicely?" he teased again.

He'd moved so that his cock was positioned at my entrance, then he would slowly tease up to my clit, and back down. I'd have given him anything he wanted right then, anything.

"Please," I breathed.

A wide smirk crossed his face as he shook his head.

Emboldened by his confidence in me, I let my eyes drift closed partway, in what I hoped was a sexy move, and licked my lower lip. One of my hands wrapped around the base of his dick, the other squeezed my breast slightly. Two could play at this game, I decided.

"Please," I whispered, searching my brain for the right words. I didn't want him to fuck me; I wanted it to be sexy and sensual, following the tone he'd already set. "Please, I need you inside me."

Smiling again, he pushed his body closer to mine, filling me and giving me exactly what I'd begged for.

"I love watching you, knowing all the signs of where you are in your orgasm," he said quietly in my ear as he moved over me. "But do you know what I love more than that?"

"No."

"Watching you ride me."

Turning us quickly, he readjusted our bodies and I was too far gone to go slow and sweet. My hips swiveled above his, fingers moving to where we were joined. It took only moments for each of us to fall into our orgasms, mine approaching first. As I felt my orgasm approach, I lowered my upper body to his, twining our hands together again.

Making sure my mouth was right next to his ear, I breathed and panted, praising and thanking him as I came. I realized in that moment this was the closest I'd ever been to anyone – physically, emotionally, everything.

Tears sprang to my eyes at my realization, and I felt him thrust up into me before stilling. His hands left mine and wrapped around me, then he must've realized I was cold and pulled the quilt up and over us. It felt like our own little cocoon of bliss.

We must've fallen asleep, and I woke when I heard the gentle knock on the door. My arm shot out to Edward, shaking him awake.

"Someone's at the door," I whispered frantically.

"Mom?" Edward called out.

"Sorry, Edward, we just wanted to make sure you two were okay. It's almost eleven, and..."

"Crap, sorry, Mom," he said sheepishly. "We'll be out soon, we're just finishing getting ready."

Total lie, but it made me giggle.

"Okay," Esme said, her voice growing more distant as she apparently walked away.

A few kisses later, Edward and I were on our way to the shower. We got cleaned up and dressed in record time, then made our way out to be with the Cullens.

Our day was spent browsing around the downtown area, doing a little bit of shopping and a lot of playing. There was a gnawing feeling in my stomach though, as I watched the three of them interact. They were clearly so comfortable with each other, and the way his parents spent money – on him, on themselves, even on me, despite my protests – made it abundantly clear that they'd lived vastly different lives than I had. Edward, to his credit, was always gracious and humble about it, and very appreciative when they paid the tab for a meal, or bought something.

Esme told us at dinner that she'd gotten us all ski and snowboard lessons for the next day, so I was excited about that. When we went back to the house, we repeated the routine of wine and board games mixed with talking, and it made me ache for my own family. When we went to bed that night, I was a little sullen. Perhaps the wine didn't help.

I felt myself tearing up as Edward and I brushed our teeth in our side-by-side routine.

"You okay?" he cocked his head to the side and asked around his toothbrush.

Nodding, I shrugged a little, then broke our gaze. I just couldn't pretend that night.

"Come on," he said, walking behind me to kiss the back of my neck. "Let's get to sleep early tonight, okay?"

His hand slipped into mine, and I let him lead me to the bed. It was different than our bed in his apartment, but now it had new memories and associations. We spooned and Edward held me close, stroking my arm and kissing me softly as we fell asleep together.

Bright and early the next morning, Esme made us a huge breakfast. We were up with the sun, enjoying our coffee, and my mood had lightened considerably. I still missed my parents, but made a call to Phil that morning. We caught up, and although it was awkward and slightly uncomfortable, I was glad. I needed to reconnect with him and remind myself that I wasn't entirely alone.

After Phil, I called Alice and Rose, then Jasper and Emmett. Edward was lying on the bed with me as we all talked and would interject now and then. It was almost perfect. The laughing and talking fed my soul.

The day on the slopes was a different story. I fell so many times, I was bruised and battered by the time I simply gave up and hid in the lodge. Edward decided to get a few runs in with his parents, so I curled up with a book by the large, open-hearth style fireplace. After a bit, Carlisle startled me by sitting down on the chair next to mine.

"Hello," he said, smiling his megawatt smile at me.

"Hi."

I felt a little awkward; I'd never really known how to act around Charlie or Phil, grown men and their behavior somewhat of a mystery to me.

"Having a good time?" he asked.

Nodding, I smiled and sort of curled my legs in on myself.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

My eyebrows met in the middle of my forehead.

"For giving Edward back to us. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like he was some lost kid who was tossing away his life, he just …" Carlisle took a deep breath, then blew it back out. "He was just gone for a bit. When I would look at him, it was a shell. He kept going, kept up appearances for his mother and me, but I could just tell his heart wasn't in anything he did. I see his spark, and the way he looks at you, and I know that he's happy. You've reminded him that he has something to be happy for."

Resting my head on my knees, I thought about his words. I didn't want to reply quickly with anything trite or untrue, so I held my tongue for a moment, then tried to pick my words carefully.

"We did that for each other," I said quietly.

No more words were needed, as Carlisle smiled softly at me. I had no idea if he knew about my family or life circumstances, but he didn't seem to need anything more than that. He picked up the newspaper laying on the side table and began to read next to me. It was quiet and another moment of near perfection.

A while later, Edward and Esme came in, teasing each other the whole way. Their faces were pink, cheeks especially, and they both had lines from where their goggles had been. Esme sat on Carlisle's lap, and Edward sat next to me, as they continued to banter about who was faster down the hill.

We enjoyed a relaxing dinner out, then another quiet night at their home, which I was grateful for. My body was sore and my head and heart needed to rest more. When we went to bed, Edward gave me a fantastic massage that would undoubtedly have led to more, had I not accidentally fallen asleep.

Waking up with Edward was almost always a surprise, and that morning, I woke to no Edward at all. I was a little pouty, and then I heard the shower going. Creeping as quietly as I could, I made my way into the bathroom, then opened the shower door and climbed in.

Resting my head on his back, I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you for last night," I said. "You have magic fingers."

Laughing, he turned to face me. "Magic fingers?" His eyebrows waggled mischievously.

"Mmhmm," I hummed and nodded.

Grabbing the shower pouf, I lathered it and helped him get cleaned up. We had a day of lounging and shopping planned, since it was Christmas Eve. Esme was cooking up a storm the next day, even though it was the four of us, and I'd offered to help.

Once he'd returned the favor and cleaned me up, we got out and dried off. He wrapped his towel around his waist, mine beneath my armpits, and I noticed he was prepping to shave. Hopping up on the bathroom vanity, I pulled him between my legs and held my hand out for the razor. He looked skeptical, to say the least.

"Please, I promise I'll go slow. It won't hurt a bit," I said.

"Isn't that my line?" he quipped, finally giving me the blade.

I set the razor down and squirted some shave gel into my hands, then lathered him up. After rinsing and drying my hands, I realized I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Taking a few deep breaths, it occurred to me that it couldn't be much different than my legs or underarms, right?

Pulling his skin taut, I began to shave his face. This act of trust (or insanity) was huge for me, for some reason. We'd broken so many barriers during that time, and I wondered if it was possible to love someone as much as I loved him right then.

"One of the things I love the most about you is that you really pay attention," I said.

Another swipe of the razor up his skin, and another smooth patch of his beautiful face was revealed.

"I love that you know my body so well, as you demonstrated the other night," I said, giggling. He smirked, too, and I chastised him to stay still. He was still between my legs, and his hands were under my towel on my thighs, teasing me.

"Let me focus, naughty boy. Don't you want to hear all the things I love about you?"

He nodded and I went back to my task. The razor smoothed against his skin again, the scratchy, stubbly sound itching at my ears.

"I love how much you love your parents."

I had a few more quick swipes at his chin, and half his face was clean.

"I love how important school is to you."

Beginning on the other side, I moved the razor as gently as I could against his skin.

"I love that you love music. I don't know that I've told you that, but it's always amazed me how music can make my day so much better, and you seem to really appreciate it, too."

Two more long strokes, and his face was bare.

"I love how you look at me when we study. When we're holding hands. When you think I don't see you. When we're making love. When you're fucking me. Oh, and that look? When you're horny, but unsure..."

Wiggling my body closer to him, I teased just a bit, letting my towel slip.

"You need to do your lip, it makes me too scared," I said, handing the razor back. "Besides, I think I've found something that needs my attention more."

Folding my towel beneath me, I dropped to my knees on the floor.

**A/N2: Some of you have asked how many chapters are left. I know some folks don't like knowing, so if you really want to know, please ask in your review and I will tell you.**

**Also, I have some other projects coming up that I've asked for input on - if you've ever wanted to suggest an outtake or a side shot, or even a new idea to me, hit up my blog and let me know what it is. www dot mskathy dot com**

**See you next week with a new chapter!  
**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, who always makes time for me. I could never thank her enough for everything she does. Thank you also to kimpy0464 and SweetDulcinea for their eagle eyes. You make me giggle.  
**

**Thank you to Aspenleaf, who did a little "sanity check" on my med school info here and almost made me fall off my chair I was giggling so hard at her comments.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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_"You need to do your lip, it makes me too scared," I said, handing the razor back. "Besides, I think I've found something that needs my attention more."_

_Folding my towel beneath me, I dropped to my knees on the floor._

Showing Edward how much I loved him, both physically and emotionally, was just one of the things I had grown to appreciate about our relationship. I felt safe with him, loved, and I felt his caution with my heart and soul so fully.

When we'd finished in the bathroom, we got dressed in sweats and went out to have what was left of breakfast. We were both starving, and Carlisle just raised an eyebrow when Edward said it out loud. Certain I was as bright as a tomato, I buried my head in Edward's shoulder and vowed to try and set my alarm for the next morning.

Watching Carlisle and Esme work together in the kitchen that afternoon, prepping food for Christmas dinner, was surreal. Edward was at one end of the long couch and I was curled into his arms, pretending to read.

"It's always like this?" I whispered to Edward, hoping he'd know what I meant.

While I waited for him to answer, I pressed back into him a bit more, tilting my head to kiss his neck. His arms wrapped around me and I lingered with my lips on him.

"Yeah, kind of," he said softly. "I mean, after Anna died, it was awkward for a long time. No one could be happy without guilt, I guess. But there was no bringing her back, no amount of guilt would change anything. It wasn't some big kumbaya family moment, things just slowly shifted into happiness again. I know it's not cool, but I love seeing them so happy. I want to be that happy with you in thirty years."

Turning his head, his lips met mine and we kissed slowly, carefully. It wasn't meant to turn into anything more than a shared moment of intimacy on the couch in the middle of the living room, and I loved it. Our own bubble of privacy, within earshot of family. Jake and I never had that, and I never even realized it was missing from our relationship. Like so many other things, I thought.

Nuzzling my nose against his neck, I wound my arms up and around the same spot, turning myself in his arms. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine us in this cabin, the grown-ups in charge. I smiled, there was no way to stop it, and sighed.

"I want to do that to you someday, by the way," he whispered.

"Hmm?" I hummed in question.

"Shave you."

Those two words woke me up and tore me from my daydreaming of a family, plunging my thoughts straight down into the dirty again. Giggling, I kissed his cheek and looked him in the eye.

"I think I'd like that."

"Gonna add it to your list?" he asked.

"Yep, I sure am. It's sort of morphing from a discovery list, don't you think?"

He just shrugged and went back to his reading, proving that he was, in fact, male.

After lunch, Esme asked me to go grocery shopping with her while the boys reloaded the firewood and did … boy things. I was eager, excited to have that motherly-figure bonding time, even if she did intimidate me just a little.

We had fun, browsing the aisles of food and checking things off from her list. We talked about almost everything – Edward, Anna, Carlisle, my parents, Jake. It felt so easy and comfortable to talk to her.

When we were back at the cabin, there was a huge fire in the hearth, and I spent a bit of time texting back and forth with Rose and Alice. They were both past the nervous phase of meeting their significant others' families, and enjoying some relaxation, which was nice to hear. Of course, they each knew and loved Carlisle and Esme, so I passed on hellos to them from the girls when I was done.

For dinner, we had homemade pizza and each got to pick our own toppings, which was fun. We all got involved, rolling our dough and making a mess in the kitchen. Christmas music played throughout the cabin, and it felt so much like the cliché movie Christmas, but absolutely perfect for them. There was nothing trite or overdone, and I knew this was just how they always were.

When we were finished with dinner, Esme made cocoa and we sat around the tree watching the lights and talking. I sat between Edward's legs, and Esme curled up between Carlisle's, in an oddly youthful move. It still struck me as odd to see them so affectionate with each other, never having experienced any stable, comfortably-in-love grownups before. Each of us shared a memory and then a wish for the new year, since we'd be apart from them when the New Year came around.

Edward's was that he'd make it through the next year with most of his sanity intact, and Carlisle nodded in his direction in understanding and empathy. Esme wished that we would visit her more often. Carlisle's wish was quiet, and obviously had been thought about long before we'd gathered that night – he wished for us to be as happy as he and Esme were, apart or together, whatever it meant for us. As for me, I wished for something that felt silly, but serious – I wished that my summer would be spent enjoying Edward.

When I saw the look on his face, I realized that we had more to talk about, and it made me worried. Was he already trying to figure out a way to get rid of me?

Per the Cullen tradition, which I was informed of that night, we got to select one gift to open from under the tree.

"Oh crap, I didn't put any of mine under there. I was going to do it tonight, when everyone was asleep."

Laughter and shrugs went around the group, and they decided it didn't matter since there were plenty of other gifts to open.

Carlisle went first, opening a box from Edward. It was a gift card to his favorite movie theater in Chicago.

"He loves movies," Edward said from behind me, nuzzling my ear lightly.

The motion distracted me, and I wondered if he had anything planned like the night before.

Esme opened a gift next, one from Carlisle. It was a beautiful watch, apparently one she'd had her eye on for some time, and she let out a few tears as they shared a moment together. She was so genuine when she thanked him, and suddenly I worried my gifts for them weren't enough. It wasn't as though I had time to change them, though, and Edward had reassured me several times they'd be fine.

I opened a box next, from Edward. It was a gift card to the cafe, with a beautiful note attached. He'd gone into detail about how much he enjoyed seeing me there, or meeting me there to study. Leaning back into him, I turned my head and kissed him gently. It was such a small gift, a simple gift, really, but it held such meaning for me.

Edward opened a box from his parents, and I was surprised at what was inside: a beautifully framed black and white photograph of us from just a few days before. We were playing in the snow and we looked so carefree and in love. From the angle, I could tell it had been taken from inside the house. I was deeply touched that one of them had taken it, as I didn't yet have any photographs of the two of us together.

"You don't get it, it's mine," Edward said.

Pouting, I stuck my lip out. "But it would be perfect for my board."

"I have more," Carlisle interjected. "That was just my favorite, so I had it blown up for you."

"Thank you," I said, then got up to hug each of them.

The four of us sat quietly finishing our spiked cocoa. There was a hum of sadness, though, a very quiet undercurrent from each of us. We'd all experienced such profound loss in different ways, but we each could understand and relate. Edward was warm and comfortable behind me as the music played and we snuggled.

"What's your favorite Christmas memory, Scone Boy?" I prompted once his parents had gone to bed.

"This one," he said quietly.

"How come you've never brought any girls home before?" I asked. "I mean, I know you weren't a monk before me..."

"Easy. I've never loved anyone like I love you."

"Never?"

Edward turned my face to look at him, and I could see a smile there, my smile. "Never. Now, what's this about enjoying me all summer?" he said. "I kind of like this plan..."

We laughed, and repositioned ourselves, me curling up in his lap, straddling him. His arms were wrapped around me and we talked that way for a bit. It was slightly awkward, but also very personal, so close to each other, so much of our bodies in contact without it being sex. Intimate.

"Well, what do you have to do for school? Do you have doctory things?"

His laugh vibrated through my body. "Doctory things? Coffee Girl, I'm not a doctor yet."

"I know, but it feels just around the corner."

"Oh God," he moaned. "Please remember that when you've not seen me in days and I've got circles under my eyes darker than coal.

"Seriously, Bella, my summer is mine, for now. This will actually probably be the last free summer I have for awhile."

"Really? Well, I was thinking..." I paused, wondering how to phrase it in my head. "What would you say to a little road trip? A reverse of my trip out to New Hampshire? Or maybe a new path, heading out on our own for a bit."

"You'd want to do that with me?" he asked.

Nodding, I smiled against the skin of his shoulder. "Yeah."

"Even though I'm such a horrible radio hog?" he teased.

"Well, we'll obviously need to set down some ground rules."

My hands went up into his hair and I scratched at his scalp a bit, one of the best ways I knew to calm and soothe him. He hummed, almost purred, and rested his head against me.

"You take such good care of me," he said softly.

"I've never loved anyone like I love you," I confessed.

His hands warmed my back and sides, and we stayed quietly embraced for several minutes. Finally, Edward broke the silence.

"Bedtime?"

Humming against him, I nodded a bit. I felt so tired and relaxed, I wasn't even sure I could stand. Edward got up first, though, offering me his hand. When our bedtime routine was over and he was curled up in bed, I dug out my gifts for everyone and made my way back to the giant tree, still lit up and twinkling in the night.

I took my time to place them just right, along with the other wrapped packages, then sent up a small prayer. Somehow looking at the tree felt almost like a religious experience to me – reverent and holy. I prayed for Charlie, for the unexpected time I had with him after Renee was gone. We shared special moments and though I missed him, I always heard his voice in my head guiding me when I was worried or afraid. I prayed for Renee, too, and for the time before she died. She was sick, but we'd made the most of it, and she told me repeatedly just how much she'd loved me.

I prayed for Phil, too. I'd seen firsthand what watching my mom die had done to him, taking him from a vibrant young man to someone with wrinkles and grey hair before his time. Part of me prayed he would find love again, and be happy. He deserved it for the way he'd worshipped my mom and loved her beyond expectation through her illness.

The thought led to prayers for Esme and Carlisle, even Edward, and for their shared loss. Edward didn't talk about his sister often, tearing up when he did, but I always felt his love for her when he did.

The very last prayer I said that night was one just for me. I prayed that someday, my family would be as whole and complete as theirs had been. Wiping the last tear that fell from my face, I stood and went back to bed. That night, I stayed wrapped in Edward's arms the whole time, despite the fact that it was uncomfortable and way too hot at moments. I just needed him closer.

Waking to Edward kissing me gently made me smile against his mouth even before my eyes had opened.

"I smell my mom's gingerbread waffles; you don't want to miss those," he said.

"Coffee," was my reply. "Must. Have. Coffee."

My post-bedtime tree moment had cost me in sleep, but it was worth it. Edward was right, Esme's waffles were fantastic, and she'd even made fresh whipped cream to go on them.

When everyone was full and happy, we made our way to the tree. I thought about how Christmas took on a different meaning once you were an adult; no longer did it require pre-dawn wake-ups and tearing through paper. There was a quiet peacefulness about us again, as we sat together and passed boxes and envelopes.

Edward and I sat side-by-side, sneaking kisses and nuzzles between gifts. I was surprised but not shocked when Edward's parents had a gift for me under the tree, as well. It was a beautiful leather-bound journal, and I shed many tears when I opened it and flipped through the pages quickly, letting the new paper smell waft up to me. Greedy for more, I lifted the book to my face and inhaled, the leather mixing with the paper and I smiled widely, my eyes closed.

"You okay?" Edward asked quietly, I assumed out of earshot of his parents.

"Yes, I love it," I said. I got up from my spot and hugged Esme and Carlisle as hard as I could. "Thank you. It's perfect."

Unsurprisingly, Edward coordinated with them and got me a beautiful pen. That he'd remembered several weeks ago when I mentioned how I missed writing in a real, paper journal, was significant to me. I was busy test writing in my journal when he leaned over. His warmth and scent comforted me, and I turned to look at him as he peered over my shoulder.

"Maybe you can put your list in there?"

Nodding, I shrugged. "Yeah, my other notebook is getting a little ragged. Thank you for this," I said, pausing to kiss him. "I really love how thoughtful you are. I have one more gift for you, but it's for later."

He hummed and kissed me again, much more purposefully that time. His lips still against mine, he said, "I have one more for you, too," and we went back to enjoying the morning. Once the gifts were all unwrapped and the paper cleaned up, Esme began to cook. Edward helped her and I lounged on the couch, transferring my list and making sure to add Edward's recent request to shave me.

My smile was uncontainable as I traded texts again with Alice and Rose, each of us exchanging gift information. I also sent a friendly text to Jasper, Emmett, and Tanya, just to wish them each a merry Christmas.

Before long, the kitchen began to smell wonderful, and I was eager to have dinner. Helping out by setting the table, I sang along with the carols playing and found myself quite in the Christmas spirit, which surprised me. Even before everything that had happened, I'd never been a huge fan of Christmas. Now, it seemed inextricably linked to some of my favorite memories. Not just new memories, but memories I'd carry with me for a lifetime.

We sat and ate together, something my family had never done, but I'd done each meal with the Cullens. It was delightful, full of conversation, jokes, and banter. Edward's hand rarely left my body, sometimes touching my leg, or my face, or holding my hand.

Once the sun had set and we'd gone through a few bottles of wine between the four of us, each couple went off to their respective room. I instructed Edward to wait in the bathroom, after we'd brushed our teeth and done our usual nighttime routine, while I got his final Christmas gift. After I had the bright red piece of lingerie on, I reclined on the bed, one of my legs pulled in, like I'd seen in some erotic photographs.

"Okay, ready."

Edward came from the bathroom with a small, wrapped box in his hands, and practically dropped it once he saw me. I took that as a good sign.

"Do you like your last gift?"

I could only hope he did; Alice and Rose helped me pick it out, and it cost an ungodly amount of money for something I'd never wear outside of the bedroom, but they reassured me. It was mostly sheer red material, with lace at the bottom and over the cups. I knew he'd be able to see my nipples, but would be unable to see … anything else, due to the criss-cross design of the lower lace.

Stumbling for words, he finally shook his head and began to walk closer to me.

"I'm not sure I want to give you this right now," he said, then tossed the box onto his dresser. "It requires much more talking than I'm interested in, suddenly."

Slowly, Edward pulled his pajamas off, then stood before me naked, worshipping me. He began at my head, fingers woven through my tangled hair, massaging. Kissing my forehead, he continued to move lower, to my mouth, cheekbones, chin, and continued until he'd reached my toes. On his way back up, he pulled the fabric from my body and tossed it off the bed. We made love carefully, quietly, but there was an almost urgent undertone, knowing our time alone and away from school was coming to an end.

Edward put his hand in mine as he pushed into me repeatedly, our fingers wrapped around each other and every part of our bodies that could reach, in contact. It was heavenly and blissful, sensual and sexy watching him and feeling him. From this position, I could really focus on what he was doing, and although the angle didn't offer super deep penetration, it was still so good, and felt so full of love. Several sweaty minutes later, we were still wrapped up in each other, but side by side.

"I can't believe we have to go back so soon," I said. "I'm not ready to give this up just yet." As I spoke, my hand was rubbing his hip.

"That reminds me," he hummed. "Be right back."

He got out of bed and even though watching him was nice, it was suddenly cold, and I didn't like that at all. Even pulling the covers up and over me didn't help. I pouted until he was back next to me, then made him warm me up, before I realized he'd gotten my last gift while he was up.

The box was small – not as small as a ring box, but I suspected there was something expensive in it all the same. Once I had it unwrapped, I could tell it was the familiar hinged velvet box. I almost didn't want to open it; I didn't need expensive jewelry, and honestly it felt a little uncomfortable, a gift with a high dollar value.

Except, when I opened it, it wasn't a necklace or a bracelet. It was a key. Granted, it was shiny and new, but a key.

Looking up at him, I could tell how nervous he was.

"A key?"

"It's a key to my apartment. I know you pretty much come and go as you please now, but I want you to officially move in with me."

I let the words sink in and wondered how Alice and Rose would feel. Sure, we'd all need to find housing the next year anyway, and living off-campus had its benefits. Living with Edward had even more.

An easy smile crossed my face and I kissed him – small, pecking kisses, and then morphing into longer, deeper kisses.

"I'd love to live with you. Are you sure that's a good idea, with going into your second year? Won't you be insanely busy?"

"Well, that's part of what I wanted to talk about before you said yes. Guess I missed that window," he said with a little laugh. "A bigger man would let you go, but I can't. I need you. I need you to help me, and I need you around. I need your laugh, your smile, your kiss. Everything. Like air, or water, I need you every fucking day." His face showed the pain reflected in his voice as he spoke, and I knew he truly struggled with asking me. "It's totally selfish, I know, and I want you to think about it before you say yes, please," he said, holding a finger up to silence me. "Honestly, you need to think about it, Bella. I'm going to be busy all the time, grumpy, exhausted... I don't know how much fun I'll be to live with, but I want you there. I want you by my side, every step of the way."

Nodding, I moved in to kiss him, only partially to get him to stop talking. He'd begun to get that nervous panicked look on his face, and I wanted to reassure him. There were similarities between taking care of Edward during frantic school times and taking care of my mom and Old Bella, but it was mostly different. Edward gave back, and usually gave back what I felt was more than what I'd given him. Never once did I feel unappreciated or simply there for his needs. Even on his busiest day, he made sure to take five minutes for me, to kiss me before bed, or tell me something sweet.

In short, I didn't need any time to think about it; I knew my answer. I'd wait for him, though, to make sure he knew I'd given it enough thought.

"I love you," I said, then closed my eyes.

"I love you, too," he repeated. "So fucking much."

I fell asleep with a smile, and dreamed of my future.

When I woke up, I dreaded getting out of bed. It was our last full day in Aspen, and I was sad at the prospect of leaving Esme and Carlisle, and this little sanctuary we'd created. The entire day was spent lounging again, the four of us simply soaking in each other's company.

Sometime that night, I grabbed my new notebook and added "Live with Edward" to my list. Smiling, I closed it and waited for the next chance to share it with him. That turned out to be on our flight home the next day, and his eyes got just slightly glassy when he'd read it.

"Maybe you need to add the mile high club to your list," he suggested, kissing just below my ear.

I wasn't ready to be that bold, so I just laughed and slapped his shoulder lightly. The mood had shifted, though, and I could feel myself aching for him. Curling up as much as I could against him in our cramped seats, I thought about how hard it had been to say goodbye to his parents, and not just for me. Each of us seemed to struggle with it, and although I missed Alice and Rose, it was different than the bond I felt I'd forged with Edward's parents.

When we got back to his apartment, we talked about how to go about moving my things in. There was no rush, and I already had plenty of things at his place, so we agreed to just slowly shift more over.

New Year's Eve was a quiet night together with Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper, at Edward's apartment. Being around the rest of them was even more fun than I'd remembered. Alice and Rose helped me make a ton of food, and we got a bottle of champagne to toast with at midnight. We were giggly as we kissed our loves, and then made space for everyone to crash safely at his place. It felt like the perfect college memory.

The next morning, the boys made breakfast as the girls laid together and talked. Each of us seemed to be going at warp speed in our relationships, and we were all just so damn happy. It seemed impossibly perfect.

School began the next week, and it was brutal. The routine of it was nice, but things felt so busy and chaotic. Some days, I felt like I was barely hanging on. I couldn't imagine Edward and his classes. We both made it through, though. We leaned on each other, and supported each other where and when we could.

As Valentine's Day approached, I got excited, knowing Edward had special plans for us. He'd only told me that I would need an overnight bag packed, and that Emmett and Jasper had similar plans for their girls. The boys seemed to be forming their own friendship, which was nice, and convenient; we would often make plans for the six of us.

I was at the dorm, packing my bags and talking with Rose and Alice, when suddenly a thought hit me. Emmett had been acting so cagey lately, and I began to wonder if he was going to propose to Rose. It was just the kind of thing he'd do, and she would love. I asked Edward about it that night and he just danced around it, strengthening my suspicions.

Finally, it was time for us to leave, and Edward revealed that we were all going to Boston for the weekend. It wasn't exactly Valentine's Day, since it fell on a weekday that year, but it was perfect.

We rented a large SUV and the boys drove and navigated us to our hotel as Alice, Rose, and I sat in the back talking and trying to figure out their plans.

When we got to Boston, we checked into a giant, beautiful hotel. I was shocked (in a good way) when Edward led me to a gorgeous suite. There were flowers everywhere, strawberries, chocolate, champagne, and a fireplace with a glowing fire already going.

I was eager to get my weekend started – we had plans to have dinner, all six of us, the next night, but I knew I had almost twenty-four uninterrupted hours with Edward, and I intended to make the most of each one.

* * *

**A/N2: I posted some extras for this chapter on my blog www dot mskathy dot com - a link to the Christmas night lingerie and the hotel in Boston.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thank you so much to my very win betasauce, TwilightMundi. I hope someone says that to you someday, too. And to carenl/nerac, for her pre-reading beautifulness and thoughtful comments. Oh, and the squees. Everyone needs more squeeing, I think.**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_I was eager to get my weekend started – we had plans to have dinner, all six of us, the next night, but I knew I had almost twenty-four uninterrupted hours with Edward, and I intended to make the most of each one. _

Squealing as I walked around, taking in each room and the possibilities of them, I let out a sigh of relief. We'd gone back to school and things had been great living with Edward, but this was a well-timed vacation for us to talk about a lot of things, including the summer.

As he wheeled our bag into the bedroom, I flopped onto the bed, kicking my feet up in the air.

"This is so perfect, Edward."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Exactly what I needed. We needed."

Once he had our bag on one of those fold-out-thingies, he unzipped it and hung up his suit for the next night. Inclining his head and raising his eyebrow, he silently nodded me over to help him unpack my own clothes, so they wouldn't get too wrinkled, and I teased him about being so metro.

The sun had only just begun to set, so we ordered room service and began to relax, once the bottle of champagne was open and flowing. I changed into a long, silk robe and Edward put on his scrub bottoms, which he knew drove me insane. I could never pinpoint what it was about them, they were just sexy as hell.

Just as I'd begun to thoroughly eye fuck him, there was a knock at the door and the nice room service man set up the table with our food. Instead of taking the chair next to Edward, I sat in his lap, straddling him so that we were facing each other.

Turning and picking a grape from the plate to my side, I thought about how much I'd grown and changed from when I first began dating Edward. I was much bolder, much more confident, and so much more in love with him. Time simply seemed to deepen our bond and connection. As he devoured the small fruit from between my fingers, I laughed and threw my head back a little.

Being with Edward outside of school was fun, and reminded me that the grueling times during school were worth it. As he'd predicted, things had gotten more hectic since we'd gotten back, but it still wasn't too bad. I dreaded the upcoming school year, though, and especially nailing down my classes as well.

All of that flew out of my head, though, when I felt his warm lips on my stretched neck. My eyes closed and I smiled as he kissed and licked along the skin. The hum that always existed between us seemed to amplify.

We fed each other bites of food, continuing to tease and kiss, until we were just barely full. Neither of us wanted to be stuffed, of that I was certain. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had just as many plans for me as I had for him.

"Bath?" I suggested.

He just nodded, a salacious grin growing across his lips.

Climbing carefully off his lap, we walked to the bathroom. As the water ran, we talked, watching the bubbles fill the space above the clear water. It was easy conversation, mostly about classes and how things were going for each of us. Being able to just sit and relax with him was delightful, and we slid into the tub together, Edward behind me.

Something about it felt so grown up, too. We were living together, making life decisions together, vacationing together... our lives were so enmeshed, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

As I rested my head back against his shoulder, I relaxed into his movements. His hands were slowly teasing me, touching everywhere. Each seductive movement was magnified by the slippery warmth of the water, and before I even realized what he was doing, he'd pushed his fingers into me. His other hand was at my breast, tugging gently at my nipple.

The water rippled around our movements, the room quiet but for our breathing. Lying back against him, I tried to just let go and enjoy what he was doing. His mouth was still against the skin at my neck, and his fingers teased my body just as he knew I liked, until I was spiraling into my orgasm. Catching my breath, I felt my whole body relax again, melting into Edward's.

"There's nothing better than that," he said, his fingers still slowly moving against me. "Nothing sexier, nothing that gets me hotter or harder than watching, hearing, and helping you come."

Knowing how I affected Edward was always erotic in so many ways. His words, his touches, his looks – even when we were doing something completely non-sexual – always held his love and lust for me.

"I feel like a jellyfish floating in here with you."

Edward laughed. "This could lead to a lot of horrible puns about my stinger, but I'd rather just get out and love you more."

Turning my body, I angled myself closer in his arms and we kissed for a bit, before eventually getting out. When he was done drying me off, he led me to the bed and we laid together for a brief moment.

"I'll be right back."

_Seriously_? I couldn't imagine where he was going; we'd stopped using condoms months ago, and I'd been certain things were headed down a particular path when we got in bed.

Surprising me, Edward returned with what looked like a razor, a can of shaving gel, a washcloth, and a bowl of water. I quirked a brow at him.

"You said I could," he protested, pouting just a bit. "It's even on your list."

"I'm not saying you can't, just … right now? I just shaved my legs this morning."

The volume and depth of his laugh startled me.

"You're adorable. I'm not shaving your legs, baby." As he rounded the bed and stood at the end, he looked down at my body.

After I got over the initial confusion and shock, I was curious. I'd gotten bikini waxes and a partial Brazilian before, but I'd never been completely bare. And Edward being the one to shave me? I knew he would be slow, thorough, and careful.

"Scoot down," he said. His hands went around my ankles and he positioned my body how he wanted.

Lying back, I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on how nervous I was to have a sharp blade near my ladybits. The sound of the shaving gel going into his hands, then the cold wetness on me, made me shiver. His clean fingers teased me slightly, then worked to help get the area covered properly. By the time he was swiping the razor against my skin, all of my worries had faded. I'd opened my eyes back up to watch him as he worked.

Each stroke of the razor felt soft, and I watched as he focused entirely on the task at hand. When he needed more room, he lifted my ankle and placed my foot on his shoulder. Again, it seemed so intimate, so fucking sexy. No one had ever looked at me this carefully and closely, I was certain. After he repeated the motion with my other leg, I laid back and relaxed. I wasn't sure he was accomplishing much, until I felt the roughness of the washcloth. "You're dripping, Bella. Enjoying this?" he teased.

As he folded the cloth against me, using it to tease and torture once I was clean, I moaned and pressed back against it. Before I could even think, his mouth was against me, smooth skin against smooth skin, and it was delicious. His lips and tongue worked against my soft skin, twisting and turning as he pressed himself into me more. The moan from him seemed to vibrate my entire body, and after a few minutes of his attentions, I was arching against him, coming loudly.

There wasn't even time for me to come down from my high before he was moving up my body. He didn't take his usual time to stop and kiss his way up, he just seemed to halfway pounce, full of need. Pulling my legs off the bed, he moved closer to the bed and his hand went between us. Lining up our bodies, he pressed forward and into me. His chest flexed as he pushed in and pulled out of me, my hands moving to his body to touch him.

His movements were quick and aggressive.

The desperation I felt from him wasn't shared by me; my need had been sated several times, and it gave me a wonderful, unique opportunity to watch him and really pay attention. We were touching as much as we could in that position, and his hand slid into mine, locking our palms together. Watching carefully, I noticed his face begin to contort, and I smiled. His fingers were squeezing mine with each thrust, and I pulled my stomach muscles into my body as tightly as I could, hoping he'd feel how hard I was squeezing around him.

Pushing as far in as he could, he held his position. It felt so different than just feeling him move, and I watched his face as he smiled. Eyes closed, wide grin, fingertips skimming the back of my hand... he looked completely and entirely lost in his pleasure. The next time he pulled back, he began to move faster, clearly closer to the brink, and I just watched as he continued to wind up to his orgasm, then fall into the abyss of it.

Beautiful wouldn't be the right word, nor powerful. I finally decided there just wasn't a great word to describe him in that moment, except perhaps perfect. He was happy, sexy, a little dirty, a lot lovely, and everything I knew about him seemed to radiate from him in that moment.

When he'd calmed down enough to open his eyes, we repositioned ourselves in the bed and curled up together. Resting my head on his chest, I played with his chest hairs and drew lazy patterns on his skin as he ran a hand up and down my spine.

We fell asleep just like that, and for the first night in months, both got more than the recommended eight hours of sleep. It was heaven, wrapped up in his arms, relaxing.

…

The next morning, I woke up first and took the opportunity to order breakfast for us. I wasn't ready to leave the room yet, still greedy for more of Edward. When I'd finished ordering, I slipped my robe on and sat on the couch, reading as I waited. I'd instructed room service to knock quietly, and I was grateful when, thirty minutes later, they did.

After the employee had brought the food in and set it on the table, I woke Edward gently. He was on his stomach, sleeping with his head turned to the side, so I straddled him. Rubbing up and down his back, I leaned forward, letting the silk tickle against his skin, and whispered in his ear. I'd have thought he was still asleep after I was done, except that his grin was uncontainable. Kissing him quickly, I climbed off and held my hand out to help him out of bed.

We sat side by side, feeding each other bites of pancakes, fruit, bacon, everything and anything we had. There was orange juice, and coffee, and only after my hunger was sated did I realize Edward was still naked. Crossing my legs, I let my robe open just a little more than it naturally would have, and repositioned my shoulders so the front slouched open as well. Then I reached for something on the table. I wasn't even sure what I was reaching for, but my hand was stopped by Edward grabbing my wrist.

"Come here," he said, smiling.

Dragging me onto his lap, he used his fingertips to widen the neckline of the robe, once I was seated. Soft, delicate kisses adorned each side of my collarbones, and then dipped lower to between my breasts. One last kiss on my body seemed to be over my heart, but then his hands were in my hair, his mouth on mine, and all rational thought was gone.

As his full, luscious lips covered mine, his tongue darted out to play. His hands shifted beneath my robe, and we slowly joined together over the course of the next few minutes. It was so different, the position, the pace, the feeling of it all.

When we were done, we sat together and kissed. Closed our eyes and nuzzled each other, like some primal scent-marking routine of animals, as we enjoyed the quiet calm of the day. I looked forward to seeing our friends that night, but soaked in and relished my privacy with Edward in that moment.

After a lazy shower together, I blow dried my hair, then curled on the couch to read more of my book. Edward powered up his laptop and did something, the fireplace lit and roaring once again. Several hours slipped by in the comfortable silence between us. When I'd finally realized dinnertime was approaching, I stood and stretched, smiling at Edward as he looked up at me.

"I'm going to go get ready," I said.

Walking past him, I kissed his hair and he let a hand trail against my body as I moved. In the bathroom, I began to put my makeup on, something I didn't do every day, but loved. Getting dressed up like that felt fancy and fun, not a chore for me. Typically, the girls would have made an afternoon of it in the spa, but I knew at that particular moment in time, we all just missed our men, the rigors of school wearing on us.

As I began to pull on my lingerie, Edward appeared in the doorframe.

"You know we don't have time for anything like that, my dirty boy," I said, grinning and shaking my head.

"I know. I'm just enjoying watching you. I never imagined watching you put clothes on could be as sexy as watching you take them off."

"You better start getting ready yourself," I chastised. "We need to be downstairs in twenty minutes."

Nodding, he turned and reached for his suit, taking it into the main room. Once I was finished, I slipped my dress on and walked out to ask him to zip it up. I was stunned; I'd never seen him so dressed up before, and he looked sexy: from his shoes up to his tie, everything was perfect and in place.

"You know we don't have time for anything like that," he said, closing the gap between us, "my dirty girl." The words were spoken quietly, directly into my ear.

"Later," I whispered. "Definitely later. Can you please zip me up?"

He did, and we made our way down to the restaurant where we had made reservations. Alice and Jasper were already there, as were Rose and Emmett. There was a red rose at each of the girls' places, and I picked mine up and smiled, twirling it as I brought it to my nose.

The conversation flowed through the whole evening, and it was so much fun, I wondered if we could all just get a house and move in together. I'd never tire of their company, I decided. Each of them was so fascinating to me, and I simply loved being around them.

When the plates from dinner were cleared, I was certain the waiter would bring a dessert tray, but instead, he showed up with several plates, explaining that dessert had been pre-ordered. He set Rosalie's plate last, removing the silver dome with a flourish. It was then that I noticed Emmett had gotten down on one knee.

From there, he gave an impassioned recounting of their time together. He overshared, naturally, and made all of us swoon with his stories of how he felt about Rose. When he got to the end, he reached for the ring box that sat on her plate, and opened it, revealing a huge, glittering diamond.

"Will you marry me, Rose?" he asked.

Even though I knew she'd say yes, I still held my breath, waiting for her answer. She practically shouted the 'yes' and our entire table erupted into cheers, hugs, and tears.

Each couple shared dessert, and though I was over the moon for Rose, I had a nagging feeling at the back of my head. I wondered if Edward wanted that with me. It was silly; he'd talked about kids and the future, and I thought he wanted it, but a small part of me was sad that it wasn't us getting engaged.

After the bill was paid and another round of hugs and congratulations given, we parted ways and headed to our rooms. I tried to wipe my mind of the doubts and wonders, but it was almost impossible.

The deliciously warm fireplace roared when we got back, and I sat on the floor in front of it. Watching the flames lick and dance in the contained area, I thought about my future and what I wanted. I wasn't even sure what that was anymore, thanks to my almost-year of introspection. The one thing I was certain of, though, was that Edward was a part of my future, or at least, I hoped he would be.

Sitting next to me, he jarred me from my thoughts, resting his hand on mine. "What's got you so deep in thought?" he asked.

"I was just thinking about things," I said, trying to be vague. "You know, the future and stuff."

Wanting to be cool about it, but realizing I was desperate to find out how he felt, and to maybe figure out why he hadn't proposed to me, I tried to stay nonchalant and nonspecific.

Edward sat behind me and put his arms around mine, both pairs now resting on my knees.

"You seem upset."

"I do? I'm not upset, really." Trying to think quickly, I searched for a way to explain myself that wouldn't seem too over the top silly girl. "I just … I'm just wondering, you know, if that will ever be us."

"Really?" he asked. His tone and voice seemed calm, but slightly hurt, if I'd heard him correctly. "All this time, and you're still not sure? I would've thought by now that you knew how I felt."

"I do, I do," I said, frantically trying to explain. "I guess it's just a little awkward, and you know I'm happy for Rose, but maybe a little envious."

"Bella," he sighed, then paused. His forehead rested on my shoulder, then moved. "You didn't really want me to propose to you in front of our friends and an entire restaurant full of strangers, did you?"

He had me there.

"No," I gasped. "No, no, a thousand times no. That would have been mortifying."

"Exactly." His lips met my neck, and he placed a soft, warm kiss. "I know you, Bella. That would have been horrifying for you. But let me be clear: You're the one I want. Forever. It's not time yet, not right now, but when we're both ready and the time is right, I can only hope you'll do me the honor of agreeing to marry me."

No one had ever said anything so sweet to me, well, aside from most of the things Edward said, and the emotion welled up inside, bursting out before I could contain it. The tears flowed down my cheeks and I stared hard into the fire, relief and happiness washing over me, feeling guilty for being envious of Rose when it wasn't really what I wanted. Now that Edward had said the words out loud and I knew how he felt, my insides were tumbling with joy.

I'd have forever with him, hopefully. Someday.

When the fire had begun to die down, and it was later than I'd planned, having spent hours in Edward's arms, sitting on the floor quietly, we made our way to bed. On the way, we each undressed, giving each other quick glances and shy smiles. Spooned together, we talked about the summer, and planned.

We planned to drive out to Los Angeles, via a southern route, and then back via a more northern path, giving us time in each location. Neither Edward nor I had to worry about money, and we agreed to drive and share the cost of the hotels and food along the way. It wouldn't be fancy or luxurious, but it would be time spent together, and that was all I needed.

The drive back to campus was mostly quiet, surprisingly. I expected Rose to overwhelm the conversation with wedding talk, but she still seemed shocked by the proposal. We gabbed in the back seat, just as on the way to Boston, and made plans for the girls to get together and talk wedding during the next week.

…

So many things seemed to happen in a whirlwind when we got back. Alice, Rose, and I had lunch together several times, almost always talking about the wedding plans. Alice was going to be the maid of honor, and I'd be a bridesmaid. I'd been honored to be asked, since Rose and I hadn't known each other that long in the grand scheme of things, but she reassured me that she wanted me there with her.

Emmett had taken on a much more relaxed demeanor than I expected; I thought he'd be the type that would sort of freak out once he was "tied down" to one woman, but he seemed to almost glow with happiness.

All around me, there seemed to be blissful couples. Even Tanya had found someone new to date, and I just laughed at times when I saw them together walking around campus, or when her girlfriend would pick her up outside of our classroom to walk together. Even Esme was emailing me regularly with updates on life with Carlisle, and I could just see her happiness growing in each one.

As summer approached, finals came closer as well, and Edward just seemed to have less and less time. I scribbled in my notebooks, making way more notes of things to experience over the summer, and began to write in my journal. I never wanted to forget the moments we were having right then – Rose's wedding, Alice and Jasper's courtship, Edward and my life together.

When the year was almost over, I thought long and hard about how I wanted to continue my education. For some reason, being an editor didn't appeal to me as it once had, and I decided to take the summer and think about it. I could still take general classes and be fine, and I was mostly certain I still wanted to do something that required an English degree, so I contented myself with that knowledge and choice.

As the weeks moved by, Edward and I would talk via email or notes around the apartment about things regarding the summer. I had tentative maps drawn out, and we'd agreed not to be too formal about where and how long we'd go, with a few exceptions. I wanted to experience Disney World and EPCOT with him. While in Florida, I wanted him to meet Phil. I wanted to eat lots of fried things on a stick with him, at a State Fair, as specified on my list. I wanted to see the ocean with him. I wanted to take him to my old house and town, to show him where I grew up, and I wanted to visit both of my parents' graves with him.

By the final day of classes, I was exhausted. I hadn't really seen Edward in weeks. We'd certainly not spent any quantifiable time together, including any intimate time, and that was different, and a strain for us. When my classes were over, I vibrated with excitement, ready to get the summer under way. I spent the day packing the last things we'd need for the trip, and went to bed fairly early. Edward climbed in with me at some point, and we curled together, clinging to each other.

_Finally_, I thought, we were finally back together. Where we belonged. I slept fitfully, and woke to Edward's touch sometime during the night. Quietly, slowly, we joined together. There was a sense of urgency to it, but also a sweetness. Everything felt so raw inside me, and when we were satisfied, Edward curled around me again.

…

The morning was comical, each of us running around and packing the last-minute things we'd forgotten. The sense of ease and happiness was back, though, and I realized we both felt and seemed lighter. The year was over, and the next few months were ours – to play, to learn, to love, to feel together.

Packing the very last thing in my bag, my journal with my list in it, I sat and looked around. Edward was already waiting in the car, and I went to the kitchen to grab a pen from the drawer. Opening the book to slip the pen inside, I saw my list had been modified. Added to.

Laughing at the entries, I almost began to cry with how silly some of them were. And then I saw the final addition, and my breath stopped. I was certain my heart had stopped too, as I read and re-read the words carefully.

At the bottom of the page, written with his beautiful penmanship, was _live happily ever after with Edward._

**A/N2: No, this isn't the last chapter. :) The next chapter will be posted on Friday, as it is already written and ready to go.  
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**If you want to buy me for Fandom Gives Back, and give me the prompt of your choice, go bid now! Auctions close soon! I added in two NO TEAMS auctions just for you individual bidders, and sweeted the Team pot a bit by promising two exclusive outtakes (one from TTH, one to be determined). Links are on my blog and profile. I also have a collab with SweetDulcinea up for auction!  
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	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: As usual, gropes and hugs and love of every kind to my beta, TwilightMundi. Also, to carenl/nerac, who seriously helps me stay true to these kids. She is the quiet voice in my head, asking me if they're still on the right path.**

**There is a longer note at the bottom – _please, don't skip it_. I'm begging, and it has very important information!**

**All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

_At the bottom of the page, written with his beautiful penmanship, was live happily ever after with Edward._

…

My fingertips traced over the words denting the piece of paper. Each letter seemed to make me feel heavier, as if the weight of them was transferred through my touch. Without my permission, my eyes pooled with tears, and I only realized it once one fell and splashed against the page, smudging the precious ink. I panicked, moving the book away from me, and wiping the tears with my other hand.

Looking up, I saw Edward smiling at me from the doorway. The warm summer breeze seemed to carry his scent to me, wrapping me in him even though we were several feet apart.

"I've waited for this day for what feels like years," he said as he approached me.

Suddenly, this vague idea of _someday_ we'd be together snapped into place, a much sharper vision in my head, as he bent down on one knee in front of me.

"This ring has been in my pocket since Colorado. I mean that almost literally. I've kept it with me, almost like a good luck charm, waiting for the right time," he said, looking up at me. "There is no right time, no perfect place in life, but I know. _I know_ Bella, that this is right, the right decision.

"I just want you to know that I've been emailing Phil; I know it wasn't right to look at your email and get his address, but I think you'll forgive me. He's a very nice man, and I asked him for your hand in marriage after we got back from Christmas break. I asked my mom for the family ring, and she didn't even hesitate.

"I know this won't be easy. I know it will be harder for you than me to deal with my moods, my behavior, and med school, residency, then practice. But like I said all those months ago, I want you by my side. Always."

Realizing I'd closed my eyes when he squeezed my hand, I quickly opened them and watched as the unshed tears fell in the space between us. Meeting his gaze again, I could see his eyes were watery, as well.

"Bella Swan, will you marry me?"

You know those moments in life when time seems to stop? When everything sort of turns darker, then fades to black, and all thought is gone? This was one of those moments. I knew my answer, I just couldn't seem to get the words out – my brain too busy imagining what forever with Edward really would look like.

"Bella?" he whispered, and then I heard the waver of uncertainty in his voice.

"Yes!" I said a little too loud. "Yes, of course, yes."

I hadn't even looked at the ring – I didn't need to. I knew our marriage would be one based on more than diamonds or money; material possessions were secondary to _us_.

Quickly standing, Edward pulled me into his arms, twirling me around the small living room, and kissed me hard. When I heard other voices, I opened my eyes again, and saw our friends.

"Everyone's here," he whispered.

And he wasn't kidding. His parents were there, Phil was there, Alice, Japer, Emmett, Rosalie. For a brief second, I looked for Tanya and Jake, but Edward caught me and must've known what I was thinking, and rolled his eyes. Laughing, I began to hug each of the special people in my life.

When everyone had been greeted, we made our way into the kitchen to get some champagne, and I realized someone had brought an enormous amount of food.

"We're leaving tomorrow," Edward explained from behind me, his hand on my hip. "Today, we celebrate."

My friends had all survived another year of college – and so had I, I realized. I was on my way to becoming exactly what I wanted: happy and loved.

After lunch, Phil and I found ourselves alone in the kitchen, putting away the food.

His voice was calm, but quiet, as he spoke. "She'd be so proud of you, Bella."

Turning to look at him, I wondered if he really understood the impact of his words. I knew Renee as my mom, and I thought I knew her as a friend, but I also accepted that he knew her infinitely better – especially after forming a bond similar to theirs with Edward. I now knew what that felt like, that trust and love.

"She loved you so much," he continued. "I'm sorry she couldn't be here today, but I know she would have loved seeing you grow up and change like you have. I didn't even need to see you, to know the changes, but it was an honor to come out here for this."

I could only muster the courage to utter two words, but I thought he'd understand. After my quickly whispered "thank you" to him, I hugged him tight, our shared grief bonding us.

Later, as the girls sat around the table, we discussed the last few details of Rose's wedding. She and Emmett had decided to get married during Winter break, in Tennessee. Rose and Alice's family would come down from Alaska, and it was shaping up to be a huge, elaborate affair, perfect for the two of them. Passing pictures back and forth made me think about what kind of wedding I wanted, what kind of dress I'd wear, where we'd have it, and a million things I didn't think I'd need to worry about anytime soon.

Several times over the course of the day, I caught myself staring down at the ring on my left hand. Each time, the butterflies fluttered to life and I smiled. It was uncontainable. I was elated.

When the sun had set and the day was over, we said goodbye to our friends and family. I knew the next day, Rose and Emmett were off to Alaska, and Alice and Jasper were going to Texas for a few weeks. Esme and Carlisle were staying in New Hampshire for a bit, and Phil was on his way back to Florida.

Something so subtle seemed to have changed between Edward and me, in the best way possible. As we crawled into bed, the hum was still there, but richer and deeper, somehow. We were sweet and gentle, taking our time and loving each other.

When I woke up the next morning, I realized another full night of sleep had done us good. We were refreshed and ready for the journey ahead of us. After grabbing coffee and breakfast, we were on the road.

Our first stop was New York City. We walked around and did the tourist thing, had dinner in Times Square. It was dark when we came back out, and the neon was glittering and glowing. The city seemed magical, even with the other thousands of people around us. Edward must've felt it too, as he put his hands on my hips, and held me close. Kissing my neck, he moved as tightly against me as he could.

"Will you marry me?" he asked.

Laughing, I stopped walking and turned to look back at him, straight in the eyes. "Yes."

We found a hotel for the night and had breakfast at Zabar's before taking off for our next stop – Philadelphia. We spent a few hours walking around, and by the famous cracked bell, Edward repeated his question.

"Are you going to ask me that every day?" I asked, smirking.

"Yes," he said simply, looking entirely too tempting in the sunlight.

"_Every_ day?" I asked again. "For how long?"

"Until I can believe you said yes."

True to his word, Edward proposed to me every single day of our vacation. It wasn't always in a special spot or moment, but usually. He asked on the sandy beaches of both Florida and California, at the Space Needle in Seattle. Riding Soarin' at DisneyWorld, just after the ride went over the orange groves and the scent was all around us, he leaned closer and asked.

Alice and Jasper made the drive from Houston to the North Texas State Fair, and while we all ate deep fried things on sticks, he whispered it in my ear. Then stole a bite of my deep fried Snickers.

We spent a night on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, and he proposed after drinking perhaps one too many Hurricanes, sloppy and giggling.

In Las Vegas, it was tempting to actually _get_ married, but instead, since I wasn't yet able to legally drink, we lounged by the pool and relaxed. Edward proposed that night, after a cool, refreshing shower. The next day, we detoured and visited Area 51, giggling often and contemplating a stay at the A'le'inn.

Some days were spent simply driving, some nights in the middle of nowhere with no landmarks around, and those might have been my favorite. The focus wasn't on getting to the next destination or seeing the next sight, but simply on each other. I marveled that even after all this time, we still had things to talk about, facts about each other to learn, and steamy nights to share.

When Edward proposed on the piers in San Francisco, he got down on one knee. At Mount Rushmore, it was in front of (arguably) four of the most famous presidents.

Of course, we stopped in Chicago to see his parents. We shopped the Magnificent Mile, and rested our weary bodies for a few days at the Cullen home. I spent more time getting to know Esme, and we had lunch together, alone, one day.

In the middle of telling her about how crazy Edward had been on our trip, how he'd proposed every single day, sometimes in the silliest ways, sometimes the most serious (I left out the sexiest), she began to cry. Unsure of why she was crying, or what I could do to help, I took her hand in mine and waited.

"I'm sorry," she said through her tears. "That's one of the sweetest stories ever." Dabbing at her eyes with a napkin, she sniffled and recomposed herself. "When Edward asked me for my ring, I didn't even ask if he was sure; I just knew. It was useless to try and talk sense into him, to try and explain how hard medical school was, what unpleasant times were ahead for him, and you by extension. It wasn't even _his_ certainty that struck me, though." Looking up at me, I could see her smile. "It was yours. I wish you could see the two of you together, because as much as he looks at you and you can just tell how head over heels he is, you radiate it right back to him. I'm so glad you're joining our family."

And then, in the middle of the fancy cafe she'd brought me to, we both broke down into sobs.

It wasn't simply a joining of Edward and me, it was a joining of our families, and in so many senses, a healing of old wounds. Esme would have a daughter again, and I would have a mother. It wasn't the same – it never would be the same as it had once been – but it was similar. I couldn't heal her pain any more than she could heal mine, but we had each other now, and that seemed to ease the ache.

That night, it was me who proposed to Edward, in the dark quiet of his childhood bedroom.

He said yes.

**A/N2: What a journey it has been with these kids. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is the end. There will be no epilogue (or epiclounge). There will be no sequel. There will, however, be a chance to vote on an outtake of your choice. I feel bad that there were so few chapters left when we came around to this story again, after it was on hiatus for so long, so please go to my FanFiction profile and vote. There are 5 ideas for you to select from (4 items from Bella's list and one EPOV outtake/sideshot), and I will allow 2 votes for each person.  
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**Thank you for sticking with me through the ups and downs, the women and the men, and the strange pairings in this fic, if you're typically a canon reader. I know it wasn't easy for some of you, and you read with hand covering your eyes at some points, so I graciously thank you for soldiering on. **

**I hope you're as satisfied with this ending as I am. I love you all for loving them just as much as I have, and I need some tequila and Kleenex now.**


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